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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on December 14, 2006, at 20:55:43
I'm seeing him tomorrow and it feels like it's been forever since I last saw him, even though it's only been two days more than normal because he had a change in schedule last week. It's been a weird rollercoaster sort of week for me, I think mostly because of PMS (oh the joys of gaining nearly 10 pounds in two days...and losing it all in a week...and eating every carbohydrate in sight tonight...). I emailed him last night and he wrote me back a very short response (two four-word sentences), but I could just feel him saying it somehow and it was so nice. I hope it's a good session tomorrow, I could use it.
Do any of you ever think about your T and you can just almost feel like your T is in the room with you, even though you're not talking to them or anything? It's just such a safe, cozy feeling for me. And it doesn't happen often enough at all. I wish there was more of a way for me to control it.sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on December 14, 2006, at 21:57:43
In reply to my T is so nice, posted by sunnydays on December 14, 2006, at 20:55:43
I shouldn't want so much from him, it's not right. Shouldn't imagine things I can't have. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I need to stop being such a bad person.
sunnydays
Posted by peddidle on December 14, 2006, at 22:22:03
In reply to my T is so nice, posted by sunnydays on December 14, 2006, at 20:55:43
> I'm seeing him tomorrow and it feels like it's been forever since I last saw him, even though it's only been two days more than normal because he had a change in schedule last week. It's been a weird rollercoaster sort of week for me, I think mostly because of PMS (oh the joys of gaining nearly 10 pounds in two days...and losing it all in a week...and eating every carbohydrate in sight tonight...). I emailed him last night and he wrote me back a very short response (two four-word sentences), but I could just feel him saying it somehow and it was so nice. I hope it's a good session tomorrow, I could use it.
> Do any of you ever think about your T and you can just almost feel like your T is in the room with you, even though you're not talking to them or anything? It's just such a safe, cozy feeling for me. And it doesn't happen often enough at all. I wish there was more of a way for me to control it.
>
> sunnydaysAbsolutely, I think about my T like that too, although I didn't really realize until you mentioned it. But then, of course, I know that she is not in the room with me, so it's kind of a downer. (Actually, it's funny, I just got off the phone with listening to her voicemail when I read your post... :P) You are not bad for feeling that way, it's completely natural. How could you not feel so strongly about a person basically knows your entire life story?
You're lucky you get to see your T tomorrow...still about 4 weeks, or 30 some odd days for me (I haven't decided which amount of time seems like less yet. haha)
Well, anyway, enjoy your session.
Posted by wishingstar on December 14, 2006, at 23:07:40
In reply to my T is so nice, posted by sunnydays on December 14, 2006, at 20:55:43
That isnt a bad thing to wish for and to enjoy feeling sunnydays. In fact, I think it's a sign that you have a good relationship with your T. It means you can feel comforted by him even without him present. Now that doesnt mean you dont wish he was actually there, but thats ok. It's okay to wish that. It makes sense that you would, since hes likely a huge part of your emotional life in many ways. What you are saying/feeling is very different from actively pursuing inappropriate, boundary-crossing sorts of activities. Completely different. You're not a bad person. :)
I'm glad to hear you're getting that warm cozy feeling. Personally, I find myself scrambling every single week between sessions because I just cant hold on to it. But it's a wonderful, and in my opinion helpful, thing to expeirence. I hope everything goes well tomorrow. :)
Posted by sunnydays on December 15, 2006, at 18:30:14
In reply to Re: my T is so nice, posted by peddidle on December 14, 2006, at 22:22:03
It was hard. Today was the last time I saw him for over a month. I couldn't really focus on one thing in the session. We did come up with some things to help me survive the time - some physical activities, and trying to clean my room and do things I enjoy. But I miss him so so strongly tonight. I'm sitting here hugging a stuffed animal and watching tv when I ought to be studying. But my final's not until Monday night, and that's still quite a while, right? But I'm just so sad. It's the part he calls the little girl part that's really sad. I get scared something will happen and I won't be able to come back to school. But anyway, good luck to you surviving the time, and good luck to me. Do you have ways to comfort yourself you could share? I could use all the ideas I can get.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on December 15, 2006, at 18:35:27
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » sunnydays, posted by wishingstar on December 14, 2006, at 23:07:40
Sorry you can't feel it right now. I'm very sad tonight because it's the last time I'll see my T for over a month. I miss him already. But as I said to pediddle, I am trying to comfort myself. I just miss him so so much. Any ideas for how to comfort a younger part of myself would be much appreciated.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on December 15, 2006, at 21:54:57
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » wishingstar, posted by sunnydays on December 15, 2006, at 18:35:27
my younger part just listens to a message my T has left, over and over again.
