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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by b2chica on September 12, 2012, at 14:46:59
had another episode this morning. ready to leave work.
major shaking and internal...violence. had raged energy. skipped noon adderall, took 600mg gabapentin and .5 mg xanax. feeling better now.
but still 'out of sorts'.
cant focus on any one thing for longer than 30sec to min.
jumping from project to project which would ideally be good if i could accomplish any one thing on any of the projects.i'm tired of med trials and am quite disheartened that my 'go to drug' isn't working very well.
although i was taking generic...
damn cant imagine what i'd be like off all this. i mean...crap.i dont want anything, guess im venting.
but i'm getting exhausted eotionally.
is the drop next?
i thought they said i didnt have BP, i thought psychotic depression? h*ll, who knows right.need my ipod today.
Posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2012, at 15:49:24
In reply to think major mixed episode, posted by b2chica on September 12, 2012, at 14:46:59
I hate to say it but bipolar is what it sounds like. But you do take an antipsychotic. Is a mood stabalizer also on board? Could it be some sort of akathesia? Phillipa
Posted by b2chica on September 12, 2012, at 15:57:20
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode » b2chica, posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2012, at 15:49:24
i know i was just whats the word. rhetorical.
cuz ive been psychotic depression with manic features. but off and on alleged mixed episodes.tried many mood stabilizers (mostly anticonvulsants) none worked thy actually MADE me cycle even if i wasn't before.
ya i'm 99%sure this is a mixed episode. haven't had one this bad in years. i'm starting to see bugs race across my vision today (and last night but only once last night).
just spent 5 min trying to explain a research study that i've been doing for 3 months now and could only seem to get babble out. i'm talking in circles. like i'm translating everything in my head first incoming and outgoinig. lots of internal noise. probably cuz i'm internalizing physicl activity.
at least the Ec50 i uderstand now. it was, oh and the IA, with the studies i rad.
sorry spelling.
ok. so nee to go read some.thanks
Posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2012, at 21:10:02
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode, posted by b2chica on September 12, 2012, at 15:57:20
You don't sound good at all. Did you give your doc a call? I think you should Phillipa
Posted by b2chica on September 13, 2012, at 8:53:02
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode » b2chica, posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2012, at 21:10:02
think i txt'd him about 5 or so times yesterday. if nothing else the number of txt should have aroused his suspicians. but alas i heard nothing. i was surely expecting a call...nothing.
on the other hand. what could he do? if he tells me to go to hospital i wont go. if he suggests med change i'll be non compliant.
there's not a whole lot of choices.hopefly today better.
Posted by b2chica on September 13, 2012, at 9:11:31
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode » b2chica, posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2012, at 21:10:02
feeling pretty good this morning. but right when i got home at 5ish i took zyprexa (name brand 10mg) and 600mg gabapentin, then half hour later took 1mg xanax.
went to bed after got girls tucked in at about 8:30/9:00
woke up about 7:00.today i learned to start taking xanx when feeling that way. seems to help alot.
just makes me really tired is all.
Posted by b2chica on September 13, 2012, at 14:25:04
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode, posted by b2chica on September 13, 2012, at 9:11:31
only 5 hours later than when i wrote the last response and mood miles away.
i feel a sensation of numb and disconnected from my environment. super tired. gray, sad.
already hopeless and feel like pdoc agrees.not suicidal and hope i dont get there because if anywhere as bad as last night, i will surely succeed. or be committed.
if i were single or without kids this would be one of those times i'd check myself into the hospital.
but i'mnot at risk for suicide right now so they prob wouldn't admit me anyway...h*ll even the hospital doenst want me.feeling like total loser.
like radiohead song...the drugs dont work
Posted by jono_in_adelaide on September 13, 2012, at 17:56:52
In reply to mixed episode going down, posted by b2chica on September 13, 2012, at 14:25:04
Taking different pills as the mood strikes you is probably not the path to sucsess, getting a regimen of drug or drugs that you take regularly every day is probably going to be more helpfel, perhaps witha PRN med thrown in for when you need it.
Posted by Chris O on September 14, 2012, at 10:11:06
In reply to mixed episode going down, posted by b2chica on September 13, 2012, at 14:25:04
You most definitely are not a "total loser." In fact, quite the opposite; you are a total champion. You are trying to work and raise children with an incredibly difficult health condition that defies metaphor. I applaud your efforts. It's hard for those without mental illness to understand the mind-boggling difficulty we go through trying to make it through the day, much less trying to make it through the next minute. I can only offer my empathy. But turn that dang Radiohead song off, if you can.
Chris
Posted by B2chica on September 14, 2012, at 10:54:28
In reply to Re: mixed episode going down » b2chica, posted by Chris O on September 14, 2012, at 10:11:06
thank you chris for the support. really needed that today. i dont know about champion but i haven't given up yet.
i didnt need the xanax yesterday as most of neg or pos energy gone. so at 5:30 i took zyperxa, and gabapentin. i went to bed at 7:30 last night (pretty bad when you go to sleep before your 2 yr old...)
anyway i got 11 hours sleep. hard to get up but easier than yesterday. feeling very disconnected again today but not quite as 'heavy' as yesterday.so maybe an upturn ...who knows.
anymore i'm so impatient and am so used to zyprexa turning me around within 24/48 hours that i forget (depending on degree of episode) it can take longer.
the good thing is i'm not as ravenously hungry anymore. now i just dont know when to stop eating. so i'm trying to be logical and before i sit to eat i decide how much i'm going to eat instead of following my hunger cues.i think im going to try to go for a walk in a few min.
thanks again for the nice words.
