![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 49. Go back in thread:
Posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2006, at 21:42:45
In reply to Sorry about something I wrote, posted by Deneb on October 5, 2006, at 20:28:01
I think that whether blocks hurt or not, and if they do hurt how much they hurt depends on a variety of factors.
Some people might not feel hurt by a block because:
- They were ready for a Babble break
- They wanted to be blocked (to do more IRL). I guess this is related to the first point.
- They think they deserved the block.
- They knew they were going to be blocked for what they said, but they posted it anyway.I guess those are related.
- They might not care about being blocked from Babble. I don't care if I get blocked from PsychCentral, for example. I don't think it has to do with sociopathy, but it might have a bit to do with attachment to people...
Some people feel hurt by a block but it is a manageable hurt. Like if you are stabbed by a pin I guess you feel a bit of a sharp shock, but it passes soon enough. Some people might feel mildly annoyed. Or a bit pissed. But the hurt is manageable. The hurt is supposed to be what makes blocks aversive. The aversiveness is required in order to make blocks have their intended effect of less people posting those kinds of posts.
Some people might feel really really really really really hurt by a block. That could be for a variety of reasons too:
- Because one is really attached to Babblers and there is a sudden loss of social support.
- Because one doesn't understand why one was blocked.
- Because one has been hurt in the past.Variety of reasons.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2006, at 21:43:10
In reply to Re: blocks hurting, posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2006, at 21:42:45
Oh.
Because one has intense emotions and difficulty regulating them...
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 6, 2006, at 0:42:36
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » gardenergirl, posted by Deneb on October 5, 2006, at 17:01:19
>If one does not care whatsoever about the Babble community, it is conceivable that that person would not feel hurt after being blocked.
I care *very* much about Babble, but have never felt hurt when being blocked. Each time I simply accepted it was due to my own behaviour.
I have felt *very very* hurt though by the action of other posters here.
I guess this is my point. Each person feels differently about all things, and Babble will never be able to fulfill all things for all people and its impossible for it to even try.
In all honesty Deneb, I worry that you are trying to emotionally blackmail in a "if you block me again this is what you will do to me" kind o way. Are you?
Nikki
Posted by Deneb on October 6, 2006, at 1:18:51
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on October 6, 2006, at 0:42:36
I'm getting terribly upset. Someone who isn't supposed to be writing to me is. Can people give me a hug over on social?
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on October 6, 2006, at 1:26:35
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on October 6, 2006, at 0:42:36
> >If one does not care whatsoever about the Babble community, it is conceivable that that person would not feel hurt after being blocked.
>
> I care *very* much about Babble, but have never felt hurt when being blocked. Each time I simply accepted it was due to my own behaviour.I was not saying that people who are not hurt by blocks are sociopaths. I was saying that *true* sociopaths would likely not feel hurt and I shouldn't have that that still because I might put *real* sociopaths down. I was basing my conclusions on the *definition* of a sociopath. But I realize that I'm being hypocritical if I say that people shouldn't call trolls unfeeling and yet it's ok to call sociopaths that. I realize my mistake and I"m sorry I implied that sociopaths do not feel hurt.
>
> I have felt *very very* hurt though by the action of other posters here.I'm sorry you felt hurt. I've felt very hurt by the actions of posters here too. Again I reiterate, I'm *not* against blocks.
> In all honesty Deneb, I worry that you are trying to emotionally blackmail in a "if you block me again this is what you will do to me" kind o way. Are you?
>
> NikkiI'm just telling the truth Nikki. I'm not blackmailing anyone. Is it best if I not express my hurt over being blocked? Why? How come I can express other hurts but not the hurt over being blocked?
Deneb*
Posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 1:33:23
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on October 6, 2006, at 1:26:35
> I was not saying that people who are not hurt by blocks are sociopaths. I was saying that *true* sociopaths would likely not feel hurt and I shouldn't have that that still because I might put *real* sociopaths down. I was basing my conclusions on the *definition* of a sociopath. But I realize that I'm being hypocritical if I say that people shouldn't call trolls unfeeling and yet it's ok to call sociopaths that. I realize my mistake and I"m sorry I implied that sociopaths do not feel hurt.Thats a lovely thing to have said, Deneb.
> Is it best if I not express my hurt over being blocked?
I think you should be able to express your hurts on Babble.
> How come I can express other hurts but not the hurt over being blocked?
I think that is because... You understand why you were blocked - don't you?
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 6, 2006, at 13:02:25
In reply to Re: Blocks can result in serious hurt » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 1:33:23
What I don't understand about the whole blocks thing, in my opinion, is that its pretty difficult to get yourself blocked. I find it very easy to stick to the guidelines, I mean I don't offend people I barely know in person, or strangers in the street, or even my good friends so why would I do it here?
