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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 48. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by EmmyS on February 14, 2004, at 8:54:13
Are people allowed to create any user name they want? This person's name is "kewjiller". Not funny. (switch the k and j...)
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040211/msgs/313125.html
Posted by Phil on February 14, 2004, at 9:23:41
In reply to Inappropriate User Name, posted by EmmyS on February 14, 2004, at 8:54:13
No! I'll email Dr Bob. God, what kind of person could post that?
Thank you.
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2004, at 9:28:35
In reply to Re: If I may... » EmmyS, posted by Phil on February 14, 2004, at 9:23:41
Posted by terrics on February 14, 2004, at 19:06:00
In reply to Re: I emailed him already (nm) » Phil, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2004, at 9:28:35
This guy has got to go! terrics
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2004, at 19:13:35
In reply to Re: I emailed him already » Dinah, posted by terrics on February 14, 2004, at 19:06:00
Ummm, only fair to warn you to be careful. One reason I agreed to be deputy is that too often people get civility warnings because of things they say before Dr. Bob has a chance to come by.
So you might want to be proactive, and restate your message a bit. Maybe to something like hoping Dr. Bob will ask for a change in posting name?
Nudge, nudge. :)
Posted by EmmyS on February 15, 2004, at 9:15:34
In reply to Inappropriate User Name, posted by EmmyS on February 14, 2004, at 8:54:13
If it's true that this man has been depressed for 20 years, I would imagine he's pretty angry about all the loss he has experienced in relationships, jobs, family, et. I know that depression can cause one to think emotionally, irrationally...the combination may have led to displacing his anger about his own life difficulties onto other people.
I'm hoping he comes back with a new name, is able to act respectfully towards everyone here, and perhaps can get some help from the many experts in Babble-land. Emmy
Posted by terrics on February 15, 2004, at 10:42:44
In reply to Re: I emailed him already » Dinah, posted by terrics on February 14, 2004, at 19:06:00
Sorry, NOT. as far as I am concerned anti-semitism is a horror. There was no mistake in that handle. Maybe he used it to rile things up. terrics
Posted by Phil on February 15, 2004, at 20:03:20
In reply to Re: Inappropriate User Name, posted by EmmyS on February 15, 2004, at 9:15:34
Emmy, I've been depressed for over 20 years and lose every good thing I touch. Believe me, I've hurt a lot of people out of frustration and have made big mistakes.
Coming from Texas, where one of the most evil hate crimes took place a few years back and was beyond human comprehension, it still burns in my memory.
Evil must not be written off or excused. Out of all the words in this or other languages he could have posted under, look at what he chose.
I find it despicable and sick.
I'm proud of you for reporting it. It was the right thing to do. Listen closely to friends and associates when you're with them. If you hear similar things said, protect yourself and get away from them. If a guy on a first date says all his ex's were________.(Fill in bad name)
Pretend you're sick and ask to be taken home. Evil is all too real and women have suffered as much as anyone. (Fall off pedestal, speech over)Take care of #1.
PhilIf it's true that this man has been depressed for 20 years, I would imagine he's pretty angry about all the loss he has experienced in relationships, jobs, family, et. I know that depression can cause one to think emotionally, irrationally...the combination may have led to displacing his anger about his own life difficulties onto other people.
Posted by EmmyS on February 16, 2004, at 10:18:43
In reply to Re: Inappropriate User Name » EmmyS, posted by Phil on February 15, 2004, at 20:03:20
I don't believe in the concept of evil. I believe that people are the way they are for reasons - people are impacted by their biology, psychology, sociology....not just born evil.
That doesn't mean I think they are not responsible for their actions. If not, we'd all live in chaos.
Since I just can't explain their actions by saying they are simply evil, I'm extremely curious instead. I need to know why they ended up like that. Who were his birth parents? what were they like? and who raised him? what was his home life like? etc.
I work in a psychiatric hospital on an adult trauma unit. Most of my patients are there bacause of what their parents did to them decades ago. Several of them cannot be released because they have the potential to be violent or sexually predatious. So, when I meet someone who is "scarey angry" - I have to ask, why is he the way he is?
