![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
is the severeity of depressino rated by the duration or the deepness of it?
because i seem to have a day or two here and there that SUCK. today is the worst inlong time. but other days i am fine. yes i had psychological issues going on. husband and i are having problems that he doesnt even notice.
my T now only sees patients on saturdays. as does my pdo..
pdoc doesnt want to listen to my crap. nothing medical that can probablyl be done except euthenasia (only partly joiking)have 2400mb gabapentin
2mg xanax
100 pristiq
60mg adderall
4mg perphenazine.haveing visual oddities for last few days.
extreme sensitive hearing. started wearing earrplugs last night for sleep.i just need someone to listen.
someone to give half a crap.
some one to hug me, telling me i'll beo k.
someone to say...i made a difference in theirlife
someone to say...they would miss me if i died.
i'm so invisible in this life.
invisilbe at work
invisible at home
invisible at churh...keep getting called wrong name, offer to volunteer, have yet to get a phone call.
all i do is cook, clean, get put in my place by my boss at work, get bitched out for spending money whether its $30 or $3. if i pay bills i get yelled out for 'needless spending' ...
i cant take getting kicked in the morning to get woken up with yelling tellimg me to shut the damn alarm off and get the f*ck up.
i grewu up bad circumstances, but all i wished for my kids was a good home, good food and NO yelling...no yelling...no yelling. so far that's all they've lived with. i Hate this. i just want a marriage that is a partnership, give and take. no put downs, no screaming about $3 expenses. no more hating EVERYTHING i like, and put downs to my friends, my work, my 'accomplishments'. and most of all my intelligence. my t and pdoc say i'm very intelligent...after 7 years therapy i finally believe them and am trying to express this especially in front of my children...i think DH is insecure, he berrates me for using..."fancy useless words" and to 'talk normal'.
for a while i was translating in my head, how to talk at work, at home with kids, with husband and with certain relation and with friends.
as you might think this burnt me out. now i'm focusing on work and home translations. i think i'm ok with kids. i do higher level vocabuolary, but i still adapt little if dennis is in ear shot.
i'm ready to die.
i'm suffacating. but i cant....wont leave. i am a GOOD wife. i know that i am. i've never cheated. i cook and clean, i TotALLY take care of our two chidlren. i take care of ALL paperwork, even end of year taxes for both us and our self business.i want to suffocate. i'm not safe. buti dont feel its hospital time. ina way i do. but not now.
i have a birthday party to plan in sept. maybe i'll make an attempt after that.
i need to write paperwork to get things in line., i have time for that.
living will
donar
will
note where all financials are
my work status for my bosses so they know where ive left off.
letters to friends.and i will note here, before it comes to this.
you are and always have been the one place i feel i most belong. ..
thats all ive ever really wanted in life. to belong somewhere.
God help me.thing is i know ny state will change tomorrow.
if it doesnt i will execute my plan. otherwise it will be put on back burner.remember i will write a final not on here so that all you know what happend. not that alot of you know me anyway. ... or care.
i think you care because my name pops up once and a while.
isnt' that sad. the people i listen to most, and read all the time, dont even really know me. yet i feel most connected to you.
i just burn for connection.ok i've writtento much and my eyes just cant see anymore. too bad i have to drive now. gee that d be shame.
i'll try to write badk tojorrw.
by my friends.sorry to trigger anyone. that makes me sadder if ido that.
i cantleave. i dont want togo home. i dont want to get screamed at, bitched at, put down for not doing all the laundry, dishes, play with kids. take care of homework. pointless payment to healthy club that i rarely use (cuz i cant wake my *ss up in the morning to use it) and i have no time at work at bed time for girls seems to take an hour from 8 to 9. then i'm fricken exhausted from non stop work from the time i get OFF work to when i pick up kids and go home to fix dinner feed kids, play pick up toys, bed time routine, teeth, potty, story, sleep.
ah sleep i want to not wake up.
