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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tabitha on December 3, 2003, at 20:48:16
I'm discouraged. So many times the group sessions leave me agitated and I lose a couple days to it, then sometimes my individual session just adds more. I feel drained. My buttons are getting pushed, which I guess is good, gives me chance to look at my issues-- but meanwhile my life goes nowhere because I'm constantly upset. I really don't feel I need extra sources of button-pushing, I get plenty from just my minimal social contacts and my memories.
It's supposed to be part support, part processing, but when I've shared in the group I don't get responses that feel good, so I've backed off. The group members just aren't as skilled as the therapist (of course) and I end up disappointed. I still get better support here than in the group.
I particularly was hoping to get some healing around my feelings toward men. I wanted to see the men as human, and experience feeling listened to and emotionally supported by men. Instead I'm listening to them complain endlessly about the women in their lives and biting my tongue to avoid defending the women. I'm forcing myself to try to empathise and be supportive and not think it's men vs women, but my inner experience is awful. It's just re-enforcing my painful history rather than healing it. My therapist has told me that these men need to be angry at women right now, because they're the type who haven't let themselves get angry before. That's fine.. but I really can't stand listening to it. Feels like I've been listening to men malign women all my life. She also told me I hate men and I've unfairly generalized about them, so I'm trying extra hard not to complain about men in the group. It's like a perfectly designed hell for me.
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 4, 2003, at 6:30:52
In reply to Agitated from group session, posted by tabitha on December 3, 2003, at 20:48:16
hi tab,,
sorry group is so hard for you right now and you are feeling hellish..
if i may add alittle insight that i hope will help...
i hate women....befor they get a chance to hate me..its easier pick out their flaws out and reject them, so much easier than being rejected..
most women hate me..they think i am a stuck up biotch:(,,i wish i could scream how nervous i was in social situations that my soaring bp is making me faint....dont mind me if i sit at the bar..
wait till i am loaded..
we will talk of gingerbread cookies and car pools later when i can see.
i am trying to say i too can hate,
and will bash people when i am rejected,
talk about things that have no meaning,
if i have to start believing that i have value..
then i have to understand that they do too...
does that help any?
jyl
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 4, 2003, at 8:31:09
In reply to Agitated from group session, posted by tabitha on December 3, 2003, at 20:48:16
Tabitha, if the group is causing more anxiety for you than necessary, I would leave the group. Do you think it is at all beneficial?
Posted by fallsfall on December 4, 2003, at 8:32:03
In reply to Agitated from group session, posted by tabitha on December 3, 2003, at 20:48:16
Tabitha,
I'm so proud of you for going to the group even though it feels awful for you. I think that you are right that the group is really good at pushing your buttons. That is a good thing IF you can process your feelings and learn to experience it differently. The processing can go on in the group, or in your individual therapy, or (to an extent) on your own. I'm starting to think, though, that if the resources (either resources IN you, or therapy time?) aren't sufficient to process the incidents and allow you to return to "normal" before the next one hits you that you are getting too many button pushes, and that it will be counterproductive.
So, I think that I would talk in individual therapy and probably group therapy, too, about how distressing the current schedule/environment is for you. You probably either need to increase your processing (ask your therapist how???) or decrease your stress level (and maybe being relatively quiet in group for a while IS the right approach for this).
Good luck!
Posted by judy1 on December 4, 2003, at 9:10:09
In reply to Agitated from group session, posted by tabitha on December 3, 2003, at 20:48:16
I guess I come from the school of if group is making me feel worse then why go. Maybe this isn't the right group, maybe you aren't ready for a coed environment, there's a lot of reasons. Try an experiement where you don't go for one or two sessions and see how you feel. I can't imagine that hurting anything.
take care, judy
Posted by Dinah on December 4, 2003, at 9:24:56
In reply to Re: Agitated from group session » tabitha, posted by fallsfall on December 4, 2003, at 8:32:03
I'm with Fallsfall. I'd try for some adjustments before I gave up entirely. I know that you entered group for specific reasons, and if you can get the experience you need there, that's great.
I also know that you're trying to be careful with money, so scheduling an extra session might not be wise. Have you asked your therapist for extra coping tips? Have you discussed that maybe the men's need for finally expressing anger is in contradiction to your own needs? Is she concentrating on helping you, or do you feel her loyalties are divided between you and the group?
If you can't work it all out, then maybe this group, or group with your therapist, might not be right for you right now. But if you can, it might still be really helpful.
Posted by tabitha on December 4, 2003, at 13:50:36
In reply to Re: Agitated from group session » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on December 4, 2003, at 9:24:56
Thanks folks. I'll talk about all this in my individual session today. Skipping sessions is difficult-- the group is a contract for 5 months and if we skip we have to pay for missed sessions. So it's not just a drop-in-when-you-want type of thing. I know dropping out would be hard, too. I'd have a lot of feelings of failing and hopelessness about future relationships.
It's really great to have a place to be able to process therapy difficulties. It's not just a normal socially accepted topic of chit-chat, ya know?
Posted by tabitha on December 4, 2003, at 18:58:45
In reply to Re: Agitated from group session, posted by tabitha on December 4, 2003, at 13:50:36
Well I'm starting to see a pattern. When I complain about therapy here, people frequently say 'bring it up in your next session' (which is excellent advice of course). Now when I complain in therapy about the group, my therapist says 'bring it up in the next group session'. I suppose that's excellent advice too. She pointed out I can avoid intimate relationships with men, or I can learn to be assertive in them. Well, when you put it that way...
She also suggests my life has been unbalanced the last couple weeks which is part of why I'm so emotionally reactive. Of course it feels to me like it's the opposite-- the emotional reactions paralyze me and result in the unbalanced life. But I could be missing something. I really do need to catch up on my tasks.
This is the end of the thread.
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