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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deniseuk190466 on September 4, 2007, at 18:32:15
I'm angry because.
I feel as though I have been cheated out of the last six years.
Chronic Depression is still not seen as a real illness and I think many people see it as being self inflicted in a way. I didn't do this to myself! Well at least I don't think I did.
There are hardly any charities out there for mental health research, how many times do you see people out there with tins collecting for depression, anxiety, OCD etc. I'd start a collection myself but I think I'd be alone what I'd raise would hardly be worth it.
The UK NHS Mental Health pisses me off. They geared towards CBT now for depression and anxiety and yet where I live, there is a waiting time of over a year, I've had to wait over a year to have a treatment that I don't even think will work but I'll give it a try anyway.
This Doctor I sometimes see who sees himself as an expert in Psychiatry, who told me that I wasn't depressed I had a personality disorder because "you are always like this whenever I see you" well that's because when I come and see you I am feeling f*cking depressed, fool.
The same Doctor told me that I was lucky to get CBT at all when I complained to him about the year long wait, like I should be grateful.
When I have complained about feeling suicidal in the past to psychiatrist Secretaries (which hasn't been often), I've been told that the psychiatrist is busy can you ring back another time!
Arrogant, insensitive Professor at Willow View Day Care Centre who told me that I wasn't depressed, just very unhappy and just go live with it really. And when I told him that Zyprexa had helped in the past he said "well so would a so many grams of Cocaine, like I was some sort of junkie looking for a high.
The same Professor told me that what I wanted didn't exist. Oh right so it's unnatural to look forward to things, like holidays, shopping for nice things etc. None of the things which I seem to enjoy anymore!
I'm angry because I wrote to "Depression Alliance" two weeks ago and they haven't even bothered to respond!
I'm angry because I asked my psychiatrist about any trials for new drugs, looking for some hope on the horizon and she just said well she didn't know of any and then when I asked her how she usually found out about trials she just said she didn't. She was never made aware of any trials!
I'm angry because when I go to see my psychiatrist sometimes she's an hour late (through no fault of her own, just because she is so busy) and then when I do get to see her I feel obliged to rush out of guilt because I know somebody else is waiting outside.
I'm angry because I know I am suffering from something but I sometimes doubt it because I'm so used to feeling this way I don't know anything else. If it wasn't for Zyprexa which does make me feel better in a strange kind of way I wouldn't really know any different.
I'm sick of doing temp work and covering for people who are going off on their holls, when am I going to have my holiday.
Maybe I should stop complaining and take a Zyprexa because then I wouldn't feel so angry but I this is how it would be constantly without Zyprexa and I don't know why.I mean if you had a constant headache, hopefully you can take a pill to take the headache away but wouldn't you still want to know what was causing the headache? Or doesn't it really matter.
They were supposed to be doing trials for Deep Brain Stimulation over a year ago in the UK but as far as I know they haven't happened and nobody will say why. Fair enough if it was far too risky and the adverse affects were too great but I have written to Bristol and they don't bother responding either. But then why should they.
At This Willow Care Day Centre they seemed to be of the opinion that for anyone with straight forward depression, medication wasn't the answer and they kept ramming that opinion down people's throats and yet medication gave me 10 years of happiness I never would have had without it! They also seemed to be congratulating themselves on how well this woman was doing but she was only feeling better because she was taking medication and it was working for her!
When I said during group therapy that I didn't seem to enjoy anything, the nurse said "I must be stopping myself from enjoying things!" She was a lovely person as were many of the nurses there but some of the things they came out with just showed me that they had no real understanding of this condition. Maybe I'm wrong though and CBT will prove me wrong when I eventually get to have it.
I know that compared to some countries like third world countries I am very fortunate to live where I live, I do realise that but having said that I don't live in a third world country, and I can't judge things by their standards and just think myself lucky.
Denise
Posted by Larry Hoover on September 4, 2007, at 19:33:13
In reply to I'm angry because............, posted by deniseuk190466 on September 4, 2007, at 18:32:15
I hear you. I'm sorry.