Posted by Tomatheus on August 29, 2012, at 17:52:14
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
B2chica,
I'm really sorry that you're going through a rough patch right now and that things are at the point where you've been having thoughts of ending it all. Although I may not have felt the exact kind of pain that you're feeling now, I sometimes go through periods in which I feel like ending my life is the best way forward, but something always seems to come along to change my mind and give me some hope that I might eventually experience some relief from the worst of the suffering that I experience. For me, that "something" is oftentimes another treatment (usually a supplement) that I haven't tried, but that "something" could really be anything, including but not limited to gaining a new way of looking at things. It may help you to re-examine your plans for making an attempt when you're not in the deepest depths of a bout of depression, but I would recommend sharing your thoughts and feelings with your therapist so you can receive the guidance that you need from somebody who's trained to help others in a crisis or difficult situation. If you can't get a hold of your therapist, you might want to consider calling a suicide hotline and letting the person on the other end of the phone know what your thoughts and feelings have been.
I know that I don't know you too well, but I would most certainly miss your presence here on Psycho-Babble if anything were to happen to you, and I don't think that I would be the only one. I'd also be willing to bet that you make a positive difference in the lives of those around you and that those close to you would lose a dedicated, committed, and hard-working woman if you were to take your life. It definitely sounds like, with all that you do for others, that the world is better off with you being here, and even though you may be suffering badly, you have been and will (hopefully) continue to be a force for good in this world.
In addition to expressing your feelings here on Psycho-Babble, I would definitely encourage you to talk to someone in person, be it your therapist or someone associated with a suicide hotline, and make sure that you stay safe. Again, I'm very sorry that you're hurting, and I hope that the intensity of the depression that you've been experiencing today will be less tomorrow.
Tomatheus
Posted by Meatwood_Flack on August 29, 2012, at 17:54:48
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
Maybe it is hospital time. Maybe you feel like you want to go to sleep and never wake up, but you're still reaching out. You just don't feel like anyone is reaching back. You feel invisible, but you're not, and your life is worth more than the acknowledgment of a spouse with whom things don't seem to be working very well. You can walk away from him, but if you walk away from life, you're also leaving two daughters behind who will never understand and who will carry that with them for the rest of their lives when it wasn't necessary. Maybe it is hospital time.
As a parent, planning birthday parties is an important part of what you do, but even more important is making sure you're around not only for a birthday in September, but the birthdays after that, as well. If you were gone, you would, indeed, be missed, mostly by two little girls who depend on you.
Maybe it is hospital time.
Posted by jono_in_adelaide on August 29, 2012, at 18:41:52
In reply to Re: losing streak, posted by Meatwood_Flack on August 29, 2012, at 17:54:48
Maybe a break in hospital, followed by a course of CBT would help.
It *might* be of benifit to switch the 4mg of perphenazine to 1mg of risperidone - I would give it a try, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I'd say you and your husband neec couples therapy if you are going to stay together.
Posted by Phillipa on August 29, 2012, at 19:08:05
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
B2Chica I may not know you in person but I do care. I have seen how intelligent you are. And such a devoted wife and Mother. I can remember when your Husband said it was okay to have another child. As you wanted one so badly. I know also you have two sweet girls. I know you have had hubby problems for a long time. I understand the fear in leaving. I know as I feel this myself many times. I know the yelling and criticism also. I know what it's like.
You have amazed me with all that you do. Excercise, work, and caring for the girls. Hubby needs to get his own counseling. You are med compliant. True meds can't cure all.
You asked if the length of depression was worse than the depth. I think dept as that is where to me suicidal thoughts come from. But you also said that tomorrow would be better as it usually is.
I feel you need some time for you and you only. Is the hospital somewhere you feel safe and nurtured. As seems like you need some reflection time. And people to bounce thoughts off of. Don't hesitate to continue writing here. We all know each other in a manner of speaking. And I do hear you. Right now I hear your fears. I'm with you. Phillipa
Posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 20:06:03
In reply to Re: losing streak, posted by jono_in_adelaide on August 29, 2012, at 18:41:52
> Maybe a break in hospital, followed by a course of CBT would help.
>
> It *might* be of benifit to switch the 4mg of perphenazine to 1mg of risperidone - I would give it a try, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
>
> I'd say you and your husband neec couples therapy if you are going to stay together.j_i_a,
You wrote the above. I am unsure as to what you want the innitiator of this thread to do. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunbity to respond accordingly.
Lou
Posted by Beckett on August 29, 2012, at 20:16:33
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
You're not invisible here, b2c. Keep writing.
Posted by schleprock on August 29, 2012, at 20:34:20
In reply to Lou's request-ewchalpsurleedy » jono_in_adelaide, posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 20:06:03
Over the past three months, I've had a total of about 23 days (not all contiguous) that haven't sucked.
