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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on August 4, 2004, at 15:10:23
Thank you!
Posted by Kali Munro on August 4, 2004, at 21:47:09
In reply to Munro, can you comment on the thread above?, posted by partlycloudy on August 4, 2004, at 15:10:23
Do you mean the thread about sharing one's vulnerability and not wanting debate, partlycloudy? (I'm feeling a little lost with the threads but am finding my way around!)
I've responded to Dinah's post, and have just read the subsequent posts. I think that emotional sharing and emotionally attuned responses are very different from intellectual debates. I think when debates are brought into a more emotionally-based thread it can feel like intellectualization, or even like the subject has been changed -- they are two very different modes. Both are fine and have their place but don't usually mix well which is what people are saying, I think. I suggest that people ask for what they need and that be honoured.
Kali
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 5, 2004, at 0:18:43
In reply to Re: Munro, can you comment on the thread above?, posted by Kali Munro on August 4, 2004, at 21:47:09
I feel the vunerability and the debate thing are tied together. I just don't think they were in these threads and I apolize for that. What happens is people share their vunerabilities on the psych bd all the time. It's not a debate board in my opinion. Sometimes, someone will come along and target an issue that the posters were discussing for whatever reason.
It's sorta like you and a group of posters are writing about your therapy experiences. A lot of emotions are written down on that board. Someone comes into the thread and states something like, "All that therapy stuff is just plain obsolete and in fact, it will make your conditions worsen." Then they start giving sources. They will say, "This is according to Dr. Ima Crook at the clinic of GivMeAllURCash in Nowhere2b found, California." So, this causes a lot of feelings to arise.
I guess this is what people are calling the debate issue, but I think the original posters felt it was an attack issue. It's when, the posters stop posting whatever they were really sharing and their attention is homed in on the comment. Now the thread shifts to a new arena and the original intent of support, sharing, & education is lost.
So, what is one to do when they feel their are attacked or for that matter the group?
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 5, 2004, at 2:29:01
In reply to Munro, question re: vunerability tied to debate, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 5, 2004, at 0:18:43
"Dr. Ima Crook at the clinic of GivMeAllURCash in Nowhere2b found, California." --was an actual character I played in a skit in nursing school to help educate people about false advertising.;)
Posted by Kali Munro on August 5, 2004, at 21:47:12
In reply to Munro, question re: vunerability tied to debate, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 5, 2004, at 0:18:43
>>>>It's when, the posters stop posting whatever they were really sharing and their attention is homed in on the comment. Now the thread shifts to a new arena and the original intent of support, sharing, & education is lost.
<<<<<
Herein lies the problem of responding to the person who is being inappropriate -- it takes attention away from the orginal poster, members' responses, and the overall supportive tone and turns it into a adversarial thread which is not what you want.This is why I say above (don't ask me where! ;) ) that it can be very effective if everyone together does not respond to those kinds of posts (and I bet you all recognize them) but instead carries on with the supportive tone of the thread. I know that's hard to do but it usually nips the problem in the bud!
>>>>So, what is one to do when they feel their are attacked or for that matter the group?<<<<I think different things can be helpful. I think the first thing to consider is what to do to take care of yourself. Check in with yourself when you feel attacked. How are you feeling? Are you experiencing a shortness of breath? Is your heart racing? Do you feel spacey? Checking in with yourself and acknowledging to yourself or a supportive person how you feel can help you to feel more grounded. I think your first "defense" is always to take care of yourself.
Then, you can do what I suggest above -- not respond -- or you can write how you feel. For example, "I feel unsupported (misunderstood, unseen, etc.) when you so strongly question my treatment...discredit my diagnosis...deny the existence of MPD/DID...and I would like to ask that you not question my treatment...What I'm needing in this thread is understanding for my feelings. Can you provide that kind of response?"
If you feel someone else was unsupported, you could say "If you said....to me I would feel unsupported. I think it would be more helpful if you were understanding of what s/he's going through than question her therapist."
It's real important that once you do respond that everyone keeps the thread on track -- don't let the poster derail your supportive/educational thread.
Kali
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 6, 2004, at 0:50:17
In reply to Re: Munro, question re: vunerability tied to debate, posted by Kali Munro on August 5, 2004, at 21:47:12
That was awesome advice. I deeply appreciate your help. I have trouble with that area. I need to work on expressing my needs.
Posted by Kali Munro on August 6, 2004, at 11:09:20
In reply to Re:thanks, Munro, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 6, 2004, at 0:50:17
You're very welcome shadowplayers (what an interesting name :) It is hard to state our needs isn't it? And yet you were very clear with me about how you saw the problem and what you needed help with. So you see, you can do it. :)
Kali
This is the end of the thread.
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