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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Declan on August 28, 2006, at 0:00:04
When it's bad I can't remember names or think. Should my brother turn up when I'm like this I'd be inclined to say something like:
"Hello, family member (for I do recognise you), I hope you mean me no harm. You don't by any chance have a drink on you? How can I help?"There's a passage from Eliot:
'I was neither living nor dead and I knew nothing
Looking into the heart of light, the silence'I don't make it to the heart of light, but when things get bad I notice colours a lot, the light changes too. Just me and whatever colours, and a desperate kind of merging.
The cause or effect of this is not understanding what people say to me. Maybe I was born without a median strip.
The idea of shame comes to mind. That's what's nice about the litergy
'pardon and deliver you from all your sins and bring you to everlasting life'.With social phobia (ot PTSD or schizoaffective disorder or whatever we've been told to call it now)I've always been fascinated to know what it is that is feared. Being cast out of the group and left to die, perhaps?
Declan
Posted by Estella on August 28, 2006, at 8:53:41
In reply to Depersonalisation etc, posted by Declan on August 28, 2006, at 0:00:04
> With social phobia (ot PTSD or schizoaffective disorder or whatever we've been told to call it now)I've always been fascinated to know what it is that is feared. Being cast out of the group and left to die, perhaps?
Hmm. I guess it is probably different for different people but that fairly much sums it up for me. Though not just being left to die, more that I'll be left alone forever. And I won't be able to die. I'll have to live. Alone. Forever. Though death is not an event in life because death is not lived through w. So yeah, being left to die, maybe that is it.
I used to get this recurrent dream when I was a kid. I was naked. I was tied to a chair. People would walk past. Some of them would look at me with disaproval on their faces. Sometimes they would look at each other and snigger about me as they walked past. Some would stop and stare. I could see the disgust and repulsion on their faces. Some would laugh. Some... Didn't even notice me they just kept on walking by. Summs up how I feel around people really... When I'm not feeling so good at any rate.
I'm wearing shame on my skin when I wake up.
Posted by Declan on August 28, 2006, at 14:35:34
In reply to Re: Depersonalisation etc » Declan, posted by Estella on August 28, 2006, at 8:53:41
Sometimes the person in distress is an affront to the person causing it.
Instead of being the result of the bad treatment, the distressed person is seen as the cause.
Pass the parcel with shame?
Sounds like politics. We humans are always getting cause and effect mixed up.
Are there really such things as cause and effect anyway?
Declan
Posted by curtm on August 28, 2006, at 14:48:51
In reply to Re: Depersonalisation and cruelty » Estella, posted by Declan on August 28, 2006, at 14:35:34
>> Are there really such things as cause and effect anyway?
When it is good, there is no cause and effect, there is only natural life and the unpredictable turns of events that occur. When it is good, the same cause may result in a different effect because it is life.
When it is bad, I play upon the cause and effect. I push blame upon other people and things. It isn't my fault. It didn't happen naturally. Soeone/something caused this. Sometimes I blame the Almighty and curse him.
What do I do with it?
When it is good, I smile at the randomness of it and when it is bad, I ignore the simplicity of it and make myself suffer in pity.
Posted by llrrrpp on August 28, 2006, at 15:02:47
In reply to Re: Depersonalisation and cruelty » Declan, posted by curtm on August 28, 2006, at 14:48:51
And if Declan and estella figure that they've been left to die alone, well, what does that make me?
I'm here. I'm a person. If I'm not a person-- ergo Grim Reaper?
You guys may not have many satisfying social contacts face to face. But this medium is human interaction too. And I find estella and Declan to be some of the most intriguing people I've ever met in any context.
Declan's mind makes connections that seem so random, and yet so inevitable. Maybe you were born without a median strip, but maybe you're just ahead of your time?
Estella can argue the pants off anyone, and when she's done, she's only written 3 words. Brevity is a virtue, but not when complexity is sacrificed.
And I don't want either Declan or estella to wear shame like some tawdry scent. You're not an affront because you suffer. I don't blame the messenger. That's just plain lazy.
Why do you suffer? you don't understand people? me neither. I just grin and nod and make eye contact. Find out who is good for what. Some people are good for hugs, some people are good for sex, some people are good for lunch breaks, some people are good for long phone calls, some people are good for absorbing my uncivil thoughts. Some people are not good for me at all.
But that's just for me. I don't think that being obscure is a bad thing. Everyone can be popular in their own special way. Why not be popular for being obscure?
((((Declan))))
((((Estella))))and an Etoile for you both!
-ll
Posted by Estella on August 28, 2006, at 21:28:30
In reply to Re: Depersonalisation and cruelty » curtm, posted by llrrrpp on August 28, 2006, at 15:02:47
Thats whats feared...
Thats what is feared.
Everyone has a worst fear - don't they?
Thats mine.I know people care
(((((Babblers))))))
It is just my worst fear that they will get sick of me / forget me / turn on me.
Just gets to me sometimes...
When I was a kid
Sometimes in that half sleeping half waking place.
Posted by Phillipa on August 28, 2006, at 22:03:17
In reply to Re: Depersonalisation and cruelty » llrrrpp, posted by Estella on August 28, 2006, at 21:28:30
Estella I may be older but that is my fear and has happened already. Love Phillipa
Posted by finelinebob on August 28, 2006, at 23:21:59
In reply to Re: Depersonalisation and cruelty » llrrrpp, posted by Estella on August 28, 2006, at 21:28:30
> Everyone has a worst fear - don't they?
Cockroaches.
Okay, that's why after 8 months my kitchen is still packed up. I've seen 4 in 8 months, and that's 4 too many. And NYC cockroaches never get that big because there are so many pesticides in NYC apartment buildings.
It's like Indiana Jones ... "Cockroaches ... why did it have to be cockroaches...."
Posted by Reggie BoStar on August 29, 2006, at 18:25:23
In reply to Depersonalisation etc, posted by Declan on August 28, 2006, at 0:00:04
Hi,
For me, the fear with Social Phobia is that either someone in the crowd will harm me in some way, or I'll come to harm and be helpless in a crowd of apathetic and/or potentially dangerous strangers.Depersonalisation for me was the sensation that I "had trouble concentrating on myself", and that "I was slowly looking through the pages of a book in the dark, as though I were reading it." That was the way I described it to my MD, who immediately set me up with a psychiatric appointment.
I think the gist of his reaction was that I was describing something that I realized after the event. During the event, I was not aware of anything going wrong. I wasn't afraid or anxious about the fact that I didn't seem to be thinking for myself.
The psychiatrist verified that this sort of experience is an example of one type of depersonalisation - the type that the victim is completely unaware of until later when he remembers, or if someone tells him about it.
In my case, severe/bipolar II depression is the causative agent. Evidently depersonalisation can happen when the hypomanic phase changes rapidly back to severe depression.
I obviously need to learn more about this, but it's a real catch-22 situation: when I try to study it, I start to crank up into a hypomanic phase. Someone else in the know has to tell me about it, and what I remember about the conversation is all I seem to be able to handle.
Needless to say, this figures into a self-esteem issue not only because of the depression, but because after a depersonalisation event I feel as though I've been under the control of a personality a lot stronger than the one I thought was me. And if I'm the losing half of a split personality, then someday....
Better stop now!
Reggie BoStar
Posted by Jost on August 29, 2006, at 23:13:08
In reply to Re: Depersonalisation etc » Declan, posted by Reggie BoStar on August 29, 2006, at 18:25:23
> Hi,
> For me, the fear with Social Phobia is that either someone in the crowd will harm me in some way, or I'll come to harm and be helpless in a crowd of apathetic and/or potentially dangerous strangers.
>
>That reminds me-- when I went to a huge public High School, from a small private school. The whole private school was much smaller than my 10th grade class.
It's not the worst part, but between classes, everyone would be pushing and jumbled and not watching where they were walking. People would just back into you, or walk into you waving their arms. The halls were packed and like an auditorium with amplification, and people would also push and shove going up and down the stairs. I actually thought I was going to be run over and people wouldn't even notice that I was there, and would just walk over me.
I had an image of lying on the ground and being trampled underfoot.
It actually was pretty frightening.
Jost
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