Emmy
P.S. And I promise not to date that previous poster. ;-)
Posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 12:08:25
In reply to Re: Inappropriate User Name » Phil, posted by EmmyS on February 16, 2004, at 10:18:43
Emmy, I wholeheartedly agree with your concept that people are not evil. I truly believe all people are good, or have some good in them. My friends say I'm naive. I like to think I'm optimistic :) I'm glad to see someone else shares in that view.... It's nice to know. Thank you for showing me that I'm not alone in believing this. Thanks you so very much. I've been given even more hope :)
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 17, 2004, at 13:12:05
In reply to Re: Inappropriate User Name » EmmyS, posted by Phil on February 15, 2004, at 20:03:20
> This guy has got to go!
>
> terrics> Out of all the words in this or other languages he could have posted under, look at what he chose.
> I find it despicable and sick.
>
> PhilBe aware that there may be posters (sometimes referred to online as "trolls") who try to start arguments and upset others. Of course, not everyone who starts an argument or upsets someone else *intends* to do so. What can be done about trolls? Especially in these situations, it may be best just not to respond. If you do, please be civil. If you want to encourage others not to respond, one civil way to do that is to post something like:
> Different points of view are fine, but sometimes discussions just lead to discord and it may be best just not to respond. One source of more information is: http://members.aol.com/intwg/trolls.htm.
If you have any questions about this or comments about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways to express yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
or post a follow-up here. Thanks,
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2004, at 22:01:32
In reply to Re: please be civil » terrics » Phil, posted by Dr. Bob on February 17, 2004, at 13:12:05
Maybe the guy is Jewish, depressed and suicidal and chose the username ironically. Shame nobody tried to find out.
Posted by karen_kay on February 19, 2004, at 23:22:51
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2004, at 22:01:32
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040211/msgs/313125.html
People did try to help. I can't speak on the matter, or I'll get blocked. But, *I* found the handle to be offensive. Maybe you are right and that's the case, but why stir emotions in people who could potentially help you?
Posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2004, at 15:47:35
In reply to Re: please be civil » alexandra_k, posted by karen_kay on February 19, 2004, at 23:22:51
>but why stir emotions in people who could potentially help you?My thought was that he may not have intended it to be taken that way. He seemed genuine to me with respect to the content of his post. I just thought that a posting saying how it had been interpreted and a polite request to change usernames may have been more appropriate and supportive if in fact it was unintentionally offensive.
Too late now.
I hope he did intend it to be offensive because if not he is probably beating himself up most severely...
Posted by GabbiX2 on February 20, 2004, at 16:17:58
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2004, at 15:47:35
I really doubt that he's so sensitive to people's reactions that he's beating himself up now. If that were the case he probably would not have phrased his post in the way he did.
He mentioned he's been suffering from depression for 20 years now.
That's old enough for an acutely sensitive person to asess how things were likely to go.
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 22, 2004, at 4:40:12
In reply to Re: please be civil » alexandra_k, posted by karen_kay on February 19, 2004, at 23:22:51
> *I* found the handle to be offensive.
Keeping in mind that the idea here is not to post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down, could you please rephrase that? Maybe after taking a look at the section on I-statements in the FAQ?
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Karen_kay on February 29, 2004, at 20:40:25
In reply to Re: please be civil » karen_kay, posted by Dr. Bob on February 22, 2004, at 4:40:12
Sorry Dr. Bob, not being argumentative, but I'm not quite sure how to rephrase that so as to say how I felt about it without insulting or making the person feel put down. I could sit here for an hour and try to rephrase, or I could give some half-a** attempt at another statement, only to be returned with a "Please Rephrase this" comment by you. So, I won't do either.
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 1, 2004, at 13:58:43
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by Karen_kay on February 29, 2004, at 20:40:25
When I was in a similar quandry I emailed Dr Bob and discussed with him that way what might be an appropriate re-phrase.. I explained how I felt, and he suggested how I could reply without me going back on my feelings.
Nikki
Posted by Karen_kay on March 1, 2004, at 16:15:41
In reply to Re: please be civil » Karen_kay, posted by NikkiT2 on March 1, 2004, at 13:58:43
Thanks for the advice. I choose not to accept it, and will take a block for it. My feelings were hurt and I responded. Not out of anger, but out of truthfulness. There's no reason for me to look things up and try to rephrase something as simple as expressing an opinion or emotion. I'd rather be blocked than take it back. And I feel I've done nothing wrong in this matter. Not trying to be difficult, just saying I'm not going to play a cat and mouse game and try to think of ways to rephrase my feelings on the matter. I was offended and still am. I stick with that phrase and will not change it. If it were something else, I would happily abide by the rules and regulations. I just don't see the point in trying to reword something that will have the exact same meaning as what I said in the first place. I took a look at the link Bob provided and understand completely how I could reword the phrase, so as to prevent someone from feeling put down. But, I felt put down and will not try to apologize for what I said. I will use the link in the future and try to word things in a different manner, but on this one I stay with what I said. Sorry, I won't compromise my integrity on this one. I'd rather be blocked. But, thank you for the help. I honestly appreciate it and will consider that if this happens in the future. honestly, I'm not trying to be difficult, but I'm rather blunt and prefer to keep it that way. Saying something in a different way will not change the meaning. I'm just not into censoring my feelings, what little I have....
