Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 5053

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Is this for me?

Posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57

In reply to for Kwax, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28

I was just put on 25mg of topamax and will go up 25mg every 7 days until I reach 75mg. I have an obsession with food and eating. My Dr. feels that this drug will help with my obsession and help me lose the 50lbs I need to lose to be healthy. Have any of you heard of this being used for obsessions with food?

 

Re: Klonopin and many projects

Posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 9:30:35

In reply to for Kwax, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28

Hi everyone, I finally finished reading the posts, (without my daily soda, or coke as I call it)and am wanting to reply to everyone if that's possible. I don't know.
About the klonopin- I have taken .75mg per night for six years because I have restless leg syndrym, and now it's effecting the rest of my body. (yes, I do have my own ailments <GGG>)(gradma's words again) I think...no pun intended, that it's dulling my memory some. I'm almost 43, and I don't think I should be forgetting things like I am. I don't know if I am addicted, because I take it so my husband and I can both sleep, because I will wake myself and him up with my jerking in the bed. I have taken it on occasion, maybe once or twice for anxiety during the day, and keeps me from blowing-up!!

I always feel much better when I have a project going on......I pretty much depressed when I don't. I am not bipolar, but much of what some of you are describing seems to be how I function. Maybe all of you are just fine? Maybe not bipolar after all? <G> I'm with you all, I have many things going at the same time, and it drives my husband crazy! I thought it was just me, and he was just lazy. Here I go with the "I" sentences.....sorry....but it seems like it get on a roll and go from one thing to another in a frantic pace. Almost in a panic, like it's gotta get done, NOW, and the world will end if it doesn't. The next week or even the next day, I have a diffent outlook and the panic is over until I get another bur up my ***.....and there we go again. Do any of you follow?

SEE? You are all just fine. -L

 

Re: Is this for me?

Posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 10:49:42

In reply to Is this for me?, posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57

Hello,

You may want to go back and read some of the posts from the past eight weeks on Topamax. My daughter started at 25mg am and pm for one week, and increased 25mg every week, for binge eating disorder. She is currently at 225mg and it's just starting to kick in for her (I think). It starts working at different mgs. for different people, as you will find out with the girls that respond. Don't let me discourage you. Everyone on here will say go up slowely, because that will decrease some of the side effects. She went slower than her doctor prescribed, because I LISTENED to the advice of friends I have made on this board. Thank goodness I did. I sounds like you have a good plan and if you stick with titrating at a slower pace things will be fine. You are lucky to have found such a great place for advice and support, keep writing through the good and the bad days. Most of the people have been on topamax longer and will offer more advice, and more therapy than you can get in any office or group around. Nice to meet you. -L

 

Re: for Kwax » rainy

Posted by kwax on November 14, 2004, at 14:47:54

In reply to for Kwax, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28

Thanks for the response. My doc who recommends the topomax is actually Doc/internist who specializes in migraines. He wants me to go on it right away because last time after my daughter was born I had many major headaches - this is to avoid them as much as possible.
I am definitely going to take the advice of everyone here: increase dosage very slowly and keep my eye out for strange side effects.
Thanks again for your help!
Kwax

 

Re: Is this for me?

Posted by redscarlet on November 14, 2004, at 15:09:46

In reply to Is this for me?, posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57

Yes, this anticonvulsant medication is used to treat seizures, headaches, eat disorders, and for mood disorders.

 

Re: Is this for me?

Posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 15:17:10

In reply to Re: Is this for me?, posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 10:49:42

Heady, I sent you a post earlier and it went poof; I'm to lazy to replicate it. And by the way, not to take a dig at stresser's last post where she gave you some excellent advice, I do want to tell you that I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a girl. At 62, I'm probably the oldest woman on this board. (Sorry L if you read this-- my feminist nerve was awake today.) But I'm a newbie at Topamax--I've been on it since very early spring 2003. The only side effects I noticed were those I mentioned to Kwax and they began the moment I went from .25 to .50 mgs about two weeks apart. The food issue, bulimia, wasn't addressed until about 225 or above and that was a happy surprise. I'm not sure what you mean by food obsession. I still read menus, even those in the phone book with fascination. It has, at 300 mgs, curtailed my urge to binge/purge and it's primarily for that reason that I want to stay on this powerful and sometimes nasty drug.

