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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angel Girl on July 6, 2002, at 21:07:40
he would let me die right now so there is no more pain.
Angel Girl
Posted by snood on July 6, 2002, at 21:58:44
In reply to If God really loves me...., posted by Angel Girl on July 6, 2002, at 21:07:40
I feel the same way alot of the time. I have actually cut my arms (at the top) with the thinking that my sins and problems will all leave with the blood that comes from those cuts. I also do this because I know that if I cut my wrists or take a bottle of pills or jump off my deck (which I've actually asked my husband "would I die? or just become crippled from the fall?) then my husband who loves me, and my two beautiful children, would miss me and would rather have me in their world than to not have me at all, now matter how messed up I am. So, I suppose, that the reason he doesn't just let us die when WE want to, because he has a reason for us to still be alive, and because we need to learn to trust in him, which for me has been tremendously hard. This probably doesn't answer your question, but I do know how you feel. I haven't even been going to church much, because I always feel that if I don't love me, than how can God, and why would he want me in his house?
Do your best to find out what other choices you have instead of "please, let God take me, let me die". And do your best to actually believe that God has more good in store for you than the bad that you're experiencing now. It really sucks to be this depressed, but I'm trying hard to get out of it and feel more like normal people do, whatever normal is.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Psalm 27:14, "Wait for the Lord's help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord's help."
Posted by Angel Girl on July 6, 2002, at 23:42:13
In reply to Re: If God really loves me...., posted by snood on July 6, 2002, at 21:58:44
snood
At least you have somebody to live for. I feel so alone. Nobody wants me. Everybody who comes into my life abandons me. I really don't want to go on anymore. Every day it's just more and more pain. I'm tired of all the abandonment. I just wish God would take me in my sleep tonight. I've had enough. I don't want to go through this every day.
Angel Girl
Posted by snood on July 7, 2002, at 12:20:23
In reply to Re: If God really loves me...., posted by Angel Girl on July 6, 2002, at 23:42:13
I don't want to go through this anymore either. I've even told my husband to divorce me, and find another woman to take my place. I told him that he didn't sign up for a wife with this much self hatred, and the depression has lead me to laziness, (or at least that's what my mother calls it), and my house is always a mess, i sometimes "forget" to feed my kids lunch or breakfast (they often have to fend for themselves and they are much too young to have to do that). I also told him that the last thing he needs is a wife like me, especially since his mom was in and out of mental hospitals, and is now refusing treatment (except for meds, she gets them from her last pdoc from another state)and that he shouldn't have to deal with 2 women in his life who are completely messed up. So, I guess what I'm saying is that yes, I do have people who love me and need me, but I don't deserve their love. And why would God keep me here so that my family has to suffer with me, when they'd be so much better off without me? These thoughts that I can't seem to control, put me in a very dark place even though some would say that I have the perfect husband and perfect life. You feel abandoned, and I feel like I do not deserve any of the things that I do have. Even though our situations are opposite, it still puts us in this "I want to die" kind of place. Sucks, doesn't it?
I'm praying you'll be ok and trust that God will give you a reason to still be here.
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 7, 2002, at 21:18:14
In reply to Re: If God really loves me...., posted by snood on July 7, 2002, at 12:20:23
Snood,
Could you tell us what brought you here?
By their fruits shall you know them
Lou
This is the end of the thread.
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