And this isn't one of them.
I'm just not sure what to say here...
Posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 21:09:16
In reply to Lou's request-ewchalpsurleedy » jono_in_adelaide, posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 20:06:03
> > Maybe a break in hospital, followed by a course of CBT would help.
> >
> > It *might* be of benifit to switch the 4mg of perphenazine to 1mg of risperidone - I would give it a try, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
> >
> > I'd say you and your husband neec couples therapy if you are going to stay together.
>
> j_i_a,
> You wrote the above. I am unsure as to what you want the innitiator of this thread to do. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunbity to respond accordingly.
> Louj_i_a,
Mow let us look at [...switch..to risperdone...nothing to lose eand everything to gain...].
My concerns:
A. Do you want the member to stop the other drug and go get some risperdone from someone or use some previous shelved?
B. Do you want the member to go to their psychiatrist/prescriber and say:
1."someone on 'Dr Bob's" said to try risperdone and stop the drug you have been giving me and I have nothing to lose"
2. " Why have you not been giving me risperdone? One "Dr Bob's", advised me to do that"
3. "Hey, have you been giving me the wrong drug?"
4. "Look, is it not a fact that risperdone can not be harmful because someone on "Dr Bob's" says that I have notheing to lose?"
5. "Look, I have been paying you a lot of money and look at me now. Do you want to give me my money back?"
6. " The stuff you have given me doesn't work. (redacted by respondent)
7. something else
Lou
Posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 21:44:14
In reply to Lou's request-nuttin'tuluz, posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 21:09:16
> > > Maybe a break in hospital, followed by a course of CBT would help.
> > >
> > > It *might* be of benifit to switch the 4mg of perphenazine to 1mg of risperidone - I would give it a try, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
> > >
> > > I'd say you and your husband neec couples therapy if you are going to stay together.
> >
> > j_i_a,
> > You wrote the above. I am unsure as to what you want the innitiator of this thread to do. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunbity to respond accordingly.
> > Lou
>
> j_i_a,
>
> Mow let us look at [...switch..to risperdone...nothing to lose eand everything to gain...].
> My concerns:
> A. Do you want the member to stop the other drug and go get some risperdone from someone or use some previous shelved?
> B. Do you want the member to go to their psychiatrist/prescriber and say:
> 1."someone on 'Dr Bob's" said to try risperdone and stop the drug you have been giving me and I have nothing to lose"
> 2. " Why have you not been giving me risperdone? One "Dr Bob's", advised me to do that"
> 3. "Hey, have you been giving me the wrong drug?"
> 4. "Look, is it not a fact that risperdone can not be harmful because someone on "Dr Bob's" says that I have notheing to lose?"
> 5. "Look, I have been paying you a lot of money and look at me now. Do you want to give me my money back?"
> 6. " The stuff you have given me doesn't work. (redacted by respondent)
> 7. something else
> LouFriends,
Be not deceived. You could lose your life by taking rissperdal. And there is a lot more if you do not kill yourself that could come from risperdal. Like tardive dyskinesia and other neurological life-ruining conditions. And what kind of human being could you turn into if you continue to take mind-altering drugs? Do you really think that taking chemicals that act on your nerves and brain are going to get to the crux of the problem that is cauing your distress?
I am not permitted due to prohibitions to me from Mr Hsiung to post what is the cause and cure here. And if you want to keep trying to find another drug, another hope, then that can be a quest that could take the rest of your life and stil you might not find it. But you could kill yourself before you try all the drugs and all the combinations, for when one rolls the dice long enough, the loosing number will come up.
And you know, I once (redacted by respondent). But I was so much dumber then, I'm smarter than that now.
Lou
http://www.ehealthme.com/ds/risperdal/suicide+ideation
Posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 21:49:25
In reply to Lou's warning-dhajowchur, posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 21:44:14
> > > > Maybe a break in hospital, followed by a course of CBT would help.
> > > >
> > > > It *might* be of benifit to switch the 4mg of perphenazine to 1mg of risperidone - I would give it a try, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
> > > >
> > > > I'd say you and your husband neec couples therapy if you are going to stay together.
> > >
> > > j_i_a,
> > > You wrote the above. I am unsure as to what you want the innitiator of this thread to do. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunbity to respond accordingly.