So read everything you can, ask everybody you can and then make up your mind. You can alsys quit if it isn't working and the side effects will resolve, or so a neurologist who hates Topamax told me.

best wishes

rainy

 

Re: adverse effects » merry

Posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:17:43

In reply to Re: adverse effects, posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01

>
> Is it okay that I am having a glass of wine tonight? I'm not a drinker. I just wanted one glass. I'm exhausted.
>
> merry
>
>
With Topomax, as with most AEDs alcohol is not a wise idea...
for one thing as it usually warns on the label of the bottle and with the side effect warning sheets it can intensify the drowsiness effects...
but with Topomax the after effects are awful...
I have a sister-in-law who was prescribed Topomax for the seizure sort of symptoms she has related to a broken back; she quit taking it because of the alcohol thing... she is an alcoholic although she claims she is not as she only drinks beer...
and would not give up the beer for the spasm or whatever it is relief of Topomax even though it worked...
she is the one who warned me about the alcohol effect...
I am not a particularly alcohol inclined person...
the occasional glass of wine with dinner and rarely finish it although I do like the taste of some liqueurs... that almond one comes to mind and another one that I can't remember the name of either... when does this memory thing start to work again?????

at any rate, I forgot about it once and had a glass of white wine with dinner and a liqueur after dinner...
the next day I knew I was dying...went to emerg because I was sure that this was the big one, Elizabeth...
they did too until one of the emerg doctors called the epilepsy clinic and came back to ask if I had imbibed at all the night before...
I will never try that again....
LOL
kat

 

Re: Is this for me? » Heady

Posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:29:38

In reply to Is this for me?, posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57

> I was just put on 25mg of topamax and will go up 25mg every 7 days until I reach 75mg. I have an obsession with food and eating. My Dr. feels that this drug will help with my obsession and help me lose the 50lbs I need to lose to be healthy. Have any of you heard of this being used for obsessions with food?

AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

that is the scream heard all the way from the Canadian north woods...
there is no way you can or should or would even want to increase every seven days
NO MORE OFTEN than at TWO WEEK intervals and then only if your body has adjusted....
that is the only sensible thing my first neurologist had to say other than that this med would help with my migraines and that it had a weight loss side effect...

it can also help with binge eating but it does not work overnight on anything...

I have a tendency to binge...oh my I have more confidence in the people here than in the psychologist I was seeing or in that second excuse for a psychiatrist <GG>
because I never admit to this to anyone...
even my husband doesn't know this one...

used to do the hiding the eating routine...
binge on foods that appealed to me when there was no one around to see when I was really not satisfied with the way things were going...
chocolate and a number of other illegal foods were the comfort foods I craved to make me feel better about myself and I would simply binge for periods of time...
stop at the bakery on the way home and hide wonders of chocolate concoctions and confections and then stuff myself with them and hide the evidence... and I was well into my late twenties when this started...
and it continued off and on until early 2003...
the anti-depressants they used to try and control what everyone thought was depression didn't help as I piled on even more weight...
would go for days without eating to make up for the binges so that I maintained a reasonable appearance for the goldfish bowl...
but then it began to be a real battle between the food and the weight that accompanied the pills...
the topomax has curbed the secret eating and the urge to eat...
don't even want chocolate bars not even the dark chocolate with raspberry filling I saw when I was in one of the specialty shops yesterday...
now that is a first for the CBC and I think it edged the hockey strike off the news...
I have taken to eating one meal a day... chicken mostly with perhaps cauliflower or another vegetable and don't even look at baked potatoes drowning in sour cream... don't want them...

you know, I don't think I like this Topomax very much...
I don't even want lemon meringue pie and we have this old family recipe that calls for a deep dish crust lined with dark baker's chocolate before the lemon goes in....

this is a dangerous drug indeed and not in the way that you people think...
all of a sudden I am eating healthy stuff...
and craving protein....
I wonder if they really examined this drug before letting it into the country???? LOL

I may have been sixty or more pounds heavier...
but oh I had fun before Topomax...
kat

 

Re: Klonopin and many projects » stresser

Posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:39:21

In reply to Re: Klonopin and many projects, posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 9:30:35

