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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 8:58:07
In reply to It's a very hard process » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 23:07:25
Shopping, what shopping? Darn it.... I haven't even started yet. I haven't even thought about it yet! One thing at a time, I always say. And finals are first for me. It's a good thing I don't have kids to buy for (other than nieces) or it might be a bad Christmas. I guess that woudl give them something to talk about during therapy, huh? "My mom forgot about Christmas entirely one year!" Oops!
I guess it isn't important to know why. But, I just don't understand. And I can understand a lot of things that my mom did because she was/is "sick". And I can forgive her for it. So, I don't hold any hard feelings. Maybe that's why I want to know... But I didn't have any bad dreams last night. Yahoo!
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 1:05:36
In reply to Karen's rant (this n's good), posted by Karen_kay on December 11, 2003, at 15:05:33
i cried for the first time a few weeks ago, after a year and a half with my T. she cried with me. it was so nice.she actually cries a lot. much more often than i do. i've only cried twice. she says sometimes she has to feeling my feelings for me.
seems kinda codependent but i like it.
> I spoke with him this morning. And I was late for the appointment. First time ever! Five minutes late and as I walked in, he was already speaking with the receptionist to see if I had called. When I got home, he had alredy called. He he :0 I feel bad though, because I stopped off for coffee on my way in. And he kinda made a comment about it (All he said was "I see you're prepared"). Well, I'm sick and the appoinment was at 8 am. We all have off days and today was mine.
> He was sick today too. And he drank hot chocolate again. And I told him how cute he looked, like a little boy. Funny, I don't feel the crush as much any more. But, I still think he's yummy. And I still want him to be my new daddy. And, I'm not giving that up either!
> I talked aobut the dreams. Just got through the first 2 though, he talks too much I think. He kept pushing me to try to remember (or visualize) my father in my head and I refused. This week my excuse is that next week is finals week. And I have to get through them without a hitch. And that will be my excuse next week. I'm full of a lot of things, mostly excuses. I haven't thought up what the next excuse will be but when it comes to me I'll let you know :)
> I think though that I'm uncomfortable actually remembering something in his presence. Lord knows I don't like telling him about things I remember. I still want to hold on to the illusion that "nothing bad ever happened to me." I guess if I can try to make others believe it, maybe I'll believe it too. And at this point my memory is so bad I still kinda think it. I guess I've reverted back to the whole denial stage once again. "Maybe I'm making everything up", "Maybe nothing happened", "Your memory has always been inaccurate, why start believing it now?", ect, ect... God, I just don't know anymore...Maybe it is the stress from finals and being sick and not knowing why I'm sick. I just don't know anymore.
> I'm afraid to cry in front of him. I'm afraid to cry period. I'm afraid I won't cry. I'm afraid I'll remember something horrible and I won't have any feelings about it at all. Or maybe I liked it. Or maybe I won't remember anything at all. Or maybe I remember something and I fall apart completely. And he puts me in the hospital again. Or I have no emotions at all and everyone realizes it. Or I realize that nothing happened at all. That I've just been confused (that would be a blessing!).
> I know, no matter what happens it HAS to be better than this... or does it???? Really?
>
> He did say something interesting today though. He said that if I started to cry it was ok. And I started in about how it is NOT ok to cry...blah blah, ect.. And he said, "I might start crying too." Is that weird? Is it common for a therapist to cry with their client? I told him it would be really odd and strange for me if he started crying too. He said that it is ok for a person to be overcome with emotion and cry. I think if he cried I would freak out. It would be sweet, but I might start laughing hysterically because I would feel very strange. What do you think?
> I'm sorry. I just started taking "the pill" and I'm sure it adds to my emotions a lot. Yahoo! I guess I do have emotions!! Thanks for listening to my rant. Just feeling a little lost and fed up at this point. It helps to get things out. Just wish I didn't have so much to get out, you know?? :) I know, it'll get better. But when, for crying out loud?? :)
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 8:58:40
In reply to therapist crying » Karen_kay, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 1:05:36
But how do you react when your therapist cries? I guess I'm just not good in that type of situation. Usually if someone is crying I want to hold them to comfort them. I'm sure that isn't going to fly. I guess that's nice but I'm really hung up on feeling like "a sympathy case".
Karen
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 9:13:56
In reply to Re: therapist crying » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 8:58:40
My therapist has never once cried, or even teared up. I think I'd fall off my seat.
While I don't think anything I've ever said is particularly cry-worthy, I also doubt he cries much with clients.
He winced once. It made a huge impact on me.
Posted by noa on December 14, 2003, at 11:45:17
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 9:13:56
I would not want my therapist to cry in my sessions. I need my therapist to be able to sit with my feelings and be empathic, but not get quite that affected. I would find it bizarre, frankly.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 12:23:20
In reply to Re: therapist crying » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 8:58:40
i always feel touched when she cries. usually, it's not really crying exactly. her eyes just fill up with tears. it happens almost once a session! i know that sounds crazy, but i love it. sometimes i ask her why. other times, i just ignore it. she's completely present with me. i never feel like i need to take care of her, although of course i'd like to. she's just a very emotional person.