Posted by B2chica on September 14, 2012, at 11:04:07
In reply to Re: mixed episode going down, posted by jono_in_adelaide on September 13, 2012, at 17:56:52
hi JIA
sorry i may not have been clear. i wasn't really taking pills 'as the mood strikes me' but was using the instructions i've had from pdoc in past. take gaba, if that doesn't work try my xanax. also i normally take two gaba in evening and i only took one so i guess i was messing a bit with them but i knew how tired it would make me.
the xanax is completely PRN.both the gaba and the xanax i have a little leway with as they are specifically to control anxiety. so if i have less anxiety i take less, more i take more.
the xanax is for the rough days, or if i have more physical energy that i need to disperse.i thought i had a pretty good regimen going there but maybe not. who knows, maybe this is just a slight lump in my regimen and i just need to wait it out. i'll give it another week. if i still feel down/or with physical energy (neg or pos) i'll schedulle an appt with pdoc.
thanks
later
b2c
Posted by Chris O on September 14, 2012, at 13:20:55
In reply to Re: mixed episode going down » Chris O, posted by B2chica on September 14, 2012, at 10:54:28
God (or whoever, whatever) knows we all deserve a special blue ribbon prize in the afterlife for having to deal with this dysfunctional circuitry and our painful childhoods (I speak for myself here). Like you (it sounds like, at least), I am tired of the medication treadmill and endless struggles just to make it through the day. But like you, "I haven't given up yet" either, even though I feel like doing so on an almost moment to moment basis. Again, hope things get better.
Chris
Posted by Zyprexa on September 16, 2012, at 21:36:07
In reply to think major mixed episode, posted by b2chica on September 12, 2012, at 14:46:59
I think you should go up on your dose of perphenazine, much higher for a while and continue the dose of zyprexa, untill it starts working again. Thats what I had to do. Also I think the fresher the zyprexa the better it works. I don't stockpile anymore.
Posted by b2chica on September 18, 2012, at 13:44:42
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode, posted by Zyprexa on September 16, 2012, at 21:36:07
are you taking any mood stabilizers?
when i went back on name brand zyprexa (last thurs?)anyway did better. last night i took generics. i'm already feeling in the dumps... course i think part of that is going down on adderall.
i was hesitant to do that but pdoc insisted, as he feels that is the source of my 'shakes'. think that could be accurate.its 1:30. i feel heavy (not just fat but heavy kind of feeling) seems dimmer in here. everything seems confusing to me. i need simple tasks at work. i just want to go home todady.
i get friday off but i wont even feel like doing all that i was supposed to do.and now due to lack of money i need to end my membership at the gym. although i feel guilty paying for it and not going. but i think ive kept it the last few months because it is a place i can run away to.
idk.
life's drudgery yesterday and today.
Posted by b2chica on September 19, 2012, at 9:25:32
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode, posted by Zyprexa on September 16, 2012, at 21:36:07
i suggested going up on perphenazine. pdoc ok'd but only up to 6mg/day.
i hope this is enough to help.
truth be told i hate that i had to go down on my adderall.
but maybe that too is temp.thanks Z
your always helpful to me.
Posted by Zyprexa on September 19, 2012, at 17:17:44
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode » Zyprexa, posted by b2chica on September 18, 2012, at 13:44:42
adderal is a stimulant. I think wellbutrin is making me anxious and shaky. Not sure if I want to stop it though. I think its the source of my energy at work.
I find the generic zyprexa is about as effective as brand. On the other hand I think the generic, particularly teva, has cut my appatite a lot. I've gone from 220 to 195 since starting generic last november.
Do you have health insurance? Many plans offer a free membership to a gym. You can use it at any gym that accepts silver sneakers.
Posted by Zyprexa on September 19, 2012, at 17:26:51
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode » Zyprexa, posted by b2chica on September 19, 2012, at 9:25:32
Personaly I think you should take more like 16mg perphenazine, but I guess thats all you can do. Why did you go down on adderall?
Posted by B2chica on September 24, 2012, at 10:41:33
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode » b2chica, posted by Zyprexa on September 19, 2012, at 17:26:51
was getting bad tremor (i assumed from zyprexa as i've gotten that before) that and stress, but pdoc thought adderall (and my age -grr)
so he wanted to cut from 20TID to 10TID, but i told him due the zyprexa i have a REALLY tough time in the morning and i kinda need it then so he said to just cut the two afternoon ones to 10.
**************************
i'm still feeling a little impulsive but not as bad as before.
i am still spending money i dont have but i think part of that is just normal now. cuz i was able to go to a couple stores this weekend and pick up a bunch of items but left the stores with nothing. where as before i could not have done that.the anger has also subsided. but im so freaking tired all the time now. i'm tempted to give getting off zyprexa for a short stint a try and go back on it if i need to.
maybe with any extra energy i can get up to get to gym again.
Posted by B2chica on September 24, 2012, at 10:44:02
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode » b2chica, posted by Zyprexa on September 19, 2012, at 17:26:51
i didnt know that about the health ins. and the gym.
the one nice thing is due to money i wnet to the gym to cancel membership and the lady was able to put in a 'medical hold' on my membership anywhere from 1-4 months!
so i can keep the membership but dont pay dues for a length of time. that way if i can get off meds and over depression/mixed can get back to the gym i wont have any start up fees and can get back into it.but i'll check with my ins. to see if they would cover even part of it?
THANKS
Posted by Zyprexa on September 25, 2012, at 1:50:30
In reply to Re: think major mixed episode » Zyprexa, posted by B2chica on September 24, 2012, at 10:44:02
no problem! I think the gym does not charge the insurence untill you use the gym. Payes them when you go each time. That way you can use any gym that takes the program.
This is the end of the thread.
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