> > > Lou
> >
> > j_i_a,
> >
> > Mow let us look at [...switch..to risperdone...nothing to lose eand everything to gain...].
> > My concerns:
> > A. Do you want the member to stop the other drug and go get some risperdone from someone or use some previous shelved?
> > B. Do you want the member to go to their psychiatrist/prescriber and say:
> > 1."someone on 'Dr Bob's" said to try risperdone and stop the drug you have been giving me and I have nothing to lose"
> > 2. " Why have you not been giving me risperdone? One "Dr Bob's", advised me to do that"
> > 3. "Hey, have you been giving me the wrong drug?"
> > 4. "Look, is it not a fact that risperdone can not be harmful because someone on "Dr Bob's" says that I have notheing to lose?"
> > 5. "Look, I have been paying you a lot of money and look at me now. Do you want to give me my money back?"
> > 6. " The stuff you have given me doesn't work. (redacted by respondent)
> > 7. something else
> > Lou
>
> Friends,
> Be not deceived. You could lose your life by taking rissperdal. And there is a lot more if you do not kill yourself that could come from risperdal. Like tardive dyskinesia and other neurological life-ruining conditions. And what kind of human being could you turn into if you continue to take mind-altering drugs? Do you really think that taking chemicals that act on your nerves and brain are going to get to the crux of the problem that is cauing your distress?
> I am not permitted due to prohibitions to me from Mr Hsiung to post what is the cause and cure here. And if you want to keep trying to find another drug, another hope, then that can be a quest that could take the rest of your life and stil you might not find it. But you could kill yourself before you try all the drugs and all the combinations, for when one rolls the dice long enough, the loosing number will come up.
> And you know, I once (redacted by respondent). But I was so much dumber then, I'm smarter than that now.
> Lou
> http://www.ehealthme.com/ds/risperdal/suicide+ideationcorrection:
http://www.ehealthme.com/ds/risperdal/suicidal+ideation
Posted by schleprock on August 29, 2012, at 21:50:09
In reply to Lou's warning-dhajowchur, posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 21:44:14
> > > > Maybe a break in hospital, followed by a course of CBT would help.
> > > >
> > > > It *might* be of benifit to switch the 4mg of perphenazine to 1mg of risperidone - I would give it a try, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
> > > >
> > > > I'd say you and your husband neec couples therapy if you are going to stay together.
> > >
> > > j_i_a,
> > > You wrote the above. I am unsure as to what you want the innitiator of this thread to do. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunbity to respond accordingly.
> > > Lou
> >
> > j_i_a,
> >
> > Mow let us look at [...switch..to risperdone...nothing to lose eand everything to gain...].
> > My concerns:
> > A. Do you want the member to stop the other drug and go get some risperdone from someone or use some previous shelved?
> > B. Do you want the member to go to their psychiatrist/prescriber and say:
> > 1."someone on 'Dr Bob's" said to try risperdone and stop the drug you have been giving me and I have nothing to lose"
> > 2. " Why have you not been giving me risperdone? One "Dr Bob's", advised me to do that"
> > 3. "Hey, have you been giving me the wrong drug?"
> > 4. "Look, is it not a fact that risperdone can not be harmful because someone on "Dr Bob's" says that I have notheing to lose?"
> > 5. "Look, I have been paying you a lot of money and look at me now. Do you want to give me my money back?"
> > 6. " The stuff you have given me doesn't work. (redacted by respondent)
> > 7. something else
> > Lou
>
> Friends,
> Be not deceived. You could lose your life by taking rissperdal. And there is a lot more if you do not kill yourself that could come from risperdal. Like tardive dyskinesia and other neurological life-ruining conditions. And what kind of human being could you turn into if you continue to take mind-altering drugs? Do you really think that taking chemicals that act on your nerves and brain are going to get to the crux of the problem that is cauing your distress?
> I am not permitted due to prohibitions to me from Mr Hsiung to post what is the cause and cure here. And if you want to keep trying to find another drug, another hope, then that can be a quest that could take the rest of your life and stil you might not find it. But you could kill yourself before you try all the drugs and all the combinations, for when one rolls the dice long enough, the loosing number will come up.
> And you know, I once (redacted by respondent). But I was so much dumber then, I'm smarter than that now.
> Lou
> http://www.ehealthme.com/ds/risperdal/suicide+ideationI had a very bad experience with Risperdal... I wish you had been there for me.