I feel silly, but it seems to really help her. She just floats and immerses herself into the words and the sound, and it helps her know T is real, and she exists.
That and rocking.
Sometimes I imagine scenarios in my mind of her rescuing me from a crisis and taking care of me. But never touching me.
I dunno.
Just plain sucks.
Its gotten easier some as time goes on. But sometimes it still just hits me.
T, it really sucks sometimes..
Muffled
Posted by sunnydays on December 15, 2006, at 22:05:20
In reply to Re: my T is so nice, posted by muffled on December 15, 2006, at 21:54:57
Thanks muffled. Yeah, it's hitting me really hard tonight. Maybe I'll see if the last message my T left me is still on my voicemail (my voicemail deletes everything after 14 days - there's no way to keep it longer). Maybe listening to that would help. But it might also just make me miss him more... Uggh.
sunnydays
Posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 14:32:36
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » wishingstar, posted by sunnydays on December 15, 2006, at 18:35:27
> I am trying to comfort myself. I just miss him so so much. Any ideas for how to comfort a younger part of myself would be much appreciated.
>
> sunnydaysHi sunnydays,
These are the things I do to comfort myself. It's been a very long process learning to do that for myself. And I think I'm still learning, but getting a lot better at it. It really has helped me a lot with emotion regulation.
I know that I would have turned my nose up at a lot of these things, but it's only through actually physically doing them that I've been able to tell yes that works or no it doesn't.
- My T gave me his hanky which I carry around absolutely everywhere. It's good because you can carry it in your pocket or hold it up to your face and you don't look too strange.
- I have my comfort book. Some times I find it comforting to leaf through it. Other times it's comforting to actually put pictures/stickers/leaves/feathers/quotes/writing in it. Putting different types of things in it helps different parts. And looking through it helps to settle me a lot when I have a meltdown.
- On my T's holidays I actually go in to his office and just sit in the waiting room for an hour or two. It's kind of sad that he's not there, but I feel more connected to him and his waiting room is (usually) a safe place for me.
- I bought a couple of picture books for a young part and one of them also came with the reading on a tape (by the wonderful Hugh Laurie). I had to be very careful with picking books out. I couldn't have any that referred to mums or dads or where the characters have close friends. They all upset me too much. I ended up getting "Giraffes Can't Dance" which has been very safe for me.
- I also have some story books for another part. I really love the little fur series. I forget the title of the first book, but the second one is called "A Fox Called Sorrow".
- I have a special real life safe place that I go to if I need soothing but can't get it from other ways. I bought a little stuffed bird from my real life safe place a while ago and my stuffed bird goes to all my sessions with me. I had a really rough time at my last session and cuddling it comforted me so much.
- I have colouring books, but don't tend to use them much.
- I have learnt that it is vitally important to express what I am feeling. So I journal a lot. I found this really hard in the past when I was really upset. I avoided digging in to my upset. But it really does help me more if I do. Although I still have to work hard at this, I really do push myself to do it. Because I know it is much better for me.
- I bought some paints after doing a little bit of art therapy. So I try to express feelings through painting (although I still find this hard). I also have other mediums like pastels and pencils and things.
- I bought some little plastic animals to use in a form of play therapy by myself. But for personal reasons I find them very triggering. I have done sandplay therapy once and it was very very powerful for me. So I can see that this will be a very important way to express myself.
