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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on January 31, 2006, at 0:10:13
I think I'm moving from the grammar school of therapy into the middle school. I've been thinking about this because something has changed, it feels different somehow. In grammar school you get to have snack and recess and you make valentines and there are lots of people watching out for you. And you learn to trust YOUR teacher and think he/she is the very best. The beginning of therapy had this same kind of small school warmth for me. It was scary, I didn't know the rules but there was so much warmth and support. And I really needed that. And I did think my therapist was/is the best.
As we've worked together these past 21/2 years, he challenges me more now. He holds up a mirror and helps me see how I'm contributing to the interplay of characters and unhappiness in my life. I know more about him and about therapy and I allow myself to know that he isn't perfect and he can't save me. I have to do that for myself. I think of middle school where there are so many more students and responsibilities and you get a break and lunch, but no recess and no art, unless you happen to be taking that class. You have 6 or 7 teachers, a team of people to help you through each day. It isn't warm and cozy very often but there is a lot of learning going on and a growing sophistication of independent decisions.
This seems like a good thing to be happening. Less dependent feelings, less emotional energy on missing my therapist. So how come it feels crummy? Is it the bittersweet component of knowing I feel better, stronger and more capable but that means giving up the wish to be rescued and cared for by my therapist? Because now I can do it for myself.
Growing up s*cks.
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2006, at 1:08:52
In reply to Moving on, posted by Daisym on January 31, 2006, at 0:10:13
> Growing up s*cks.
That's my mantra.
That's why I suspect that I need to need my therapist more than I need my therapist.
Which is something I know in my gut to be true, but that I find impossible to explain to anyone else.
Posted by fallsfall on January 31, 2006, at 7:59:56
In reply to Moving on, posted by Daisym on January 31, 2006, at 0:10:13
Perhaps.
But remember that middle school kids are still students. And their teachers talk about them to try to figure out how to help them both academically and emotionally. And middle school isn't a cold place - teachers still have their Jessicas (and High school and college teachers have their Jessicas, and bosses at work have their Jessicas). So there may be more independence, but there is still caring and nurturing.
I do know about this shift, though. For me, it helped stabilize things a bit because I wasn't so panicky all the time. Maybe you are starting to be less fearful that he will abandon you? That you will be unacceptable or too much for him?
And there will be times when you will need him again like you needed him in the past. And he will be there for you. Just like a mother holds her 7th grader on her lap once in a while, or even her 12 grader.
And I found that therapy was able to become more (obviously) constructive. It was constructive before, but it was harder to tell what was happening. Similar to how it is easier to see that middle school kids are learning - because they have homework and tests etc.
He's there for you. He'll be there for you.
(((Daisy)))
Falls.
Posted by fairywings on January 31, 2006, at 12:02:09
In reply to Moving on, posted by Daisym on January 31, 2006, at 0:10:13
This analogy blew me away, just that you can think about things like that and come up with the analogy in the first place! It's so perceptive.Maybe kids in grammar school have fewer worries at school, so the can concentrate on things like recess - it's their work. But in middle school you have to be more serious about the work; watching out for yourself instead of relying on the playground monitor or the teacher. And then hormones kick in that make you feel pretty bad sometimes, but good at times too.
I guess it would be nice to think we could be a playful, curious child. But then we grow up, and realize there are other things we have to deal with, and perks that go along with that sometimes, and sometimes blows.
Maybe the thought of giving up what you've had in the grammar school phase feels crummy? Maybe you want to hold on to the teacher you adore, and keep him the way he was?
You're right, growing up does s*ck.
fw
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