> Hi everyone, I finally finished reading the posts, (without my daily soda, or coke as I call it)and am wanting to reply to everyone if that's possible. I don't know.
> About the klonopin- I have taken .75mg per night for six years because I have restless leg syndrym, and now it's effecting the rest of my body. (yes, I do have my own ailments <GGG>)(gradma's words again) I think...no pun intended, that it's dulling my memory some. I'm almost 43, and I don't think I should be forgetting things like I am. I don't know if I am addicted, because I take it so my husband and I can both sleep, because I will wake myself and him up with my jerking in the bed. I have taken it on occasion, maybe once or twice for anxiety during the day, and keeps me from blowing-up!!
>
> I always feel much better when I have a project going on......I pretty much depressed when I don't. I am not bipolar, but much of what some of you are describing seems to be how I function. Maybe all of you are just fine? Maybe not bipolar after all? <G> I'm with you all, I have many things going at the same time, and it drives my husband crazy! I thought it was just me, and he was just lazy. Here I go with the "I" sentences.....sorry....but it seems like it get on a roll and go from one thing to another in a frantic pace. Almost in a panic, like it's gotta get done, NOW, and the world will end if it doesn't. The next week or even the next day, I have a diffent outlook and the panic is over until I get another bur up my ***.....and there we go again. Do any of you follow?
>
> SEE? You are all just fine. -L


Oh L!!! Are you sure you are not living in my body???
I have to go to a sleep clinic in a week or two... one of the reasons they let me out... and I thought it was for good behaviour <g> ... otherwise I would have had to stay in until they could book me into theirs...
they think that restless leg syndrome may be what wakens me at night and then I can't get back to sleep when I waken... and apparently there is sleep apnea... whatever that is and I don't want to know...
of course, they don't care; they will tell me when they feel like telling me, just to burst my bubble...
maybe I will fool them and have one of my let's not sleep tonight nights...

but your project approach sounds quite normal to me LOL (but then what do I know about normal <GG>)
I cannot sit and watch television unless I am reading a book and if possible knitting or doing something with my hands... otherwise it is time wasted...
that drives the other half of the partnership totally out of his mind...
he is the most relaxed individual I know... and I am anything but; I do not know how to relax... it is not in my vocabulary or my behaviour patterns...
we are so mismatched...
I really feel sorry for him at times...
I can't even read a book (when I can read that is :( ) I have one on the go in the bedroom, one in the living room, one in the big shoulder bag I call a purse and he calls a steamer trunk, and one that I can grab at a moment's notice if I think I need to ...
and it is worse since I came home...
I have this wild conviction that I can't explain that drives me to want to use every moment just in case...
right now I am taking a break from decorating the house for Christmas...can't wait any longer...
have to do it now... although we will have a tree decorating party in a week or so...
and another on my birthday...
we have four trees each year...
and I can't wait to have it all out where I can see it and enjoy it and rearrange it until it is perfect... usually the hour before it is time to put it all away
kat

 

Re: adverse effects

Posted by bridgey1128 on November 14, 2004, at 20:16:20

In reply to Re: adverse effects » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 10:22:25

My problem, and I guess this is why I am bipolar II and not whatever your psych pinned whatever you have, is that I get psyched about doing something and then burn out. I can start something but not finish. I think that is the problem with bipolar II. We get excited about doing something and get our spoons in too many pots and then quickly get burned out and lose interest. The excitement is more about being a part of something rather than finishing it I think sometimes. I have no doubt of your creativity. I am very creative too, but like I said, my interest wanes in something that I once was on fire for. Now, being on meds, it's much better. Theatre isn't like that though. I guess because it's a general interest. I guess I am a lot like you though. I don't do something unless I think I will be the best at it. ;) I don't like NOT being. I am quite competitive. Anyway, I am fighting off being sick at the moment so I shall go back to doing that. Hope everyone is doing well and not sick!!

 

Re: adverse effects

Posted by merry on November 14, 2004, at 20:46:41

In reply to Re: adverse effects » merry, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 7:34:50

I didn't finish that glass of wine. I got tired and went to bed. I felt okay the next day. Thanks for your responses, I should know better. Topomax is a crazy med. I should be careful with it anyway. It was heck when I was going up in dose and now I was mixing it with wine. Am I nuts?

