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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on September 17, 2006, at 21:54:39
:-(
Posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2006, at 22:20:47
In reply to NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by muffled on September 17, 2006, at 21:54:39
Are people allowed to spar just a little?
;-)
((((Muffled))))
Posted by ClearSkies on September 17, 2006, at 23:57:07
In reply to Re: NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2006, at 22:20:47
> Are people allowed to spar just a little?
>
> ;-)
>
> ((((Muffled))))
Muffled, I needed to accept these discussion threads as sparring and sometimes lively and impassioned communications.I don't think that some of the posters are annoyed or upset about the issues, but perhaps are enjoying really thrashing the subjects around. This lets them get into the complexity and benefits that might come from really picking the subject matter apart,
It's not my way of discussing issues. It makes me uncomfortable, though not quite triggering. Sometimes the very high level of literacy leaves me unwilling to try to press through the threads, as my skills are way below in some respects. So although I read here, I have decided not to post in these threads. I find that being able to detatch and look upon the threads as productive and lively, but not mean necessarily, I'm not as likely to be upset by them.
((((Muffled))))
Posted by ju§tyourlaugh on September 18, 2006, at 0:45:35
In reply to Re: NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by ClearSkies on September 17, 2006, at 23:57:07
.."I don't think that some of the posters are annoyed or upset about the issues, but perhaps are enjoying really thrashing the subjects around."..
-wow..horribly insulting (for me of course)..
Posted by alexandra_k on September 18, 2006, at 1:24:55
In reply to Re: NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by ClearSkies on September 17, 2006, at 23:57:07
> I don't think that some of the posters are annoyed or upset about the issues, but perhaps are enjoying really thrashing the subjects around. This lets them get into the complexity and benefits that might come from really picking the subject matter apart,
((((Clearskies))))
Thankyou.
I think there is a difference between sparring and fighting but different people have different thresholds. I reckon it can be really hard to tell online too without the cues of tone of voice, volume, posture etc.
Sometimes at work I think people are fighting but they think they are having a discussion.I would like to learn to get better at discussions or sparring so that people are less likely to feel threatened or feel that people are being hostile, however.
> Sometimes the very high level of literacy leaves me unwilling to try to press through the threads
:-(
Sometimes I find the volume of content prohibitive. Yeah, I hear what you are saying, though. I reckon the best writers write simply so that everyone can understand. I have a lot to learn with that.> I find that being able to detatch and look upon the threads as productive and lively, but not mean necessarily, I'm not as likely to be upset by them.
((((Clearskies)))))
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 18, 2006, at 4:43:01
In reply to Re: NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-( » ClearSkies, posted by ju§tyourlaugh on September 18, 2006, at 0:45:35
> horribly insulting (for me of course)..
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused. But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceIn particular, I-statements can be hard, but IMO there's a good discussion at:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/320097.html
Follow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by SLS on September 18, 2006, at 7:31:20
In reply to NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by muffled on September 17, 2006, at 21:54:39
Hi Muffled.
> :-(
I think it is necessary for divergent ways of thinking to come into contact from time to time in order for society to function. It is inevitable. It often produces a synthesis yielding posititive change, though. Without it often comes stagnation and failure.
The way the individuals or groups who hold different opinions interact can vary greatly, and often involves conflict. Here on Psycho-Babble, we often see conflict. However, the manner of conflict is controlled by a moderator who holds the power to allow or disallow individuals from participating depending on their behavior. In this way, behavior is thus controlled or limited. The interactions between parties of opposing views are therefore forced to remain within the boundaries set by the moderator. The array of behaviors lying within these boundaries are considered to be, and defined as being "civil". This array is prescribed by a set of guidelines to be found in a document called the FAQ of this website.
It is often uncomfortable to observe or be involved in conflict. It may be that you are uncomfortable observing the behaviors that occur with the level of conflict that the guideline of civility here allows.