{{{{{Denise}}}}}
Posted by FredPotter on September 4, 2007, at 20:00:12
In reply to I'm angry because............, posted by deniseuk190466 on September 4, 2007, at 18:32:15
Hi Denise round here the only way you can get mental health treatment without being ripped off is if you have a drug or alcohol problem. So you either get a habit or lie your way in, hoping they don't throw you out. If you abuse alcohol they fawn over you, and if you take heroin, well - it's a red-letter day for them, whereas in truth it's partly your own stupid fault for being weak-willed. I don't mean that. It's just that depressed people and mentally ill people in general are seen as the weak-willed ones. What I've done is found a pliable, but not very knowledgeable, doctor who listens to what I want to try next, p/s pad at the ready. My knowledge comes from PB of course
Fred
Posted by Phillipa on September 4, 2007, at 22:10:13
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............ » deniseuk190466, posted by FredPotter on September 4, 2007, at 20:00:12
Gotta walk in the shoes before the understanding comes. Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on September 5, 2007, at 12:19:45
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............, posted by Phillipa on September 4, 2007, at 22:10:13
Denise, I think you have voiced what a lot of people feel. I feel a lot like you do. I think my problems are very deep rooted and no one has ever taken the time or trouble to get at the bottom of them. JUst hand out a pill and move on. I have to confess I hidden them due to my mother's treatment of her problems by professionals and family. It used to be that doctors and the medical profession was out there to help or at least do no harm but now it is so out of control. Everyone likes to be busy. Too busy to help it seems. Depression is hard to treat, hard to disagnosis (I guess, it doesn't seem hard to those of us suffering, in my humble opinion), and maybe not alot of options for doctors etc to give sufferers. Whatever the problems with why they can't help us they don't. I feel like a survivor of shipwreck still adrift in the sea without a hope of land in sight. Oh some days I manage to fool most, I do ok. But deep down where it counts I think I need loads of help, I am so afraid to go seek it because it looks like there really isn't any out there and for right now I am limping along on my shipwreck ok-- right now. I am past angry right now. But 6 months ago I was exactly where you are. So you aren't alone. I am sorry you are so mad but you do have a right. It is shame we can't make all those un-helpful medical professionals feel our pain for a little bit so like Phillipa says "gotta walk in the shoes before the understanding comes". RK
Posted by rvanson on September 5, 2007, at 18:00:52
In reply to I'm angry because............, posted by deniseuk190466 on September 4, 2007, at 18:32:15
> I'm angry because.
>
> I feel as though I have been cheated out of the last six years.
>
> Chronic Depression is still not seen as a real illness and I think many people see it as being self inflicted in a way. I didn't do this to myself! Well at least I don't think I did.
> The UK NHS Mental Health pisses me off. They geared towards CBT now for depression and anxiety and yet where I live, there is a waiting time of over a year, I've had to wait over a year to have a treatment that I don't even think will work but I'll give it a try anyway.
>
> Arrogant, insensitive Professor at Willow View Day Care Centre who told me that I wasn't depressed, just very unhappy and just go live with it really. And when I told him that Zyprexa had helped in the past he said "well so would a so many grams of Cocaine, like I was some sort of junkie looking for a high.
>
> The same Professor told me that what I wanted didn't exist. Oh right so it's unnatural to look forward to things, like holidays, shopping for nice things etc. None of the things which I seem to enjoy anymore!
>
> I'm angry because I know I am suffering from something but I sometimes doubt it because I'm so used to feeling this way I don't know anything else. If it wasn't for Zyprexa which does make me feel better in a strange kind of way I wouldn't really know any different.
>
> I'm sick of doing temp work and covering for people who are going off on their holls, when am I going to have my holiday.
>
>
> Maybe I should stop complaining and take a Zyprexa because then I wouldn't feel so angry but I this is how it would be constantly without Zyprexa and I don't know why.
>
>
> I know that compared to some countries like third world countries I am very fortunate to live where I live, I do realise that but having said that I don't live in a third world country, and I can't judge things by their standards and just think myself lucky.
>
If it makes you feel any better things here in the united states are not much better, unless you have an excellent (and very expensive health care plan that covers mental illness, as many lesser plans do not or are very limited in coverage) health insurance plan.We dont have any national healthcare system for everyone like your NHS, or like most countries do which is why so many people with illnesses they cannot pay for becuase they have no coverage often commit suicide.
Keep coming back and vent your rage here.
It OK, as we know how you feel! {{{{{HUGS}}}}
Posted by deniseuk190466 on September 6, 2007, at 15:53:06
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............ » deniseuk190466, posted by Larry Hoover on September 4, 2007, at 19:33:13
.
Posted by deniseuk190466 on September 6, 2007, at 15:57:55
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............ » deniseuk190466, posted by FredPotter on September 4, 2007, at 20:00:12
Fred,
That's great that you have a Doctor who respects your opinions and ideas. Trouble is I've run out of ideas myself really. The ones I had didn't seem to work.