- I have dissociative problems, so I've worked very very hard at not locking things up inside and to stay present and not cut off. This sort of thing is vital in order to comfort yourself.
- I think a big thing with comforting yourself is accepting your upset. So if you're upset about wanting your T to be your dad or missing him or whatever, you need to really listen to yourself, let yourself express that and accept that that is how you feel. By saying it is bad, you are not accepting it.
We know that he can never be more than a T to you and it would be bad if he ever tried to do that. But it's not bad to wish for that. It's not bad to have those feelings. It's just very sad to wish for something that can never be. I am struggling with this a lot myself.
I have found that it really does help to express these feelings. Even if you're expressing the same thing over and over. You can still do it in different ways. I have started to try writing it out in poetry which helps a different part than say the one that paints or the one that draws.
You will get through this sunnydays. Keep working at it.
Posted by muffled on December 17, 2006, at 14:56:44
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » sunnydays, posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 14:32:36
- I have dissociative problems, so I've worked very very hard at not locking things up inside and to stay present and not cut off. This sort of thing is vital in order to comfort yourself.
**I struggle terribly with this.
How do you stay present?????????????????
How do you unlock?????????
I get so terribly frusrated.
I just wish I was one. I sick of the noise.
Anyhow, don't mean to hijack SD thread, but if you have any ideas for me it would be MUCH appreciated, maybe I will start a dissociation thread below?
Thanks,
Muffled
Posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2006, at 18:36:02
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » sunnydays, posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 14:32:36
**** Wow!!! Thank you so much littleone! I think I may have to try some of these myself. You have so many great ideas.
> - My T gave me his hanky which I carry around absolutely everywhere. It's good because you can carry it in your pocket or hold it up to your face and you don't look too strange.
**** Yeah, I have a little stone he gave me that is really small so I can carry it in my pocket if I need to. I don't want to bring it home because I'm afraid it would get lost, but it does help me to hold it sometimes.
> - I have my comfort book. Some times I find it comforting to leaf through it. Other times it's comforting to actually put pictures/stickers/leaves/feathers/quotes/writing in it. Putting different types of things in it helps different parts. And looking through it helps to settle me a lot when I have a meltdown.
*** Do you mind if I start a comfort book? That sounds like something that would be really good to have for me.
> - On my T's holidays I actually go in to his office and just sit in the waiting room for an hour or two. It's kind of sad that he's not there, but I feel more connected to him and his waiting room is (usually) a safe place for me.
**** Yeah, unfortunately I'll be in another state, otherwise I would consider that. Although I might be too embarrassed if the secretary thought I was weird.
> - I bought a couple of picture books for a young part and one of them also came with the reading on a tape (by the wonderful Hugh Laurie). I had to be very careful with picking books out. I couldn't have any that referred to mums or dads or where the characters have close friends. They all upset me too much. I ended up getting "Giraffes Can't Dance" which has been very safe for me.
**** Maybe I can go to a book store and read some children's books.
> - I have a special real life safe place that I go to if I need soothing but can't get it from other ways. I bought a little stuffed bird from my real life safe place a while ago and my stuffed bird goes to all my sessions with me. I had a really rough time at my last session and cuddling it comforted me so much.
***** I'm going to try to make a safe place for myself at home in my bedroom.
> - I have colouring books, but don't tend to use them much.
***** Yeah, I color sometimes, too.
> - I have learnt that it is vitally important to express what I am feeling. So I journal a lot. I found this really hard in the past when I was really upset. I avoided digging in to my upset. But it really does help me more if I do. Although I still have to work hard at this, I really do push myself to do it. Because I know it is much better for me.
****** Yeah, I email my T a lot which is like journaling for me. I find that writing really helps sometimes. Sometimes not so much.
> - I bought some paints after doing a little bit of art therapy. So I try to express feelings through painting (although I still find this hard). I also have other mediums like pastels and pencils and things.