Conflict is a necessary and can be a healthy aspect of human behavior. I guess I am a fan at times. However, I am very uncomfortable watching it at others. I really understand where you are coming from, Muffled. My parents used to fight all the time when I was younger. My father would slap my mother and my mother would cry. I was traumatized by this. I am very uncomfortable with most kinds of conflict now. I just happen to like debates like the ones that occur here.
- Scott
Posted by muffled on September 18, 2006, at 12:14:21
In reply to No fights-cuz it makes sadness-Not all the time » muffled, posted by SLS on September 18, 2006, at 7:31:20
Mostly, it just fries me when people i care about 'fight'. Makes me scared and sad, and confused.
Thats all.
Thanks for explaining.
Muffled
Posted by rainbutterfly on September 18, 2006, at 17:11:35
In reply to NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by muffled on September 17, 2006, at 21:54:39
:o(
Posted by Dinah on September 18, 2006, at 18:28:53
In reply to ok. I suppose. Thanks for explaining guys., posted by muffled on September 18, 2006, at 12:14:21
Sometimes people just have lively and spirited disucussion that might appear to the outside to be fighting but really wasn't.
A bit loud maybe, but not fighting. :)
Fighting would imply anger or ill intent towards one another. You can have a lively and spirited conversation where two people have different views about something, and are earnestly intent on expressing them, without any particular anger being involved.
Posted by ju§tyourlaugh on September 18, 2006, at 22:41:16
In reply to NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by muffled on September 17, 2006, at 21:54:39
[xxx], You are the first person to f*ck with me on the internet. You can go straight to hell. Do you know what I mean? I mean go right into the ugly part of your tiny brain and tear yourself into little shreads. You made a mistake and attacked somebody, and when she came here for support,we supported her here. The fact that some people used to know you means nothing. When I turned on my computer and saw you had called me out, adrenaline went through my whole body. Maybe you felt the same way when you came on the boards. Good. So, I say right here and now, If you are lurking around seeing the effect you had. Here is the effect. It bothered me. irl, I would swat you like a bug. Here's my email. [xxx]. Here is my address [xxx]. Here is my phone number [xxx]. Take a drive, take a flight. There are 2 Starbucks on my corner. I hate you as much as I've ever hated anyone in my life. I hate you right now more than I hate myself. Eat sh*t. I bet you remember what it tastes like. It's metallic, like blood but more smell. Smoke some pot, drink a drink, contact me. I think we could be good for each other. I hate you. I know that is all about me. for me it is all about you. Thank you for your fond consideration in this matter, [xxx]
Posted by muffled on September 19, 2006, at 5:53:40
In reply to Re: NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by ju§tyourlaugh on September 18, 2006, at 22:41:16
Truly.
Sorry you hurting.
Yeah, that was a bad one :-(
Anger is scarey and hurts.
Wish you could give me a chance.
But I totally understand if you burnt.
:-(
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by rainbutterfly on September 20, 2006, at 8:38:34
In reply to Re: NOBODY SHOULD FIGHT,cuz it makes sadness :-(, posted by ju§tyourlaugh on September 18, 2006, at 22:41:16
I know how you feel, for a butterfly anyway :o(
Sorry you are hurting, and I mean that :o(
Posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:42:54
In reply to No fights-cuz it makes sadness-Not all the time » muffled, posted by SLS on September 18, 2006, at 7:31:20
Scott I hate fights. Everyone treated me poorly as a child . So I'm so sensitive. Crying all the time like a big baby. Love phillipa
Posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 16:19:01
In reply to Re: No fights-cuz it makes sadness-Not all the time » SLS, posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:42:54
> Scott I hate fights. Everyone treated me poorly as a child . So I'm so sensitive. Crying all the time like a big baby. Love phillipa
I was physically and emotionally beaten as a child. I really don't know how that affected my reaction to conflict, though. It probably added to my wanting to be a people-pleaser. I don't know. I'll have to work on that.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 20:31:24
In reply to Re: No fights-cuz it makes sadness-Not all the time » Phillipa, posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 16:19:01
Scott me too a people pleaser. you've had a rough life. I wonder if anyone has had a Donna Reed one? Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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