Posted by jono_in_adelaide on August 29, 2012, at 23:07:14
In reply to Lou's request-ewchalpsurleedy » jono_in_adelaide, posted by Lou Pilder on August 29, 2012, at 20:06:03
j_i_a,
You wrote the above. I am unsure as to what you want the innitiator of this thread to do. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunbity to respond accordingly.
Lou-----> I dont "want" her to do anything, i was offering some suggestions as to what she might choose to do, to wit
- cognifitve beheivioral therapy for her
- a short stay in hospital to rest and be removed from the pressures of home (a week in a nice resort would perhaps do just as well )
- ask her doctor about exchanging her 4mg of perphenazine for 1mg of risperidone to see if it offered any additional benifit
- seek counseling with her husband, who sounds like an inconsiderate pig who needs to change
She might choose to so some of these things, all of them or none of them.
Posted by SLS on August 30, 2012, at 3:26:44
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
Losing streaks come and losing streaks go. You will soon find your way back to a familiar mindset, and continue to work in positive and constructive ways to not only save your own life, but to make it worth living.
Do you want the pain and frustration to end?
1. Suicide might accomplish this, but there is no guarantee that Hell is not waiting for you on the other side.
2. Suicide is guaranteed to put your loved ones through hell.
3. You can continue to explore different treatments. People do get well, even after decades of waiting in agony for a miracle. You need to figure out how to best get through this period.
4. Become involved in psychotherapy and group therapy. These things are to be used as a bridge between now and when you get well. The focus should be looking for tools that help you cope with the depression while you have it. You don't need to have a psychoanalytic psychiatrist peel back the layers of the onion. Besides, severe depression might prevent you from receiving any benefit from such intense introspective approaches.
5. Every now and again, I take inventory of all the blessings I do have despite having had my life stolen from me in such a painful way. I make a gratitude list. I also acknowledge that I was blessed with some sort of temperament that allows me to suffer great pain and the intrusion of negative thoughts, and still manage to walk forward without resentment. Throughout the last 30 years of failed treatments, I remained optimistic. This drove me to dedicate myself to finding a treatment that would breath life into me so that I could become an active participant in my life. Part of the process is to learn to recognize and attend to my own needs because this is what will help bring about the rebuilding of self-esteem.
6. Try to use all of what little God gives you to work with. Use this posture to be positive and constructive. Discover what things are within your capacity to accomplish. The more you work while in this mind set, the less time there is to ruminate over things that you feel that you cannot do. Being realistic is very important so as to prevent the fueling of ruminations about failure. Choose goals that you have a chance at succeeding at. Each success will bring raise your confidence and self esteem. You will accomplish a great deal more by focusing your limited resources on attainable goals, rather than have time slip away on you as you dedicate yourself to projects you are not equipped to succeed at. Choose your battles wisely and cleverly.
7. Have fun. Be silly. Laugh. Nurture your own humor. Since you have not exposed yourself to a drug that produces irreversible clinical side effects, you still have a hell of a lot of brain tissue left to call upon in orderto be silly.
8. Reread this.
- Scott
Posted by Lou Pilder on August 30, 2012, at 4:59:36
In reply to Re: Lou's warning-dhajowchur, posted by schleprock on August 29, 2012, at 21:50:09
> > > > > Maybe a break in hospital, followed by a course of CBT would help.
> > > > >
> > > > > It *might* be of benifit to switch the 4mg of perphenazine to 1mg of risperidone - I would give it a try, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
> > > > >
> > > > > I'd say you and your husband neec couples therapy if you are going to stay together.
> > > >
> > > > j_i_a,
> > > > You wrote the above. I am unsure as to what you want the innitiator of this thread to do. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunbity to respond accordingly.
> > > > Lou
> > >
> > > j_i_a,
> > >
> > > Mow let us look at [...switch..to risperdone...nothing to lose eand everything to gain...].
> > > My concerns:
> > > A. Do you want the member to stop the other drug and go get some risperdone from someone or use some previous shelved?
> > > B. Do you want the member to go to their psychiatrist/prescriber and say:
> > > 1."someone on 'Dr Bob's" said to try risperdone and stop the drug you have been giving me and I have nothing to lose"
> > > 2. " Why have you not been giving me risperdone? One "Dr Bob's", advised me to do that"
> > > 3. "Hey, have you been giving me the wrong drug?"
