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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karolina on January 3, 2007, at 16:22:11
I have always worn very high heels/platform shoes everywhere I go. Including my appointments. I used to consider being an exotic dancer/adult film actress which was one of the issues we often talked about because it also had to do with my body issues.
Anyway, he often just STARES at my shoes...like in a trance or something. It's just kind of bothering me because it makes me feel paranoid. Does he have like a shoe fetish or something? Should I ask him why he stares at them? He also will just stare at ME, which I've talked about before on here and I don't understand why he does, because it will even happen when I'm not talking.
Sometimes I finally have to ask him WHAT?! to make him snap out of it. So basically if he's not staring at my shoes he's staring at my face. A few times I've caught him glancing down at my boobs (they're big but I try not to wear anything too revealing) What is his deal!
Maybe I am overreacting...anyway any comments are much appreciated.
Thanks!
-Karolina-
Posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 17:36:34
In reply to my T does a weird staring thing...sexual trigger?, posted by Karolina on January 3, 2007, at 16:22:11
Well I dunno? serems a persons got to look at something when they talking or listening....but staring? Well that strikes me as a bit wierd.
I would most definately ask straight out. It may be some personal thing he has where he gets into a stare thing, or mebbe something else. But ASK. Cuz I reckon it'll interfere w/therapy if you don't work this out.
Best of luck to you.
Muffled
Posted by Poet on January 3, 2007, at 18:12:31
In reply to my T does a weird staring thing...sexual trigger?, posted by Karolina on January 3, 2007, at 16:22:11
Hi Karolina,
I would be very uncomfortable if I were in your situation. I'd think, too, that my T has a shoe fetish.
Maybe after you snap him out of his staring, you could say something like *I noticed you're staring at my shoesn again, would you like to try them on?* Embarassing him might get him to stop, then again what if he did want to try them on?
Could you experiment by wearing tennis shoes and see if he still stares at your feet? I realize this means he might stare at your boobs, but if you wear a heavy sweater or jacket there's nothing there to see. I think it would be interesting to see where he looks, if his two favorite staring points are different.
It would really bug me if someone did that to me, especially in therapy, I hope you can get him to realize it annoys you and he'll stop.
Poet
Posted by Karolina on January 3, 2007, at 23:18:35
In reply to my T does a weird staring thing...sexual trigger?, posted by Karolina on January 3, 2007, at 16:22:11
Thanks muffled and Poet.
It definitely makes me uncomfortable and nervous. LOL Poet, I got a bad mental picture of my T trying on my gold 5 inch heels...I really hope he doesn't have a shoe fetish!!
I agree that bringing it up next time it begins to happen is a really good idea because it does distract me. If it's not a footfetish thing then the other thing I wondered about is if he is like fantasizing about me on stage in the shoes or something but I don't know. He always compliments me on my appearance but what's gotten bad is when he doesn't then I start to feel completely ugly and rejected in front of him.
I don't mean for all that to sound conceited...obviously I have some terrible self-image issues and I hate that I worry so much about how he regards me. Anybody have any tips on how to be more confident around Ts or less nervous?? I know that sounds like a stupid question but I feel so overwhelmed with where our therapy is going right now, it feels like so many personal feelings mixed in with therapeutic ones.
He goes very back and forth between things; he knows I'm attracted to him, he says he's flattered that I am but then the other day when we were on the subject of it, he said he feels neutral about it. He'll say he thinks of me as a child one week, and a young adult the next. I feel so overwhelmed and confused by him!
Thanks again for your responses muffled and Poet
-Karolina-
Posted by happykat on January 4, 2007, at 10:03:00
In reply to Re: my T does a weird staring thing...sexual trigger?, posted by Karolina on January 3, 2007, at 23:18:35
Karolina,
I think his behavior would make me uncomfortable too! I did like Poet's take on what to do. LOL :) It would be scary if it turns out he did want to try your shoes on! :O
I agree that it might be a good idea to experiment with what shoes and clothes you wear to see what kind of response you get.
I read your post to sunnydays about him leaving you in his office because he forgot to pick his kid up from the airport. Not cool for either of you. Maybe he has ADD or ADHD. Does he ever seem to miss parts of your conversation?
Good Luck.
Regards,
happykat
Posted by annierose on January 4, 2007, at 10:24:43
In reply to Re: my T does a weird staring thing...sexual trigger?, posted by Karolina on January 3, 2007, at 23:18:35
It sounds like your T is bringing in his stuff into your therapy. But it's hard to know these things - only you and him know for sure. Talking about it is one way to sort it all out.
Posted by Karolina on January 5, 2007, at 15:16:39
In reply to my T does a weird staring thing...sexual trigger?, posted by Karolina on January 3, 2007, at 16:22:11
thanks happykat and annierose.
I will have to try wearing boots or tennishoes next time and maybe leave on my jacket to see how he reacts. Yea, that really was bad when he forgot and left me there, he was so embarassed. Sometimes he does seem to space out on our conversations, maybe that's why he'll forget saying something like telling me he's flattered, then the next time saying he feels neutral about it.
I don't know. It's definitely weird. If it's not that he just forgets what he says, then I would have to wonder if he is bringing his own stuff into our sessions and has confused feelings about me. When we talked about the attraction issue last, he'd said 'it's something we both struggle with'...If anything interesting happens I'll post again.
Thanks everyone for the answers and support
-Karolina-
This is the end of the thread.
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