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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2004, at 10:34:31
In reply to My sis - and an explanation, posted by AuntieMel on August 5, 2004, at 9:53:57
I'm answering on Admin because I think most of my post is probably an Admin thing, not a Psychology Board thing.
I'm glad your sister is doing well.
I'm sorry I haven't yet replied to your email. I hadn't taken offense. I just had a sick migraine last night that I had left too long before treating, so I was laid up. And this morning I'm rushing to get something out.
I do want to say though, that many of us, myself certainly included, have had experiences with exclusion. I was the picked on kid in middle school, 6-9 grade. It made a huge impact on me. I had always been the kid who stuck up for others, yet when it was my time to be tormented no one stuck up for me. Some, who I remember with great gratitude, quietly befriended me. But no one was willing to do what I had done for others. The anger from those years still is with me.
I think, therefore, that different interpretations are possible with the same life experiences and the same set of current circumstances. I tried, I really did, to see the point of view of others. And I really tried to act on that point of view. I know that some people thought I was being hypocritical, but I wasn't. If I was willing to accept that a proposition was possible, I just threw myself totally into acting as if it was. But my ability to put a positive spin on things was pretty much stymied when no apology or words of rapprochement were forthcoming after a remark about colleges handing out degrees for money. I just couldn't, as hard as I tried, find a positive spin on that.
So here we are, coming from a similar background, with similar triggers, and yet coming to a different conclusion as to what the right thing to do was. You concluded that the right thing to do was to support the poster you felt needed support. I concluded that the right thing to do was to support the poster(s) that I felt needed support. Both conclusions were shaped from our memories of exclusion and bullying.
I don't really want to keep this unfortunate series of events alive. But I do want you to know that I bear no bad feelings towards anyone who is doing what they think is right, even if what they think is right is different from what I think is right.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 5, 2004, at 14:23:17
In reply to Re: My sis - and an explanation » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2004, at 10:34:31
I don't want to beat a dead horse, either. And I only keep whacking on the nag because I value your opinion....
Of course, with all the other stuff going on (our friend signing on under 3 names) and the deleted posts as a result of that, it would maybe take someone who was looking for it to see it, because it was subtle.
But I *did* see signs of rapprochement.
In the same thread, though from some of the other posts mixed in there I could see how it would be difficult for him, I saw:
Please don't call me Dear or Shirley.:)
Even without the smiley at the end, that cracked me up. Especially the Shirley part:
Surely you don't believe blah blah blah...
Yes I do and don't call me Shirley.And I saw further signs of reaching out, and reasonableness here, from the same time frame
(although this thread got off to a bad start, it didn't stay there) starting with this post:http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/370857.html
which is an example of what I mean when I say "debate" - as in healthy.
So, I did see hope for a harmonious future.
But I don't anymore. And that makes me sad.
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 10:40:23
In reply to Re: My sis - and an explanation » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on August 5, 2004, at 14:23:17
I suppose what I meant to say was rapprochement towards the poster the remarks had been directed to, in regards to those particular remarks. I'm still not sure why that post wasn't flagged by Dr. Bob, but he moves in mysterious ways, I suppose.
However, I think that all of us have the same purpose in this matter, just different interpretations. And so on my part at least, I have respect for all of those who try to do what they believe is right.
For what it's worth, I believe the blocked poster stated that the intention of her posts was to help Fires, and that her opinion of the Fires situation was similar to yours. While I can't approve of the methods of posting while blocked and posting under numerous names, which has the possibly unintended result of causing confusion and distress on the board as people try to figure out what's going on. And while I understand that you in particular were caused some distress quite inadvertently by myself over the matter. Yet still, I think the poster's intent was to help a poster (Fires) she thought was in need of help. And Fires himself was certainly in no need of protection from "Jack". :)
Sometimes it's hard to read intent from the current page of threads, but you can make inferences from the history of the poster. This poster has a long history of speaking out for posters who have found disfavor on the board.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 11:48:32
In reply to Re: My sis - and an explanation » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 10:40:23
Perhaps it was the "snookums" that got in the way? :D
Shirley it can't be that?
Take care,
gg
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 6, 2004, at 17:11:28
In reply to Re: My sis - and an explanation » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 10:40:23
> I'm still not sure why that post wasn't flagged by Dr. Bob
I'm confused. Which post? Feel free to email me if you'd prefer...
Bob
Posted by AuntieMel on August 6, 2004, at 17:47:08
In reply to Re: My sis - and an explanation » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 10:40:23
Well, the Shirley crack was to GG. Snookums was a good touch back, too.
And I think there was a pretty good rally-round for GG, too. Not that she needed it, judging by her answer;)
Posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 21:37:07
In reply to Re: raproachment - comment GG? » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on August 6, 2004, at 17:47:08
Actually I really needed and appreciated it. I also posted here on Admin how I felt "when reading" the posts in question, although I don't believe I got any response. If I did, it wasn't satisfactory to me. It seemed like no one responded, but I'd have to check to be sure. Admittedly, it was long, but I was hurt and had been keeping it in.
And I don't believe there was ever any further comment from fires, although I don't know that I expected any. I did try to keep it a bit relaxed, but I admit, the snookums was not necessarily meant to be warm and fuzzy. Best I could do at the time. That and wait for Dr. Bob to give a PBC which was never forthcoming. I'm with Dinah on that one.
Take care,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 22:00:10
In reply to Re: why that post wasn't flagged, posted by Dr. Bob on August 6, 2004, at 17:11:28
Dinah,
I think I know which one you are referring to, but I'll let you answer in order to be sure.
Thanks,
gg
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 23:26:16
In reply to Re: why that post wasn't flagged--Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 22:00:10
It was that one. I emailed the links to Dr. Bob, but I wouldn't expect any action at this point GG, even if Dr. Bob reads it the same way. He rarely if ever makes retroactive actions, and the poster has been blocked for another infraction.
But I am truly sorry you were hurt by it.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 7, 2004, at 0:18:02
In reply to Re: why that post wasn't flagged » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 23:26:16
Thank you Dinah. I've always appreciated your support about that.
Take care,
gg
Posted by AuntieMel on August 7, 2004, at 20:11:15
In reply to Re: raproachment - comment GG?, posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 21:37:07
Ouch. Your comeback was so good I didn't realize it had hurt you. Please believe that if I'd known it, I'd have come to your defense even stronger than I did.
I wanted to coach him into civility, but never planned to leave everyone else to fend for themselves.
I feel rotten.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 8, 2004, at 0:40:33
In reply to Re: raproachment - comment GG? » gardenergirl, posted by AuntieMel on August 7, 2004, at 20:11:15
Auntie Mel,
Thanks for the compliment. I think I probably worked a bit harder than usual on certain posts to hide my hurt. That's kind of what I do. So of course you couldn't read my mind to see I was hurt. And I appreciate coming to my defense. It makes me feel accepted and cared for here at Babble. But my hurt was my own.Regarding coaching of fires, just for the record, I have no problem with it, and I assume fires doesn't either. :) I don't tend to view that as taking sides. I think we all tend to latch onto one or two posters for "extra TLC" at times. Because we certainly can't give as much as we would like to all Babblers. There's just too many now.
Take care,
gg
This is the end of the thread.
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