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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mandra on August 28, 2008, at 18:48:31
I was speaking with my doctor the other day and the topic of "When to disclose" came up.
I work at a job where we do shift work. One of the shifts is a night shift working 6pm-6am. I am Bipolar II with ADD/ADHD. I am very sensitive to sunlight, time changes, etc. I did a six months stint of nights last year and fell into a major depression. I wanted to find out a way to get out of doing another night shift because I didn't want to have a relapse again. However, I have not told anyone I work with (bosses or coworkers) that I am Bipolar. There is still that stigma out there with regards to mental health, and I have noticed its prevalence in my industry. I am Bipolar, Bipolar is not me. I was wondering what anyone thought about when a good time would be, if ever, to disclose to someone in a company that you have an emotional disorder?
Similarly, the same question of disclosure occurs in relationships. I am a firm believer that whomever I am with needs to know that I am Bipolar as it will eventually affect them in the relationship. But when do you tell your significant other this information? The first date, the fifth, after you've been together a year or two? I didn't have an answer, and I don't believe there is only one answer either. It's a hard question and I wanted to put it out there and get some feed back.
Posted by sunnydays on August 28, 2008, at 21:19:20
In reply to When do you disclose?, posted by mandra on August 28, 2008, at 18:48:31
I almost wonder if it would be smart to blame something like seasonal affective disorder (SAD) for the night thing? I'm usually not at all into lying about these things, but it depends how sensitive you think your employer might be. I was just thinking SAD might be more socially acceptable and still covers the truth of what could happen working nights, just in a different way. Anyway, just a guess/suggestion/vote of support.
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on August 28, 2008, at 22:06:32
In reply to Re: When do you disclose? » mandra, posted by sunnydays on August 28, 2008, at 21:19:20
How about a note from your doc to boss saying you have something he comes up with and cannot work nights? I really don't know so personal. Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on August 28, 2008, at 22:14:12
In reply to Re: When do you disclose? » sunnydays, posted by Phillipa on August 28, 2008, at 22:06:32
Sunndays think we posted at the same time mine was to mandra. Sorry. Love Phillipa
Posted by yxibow on August 29, 2008, at 2:43:49
In reply to When do you disclose?, posted by mandra on August 28, 2008, at 18:48:31
> I was speaking with my doctor the other day and the topic of "When to disclose" came up.
> I work at a job where we do shift work. One of the shifts is a night shift working 6pm-6am. I am Bipolar II with ADD/ADHD. I am very sensitive to sunlight, time changes, etc. I did a six months stint of nights last year and fell into a major depression. I wanted to find out a way to get out of doing another night shift because I didn't want to have a relapse again. However, I have not told anyone I work with (bosses or coworkers) that I am Bipolar. There is still that stigma out there with regards to mental health, and I have noticed its prevalence in my industry. I am Bipolar, Bipolar is not me. I was wondering what anyone thought about when a good time would be, if ever, to disclose to someone in a company that you have an emotional disorder?
> Similarly, the same question of disclosure occurs in relationships. I am a firm believer that whomever I am with needs to know that I am Bipolar as it will eventually affect them in the relationship. But when do you tell your significant other this information? The first date, the fifth, after you've been together a year or two? I didn't have an answer, and I don't believe there is only one answer either. It's a hard question and I wanted to put it out there and get some feed back.
It is a hard question, being mentally ill, or I prefer biochemically imbalanced/challenged, whatever. But, and I have trouble with all that too, it can't be something that identifies you. In other words, you are someone who likes, within the limitations of your condition, to do (whatever, skiing), etc, is a person of (x ethnicity), prefers or has no religion, etc. These things all define someone far better than an illness.
I think yes, no, the first date, unless one is severely compromised or finds classifieds with people who also have mental illness problems (which would be curious to see), there's no reason to -- if something odd comes up there are coy ways of making a neutral comment.
Eventually, as someone grows to like you and they seem compassionate you might start to edge into it -- ultimately they will have to know and I know its something I fear (I also have to get by the smaller percentage by being gay and overweight, of suitors) -- I need someone who will understand. But then I need an adult (never mind if I question my own status that way -- that's another story about being an adult child, unrelated), not someone who runs from "issues".
As for work -- its a tricky area, some states and cities offer more protection, but it depends on the size of the business. Ultimately you have to size out your boss and human resources and see how hostile the company really is -- have you asked any of your coworkers, how they have had trouble with HR by the by?You're right, your health ultimately comes first -- I'm not trying to get you layed off, but if sleep issues affect your disorder, which by the way affect a lot of mental illness, and an episode feels strong, I would try to put in honestly that, yes, I have a sleep condition, you can qualify it more if you feel more comfortable, you can say it causes depression or whatever, if that is appropriate, and see if you can get to where you want to.
I'm not sure that they do liason work but you might also want to attend meetings or talk to your local NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) chapter to see if they have workplace information.
-- best wishes
Jay
Posted by WaterSapphire on August 29, 2008, at 4:30:52
In reply to Re: When do you disclose? » mandra, posted by yxibow on August 29, 2008, at 2:43:49
I have to agree with the others as in finding a way so they do not have to know all your personal business. I personally think it should not matter, and that the stigma things still hold to this day are ridiculous. You might just want to get a note even from your regular doctor stating you are not able to work nights due to health reasons, like someone else said. Just your regular pcp. I am not sure legally and under the ADA if they can really dig into that further. Also, going to the ADA (that is if you are in the US), and looking up reasonable accomodations for being disabled might be a good thing to educate yourself on. You do not have to be on disability to be considered to have a disability in light of the law.
Best wishes to you
Chelle
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 29, 2008, at 7:56:39
In reply to When do you disclose?, posted by mandra on August 28, 2008, at 18:48:31
I was on probation at a job back in 97-98, and I did disclose my BP2 to my supervisor, and she snapped back at me.."Jay, I do NOT want to hear anymore about that!". So, one day I had just started Neurontin, and didn't sleep well at night so slept in over my alarm and missed my shift the next morning. I actually got a call back from my boss who would not listen to a word I said. The next morning, I was summoned to the HR office, and told I was being let go. Damn, I could have really went far and taken it to the Human Rights Commission we have here in Ontario, for discrimination, but I was still too depressed and tired. So, silly me just let it go. Today, if that had happened, I would be firing off a lawsuit within the blink of an eye, in front of the Human Rights board. I was just *too* depressed back then to do so. Bastards...ha.
Jay
Posted by Racer on August 29, 2008, at 11:14:50
In reply to When do you disclose?, posted by mandra on August 28, 2008, at 18:48:31
Hard questions, all right...
As far as work goes, there's a balancing act you kinda have to play -- is the benefit of ADA protection stronger than the risk of stigma in the workplace?
My answer would be to disclose the minimum amount to HR only. A note from the doctor saying simply that shift work is not an option for you for health reasons is another good option. (And monkey brain alert -- I just remembered I gotta do something about a jury summons... never mind) If you have a good relationship with your boss, that's an option, too.
My story, not as bad as Jay's, is having had a job very briefly in a bookstore/cafe. I said that I couldn't work in the cafe, due to a history of anorexia -- and was told, "Oh, no, that's OK -- you'll learn just fine, it's easy." I didn't stay for other reasons, but it taught me to have that doctor's note before saying anything.
As for relationships, that has varied for me. I did disclose to my husband early on -- but I was recovering from a severe depression complicated by mononucleosis at 35, AND once we {you know}, I disclosed medications due to sexual side effects. You know, the "I have to take this pill if you want me to scream with delight" talk. And I was in a sort of F-It mode -- "If he runs, then F-It." So, I didn't much care at that point, you know?
Now I'm done. Good luck, great question, and I hope my random thoughts helped in some way...
Posted by copper on August 29, 2008, at 19:12:44
In reply to Re: When do you disclose?, posted by Racer on August 29, 2008, at 11:14:50
I also have thought about this topic. Because I think I was fired from my last job because of my anxiety and depression, which I told my boss. When he let me go I asked if it was because of that, of course he said no.