I'm sure if I get blocked (which I obviously don't plan to do) then it'll have been for a very good reason, and I probably deserve any pain or feelings of exclusion that I get from that block.
In honestly, I think I would feel pretty hurt if I got blocked. So therefore I don't post anything that may offend someone or which may lead to a block.
Its as simple as that.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 17:15:11
In reply to Re: Blocks can result in serious hurt, posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 6, 2006, at 13:02:25
> What I don't understand about the whole blocks thing, in my opinion, is that its pretty difficult to get yourself blocked.
Did you see what someone got blocked for over on faith?
'There is truth in all religion but not all religions are all true'.
People have been blocked for saying f*rt without an asterisk.
Bob is getting better, but it is still the case that people get blocked for up to one year as a result of those kinds of things.> I don't offend people I barely know in person, or strangers in the street, or even my good friends so why would I do it here?
I don't think it is fair to assume that everyone who gets blocked has offended people here. Do you know a single person here offended by f*rt without an asterisk?
> I'm sure if I get blocked (which I obviously don't plan to do) then it'll have been for a very good reason, and I probably deserve any pain or feelings of exclusion that I get from that block.I hope so. For your sake.
> In honestly, I think I would feel pretty hurt if I got blocked. So therefore I don't post anything that may offend someone or which may lead to a block.
> Its as simple as that.If only it was.
Posted by Deneb on October 7, 2006, at 0:41:34
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on October 6, 2006, at 0:42:36
> In all honesty Deneb, I worry that you are trying to emotionally blackmail in a "if you block me again this is what you will do to me" kind o way. Are you?
>
> NikkiI'm not sure what you mean by "emotionally blackmail," but I've just realized something that may have something to do with that.
I think, I think I *am* angry about having been blocked. I thought the punishment for *me* was too severe. I'm also not used to punishments in general, I was never punished as a child and punishment does not sit well with me.
I think I still get angry once in a while and when I'm angry I think I *do* want to "hurt" Dr. Bob. I think I want to hurt Dr. Bob by making him feel guilty, but I'm sure everything I do is to no avail because there is nothing to feel guilty about. I think I would do the same in his position, except everything is different for *me* you see. The rules don't seem to apply to *me*. I'm very egocentric still.
It's all very bizarre. On the one hand I love Dr. Bob and don't want to hurt him, but on the other I'm angry at what he did and I want to make him feel bad. I think...I think I've separated Dr. Bob into two people almost. The everyday Bob didn't block me and I love that Bob. The Bob who blocked me I'm angry with.
I love Bob, yet I can get angry at him. That leaves me confused.
Must be that black and white thinking or something.
Deneb*
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2006, at 11:18:50
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on October 7, 2006, at 0:41:34
:-)
Very good insight, Deneb. In my not humble enough opinion, it's important to realize that we can be angry, even with people we care about, and that that's not the end of the world.
And someday it won't seem like two Dr. Bob's at all, I'll bet. I'll bet someday you'll say something like "I really care a lot about Dr. Bob, but boy, he makes me angry sometimes." If you insert the name of just about everyone in my life, I've thought that about each and every one from time to time.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 7, 2006, at 12:19:52
In reply to Re: Blocks can result in serious hurt » Meri-Tuuli, posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 17:15:11
Hello
> 'There is truth in all religion etc
> People have been blocked for saying f*rt without an asterisk.But I can clearly see how saying that might lead to a block. It is clearly offensive to suggest that there are religions out there that might not be as they seem.
Are you sure that if someone used the word f*rt without an asterix and it was their first time doing anything 'uncivil' then they'd get a block straight away? Surely they'd get a warning first?
I find it easy to have a mental filter in my head - anything even vaguely uncivil alarm bells go off in my head, and I find alternative ways to express myself.
Kind regards
Meri
PS I realise the irony if I were to say, get blocked over this post. Ha!
Posted by Racer on October 7, 2006, at 13:12:45
In reply to Re: Blocks can result in serious hurt » alexandra_k, posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 7, 2006, at 12:19:52
> Hello
>
> >
> > People have been blocked for saying f*rt without an asterisk.
>
>
>
> Are you sure that if someone used the word f*rt without an asterix and it was their first time doing anything 'uncivil' then they'd get a block straight away? Surely they'd get a warning first?Yes, as a matter of fact, the f*rts brought on PBCs, not blocks...
