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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ralphrost on February 26, 2007, at 20:56:03
Hello mates,
Sometimes I don't even feel human. My mind feels so quiet, no thoughts. I compare my behavior to some passive animal. Fishes don't think, probably.
I go through the day without even noticing it. Nothing catches my attention. I don't feel bored, sad neither. When somebody says something to me, it doesn't ressonate in me, producing some sort of reaction. I just answer with the very basic and shortest answer. My mind feels empty, and all I'm able to care about is this illness. Hell is repetition.
I used to have streams of thoughts that would bring me to bright or dark places. Some sort of flux bringing horror or amusement. Life could be felt vividly.
Things changed and I lost contact with all these aspects of myself. I don't feel human. All that's rest of me is the very basic parts of me to keep me alive. So strange, so unbelievable to me.
I wish I could hear from someone that this is going to change. And I need to believe it. Have you ever felt this? What's going on with me?
Sorry for the melancholic post
Ralph
Posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 11:58:00
In reply to I don't feel human, posted by ralphrost on February 26, 2007, at 20:56:03
Is it the prooccupation the worry worry worry what is wrong with me? That's what happens to me? Love Phillipa
Posted by ralphrost on February 28, 2007, at 9:24:07
In reply to Re: I don't feel human » ralphrost, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 11:58:00
I didn't really understand what you mean.
Preoccupation is arising from the fact that it's three years I feel very sick and nothing has helped me yet. It feels like I'm not going to be able to keep taking care of the situation. Very hard...
> Is it the prooccupation the worry worry worry what is wrong with me? That's what happens to me? Love Phillipa
Posted by ralphrost on February 28, 2007, at 9:41:53
In reply to Re: I don't feel human » Phillipa, posted by ralphrost on February 28, 2007, at 9:24:07
Phillipa,
How have you been feeling? By your last posts sounds like you're not having a good time.
Wish you all well,
Ralph
> I didn't really understand what you mean.
>
> Preoccupation is arising from the fact that it's three years I feel very sick and nothing has helped me yet. It feels like I'm not going to be able to keep taking care of the situation. Very hard...
>
> > Is it the prooccupation the worry worry worry what is wrong with me? That's what happens to me? Love Phillipa
>
>
Posted by Declan on March 1, 2007, at 17:32:31
In reply to I don't feel human, posted by ralphrost on February 26, 2007, at 20:56:03
Hello Ralph
I find it hard to imagine a quiet mind with no thoughts. Makes me think of enlightenment, but you musn't be thinking of that.
Hey , can you read? (I mean, do you feel able to read?) Because I just read the most fantastic book and one of the characters in the book sounds a little like you. Anyway you might like it.
Haruki Murakami...."Kafka on the Shore"
Posted by ralphrost on March 4, 2007, at 20:26:54
In reply to Re: I don't feel human, posted by Declan on March 1, 2007, at 17:32:31
Hello Declan,
thanks for your nice post. I read something about the book and its author, and it sounds very interesting. As soon as I finish soom books from Stephen King (do you like him?) I'll look for it.
Well, actually a better description of the way I feel would be "lack of inspirations". A weird emptiness and lack of contact with my feelings. Knocked out.
Having a very hard time man. Things will change, very hopefully.
Best wishes,
Ralph
> Hello Ralph
>
> I find it hard to imagine a quiet mind with no thoughts. Makes me think of enlightenment, but you musn't be thinking of that.
>
> Hey , can you read? (I mean, do you feel able to read?) Because I just read the most fantastic book and one of the characters in the book sounds a little like you. Anyway you might like it.
>
> Haruki Murakami...."Kafka on the Shore"
>
>
>
>
>
>
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2007, at 14:02:14
In reply to I don't feel human, posted by ralphrost on February 26, 2007, at 20:56:03
Yes, I feel this way sometimes.
I spent an entire session with my therapist recently trying to convince him that I did not exist. I didn't feel grounded, when I was at rest, my mind was totally blank.
I still feel a bit like that.
I think I decided that for me I was dissociating a bit from stress. The anxiety got so great that I just shut down and myself and everything around me seemed unreal.