> > > 4. "Look, is it not a fact that risperdone can not be harmful because someone on "Dr Bob's" says that I have notheing to lose?"
> > > 5. "Look, I have been paying you a lot of money and look at me now. Do you want to give me my money back?"
> > > 6. " The stuff you have given me doesn't work. (redacted by respondent)
> > > 7. something else
> > > Lou
> >
> > Friends,
> > Be not deceived. You could lose your life by taking rissperdal. And there is a lot more if you do not kill yourself that could come from risperdal. Like tardive dyskinesia and other neurological life-ruining conditions. And what kind of human being could you turn into if you continue to take mind-altering drugs? Do you really think that taking chemicals that act on your nerves and brain are going to get to the crux of the problem that is cauing your distress?
> > I am not permitted due to prohibitions to me from Mr Hsiung to post what is the cause and cure here. And if you want to keep trying to find another drug, another hope, then that can be a quest that could take the rest of your life and stil you might not find it. But you could kill yourself before you try all the drugs and all the combinations, for when one rolls the dice long enough, the loosing number will come up.
> > And you know, I once (redacted by respondent). But I was so much dumber then, I'm smarter than that now.
> > Lou
> > http://www.ehealthme.com/ds/risperdal/suicide+ideation
>
> I had a very bad experience with Risperdal... I wish you had been there for me.schleprock,
You wrote,[...I had a very bad experiance with Risperdal...I wish you had been there for me...].
Last year, it is generally agreed on that 42,000 people died from psychotropic drugs. Those that took those drugs prescribed by a doctor/psychiatrist/prescriber did so for many reasons. But what if all the facts were made available before the people took the drugs? Would the 42,000 have died? Why are facts not allowed to be presented here? You see, if the prohibitions to me here by Mr Hsiung were not posted to me years ago, I think that lives could be saved and life-ruining conditions/addictions could have been prevented. And I wish that I could {be there} to the children that peek into this web site after school, but I can not. I wish I could have been there for you before you took that drug and had that bad experiance, and to those that died from taking these drugs.
And to all of you here that advocate others to take mind-altering drugs, just remember who will see your advocation and take it home, home to mommy's medicine box, and take their last drug for you.
And to all of you that advocate to take mind-altering drugs, just remember that the prescriber can give an addicting drug that could kill or give a life-ruinig condition, and do it all with the approval of the government.
And to all of you parents that are trying to make a decision to drug your son, your daughter, or not, I ask that you go to this administartion board and read all of the outstanding requests from me to Mr Hsiung. And if you could do that, then IMHO the life of your child could have a better opportunity to avoid death, for the drugs can cause your child to kill themselves and/or others, even commit mass-murder.
You see, I know how these drugs are made, chemically that is. And I know what is in them. And I know what the fate is of those that take these drugs or give them to others as revealed to me . But there is another prohibition to me here from Mr Hsiung that prevents me from posting that.
Yet today, more children will read the advocating of mind-altering drugs to others here and be prohibited from reading what I could post here due to the prohibitions to me, that IMHHHHO could lead them out of the darkness of depression/addiction and into a new life.
Lou
Posted by gadchik on August 30, 2012, at 6:02:20
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
"May you be safe. May you be thoroughly safe. May you have physical ease. May you have mental ease. May you have comfort and well-being." This is the Buddhist Compassion Prayer that I am hoping for you. Please do whatever it takes to keep you safe.You know that things can feel overwhelming one day and then another day you feel good. Pull anything from your life that you can feel good about and fill your mind with it. To me, this is an emergency, and its crucial for you to tell your doctor what is going on. Please keep us informed. I want the best for you.
Posted by b2chica on August 30, 2012, at 8:29:53
In reply to Re: losing streak » b2chica, posted by gadchik on August 30, 2012, at 6:02:20
i dont know how to respond to you all.
but thank you.
as for Lou..been on risp. did nothing for me. and i would not ever go med free again in my life. meds have done Nothing but help me. though struggles, and some terrible side effects. if i were med free. i'd be dead. as sure as anything.the rest of you. i cant tell you how much i appreciate your responses. i was pretty...well med max'd when i wrote it. i didnt mean to sound like i was having a pity party. but it sounds like it to me.
i went to a work friends office, he was busy and had to leave so he shut the door for me and i just cried...and cried...and cried.