Posted by gabbix2 on March 1, 2004, at 19:32:47
In reply to Re: please be civil » NikkiT2, posted by Karen_kay on March 1, 2004, at 16:15:41
I admire you for keeping your integrity.
I think we've had to give up too much of ourselves already. The right to say "I'm offended" doesn't seem much to ask.These rules can be an Orwellian nightmare
at times like this.
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 3, 2004, at 0:48:09
In reply to Re: please be civil » NikkiT2, posted by Karen_kay on March 1, 2004, at 16:15:41
> Thanks for the advice. I choose not to accept it, and will take a block for it.
OK, if that's your preference...
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 3, 2004, at 0:52:14
In reply to Karen » Karen_kay, posted by gabbix2 on March 1, 2004, at 19:32:47
> The right to say "I'm offended" doesn't seem much to ask.
That's a nice I-statement, it's fine to say it. :-)
Bob
Posted by gabbix2 on March 3, 2004, at 10:27:15
In reply to Re: Orwellian nightmare, posted by Dr. Bob on March 3, 2004, at 0:52:14
That only underscores my point.
Posted by kid47 on March 3, 2004, at 12:06:26
In reply to Re: Orwellian nightmare, posted by Dr. Bob on March 3, 2004, at 0:52:14
> > The right to say "I'm offended" doesn't seem much to ask.
>
> That's a nice I-statement, it's fine to say it. :-)
>
> Bob>>*I* found the handle to be offensive.
I don't usually post to matters concerning "blocks, PBC's, etc. I find this alleged transgression involving civility "guidlines" to be incomprehensible. The vague and capricious nature of these "guidlines" and their enforcement makes it extremely difficult to express meaningful thoughts and feelings; this to a group with many who already have difficulty expressing themselves. I think most of us try our best to adhere to what I would call a very....."fluid" civility policy. I do find myself on occasion questioning the motives behind the interpretation and enforcement of perceived civility breaches. I understand for any community to exist, there must be some type of protocol established. Possibly there are some of us here who need instruction and supervision on "civil" communication. But there are instances, and this qualifies, when for the life of me, I can't figure out what possible *positive* motivation is behind a decision to block someone from posting. I am not going to rehash the facts of this particular incident. They speak for themselves. I would ask that some rational explanation of how the above posts are mutually exclusive when they appear to me to be expressing identical sentiments. In the past, responses to similar requests have run the gambit from reasonable to feeling dismissive. An attitude of "well, it's my ball and if you don't like the rules go play somewhere else", no matter how "thoughtfully" worded feels to me childish and demeaning. The admission of imperfection in the system does not necessarily justify the imperfection. It would be GREAT if once or twice a year the administration here would just publicly state, "I've reconsidered" with regards to a block. If the administrations concerns are as forthright and altruistic as I believe they are, and not about taking the opportunity to merely demonstrate control and arbitrarily force compliance, this particular instance presents a perfect opportunity to portray that. Many of us, especially those with mental disorders, perceive a stinging sense of unfairness in our world. Wouldn't it be nice if occasionally we were allowed to feel some measure of recourse?!?
These are my thoughts, feelings and perceptions only and are not intended to put anyone down or pressure them in any way. If anyone feels put down, pressured, offended, tortured, assaulted, deceived, hurt, ripped-off, humiliated, slighted, smited, decalcified, clarified, homogenized or is just plain upset by anything I've said here, I am truly
sorry.kid
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 3, 2004, at 19:20:13
In reply to Re: blocked for week » Karen_kay, posted by Dr. Bob on March 3, 2004, at 0:48:09
Oh Karen Kay....I hope you will e-mail me...I miss you.
I am so sorry Karen....
Dr. Bob has the last say in blocking, it's his site, he makes the rules, we just have to live with them and respect them.
I hope you come back to psycho babble.
we are waiting for you.
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