Posted by karen_kay on March 6, 2007, at 15:56:31
In reply to I don't feel human, posted by ralphrost on February 26, 2007, at 20:56:03
hello rf. i'm kk.
i'm sorry to hear that you don't feel human. i think a big part of being human is the range of emotions we all feel, including sometimes the lack thereof. i've heard a song by modest mouse with a line something like this:
as life gets longer awful feels softer, well it feels pretty soft to me.
and if it takes (poop) to make bliss, well i feel pretty blissfully.perhaps it's something like that? maybe you've just gotten so used to the (poop, sorry have to be careful with the words, as i was jsut blocked and i'm not quite ready for another block. not quite sure if i have the 'protector' thingie on or not) that even the good stuff just blends in with it?
then again, maybe i'm full of poop too? why not try to thik of things that used to make you happy and rediscover them? the beauty in coffee? or a smoke? or a phone call to an old lover or friend?
or maybe find things that can make you laugh. i guarantee babble will make you feel something. whether it be anger or confusion (ever read some of mister bob's posts?), passion (of course, i'm talking about myself here), compassion, or a variety of other emotions.
good luck rf (mind if i call you that?). i hope you find something that aids you in feeling something. i rememb er someone mentioning something about reading. can't remember what you said about reading, if you're up to it or not. but, what about camuus? umm, what's the name of that book. thinking for a second. is it, lemme try the title with double quotes and see if it works here... "the stranger" not at all a tough read, but maybe you can relate (not that you'd really relate but in a metaphorical, if that's even the word i'm looking for, sense)
again, good luck.
Posted by karen_kay on March 6, 2007, at 16:01:57
In reply to Re: I don't feel human, posted by karen_kay on March 6, 2007, at 15:56:31
more like his lack of emotions. that's what i meant. or his showing of his lack of his emotions. geez, i hope i haven't stuck my foot in my ear or mouth or whatever!
anyway, it's a great read. and camuus is a talented author.
Posted by ralphrost on March 8, 2007, at 20:09:01
In reply to Re: I don't feel human, posted by karen_kay on March 6, 2007, at 15:56:31
hello, kk :)
thanks for your kindness. I really appreciated.
As I'm in a bad state maybe I'll postpone an answer to your post. Having some kind of very unconfortable feeling, nasty anxiety. Self-esteem is very bad.
I mean, all the beauty I can see right now on a cup of coffee is the caffeine on it. Just a joke, if you mind.
After stopping playin the violin passionately because of the depression, today I restarted classes and sort of had some bothering feelings back. It's like I don't wanna play it anymore, because depression kinda divided my life between my old self and some sort of transformation I've been through.
Should I just bury everything that reminds me my past of suffering or should I let those feelings reach the surface? I think I hate my "old-self" (old-self is an illusion of course). This question is bothering me for some time, and I prefer to ask a friends opinion rather than going to a therapist.
Thanks for you book opinion. It will be in my list of readings.
Cheers,
Ralph (rf is good too ;)
ps: actually i didn't postpone an answer
> hello rf. i'm kk.
>
> i'm sorry to hear that you don't feel human. i think a big part of being human is the range of emotions we all feel, including sometimes the lack thereof. i've heard a song by modest mouse with a line something like this:
>
> as life gets longer awful feels softer, well it feels pretty soft to me.
> and if it takes (poop) to make bliss, well i feel pretty blissfully.
>
> perhaps it's something like that? maybe you've just gotten so used to the (poop, sorry have to be careful with the words, as i was jsut blocked and i'm not quite ready for another block. not quite sure if i have the 'protector' thingie on or not) that even the good stuff just blends in with it?
>
> then again, maybe i'm full of poop too? why not try to thik of things that used to make you happy and rediscover them? the beauty in coffee? or a smoke? or a phone call to an old lover or friend?
>
> or maybe find things that can make you laugh. i guarantee babble will make you feel something. whether it be anger or confusion (ever read some of mister bob's posts?), passion (of course, i'm talking about myself here), compassion, or a variety of other emotions.
>
> good luck rf (mind if i call you that?). i hope you find something that aids you in feeling something. i rememb er someone mentioning something about reading. can't remember what you said about reading, if you're up to it or not. but, what about camuus? umm, what's the name of that book. thinking for a second. is it, lemme try the title with double quotes and see if it works here... "the stranger" not at all a tough read, but maybe you can relate (not that you'd really relate but in a metaphorical, if that's even the word i'm looking for, sense)
>
> again, good luck.