I have been dating someone for a year and half. He has seen me while I was feeling good and he has seen me when the bottom fell. He tells me it is hard somtimes, and a lot of other men would have run the other way. This hurts me as I feel sometime unworthy and lucky to just have him.
Lots of issues here.
Copper
Posted by mandra on September 2, 2008, at 19:55:34
In reply to When do you disclose?, posted by mandra on August 28, 2008, at 18:48:31
Thank you all so much for your feedback. It has helped me a great deal. Wish you all the best
Posted by bimini on September 3, 2008, at 19:41:13
In reply to Re: When do you disclose?, posted by mandra on September 2, 2008, at 19:55:34
I disclose when I need accomodation to do my job. I have a brain injury and difficulty with light, noise, movement... I need more and longer breaks, can't multitask, get irritated when interrupted.
I have a memory span of about 10 seconds, can't write down a phone # while listening to it, can't write the letter when someone spells it. Can't pick up a conversation when interrupted because I totally forget all that was said before.
I can work if I and an employer can be flexible and openminded. I did not choose this. I am a surviver, a fighter. As long as I focus more on what I can do than anything else, those qualities cast shadows on my faults.
I don't disclose when accomodations cannot be made. It is useless trying to explain my world, I will be this difficult person whether I tell or keep it to myself. In relationships I am upfront. I will say that I have a braininjury and that I am trying to be the best I know how.
bimini
Posted by yxibow on September 8, 2008, at 5:39:41
In reply to Re: When do you disclose?, posted by bimini on September 3, 2008, at 19:41:13
> I disclose when I need accomodation to do my job. I have a brain injury and difficulty with light, noise, movement... I need more and longer breaks, can't multitask, get irritated when interrupted.
>
> I have a memory span of about 10 seconds, can't write down a phone # while listening to it, can't write the letter when someone spells it. Can't pick up a conversation when interrupted because I totally forget all that was said before.
>
> I can work if I and an employer can be flexible and openminded. I did not choose this. I am a surviver, a fighter. As long as I focus more on what I can do than anything else, those qualities cast shadows on my faults.
>
> I don't disclose when accomodations cannot be made. It is useless trying to explain my world, I will be this difficult person whether I tell or keep it to myself. In relationships I am upfront. I will say that I have a braininjury and that I am trying to be the best I know how.
>
> bimini
It pains me to hear this because although there is nothing wrong physically on an MRI, I have problems with light, noise, and movement visually, somatiform.Due to long term Valium use (which was necessary at the time) and psychological issues I have short term memory loss, forget possessions.
I make lists, but then there has to be a list to remind me of a list, and what is there to remind me of that ?
My multitasking has gone way down. I focus on driving and not much else (which of course everyone should do, but this is especially true).
In time maybe things will repair.
Have you tried memantine or any of the dopamine agonist agents even if it is organic ?-- tidings
Jay
Posted by bimini on September 12, 2008, at 9:42:42
In reply to Re: When do you disclose? » bimini, posted by yxibow on September 8, 2008, at 5:39:41
MRIs aren't sensitive enough to pick up damage on a cellular level and EEGs don't pick up electric discharge deep within brain tissue. You know your body best.
For crappy memory I use a Palm. It keeps appointments, addresses, lists, clock ....... other stuff I don't really need, all in one place. I can hand write notes in it and tell it to remind me with an alarm. I can set it to repeat. I even can pick the sound.
A white board and dry erase markers are helpful too. The bathroom wall is a good place, that room is frequently used :) I use a timer to remind me I'm cooking something.
I'm glad you give driving your undevided attention. You are wiser than some numbies on the road, me included.
I was hit by a loaded Mack truck 6 years ago. Recovery is an ongoing process. I am confident that I will never stop improving functions as long as I work on it. My biggest improvement came with what I call 'reality rehab'. While doing things I think I cannot, I am learning ways to compensate and cope.
I have tried Concerta up to double dose (I don't remember what that was) and am taking Provigil 200mg for several years, forgot, have to look up how long exactly. I tried up to 400mg. My neuro advised me not to drink coffee, or black/green tea, because it dehydrates.
Happy thoughts, bimini
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