***** Yeah, I really want to get some paint and clay and fun stuff like that. I asked for it for Christmas, so we'll see what Santa brings...
> - I bought some little plastic animals to use in a form of play therapy by myself. But for personal reasons I find them very triggering. I have done sandplay therapy once and it was very very powerful for me. So I can see that this will be a very important way to express myself.**** Yeah, that may not work so well for me as I'm not too good at playing. But maybe it would.
> - I have dissociative problems, so I've worked very very hard at not locking things up inside and to stay present and not cut off. This sort of thing is vital in order to comfort yourself.
***** Yeah, it's really important for me to stay connected, but at the same time not get so connected that I lose touch with the adult part and feel really overwhelmed like when I was little.
> - I think a big thing with comforting yourself is accepting your upset. So if you're upset about wanting your T to be your dad or missing him or whatever, you need to really listen to yourself, let yourself express that and accept that that is how you feel. By saying it is bad, you are not accepting it.
**** I hadn't thought of it that way. I should try that. I'll work on trying to catch when I'm saying it's bad and try to work on thinking differently.
> We know that he can never be more than a T to you and it would be bad if he ever tried to do that. But it's not bad to wish for that. It's not bad to have those feelings. It's just very sad to wish for something that can never be. I am struggling with this a lot myself.
>
> I have found that it really does help to express these feelings. Even if you're expressing the same thing over and over. You can still do it in different ways. I have started to try writing it out in poetry which helps a different part than say the one that paints or the one that draws.
>
> You will get through this sunnydays. Keep working at it.***** Thank you so so much, littleone. Your post was wonderful. I'm sorry you're struggling too. Post if you can, I'll be here for you and maybe some of your experiences could help me.
sunnydays
Posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 20:31:30
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » littleone, posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2006, at 18:36:02
> *** Do you mind if I start a comfort book? That sounds like something that would be really good to have for me.
Of course not, go right ahead. I think I first described it here:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/596313.html
> ***** Thank you so so much, littleone. Your post was wonderful. I'm sorry you're struggling too. Post if you can, I'll be here for you and maybe some of your experiences could help me.
I'll have to see how I go. I find babbling real hard. I always read. Just find it hard to speak up. I've been following your posts - I have been listening to you. Maybe I should put up posts saying "ah-ha", "yes", "i hear you", etc.
Posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 20:34:56
In reply to Nice post LO » littleone, posted by muffled on December 17, 2006, at 14:56:44
> **I struggle terribly with this.
> How do you stay present?????????????????
> How do you unlock?????????
> I get so terribly frusrated.
> I just wish I was one. I sick of the noise.
> Anyhow, don't mean to hijack SD thread, but if you have any ideas for me it would be MUCH appreciated, maybe I will start a dissociation thread below?
> Thanks,
> MuffledHi Muffled, thanks for reading my post. I need to think about this one a bit more. I tend to get real confused and muddled thinking about my dissociation. No real surprise there. But I did have some things I wanted to say to you. Just need to gather my thoughts a little more.
Posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2006, at 20:43:23
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » sunnydays, posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 20:31:30
Even "ah-ha" is nice to hear sometimes... :) But don't feel pressured into posting. You know what's best for you.
sunnydays
Posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 23:42:55
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » littleone, posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2006, at 18:36:02
> > - I bought a couple of picture books for a young part and one of them also came with the reading on a tape (by the wonderful Hugh Laurie). I had to be very careful with picking books out. I couldn't have any that referred to mums or dads or where the characters have close friends. They all upset me too much. I ended up getting "Giraffes Can't Dance" which has been very safe for me.
>
> **** Maybe I can go to a book store and read some children's books.The other thing I meant to tell you is to be aware that:
- reading a book in your head,
- reading a book aloud to yourself, and
- having a book read to you by someone or a tapeare all very different experiences. I found it a lot more soothing to the young part to actually read aloud to it. To point out little beetles and things in the pictures. Just something to be aware of if you're trying this.
This is the end of the thread.
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