Posted by karen_kay on March 15, 2007, at 7:26:39
In reply to Re: I don't feel human » karen_kay, posted by ralphrost on March 8, 2007, at 20:09:01
ha! most of the joy i find in coffee is in the caffiene! not a thing wrong with that dear! and that's not a joke in the slightest. oh, and that yummy cream i pour into it too. that's the joy. and the warmth running down my throat. that's joy right there.
about self esteem: those issues really stink, don't they? i'm in that 'i'm a baby adn worry about mr kk all the time right now' when he leaves for work (and that's totally not me. i'm a cold-hearted woman, just like every man writes songs about). but, i'm going to that child-like stage where i cry before he leaves for work, as he is all i have in this world right now and god borbid something were to happen to him, as my life would be destroyed. well, enough of my sillly issues right now, right? i try to ignore them as much as possible :)
about violin: yowsa wowsa! i've always admired people with musical abilities. i can't carry a tune with a bucket, even though i sing with every song. i play kazoo and air guitar. actually,i rock out to air guitar. even video games with kareoke (what language is that? like i'm supposed to be able to spell that?) boo me off the stage! but, if there were to be an air guitar game, i'd rock the house! but, to be able to play chello or violin, i'd carry it with me everywhere. i'd play everywhere. n my fron tporch. in the middle of the street. i'd share my talent with everyone. that's the one thing i wish, that i had some sort of musical or artistic ability, but alas i fall short. oh, but to dance even. or even to walk without falling o my butt. or even finger paint.
maybe it's better for you to allow the old you to reunite with the new you? that way you can realize that there are aspects of you that have nothing to do with depression. that perhaps you can enjoy things you used to do, that have nothing to do with your depression dear. like playing violin. and there are also new things you want to do as well, like water skiing naked :)
i don't think you need to stop doing things you like, jsut find a balance and realize that the 'old' things don't define you as being depressed, you know? i used to run aroudn and flash people, but that doesn't mean i still don't like to (ok, bad example :)
take care rf and have the best day ever
kk
Posted by Dinah on March 15, 2007, at 8:42:33
In reply to the joy of coffee..., posted by karen_kay on March 15, 2007, at 7:26:39
Couldn't live without caffeine.
Funny thing, what you said about Mr. KK. I was never ever a clingy woman, but after my son was born I felt the same way about letting my husband out of my sight. I can't remember when it ended. Maybe it's something hormonal.
Posted by karen_kay on March 15, 2007, at 11:32:23
In reply to Re: the joy of coffee... » karen_kay, posted by Dinah on March 15, 2007, at 8:42:33
then again, maybe i know nothing? but, recently (here i go, blabbing on and on like i tend to do....) i've really just given everything up for him, you know? not even sure how to explain it. but, i guess it's a trust thing. and realizing that he's all i have in this world is a terrrifying thought to me right now. and when he doesn't get enough sleep, i shudder to think about what could happen. or, if he skips a meal. i think that has a whole lot to do with my nerve problems right now. as my life (hello, that is the most important thing here, right!) depends on him right now, adn i never felt that way before. (of course, duckie's in there too. can't forget that perfect angel, but this is somethign entirely different).
i an't no crieee crieee girlie girl, but lately i have been. i worry i'm going to get a call he's dead adn then what? what's kk to do? that's not the plan, you know? kk's goes first :) (comic relief of course, but it's most disturbing to me. i've never been that needy clingy type and i hate it. i think he somewhat fidns it amusing. i hate that even more)
Posted by football on March 27, 2007, at 1:08:49
In reply to I don't feel human, posted by ralphrost on February 26, 2007, at 20:56:03
> Hello mates,
>
> Sometimes I don't even feel human. My mind feels so quiet, no thoughts. I compare my behavior to some passive animal. Fishes don't think, probably.
>
> I go through the day without even noticing it. Nothing catches my attention. I don't feel bored, sad neither. When somebody says something to me, it doesn't ressonate in me, producing some sort of reaction. I just answer with the very basic and shortest answer. My mind feels empty, and all I'm able to care about is this illness. Hell is repetition.
>
> I used to have streams of thoughts that would bring me to bright or dark places. Some sort of flux bringing horror or amusement. Life could be felt vividly.
>
> Things changed and I lost contact with all these aspects of myself. I don't feel human. All that's rest of me is the very basic parts of me to keep me alive. So strange, so unbelievable to me.
>
> I wish I could hear from someone that this is going to change. And I need to believe it. Have you ever felt this? What's going on with me?
>
> Sorry for the melancholic post
>
> RalphI'm no doctor, but does the criteria for Schizoid Personality Disorder fit you?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_Personality_Disorder
Posted by ralphrost on April 26, 2007, at 17:53:42
In reply to Re: I don't feel human, posted by football on March 27, 2007, at 1:08:49
Very likely... Never felt so damn screwed up...
Suicide is an appealing option right now. What about travelling to the coast, tying myself to a rock and "blump" in the sea? Fishes would be happy, myself included (da big fish).
I can't take care of myself anymore
>
> I'm no doctor, but does the criteria for Schizoid Personality Disorder fit you?
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_Personality_Disorder
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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