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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by YoungBoy84 on January 27, 2004, at 13:15:14
Im only 19 years so this might seem to be funny, Very very pathetic text, I will try to keep this short
because I just typed a full page of this and it was too long, so im not posting that version im posting
this, even if this is long too. Im 19 years old and I started in psychotherapy (some 55 year old woman)
when I was 14 because of schoolbullying, but it's not my issue here. Now is my 5th year of therapy 2-3
times a week, I havent continued any school since the 9th grade (Im not in USA so I dont know what you
people have there, sorry) because of fears etc. Untill 9 months ago my mentalhealth went worse and
worse, I had paranoid thoughts in my mind (people on the street are agents spying on me and no ones my
friend etc) then my own psychiatrist said I must go to one dayhospital because of my health or he will
send me to some closed mental institution for 1 month minimum. Well I agreed that I will go and the next
days from our meeting I realised how twisted and sick my world of thinking was. I wasn't late from
anything anymore (specially my therapy) after that meeting and I could walk calmed on the streets
because I realised they were all paranoid stuff that people would attack me on the street like I thought
before. The hospital started 4 months from our meeting, about 5 months ago. Now the thing in my message
starts here: there are under 20 patients in this hospital, it is 6 houers per day and I got my own nurse
there who I speak with every week and I see her 6 houersper day too. Well she is about 10 years older
than me and I got a crush on her quite fast.
I have never had a girlfriend (figures..) and not many friends but now I got this 1 person who
understanded me so well, I had never seen such a person and it was amazing. After 1-1.5 months I told
her that I had/was still having a crush on her, she took it nicely and a little funnily that a 10 year
younger boy would have a crush, heehee..... then weeks and months went by and I noticed that I attached
more and more to her, I could tell her some things that I hadn't told anybody else in my whole life,
well It was my 4th year in home in my 4 walls and my computer untill this hospital place. Now days I
dont have any crush on her, or I mean im not thinking in boy/girlfriend sence about her, like I did in
the beginning (and she is married and has children). I can speak very openly about my feelings to her,
or I mean the Crush feelings that I had before and she is like a "halfsister" nowdays, forexample we
tease and do small things like that to eachother, when I told this sister thing to her she laughed etc
and didn't panic "oh my lord another patient is in love with me".
But I have some times asked what will happen when my hospital time ends and she has then answered me in
a "professional" way you know, saying "you know there can't be anything else then this patient-nurse
relationship" well I dont know that, I have said it back to her. But she has never said it in a definite
fashion "we will never meet after you leave for the last time" well I dont know what she means or wants
in her own heart, I have my self said that if you dont want that I have these feelings for you, you must
say to me that you hate me because if you say so I understand that you don't personally like me and then
my feelings will drop off, I dont like people who dont like me. Well she didn't say that.
I do know that 1 nurse can have 5 patients at the same time and everyone is having a crush on the nurse
and every patient thinks "gee im the special one, she is taking me to her/his private life someday". I
do know this "transference" thing too. But I couldnt go to a shop and buy clothes for 5 years, she gave
me the courage to do it, the kick in the butt, I couldn't go in public transportations for 3.5 years,
now I can. I couldn't go in the food store for crying out loud in 3 years but now I can go so easily. Im
beginning a college or what ever the school name is after 4 years of sitting home and sitting on the
computer (well im still not sure if im going to go through it, reason following) Well because of my
feeligns I have for her (feelings = trust in this case) I have done like she has said and after I have
left the store I have thought "gee it wasn't so hard".
Well ok the problem im in, and I have told it to her in an indirect way. Simply put I can't stay alive
if I would have to cut all contacts to her someday and I mean Every contact. She has said that I will
move on when the final day there comes, but the final day was supposed to be 3 months ago and im still
there and im going to be for some months more for sure at least. If I would have known that usually the
personal wont get involved with patients, taking a patient to their own life etc, I would have never
wanted to go to that place. Because I have never had a girlfriend my heart isn't so used to be crushed,
even if I dont think of her in that matter anymore (I asked her if she could help me with that
girlfriend thing, she laughed and said that that's what she has been doing all the time).
Ok messy text, I also know that there are these psychopaths who will haunt and stalk their nurses,
therapeuts etc, well I would my self fall down on a sword if it would save her from some kind of danger,
yes I know im talking stupid things about some nurse who thinks im just her job. Because of those
thoughts I have im not sure I want to go to some school because if after 2 years from this day im still
in that school I can only remember why I went there, I went there because she kicked me in there and now
I can't see or talk to her anymore, it would be too much for me. But if I could find more real
friendship in our "relationship" something that she would like to have too and I wouldn't loose all
contacts to her for the rest of my life then I would go to any school, even jump from this chair and go
there now because she has brought the light to my life. I have told her these "...brought the light to
my life" to her and she accnowledges that it is quite true, the boss and the doctor in the hospital know
too all of this and I would have been kicked out from there if this would be a "big" problem for them.
Then my own therapy, I will end it in 1 month, she is keeping me there for the money that insurancepays,(yes seems like paranoid text but im fed up) she has gotten over 20000 dollars from the insurance
and we talk about taxi cars many times, she was only jealous when the hospital started and I began
really getting better (dont ask how shes jealous, no more room for text) she has said many times "oh you
are so sick.... you need many years more of therapy" like 5 years wouldnt help, now I have for my first
time looked what this therapy helps me, well not much anymore, maybe in the school days, after that I
have been stuck in the mud. ok very interesting post, please comment this many typing errors including
oversized post. I'm on a good mood now so this wasn't so "dramatical" text
thank you for reading
Posted by dragonfly25 on January 27, 2004, at 14:17:33
In reply to Me and my nurse, posted by YoungBoy84 on January 27, 2004, at 13:15:14
well, if i have followed this correctly...(i am tired so i apoligize if i read wrong)...you HAD a crush on your nurse, then you developed a strong feeling for her in a platonic way (sister), and now she has said that she was helping you to deal with your "relationship issues", and she said you are very sick? ok, if i have this correct...i have some advice, you will do fine without her. She helped you through a tough time and helped you realize that u are a special person (i can tell there is something special about you from reading your post:-)), i think that before that expereince you were feeling very isolated and down on your self, when you are feeling down you can really poison your self esteem and it is amazing what tricks your mind will play on you. But it is SO important that you prepare for the separation between the two of you. It is going to happen and you need to try to feel like you can stilll go in a store and still go to school. you don't need her, you are able to do it, you have proved that already. A nurse is not allowed to continue a relationship post hospital. but i have faith in you and i know you will be fine:) you have a month to prepare for this and when you do start school, you will meet someone. a little more advice, you may want to start school slowly after you are released from the hospital (are you starting soon after discharge) it could be a shock for you to go home after being in hospital for so long, make sure you are followed up with. i hope i understood properly, and gave you some advice that you were looking for...it sounds like you are doing well and that is great.
take care
dragonflyps- i don't think that she should have told you you are very sick and need lots of therapy, you may need lots of therapy (who doesn't) but that does not mean you are 'sick'
Posted by YoungBoy84 on January 27, 2004, at 14:57:54
In reply to Re: Me and my nurse, posted by dragonfly25 on January 27, 2004, at 14:17:33
Thanks for your views, it was a little messy text so I just put these few things: Im not in the hospital 24/7 but only days as an activity and it was my therapist who I have been going for 5 years and she has said that I need to go to her still for many years, and the therapist said that im still very sick etc (oh my..) well looks like my therapist is dependent on me ehe.. but now im quitting it
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