> But how do you react when your therapist cries? I guess I'm just not good in that type of situation. Usually if someone is crying I want to hold them to comfort them. I'm sure that isn't going to fly. I guess that's nice but I'm really hung up on feeling like "a sympathy case".
> Karen
Posted by Joslynn on December 14, 2003, at 12:24:56
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by noa on December 14, 2003, at 11:45:17
Yeah, I think I would be startled if my pdoc or therapist cried in seesion. I don't know why that is.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 12:27:58
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 9:13:56
Dinah,You make me laugh on a regular basis. You have an amazing dry wit.
I hope you meant to be funny here, and that I'm not offending you. You were hilarious.
crushed
> My therapist has never once cried, or even teared up. I think I'd fall off my seat.
>
> While I don't think anything I've ever said is particularly cry-worthy, I also doubt he cries much with clients.
>
> He winced once. It made a huge impact on me.
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:21:17
In reply to Re: therapist crying » Dinah, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 12:27:58
I'm glad I can make you laugh. :) We all need a laugh now and then.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:29:48
In reply to How about a bit of both? » crushedout, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:21:17
> I'm glad I can make you laugh. :) We all need a laugh now and then.
that means i *did* offend you??? oh god, i'm sorry. i swear, i would never want to do that!
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:44:06
In reply to Re: How about a bit of both? » Dinah, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:29:48
> > I'm glad I can make you laugh. :) We all need a laugh now and then.
>
> that means i *did* offend you??? oh god, i'm sorry. i swear, i would never want to do that!I don't think you offended her. She was being sincere, I think. I'm certain :) I agree with you though. She does have an uncanny knack for very dry humor. It's great!!
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:45:02
In reply to Re: How about a bit of both? » Dinah, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:29:48
You didn't offend me *at all*. I just meant that I was telling the truth, but in my usual manner, which sometimes tends to be a bit... well, dry... and maybe even humorous? :)
(I think I'm not good at accepting compliments. How about a simple thank you?)
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:47:23
In reply to Re: How about a bit of both? » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:44:06
I like that view of myself. :) I'll try to keep it in mind.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:49:02
In reply to Re: Oh, no no!!!, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:45:02
oh, i'm glad. you're very welcome. i'm not that good at giving compliments, so when i do, they're very sincere!:)
> You didn't offend me *at all*. I just meant that I was telling the truth, but in my usual manner, which sometimes tends to be a bit... well, dry... and maybe even humorous? :)
>
> (I think I'm not good at accepting compliments. How about a simple thank you?)
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:53:20
In reply to Re: therapist crying » Karen_kay, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 12:23:20
> i always feel touched when she cries. usually, it's not really crying exactly. her eyes just fill up with tears. it happens almost once a session! i know that sounds crazy, but i love it. sometimes i ask her why. other times, i just ignore it. she's completely present with me. i never feel like i need to take care of her, although of course i'd like to. she's just a very emotional person.
<<<Although I think on one hand it would be great to see him cry, on the other I just wouldn't be sure how to react. It would be great to know for certain that he does in fact have some sort of ??fondness?? for my wellbeing and experiences. I guess I just tend to think that he only sees me as a name on his appointment book. So, to see (actually see!!) some emotion firsthand would be quite an experience. On the flipside I wouldn't know what to do. First of all, this is about ME!!! He'd be stealing my thunder darn it! I don't cry much and for him to cry too, I just don't know how to handle people crying. I tend to react with frustration, like "Why can't you control yourself?" And he's supposed to be able to control himself. I mean, he didn't have to live it, why in the world would he be crying about it? I might also be insulted. I don't know, if he just had tears in his eyes I think I would be sincerely overjoyed. It would show so much compassion on his part. But if he broke down sobbing, I might be tempted to slap him in the face. Knowing my lack of restraint, it might end precisely that way! Oh man, don't let him be a cry baby :)
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:54:38
In reply to Re: Oh, no no!!!, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:49:02
the other one that made me laugh out loud recently was the reality therapy for your son with his 46 items on his letter to santa!hee hee hoo hoo heh. that was a good one.
>
> oh, i'm glad. you're very welcome. i'm not that good at giving compliments, so when i do, they're very sincere!
>
> :)
>
>
> > You didn't offend me *at all*. I just meant that I was telling the truth, but in my usual manner, which sometimes tends to be a bit... well, dry... and maybe even humorous? :)
> >
> > (I think I'm not good at accepting compliments. How about a simple thank you?)
>
>
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 14:02:31
In reply to Re: therapist crying » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:53:20
yeah, i think you're right that it would be inappropriate for them to break down sobbing (and my current t has never done that, although she's had tears pour down her face -- the first time i cried). i actually had one therapist a long time ago who did break down completely. again, i kind of liked it. but we ended up spending almost the entire session talking about her fears and why she was crying. and i was sort of like, hmm, i'm paying you for this????but it was a bonding experience.