then i drew my emotions in words on a piece of paper using every space on it. and folded it up and gave it to him on his desk.i came back to my office, picked up my things and left to the library. what seems to be my safe haven. i couldnt read, i couldnt write, i couldnt do homework so i just sat with a book, pretended to read and listened to relaxing music, watching children and parents go by.
i remembered all the times i've come there with my girls. i realized that my oldest would have only very little memory of me, and my youngest would have none.
i realized that right now when "daddy" yells at them, IM the one that 'makes it all better'. Im the one that rationally explains what they did wrong and HOW they can change their behavior in the future. I'm the only one that wants our children to go to the parochial school that has Excellent education. and I'm the one that shows our daughters religion and thoughts and cares about others besides ourselves.then i realize...even if i get yelled at, or hated at the moment. That i'm that pillar for the two youngest in our home. that i NEED to withstand certain things, and change what i can.
Thus last night i did not speak but basic needs to DH. Silently moved my things down to the basement. crocheted for 15 min. and zonked out.
...i had the best night sleep of a long time. and it was Not because of all the meds in my system. it was because of the silence of waking up. not worrying about being yelled at or kicked, or pushed over in the middle of the night. no snoring, and no yelling at me in the middle of the night because he found out our daughter had an accident in the bed...
i'm still quite down today. but so far only a little teary, but not near what i was yesterday.
and even though i'm kinda a failure at work these days. i'm going to keep trying.
its all i can do until i loose my job next year.thank you all
for the kind words and support.
and i think this is more psychological than medicine...i think. but who knows.
if it continues then i'll need to get apppt. but maybe a three day weekjend will help too.i really needed my family yesterday...today.
and greatly...YOU all are it.8:30am now, i'll post back later in the day.
b2
Posted by b2chica on August 30, 2012, at 8:33:13
In reply to Re: Lou's request-ewchalpsurleedy, posted by schleprock on August 29, 2012, at 20:34:20
just responding was enough.
i needed to know i wasnt' alone.
that i wanst' invisible as i felt.that i can talk about how i feel without getting thrown into hospital, or reactions of "oh God not again..."
thank you.
Posted by brynb on August 30, 2012, at 9:01:54
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
hang-in there, b2chica. i don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said already, but definitely continue to express how you're feeling.
a break (in the hospital or elsewhere) can be helpful, along with maintaining good sleep patterns and med compliance.
i hope you feel better soon =).
-b
Posted by 10derheart on August 30, 2012, at 12:50:26
In reply to Re: losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 30, 2012, at 8:29:53
b2,
You've never been invisible to me here. I DO think of you sometimes when you haven't posted for a long while because I worry... I've told you that before, but I'll bet it's almost impossible to remember those kind of things when that darkness tries to take over.
Read Scott's post - it's wonderful and I know he is totally sincere.
I love what you wrote in this post. Do you know you are remarkable at self care sometimes? Do you know another poster reading could learn a whole bunch of things they also could do if they have similar marriage issues, etc? What if you are helping others to stay alive one more day? Kinda amazing, isn't it? We really are all connected. Really.
I thank God for Babble, for you, your kids...yes their dad, too, 'because I know he has his good parts...he needs help like the rest of us....but I wish he'd help himself and you more by at least calming the anger.
You matter. So much.
Posted by Lou Pilder on August 30, 2012, at 21:34:37
In reply to Re: losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 30, 2012, at 8:29:53
> i dont know how to respond to you all.
> but thank you.
> as for Lou..been on risp. did nothing for me. and i would not ever go med free again in my life. meds have done Nothing but help me. though struggles, and some terrible side effects. if i were med free. i'd be dead. as sure as anything.
>
> the rest of you. i cant tell you how much i appreciate your responses. i was pretty...well med max'd when i wrote it. i didnt mean to sound like i was having a pity party. but it sounds like it to me.
> i went to a work friends office, he was busy and had to leave so he shut the door for me and i just cried...and cried...and cried.
> then i drew my emotions in words on a piece of paper using every space on it. and folded it up and gave it to him on his desk.
>
> i came back to my office, picked up my things and left to the library. what seems to be my safe haven. i couldnt read, i couldnt write, i couldnt do homework so i just sat with a book, pretended to read and listened to relaxing music, watching children and parents go by.
> i remembered all the times i've come there with my girls. i realized that my oldest would have only very little memory of me, and my youngest would have none.