I don't think alcholics are weak willed at all as I fairly certain that any addiction has it's chemical roots (I know you don't really). I'm lucky that I don't constantly crave alchohol, infact, one glass of wine makes me more depressed than ever. The other night though I actually ventured out and was with some alchoholics for a while and it struck me that although they had been drinking all day and I hadn't had any alchohol at all, they actually seemed more with it than I felt :-)
Denise
Posted by deniseuk190466 on September 6, 2007, at 16:02:36
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............, posted by rskontos on September 5, 2007, at 12:19:45
Yes somebody said to me once it's a pity there isn't such a thing as a depression stimulator which you could use on some of these people, I'm sure that then they would understand the sense of urgency.
I am all for medication, however, as it has always been the only thing that has helped me in the past, just a pity they don't work so well now though.
Anyway, if you are on your shipwreck, I'm by the side clinging to a raft :-) Hopefully, there is beacon of light somewhere leading us back to safety.
Denise
Posted by deniseuk190466 on September 6, 2007, at 16:06:36
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............ » deniseuk190466, posted by rvanson on September 5, 2007, at 18:00:52
Hi,
I do understand what you are saying which is why I do feel a bit ungrateful about complaining about the NHS. I'd dread to think what I'd do about things in the States.
All the more reason for there to be more charities for mental illnesses, depression, anxiety, etc. I have not once ever seen anybody shaking a collection can for depression, pychosis, schitzophrenia.
Denise
Posted by finelinebob on September 7, 2007, at 12:04:57
In reply to I'm angry because............, posted by deniseuk190466 on September 4, 2007, at 18:32:15
You've got a lot of valid reasons to be angry. Probably would make me even more angry.
Here in NYC near a rather busy intersection (Broadway, W72nd and Amsterdam) there is a yellow sign with large black letters that must be painted on the side of a building through atleast ten stories worth of prime advertising wall space:
Depression is a flaw in chemistry, not in character.
It's been there atleast 12 years now, the time I've been in New York. In some ways it's heartening because for those of us with neurological disorders it's like "Yeah, someone out there understands and is trying to make others understand."
Then I come across people like a former HR director at an old job who said, "Oh! You're on Zoloft? I was on that for a few months ... wonderful drug ... you should be back to normal in just a few months."
That's why I try to never describe what I have as an illness. The flu is an illness. Malaria is an illness. You have some biological entity that invades you and with the right chemicals to kill it off or help your body kill it off on itself, you can eradicate the illness. What I got ain't going away. I can mediate its affects through intaking chemicals and through behavioral changes, but it's always going to be with me. So I say I have disorders. By doing so I try to reshape what people think, since typically "disorders" are taken more seriously than illnesses and are often seen as permanent.
I don't know if any of that helps, but for me it helps fight the idea that what's wrong with me is no big deal ... one person at a time.
flb
Posted by deniseuk190466 on September 10, 2007, at 14:41:56
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............ » deniseuk190466, posted by finelinebob on September 7, 2007, at 12:04:57
Hi,
That's brilliant that they actually have that written on the side of a building.
I still see it as an illness though, although sometimes a permanent illness, disorder is true too but that word doesn't quite describe the awful suffering that goes along with anxiety and depression.
I don't know I just wish they knew what causes this, could identify specifiallly what the problems are because until they can do that then they will never be able to find a true cure. At least with parkinsons disease they know that dopamine cells are affected and die. I'm not saying I'd like to have parkingsons disease but they know what they are working on.
Denise
Posted by Needhelp on September 10, 2007, at 15:48:00
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............To finelinebob, posted by deniseuk190466 on September 10, 2007, at 14:41:56
Amen to what you guys are saying. Just dealt with a doc that was not about talking at all. He spent about 10 minutes with each patient just time enough to ask if the meds from the previous visit was working. If the answer was yes then con't for the next month and if no then try this one. If you need to talk to him about the meds during the month it was make an appointment or go to the hospital. If violent call the police. If you and spouse have problems because of the bipolar, it was the same hospital or police and he actually said that many of his patients ended up in divorce and that was not his problem. He was a jerk! The withdrawal from the meds he prescribed were horrible. Now to get enough courage to try again with a different doc.
Posted by finelinebob on September 11, 2007, at 0:30:51
In reply to Re: I'm angry because............To finelinebob, posted by Needhelp on September 10, 2007, at 15:48:00
> ...Now to get enough courage to try again with a different doc.
Remember -- they work for you, not the other way around.
If the new one doesn't treat you right, fire them before you get "invested" in them and find another.
I *almost* did that with my first pdoc, but my pcp convinced me that the relationship we had established was too important to toss out at that particular point in time ... and he was right. Not that that pdoc was all that bad -- he was just a little conservative for me ... he was a good pdoc, but I thought I could find better.
flb
This is the end of the thread.
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