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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AppleBerry on April 26, 2004, at 14:57:58
i am new to this forum. although i check it out quite a bit i've never posted. you guys are great! just wanted to say that first. here's the deal: i have a doctor and a therapist. my doctor is the one i am in love with. and, i've been gathering bits of information about him via the internet. i've just today discovered that he is married and has a kid! i thought he might be divorced but it doesn't appear that way. i don't know how to deal with this information. i'm so depressed. he does know how i feel because we talked about it. it's just that i want more than a doctor in him. i know so much about him. his hobbies, interests, schooling, family, just so much. i feel like an internet stalker! what am i supposed to do??? thanks so much.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 26, 2004, at 18:06:34
In reply to in love with my psychiatrist, posted by AppleBerry on April 26, 2004, at 14:57:58
Hi a lot of us have felt that way to some degree or another...some see it one way....some another but you can meet a lot of us by reading our posts..see the search option look under..I AM IN LOVE WITH MY T.....and Transferance...you'll see you are sooooooooo not alone...it was all in the psychology board I think in Feb to march.....
hugs
Posted by shadows721 on April 26, 2004, at 19:38:23
In reply to in love with my psychiatrist, posted by AppleBerry on April 26, 2004, at 14:57:58
I think this is fairly common projection. In t, the client isn't suppose to know much about the therapist for this reason. Perhaps, this so called falling in love feeling is related to sharing one's personal feelings, thought, and intimate details of one's life. It's a false intimacy created in one's own mind.
I remember working for a doctor. He had almost 25 women (patients) that thought they were in love with him too. They would take off their clothes and send naked pictures of their selves to him. They would bring him gifts, etc. They would drive by his home. One went up to his house with nothing on, but a robe. He thought it was so ridiculous. He would say,
"They say they are in love with me and they don't know a damn thing about me."Don't do this to yourself. Don't go into this self created fantasy anymore. It's a set up for hurt.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 27, 2004, at 0:14:51
In reply to in love with my psychiatrist, posted by AppleBerry on April 26, 2004, at 14:57:58
Welcome AppleBerry. What a cute name!
I think you will find that this is not uncommon in therapeutic relationships. Many have googled their T's or otherwise made attempts to find out personal information. I'm sorry what you found out hurt. But you are not alone in this.
Hope you keep posting!
gg
Posted by toomuchpain on April 27, 2004, at 1:04:57
In reply to Re: in love with my psychiatrist, posted by gardenergirl on April 27, 2004, at 0:14:51
well i have to say i have been there and it can be a really bad excprince if ur therapist/dr dont know how to handle it ... does ur dr know?
my therapist did not deal with transference and he some transfernce of his own to deal with tooo .. just make sure u dont feel uncomfotable with him/her where it effects ur treatment... my excpreince with it effected my entire life which most of u know that ... my adviceis just to be very careful.. try not to find too much more info about him/her that could affect u good luck and i hope u keep posting
Posted by joslynn on April 27, 2004, at 8:33:11
In reply to in love with my psychiatrist, posted by AppleBerry on April 26, 2004, at 14:57:58
Welcome Apple Berry!
I have a loveable pdoc too, well, most of the time. I would not say I am "in love" with him but there used to be a lot of feelings of loving him in an abstract way and wanting him to love me either like a lover or a father. At the same time, I knew it was transference and in my head. It had an ebb and flow.
First, I researched everyting I could about transference. That helps a lot.
And because I knew he was married (wears wedding ring) that helped a lot too. I am one of those people who has to feel there is some sort of chance in my crushes, and I know I could never have an affair with a married man. Plus, I really wouldn't have wanted that at all! It is easy to find a middle-aged married man who wants to have an affair, but to find a good pdoc, that's hard! I decided I would rather have the good pdoc than an affair. (Keep in mind, I knew the whole time this person would never have an affair with a patient, he is very ethical about boundries etc.)
So I decided in my head that he could love me more effectively as a healer than as a lover. (Of course, there was no realistic chance of him being a lover anyway, and I would have run screaming from the room if it started. But just making that decision in my head, that the best way he could love me and help me was to be a good doctor...that helped things a lot.)
Now I do love him, but in a more detached way. I love him as he is in that room, but I know what I really need to do is find someone I can love outside of that room. And neither of us could truly love each other outside of that room.
But in that room, in the therapy, I think it is a form of love. However, it cannot and should not exist outside of that bubble, IMO.
We all deserve to have our own relationships outside of that room, but hopefully, what goes on inside the room can help make that happen with an appropriate person in the "outside world."
Posted by AppleBerry on April 27, 2004, at 8:48:38
In reply to Re: in love with my psychiatrist, posted by joslynn on April 27, 2004, at 8:33:11
thanks all of you who replied to my message. i'm feeling better about all of it because i saw my therapist last night and talked a little bit about my feelings for my doctor. of course, i did not tell her about all of my research. but in a way, what i did share made me feel a lot better and the messages i got here also helped. i still really like him and can't seem to get him out of my head. but i think with time and some acceptance of reality i will be able to move past it. thanks, again! i'll just be going about the board today and see what is up with you guys.
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