Posted by Racer on October 7, 2006, at 13:22:33
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on October 7, 2006, at 0:41:34
> >
> I think, I think I *am* angry about having been blocked. I thought the punishment for *me* was too severe.Are you angry that someone punished you? Or are you "angry," in more a sense of disappointed, at yourself for the behavior that led to the block? I guess what I'm asking is whether you know what you did that led to the block, why it was a problem? Does that make sense?
>
> It's all very bizarre. On the one hand I love Dr. Bob and don't want to hurt him, but on the other I'm angry at what he did and I want to make him feel bad. I think...I think I've separated Dr. Bob into two people almost. The everyday Bob didn't block me and I love that Bob. The Bob who blocked me I'm angry with.
>
> I love Bob, yet I can get angry at him. That leaves me confused.
>
> Must be that black and white thinking or something.
>
> Deneb*It's related to the black and white thinking, Deneb. As Dinah has already mentioned, part of "growing up" -- or whatever you want to call it -- is getting past the idea that anyone is ALL good or ALL bad. The fact that you can hold two conflicting "Bobs" in your head at one time, the Bob you "love" and the Bob you're angry at, and know that they're the same person -- that's called "progress." ;-)
I need to say something else about blocks hurting, though. And I'll resist the temptation to make any reference to ASPD...
I was blocked a bit more than a year ago, for one week. It didn't feel good, because I am used to posting freely on Babble, whenever I've got something to say. Not having that freedom wasn't a good feeling.
BUT I knew what I had done, I knew I borke the rules -- I knew before posting that I was at the very least flirting with a block before posting my offending post. So, I sat out my block knowing that I'd earned it, in a big way, and I felt no anger towards Bob for blocking me. I didn't feel hurt by his action in blocking me. I didn't feel excluded by it, because I knew it was temporary. It really wasn't painful, in any larger sense. Really, I think I was just feeling a little bored by not having the opportunity to post on Babble. I could still read, so I didn't feel locked out.
Just so that people know that there are other reactions to being blocked. I don't think I'm the only one who reacts this way to being blocked, either. Yes, being blocked can be painful for people. It can also be painLESS for some otherwise normally socialized people...
Posted by Deneb on October 7, 2006, at 16:09:47
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » Deneb, posted by Racer on October 7, 2006, at 13:22:33
> Are you angry that someone punished you? Or are you "angry," in more a sense of disappointed, at yourself for the behavior that led to the block? I guess what I'm asking is whether you know what you did that led to the block, why it was a problem? Does that make sense?
I'm not angry at myself for my behaviour. I think I'm angry I got punished.
Let me try to process my blocks some more, maybe it will bring me some acceptance.
First Block:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050413/msgs/484025.htmlI posted what I thought was a dangerous med (even though I now realize it's probably not dangerous). I guess Dr. Bob doesn't take that into consideration, i.e. the dangerousness of the particular med. I knew I wasn't suppose to post it because I tried to get around that by posting it in a coded form. I guess I felt like I didn't deserve that block because the med wasn't dangerous in overdose (to the best of my knowledge, which isn't all that vast). Aren't all SSRIs safe in overdose?
Second Block:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050828/msgs/547929.htmlI treated death and injury lightly, but I wasn't joking about death and injury. This was before the rule of not treating death and injury lightly. I also thought I could get away with posting what I did because I only posted blanks, but since Dr. Bob is human and not a machine, he figured it out and decided it wasn't OK. Since I used blanks, I knew what I was writing was not OK.
Third Block:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051015/msgs/567834.htmlOK, here I clearly see that I was uncivil. No excuses here. I was blaming others for pushing me to suicide. I was just upset in general and Dr. Bob blocking me made me feel even worse. I know I earned the block, but it just felt like salt was being poured into my wounds.
Fourth Block:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060111/msgs/601660.htmlOK, this block I really didn't understand. If someone could explain it to me it would be appreciated. I didn't think I was treating death lightly. I was being a little obnoxious before when I was asking about the new "treating death or injury lightly rule", but I really didn't know I did anything wrong when I posted what I did. I guess I posted about wanting to jump off the CN tower like it was no big deal, is that was was wrong with my post?
> BUT I knew what I had done, I knew I borke the rules -- I knew before posting that I was at the very least flirting with a block before posting my offending post. So, I sat out my block knowing that I'd earned it, in a big way, and I felt no anger towards Bob for blocking me.
It seems like whether or not I earned my blocks, I still get upset by them. I think maybe I'm upset by blocks because being blocked means I'm a bad person? But now Bob writes that he doesn't think we are bad people. (((((Bob))))) I don't know all the reasons why I get so upset with my blocks.
> I didn't feel hurt by his action in blocking me. I didn't feel excluded by it, because I knew it was temporary.
I think I would be upset by a block even if it were an hour long. I don't know why.