> i realized that right now when "daddy" yells at them, IM the one that 'makes it all better'. Im the one that rationally explains what they did wrong and HOW they can change their behavior in the future. I'm the only one that wants our children to go to the parochial school that has Excellent education. and I'm the one that shows our daughters religion and thoughts and cares about others besides ourselves.
>
> then i realize...even if i get yelled at, or hated at the moment. That i'm that pillar for the two youngest in our home. that i NEED to withstand certain things, and change what i can.
>
> Thus last night i did not speak but basic needs to DH. Silently moved my things down to the basement. crocheted for 15 min. and zonked out.
>
> ...i had the best night sleep of a long time. and it was Not because of all the meds in my system. it was because of the silence of waking up. not worrying about being yelled at or kicked, or pushed over in the middle of the night. no snoring, and no yelling at me in the middle of the night because he found out our daughter had an accident in the bed...
>
> i'm still quite down today. but so far only a little teary, but not near what i was yesterday.
>
> and even though i'm kinda a failure at work these days. i'm going to keep trying.
> its all i can do until i loose my job next year.
>
> thank you all
> for the kind words and support.
> and i think this is more psychological than medicine...i think. but who knows.
> if it continues then i'll need to get apppt. but maybe a three day weekjend will help too.
>
> i really needed my family yesterday...today.
> and greatly...YOU all are it.
>
> 8:30am now, i'll post back later in the day.
> b2Friends,
It is written here to me,[...if I were med free, i'd be dead as sure as anything...].
Now I want to talk the the {less-confident} people here. Now you might think from reading what is in question here that med-free equals death. I hope that you will look at both sides now.
You see, it is now official by the FDA what I have known for years, that many psychotropic drugs can induce suicide thinking, And it is generally accepted that 42,000 people died last year from psychotropic drugs in one way or another. This means that each month about 3500 people die from these drugs. Now I know just a few that see the caliber of disaster indicated by the deaths from these drugs. Lets see, you have 1000, 2000, 3000, 4000, 5000 6000 deaths from the drugs. Deaths that could mean that we could have those people alive if they did not take those drugs, in less than 2 months. And the beat goes on. You see, the 42000 deaths is from last year, and the year before that there were about 35,000 deaths. Do you see a progression? The more advertising by the drug companies, the more people {ask their doctor} for drugs and I predict that next year there will be 50,000 deaths from these drugs. And the next year 70,000. And if you add up all the years lost due to deaths from psychotropic drugs, the number becomes (redacted by respondent). All those years gone by.
And when you see the lives of children snuffed out by these drugs, drugs that caused them to kill themselves, it becomes a human tragedy. And if anyone tells you that you will die unless you take mind-altering drugs from a psychiatrist/doctor/prescriber, tell them about all those years gone by. Tell them that you want to live. Tell them that those drugs can cause death. Tell them that you do not want a life-ruining condition such as diabetes or tardive dyskinesia. Tell them about it. Tell them that you are {less-confident}, but you are not {less-alive} and thst you want to not die from psychotropic drugs. Tell them that when they tell another to take a psychotropic drug that they could be sentencing them to death. Death by their own hand, death by heart attack, death by serotonin syndrome, death by diabetes, death by liver failure, and if they are alive after years and years of druggin', they could be in a living death. Tell them that (redacted by respondent).
Lou
Posted by Deneb on August 30, 2012, at 22:10:59
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
Hi B2chica,
You sound like you're getting burned out with all the work you do with no appreciation.
Maybe you just need a change of circumstances to get out of your rut, to destress and recouperate.
You need to set some boundaries, divide up the household chores between you and the children. It's not fair that you have to do everything.
You need some "you" time. I would go insane if I had to work non stop from the moment I wake up until I went to bed at night.
When people yell at you, just ignore them. Ignore them until they calm down and speak with you rationally.
Can you take a vacation all by yourself? To regain some footing?
I hope you feel better.
Posted by papillon2 on August 31, 2012, at 7:14:09
In reply to losing streak, posted by b2chica on August 29, 2012, at 15:48:31
I care, b2, and it is evident that many others on PB care for you, too.
What you and your children are experiencing is abuse. There's no two ways about it. Abuse comes in many forms. Constantly yelling at and putting down people such that they feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells is emotional and psychological abuse. It is not ok.
Please get help, not just for you but for your children too.
This is the end of the thread.
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