> > i always feel touched when she cries. usually, it's not really crying exactly. her eyes just fill up with tears. it happens almost once a session! i know that sounds crazy, but i love it. sometimes i ask her why. other times, i just ignore it. she's completely present with me. i never feel like i need to take care of her, although of course i'd like to. she's just a very emotional person.
>
> <<<Although I think on one hand it would be great to see him cry, on the other I just wouldn't be sure how to react. It would be great to know for certain that he does in fact have some sort of ??fondness?? for my wellbeing and experiences. I guess I just tend to think that he only sees me as a name on his appointment book. So, to see (actually see!!) some emotion firsthand would be quite an experience. On the flipside I wouldn't know what to do. First of all, this is about ME!!! He'd be stealing my thunder darn it! I don't cry much and for him to cry too, I just don't know how to handle people crying. I tend to react with frustration, like "Why can't you control yourself?" And he's supposed to be able to control himself. I mean, he didn't have to live it, why in the world would he be crying about it? I might also be insulted. I don't know, if he just had tears in his eyes I think I would be sincerely overjoyed. It would show so much compassion on his part. But if he broke down sobbing, I might be tempted to slap him in the face. Knowing my lack of restraint, it might end precisely that way! Oh man, don't let him be a cry baby :)
>
>
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:19:07
In reply to one more plug for dinah's stand-up career, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:54:38
I just asked my husband if I displayed dry humor. He said my humor was absolutely parched. lol. I told him I always just thought of myself as being odd. His opinion is that odd and dry humor go hand in hand, so he agreed with both assessments.
It truly genuinely is nice to see yourself from a different perspective.
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
In reply to Re: therapist crying » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:53:20
Have all the crying therapists been women? Maybe it's a female thing.
I would truly truly hate to have to process my therapist's feelings, as much as an expression of caring would feel good for a moment.
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:22:24
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
On the other hand it does occur to me that I will one day see him crying tears of frustration.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 14:25:49
In reply to Re: Chuckle..., posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:19:07
So, you never realized that your humor is, say dry as a bone? Hmm.. interesting. The things we don't know about ourselves... I mean I realize that my humor is relatively off the wall. And sarcastic, very sarcastic. And some people don't get it. So a lot of the time, I'm left saying, "Oh, I was just kidding" but I don't laugh at my own jokes. And usually I'm poking fun at that person... And I'm stuck with my foot in my mouth. Maybe I should try to change my sense of humor? Nah... I like it. I look back at situations and laugh, so it suits me just fine.
> I just asked my husband if I displayed dry humor. He said my humor was absolutely parched. lol. I told him I always just thought of myself as being odd. His opinion is that odd and dry humor go hand in hand, so he agreed with both assessments.
>
> It truly genuinely is nice to see yourself from a different perspective.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 14:30:30
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 14:02:31
Yeah, I'm not too keen on giving advice to a therapist. I'd be convinced it was some type of test. "He's testing me... Trying to see what I'm going to say...I'm not saying the right thing." I wouldn't have handled myself well. I would have been like "Get yourself together girl. What are you freaking out about? I can't handle this. Where's your supervisor? I'm coming back tomorrow and things had better change. I expect that I won't be charged for this session. And if I freak out tonight I'm holding you personally responsible." But again, I'm not good in situations like that. But, if it were my shrink, I'd be tempted to hold him like a little boy and tell him "Everything's ok. I was fibbing. What can I say to make it all go away?" I'd freak out man. It's a good thing I don't have kids..... :)
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 14:38:20
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
yes, all of my therapists who've cried have been women. none of my male therapists (although i haven't had many) have ever cried with me.i agree it is kind of a female thing, although i am sure there are male therapists who cry, too. just i bet it's less common.
> Have all the crying therapists been women? Maybe it's a female thing.
>
> I would truly truly hate to have to process my therapist's feelings, as much as an expression of caring would feel good for a moment.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 14:38:30
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
> Have all the crying therapists been women? Maybe it's a female thing.
<<<My therapist is all man :) he he.. but when I told him I might cry stated he may cry with me. That's why I'm a little agrivated. I'm not sure how to handle that. I don't like it when people cry, let alone men. I don't normally hold strong to traditional values, but I just don't like it when anyone, especially men cry. I wouldn't know what to do if he did start crying. If he began sobbing, I'm afraid I may be tempted to slap him. I think I would feel as though he was mocking me in a way. Maybe that's it. Guess I won't know for sure until it happens, if it happens. But, I hardly doubt he would mention it unless it is likely.
Blasted crybabies!
> I would truly truly hate to have to process my therapist's feelings, as much as an expression of caring would feel good for a moment.<<Here, here! But, I'm not thinking of it as feelings as much as motive! Why is he crying? Is he sympathetic? Is it a game to see how I react?
Posted by zenhussy on December 14, 2003, at 14:51:10
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
> Have all the crying therapists been women? Maybe it's a female thing.
Dinah,
I've had both male and female therapists cry over the years. I've commented about it in an earlier post in this thread. I personally do not think that whether or not a therapist cries is a gender issue. That's just my experience though.
zenhussy
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