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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on April 13, 2006, at 10:43:37
It's been months and months since the painful termination and I'm finally going to see someone new. I don't really feel ready, though. I'm scared.
I've posted in the last few weeks about about the teacher for whom I was a "Jessica" and how we've kept in contact here and there over the past 20+ years. Well, she's turned into quite the friend recently and I've been able to tell her a lot about my childhood. That, all on it's own, has been so healing because all the ugliness was going on when I was in her class and she's the only teacher I ever REALLY wanted to tell. To have her know and still be accepted by her has been amazing.
Anyway, I think I've caused her a great deal of worry and she's been asking me to visit with her sister, who is a T. Finally I agreed and she seemed so pleased. We have an appointment next week and I am terrified. The only thing that's keeping me from backing out is not wanting to disappoint my special friend. There's also the bonus that her sister is a 3 hour drive, each way, from us. That means I get to spend the whole day with this person who is so precious to me. And I know if I'm feeling tender afterwards, I will be with someone who loves me and understands why.
I doubt this woman will be a regular T for me and that's one reason I feel like I can go. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the intense relationship just yet. I don't understand why, but I feel a little concerned about confidentiality. That confuses me because, if they'll let me, I want my friend in the room with me, so she'd hear everything I said anyway. I guess it's the fact that they are sisters and I'm concerned I'll be discussed when I'm not around. I don't know.
I'm also worried that she's going to all this trouble for me and driving me so far and I might not be able to say much. I had that problem in therapy before. I told her that and she said, "Then we'll go again. No matter what you say, it'll be worth it. Do not worry!" Guess I should listen to her, huh?
This part is completely unrelated, but is something I wanted to share because it felt so good. Last week I was at her house and she was talking to me as she was giving me a hug. My ear was against her and I felt and heard her voice as it echoed through her. It was the most beautiful and soothing feeling. I don't remember it myself, but it must be what children hear and feel when their mothers hold them close. Just amazing. I want more of that.
Posted by B2chica on April 13, 2006, at 12:26:22
In reply to I'm seeing a new T next week. Oh joy., posted by jammerlich on April 13, 2006, at 10:43:37
what an amazing experience. it makes me feel warm inside.
> This part is completely unrelated, but is something I wanted to share because it felt so good. Last week I was at her house and she was talking to me as she was giving me a hug. My ear was against her and I felt and heard her voice as it echoed through her. It was the most beautiful and soothing feeling. I don't remember it myself, but it must be what children hear and feel when their mothers hold them close. Just amazing. I want more of that.
Posted by jammerlich on April 13, 2006, at 16:55:55
In reply to Re: I'm seeing a new T next week. Oh joy., posted by B2chica on April 13, 2006, at 12:26:22
Thanks for commenting on this part of my post. I'm not great with words, so I know I didn't do all that well at getting the feelings across. But it was really, really special. And it makes me wish I was little so I could sit on her lap with my head on her chest - and just listen...to her voice, her heartbeat, or even her breathing.
I certainly FEEL very small right now. If only I could transmute that into something literal!
Posted by Dinah on April 13, 2006, at 20:03:12
In reply to I'm seeing a new T next week. Oh joy., posted by jammerlich on April 13, 2006, at 10:43:37
That sounds just beautiful. I'm glad you had that experience.
I imagine that it could be a bit confusing to be talking to a therapist who is closely related to someone you care so much about. But as you say, she's three hours away. I know enough about *that* to know it makes regular therapy difficult.
I think it's wonderful that you have someone who cares about you as a Jessica in your life.
Posted by Anneke on April 14, 2006, at 8:42:45
In reply to I'm seeing a new T next week. Oh joy., posted by jammerlich on April 13, 2006, at 10:43:37
I loved the story about being hugged and talked to at the same time. You told it perfectly and it is such a warm and wonderful feeling....the thought of it brought tears to my eyes...but good tears.
I've occasionally had that experience with my T and I too imagined that it must be like what children experience with their parents if their needs are being met properly. No wonder my children love to be held so much!
And, not to take away from your part in this...kudos to you for being able to open up and trust someone!
Posted by jammerlich on April 14, 2006, at 17:54:36
In reply to Re: I'm seeing a new T next week. Oh joy. » jammerlich, posted by Anneke on April 14, 2006, at 8:42:45
This is the end of the thread.
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