>It really wasn't painful, in any larger sense.
I'm glad it wasn't painful for you.
> Just so that people know that there are other reactions to being blocked. I don't think I'm the only one who reacts this way to being blocked, either. Yes, being blocked can be painful for people. It can also be painLESS for some otherwise normally socialized people...
I wish I were a normally socialized person. :-(
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on October 7, 2006, at 16:54:59
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » Racer, posted by Deneb on October 7, 2006, at 16:09:47
I don't feel angry about being blocked now. Re-visiting the reasons for my blocks helped. I see now that the Bob who blocked me wasn't an evil guy who wanted to hurt me. I should do that whenever I start getting upset over being blocked.
Deneb*
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 7, 2006, at 18:31:32
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on October 6, 2006, at 0:42:36
> Unless one is a sociopath, social exclusion should and does hurt.
>
> Deneb> This kinda sounds like a judgement of others.
>
> notfred> I worry that you are trying to emotionally blackmail
>
> NikkiT2Please don't jump to conclusions about others (such as those not hurt by social exclusion) or post anything that could lead others to feel accused (for example, of judging others or trying to emotionally blackmail).
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're bad people.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Racer on October 7, 2006, at 18:33:47
In reply to Re: Blocks do cause hurt » Racer, posted by Deneb on October 7, 2006, at 16:09:47
> >> > Just so that people know that there are other reactions to being blocked. I don't think I'm the only one who reacts this way to being blocked, either. Yes, being blocked can be painful for people. It can also be painLESS for some otherwise normally socialized people...
>
> I wish I were a normally socialized person. :-(
>
> Deneb*
>
>lol I guess that wasn't as clear as I might have liked -- what I meant was that blocks can be less than painful for people who do not have ASPD... I just meant that it wasn't necessarily pathological not to be hurt by blocks...
I certainly didn't mean to suggest that one who was hurt by a block was not "normally socialized." I don't think that about you, Deneb -- I just think you're young and have had a whole lot of experience of the wide variety life has to offer. And you know the cure for youth, right? ;-)
Posted by notfred on October 8, 2006, at 6:09:49
In reply to Re: please be civil » Deneb » notfred » NikkiT2, posted by Dr. Bob on October 7, 2006, at 18:31:32
> > This kinda sounds like a judgement of others.
> >
> > notfred
>Sorry, I should of expressed how this felt to me and not made it an acquisition.
Sorry for any hurt feelings. I am sorry that you hurt. I only spend this much time posting if I relly care about someone.
Posted by Deneb on October 8, 2006, at 18:16:27
In reply to Re: please be civil » Deneb » notfred » NikkiT2, posted by Dr. Bob on October 7, 2006, at 18:31:32
I've already said that I was sorry. I told Bob I was uncivil. I turned myself in.
Deneb*
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 8, 2006, at 22:09:38
In reply to Re: please be civil, sorry, posted by notfred on October 8, 2006, at 6:09:49
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 8, 2006, at 22:09:48
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by Deneb on October 8, 2006, at 18:16:27
Posted by mike lynch on October 12, 2006, at 10:54:37
In reply to Re: please be civil » Deneb » notfred » NikkiT2, posted by Dr. Bob on October 7, 2006, at 18:31:32
Look the rules here are so strict, and so ambiguous that every "rule infraction" can be up to debate. Most of the "pbc's" ic are not offensive at all, and you would really need to really dig deep to conjure any offensive content. It's not like the pbc's/blocks are given for direct name calling, they might be given for saying things indirectly. And for this I think the block is much more damaging then the infraction, and considering the amount of blocks given out for petty infractions, I think they are the ones that are hurtful not the things that cause the violations
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 13, 2006, at 3:18:38
In reply to Blocks hurt more then the *violations*, posted by mike lynch on October 12, 2006, at 10:54:37
For *you*, maybe..
For me. No.
I'm not going into details, but I have felt *incredibly* hurt by a poster here before. As hurt, I believe, as anyone who has been blocked.
Nikki
Posted by Declan on October 13, 2006, at 19:23:16
In reply to Re: Blocks hurt more then the *violations* » mike lynch, posted by NikkiT2 on October 13, 2006, at 3:18:38
I'm just curious Nicki (I haven't read the thread and I don't know this post that hurt you).
Was the poster who put up the hurtful post blocked for it?
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 14, 2006, at 1:53:07
In reply to Re: Blocks hurt more then the *violations* » NikkiT2, posted by Declan on October 13, 2006, at 19:23:16
Um.. I *think* so. Not immediately, but their persistance resulted in a block I believe.
It was a few years ago now. But I will *never* forget or figive it.
Nikki
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Administration | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.