Yes, I am on anti-depressant, rainy. 300mg wellbutrin. Keeps my pants up.

Heady, please go up slower. Believe me, 7days is not long enough to adjust to topomax. Give your body at least 2 weeks before going up the next dose.

merry

 

Re: Klonopin and many projects

Posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 20:55:11

In reply to Re: Klonopin and many projects » stresser, posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:39:21

L, I started Klonopin many years ago for the kicking-your-husband-out-of-bed issue. Prozac was the culprit and my legs waved around like sea grass to say nothing of bruising poor David until he complained. You're the first person I've heard speak of taking it for the same reason. Now off the SSRI's, restless leg syndrome has subsided.
What happened was that I developed a tolerance for it so that over the years the dose went from .25 mgs every day to 4 /day for the same effect. Pdoc thought that was adding to depression so off I went quickly, quickly, icky, icky.

Now what does this have to do with your post?

This day is over; I just wanted to say I was glad the see your experience.

goodnight

rainy

 

Re: Is this for me?

Posted by Aussie on November 14, 2004, at 21:05:55

In reply to Re: Is this for me? » Heady, posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:29:38

> > I was just put on 25mg of topamax and will go up 25mg every 7 days until I reach 75mg. I have an obsession with food and eating. My Dr. feels that this drug will help with my obsession and help me lose the 50lbs I need to lose to be healthy. Have any of you heard of this being used for obsessions with food?
>
>
Yes I agree with the other person please make it two weeks rather than just one week. Otherwise the side effects will get you. Been there.
Aussie.

>
> AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
>

 

Re: Is this for me?

Posted by bridgey1128 on November 14, 2004, at 23:56:54

In reply to Re: Is this for me?, posted by Aussie on November 14, 2004, at 21:05:55

I have restless leg syndrome and it only bothers me occasionally. I never knew what it was until a couple of years ago when I saw it mentioned in an article in the newspaper by Dr Donahue, one of those "write in" Dr's. I was like "OH MY GOSH! THAT'S ME!" My husband sleeps like a dead log so he wouldn't notice if I was thrashing around beside him or using a belt sander. It would make no difference to him. :P I just thought, what on earth is wrong with my legs! It felt like bugs were under my skin and I had to move them. It didn't hurt or anything, just was extremely annoying. I just had to keep moving them. Every now and then it will act up and become annoying but it has never been a bad problem. Not enough to have to take medication for it. I think maybe the Topomax has exacerbated it a tad. Not horrendously or anything but I have noticed it more so than I ever have. It occurs maybe 3 times a month or so rather than every other month. Like I mentioned, it's just an annoyance more than anything else so I don't really worry about it. I found out my dad also has RLS. Oh well. I guess I shall go rest my legs....

 

Re: Is this for me?

Posted by lorilu on November 15, 2004, at 2:27:48

In reply to Re: Is this for me?, posted by bridgey1128 on November 14, 2004, at 23:56:54

> I have restless leg syndrome and it only bothers me occasionally. I never knew what it was until a couple of years ago when I saw it mentioned in an article in the newspaper by Dr Donahue, one of those "write in" Dr's. I was like "OH MY GOSH! THAT'S ME!" My husband sleeps like a dead log so he wouldn't notice if I was thrashing around beside him or using a belt sander. It would make no difference to him. :P I just thought, what on earth is wrong with my legs! It felt like bugs were under my skin and I had to move them. It didn't hurt or anything, just was extremely annoying. I just had to keep moving them. Every now and then it will act up and become annoying but it has never been a bad problem. Not enough to have to take medication for it. I think maybe the Topomax has exacerbated it a tad. Not horrendously or anything but I have noticed it more so than I ever have. It occurs maybe 3 times a month or so rather than every other month. Like I mentioned, it's just an annoyance more than anything else so I don't really worry about it. I found out my dad also has RLS. Oh well. I guess I shall go rest my legs....

Hi,
Wow,
you knew you had rls. I don't feel it at all. I only do it while I am sleeping and I never knew why my bottom sheet was ripped off every morning. They finally figured it out when they videotapped me sleeping at the sleep clinic like kat. