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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 11, 2006, at 3:36:42
My 8 year old son is consistently cheeky, cocky and sarcastic with me. I am not lenient with him and do not command this lack of respect. He has been told over and over again that this behaviour is unacceptable. Punishment has been consistent, to no avail.
He is my son. I love him. But this behaviour is making me not like him.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Sabrina
Posted by crazy teresa on February 11, 2006, at 12:19:14
In reply to I'm at my wits end, posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 11, 2006, at 3:36:42
Sounds like an attitude he's learned from school, as mine did.
Have you sat him down and really talked about this with him? Not at a time when you're mad or punishing him; just at a time when you're having a PB&J after school.
Or tried any reverse psychology? Giving that same treatment back to my girls will usually bring about an attitude adjustment. They don't like it when it's served right back to them!
Posted by LegWarmers on February 12, 2006, at 15:32:29
In reply to I'm at my wits end, posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 11, 2006, at 3:36:42
> My 8 year old son is consistently cheeky, cocky and sarcastic with me. I am not lenient with him and do not command this lack of respect. He has been told over and over again that this behaviour is unacceptable. Punishment has been consistent, to no avail.
>
> He is my son. I love him. But this behaviour is making me not like him.
>
> I just don't know what to do anymore.
>
> Sabrina
>
>Is that his personality? It may be hard to change the behavior if it is. Is he possibly just trying to be funny?
Could you help him with trying to discuss appropriate times to use his sarcasm etc?I hope things get better
Posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 13, 2006, at 4:24:08
In reply to Re: I'm at my wits end, posted by LegWarmers on February 12, 2006, at 15:32:29
Thank you crazy teresa and LegWarmers. I was starting to feel very alone with this.
I am tempted to try the reverse psychology, but he has been so rude to me I am afraid to be rude back and send a bad example. After my blow-up at him on Saturday morning, I fear I said some things that an 8 year old should not hear. Whether intentional or not, I withdrew myself from him this weekend and for the rest of Saturday he left me alone and was quite polite. By Sunday afternoon he had quite forgotten and was back to his old tricks.
Family tell me it is just a stage. This stage has lasted since he was a year old. So, I tend to agree this might just be his personality. Though he does not know his biological father at all, the lack of respect is identical.
And yes, a lot of time he thinks he is just being funny but after many, many patient discussions of appropriate times for this, he will do it anyway and then immediately pop an apology into to it thinking that makes it all better.
By the way, my son suffers severe ADHD but I do not believe this is in anyway responsible for a general lack of respect.
Thank you both for your insightful comments.
Sabrina
Posted by LegWarmers on February 13, 2006, at 9:02:29
In reply to Re: I'm at my wits end, posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 13, 2006, at 4:24:08
>
> Family tell me it is just a stage. This stage has lasted since he was a year old. So, I tend to agree this might just be his personality. Though he does not know his biological father at all, the lack of respect is identical.
>I think sometimes personalities are genetic...I really believe that, and environment but a lot in our genes
> And yes, a lot of time he thinks he is just being funny but after many, many patient discussions of appropriate times for this, he will do it anyway and then immediately pop an apology into to it thinking that makes it all better.
a suggestion.... you may have already tryed this, but you could sit him down WHEN he makes a comment that you find rude adn ask him if he understnads how that might have hurt your feelings? Try to focus on your feelings as opposed to him being rude. I can relate to your son
>
> By the way, my son suffers severe ADHD but I do not believe this is in anyway responsible for a general lack of respect.it may play a role, having adhd might lead to impulsivity which would result in him blurting things out without thinking first. Do you know what I mean? This may just be his personality but he can learn to use it more appopriately.
If you havent already told him how it makes you feel, Id give that a shot. Of course Im also assuming he is acting in a certain way...it may be more complicated then Im imaginingi really hope it gets better
Posted by survivor1 on February 13, 2006, at 9:32:56
In reply to Re: I'm at my wits end » Sabrina_0805, posted by LegWarmers on February 13, 2006, at 9:02:29
Hi, I can't tell you what it felt like to find your thread. I just finished yelling at my 10 year old and sent her to school and then burst into tears afterword, because of course I think I should have handled it differently. She is SO fresh. But I am also very sensitive at times so it is hard for me to distinguish whether it is her just being a little sarcastic and me being too sensitive, or if it's really her just being a pain in the a**. She does have contact with her father and this is the way he talks to people too so I know that it is his influence (and boy did he get under my skin when we were married!). I know this didn't help you fix the problem but I just wanted you to not feel alone. I'm sorry I kept going on, but I'm still raw from the argument. Hugs, Survivor.
Posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 13, 2006, at 10:14:41
In reply to Re: I'm at my wits end » Sabrina_0805, posted by LegWarmers on February 13, 2006, at 9:02:29
Hi LegWarmers
Thank you! Once again - you are so very insightful.
I have spoken with him. Both at the times he is doing this and when he is being sweet. (Yes, I should have mentioned, he has wonderfully sweet and loving moments).
I know I am beginning to sound as if I feel there is no hope. I don't mean to. I love him dearly. I am just so tired.
I am grateful for your thoughts which I have much respect for and thank you for reading my posts.
Sabrina
Posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 13, 2006, at 10:15:19
In reply to Re: I'm at my wits end, posted by survivor1 on February 13, 2006, at 9:32:56
Survivor - I have sent you a babblemail
Sabrina
Posted by LegWarmers on February 13, 2006, at 10:47:45
In reply to Re: I'm at my wits end, posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 13, 2006, at 10:14:41
> Hi LegWarmers
>
> Thank you! Once again - you are so very insightful.
>
> I have spoken with him. Both at the times he is doing this and when he is being sweet. (Yes, I should have mentioned, he has wonderfully sweet and loving moments).
>And I was sure of that, i have read posts about your son and he sounds wonderful and lucky to have such a great loving mother!
> I know I am beginning to sound as if I feel there is no hope. I don't mean to. I love him dearly. I am just so tired.
>no, not at all, you just sounded frustrated, and I know that I frustrate or use to frustrate people a lot so its interesting for me to hear the other perspective
> I am grateful for your thoughts which I have much respect for and thank you for reading my posts.
>Same to you!!
Posted by AuntieMel on February 15, 2006, at 17:32:26
In reply to I'm at my wits end, posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 11, 2006, at 3:36:42
Your son is smart, and smart kids like to find out just how far they can push you.
After I went through the 'I just need to scream back at her' stage I finally found a solution that sort of worked.
I'd just calmly tell her to go away and I'd be happy to talk to her when she was ready to be civil.
And if that didn't work I'd throw her a red card.
Posted by Dinah on February 17, 2006, at 14:32:20
In reply to Re: I'm at my wits end, posted by AuntieMel on February 15, 2006, at 17:32:26
Posted by AuntieMel on February 22, 2006, at 12:15:47
In reply to Red card? (nm) » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on February 17, 2006, at 14:32:20
It's a soccer thing. A yellow card is a warning. Red means you're out of the game. You don't actually "throw" it - it's considered rude. You actually just show it.
It gets kids attention because it's different.
Posted by Sabrina0805 on February 22, 2006, at 12:34:36
In reply to Re: Red card? » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on February 22, 2006, at 12:15:47
I might just try this. If my son takes me seriously that is - for he never does.
Thanks
Posted by AuntieMel on February 22, 2006, at 16:44:50
In reply to Re: Red card? » AuntieMel, posted by Sabrina0805 on February 22, 2006, at 12:34:36
Or you can make him run a few laps.
Sorry - the soccer coach in me is rearing it's ugly head.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 22, 2006, at 17:03:11
In reply to Re: Red card? » AuntieMel, posted by Sabrina0805 on February 22, 2006, at 12:34:36
The trick was to always be one step ahead - surprise them.
I saw a product on the web the other day that looked interesting. It's an "earn points" system instead of a punishment system. I tried something similar but it was makeshift and it looked cheesy and I couldn't keep it up. But it looks like it's worth a try.
http://www.easychild.com/parentingclick11.htm?gclid=COaKw_-hrYMCFUabOAodx3A9EQ
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 8:21:47
In reply to Re: Red card? » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on February 22, 2006, at 12:15:47
I like it. :)
My son takes the opposite approach with discipline. With even the slightest reprimand he gets so upset that we end up comforting *him*. I wonder if he's extremely sensitive or extremely smart? :)
I'd guess sensitive since he tries to make sure he doesn't do it again. But on the other hand, you should see how well he trained us on proper use of the time out chair.
Posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 15:26:01
In reply to I'm at my wits end, posted by Sabrina_0805 on February 11, 2006, at 3:36:42
I just remembered something we used to say about our youngest.
She would try us, and try us, and *try* us and just when we're about ready to kill her she'd do something cute and save her life for a few more weeks.
Posted by Sabrina0805 on March 8, 2006, at 15:32:59
In reply to Re: I'm at my wits end » Sabrina_0805, posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 15:26:01
LOL!!! My son has redeemed himself over and over again since I posted this by doing the same thing! Love him too much is all I can say!!
This is the end of the thread.
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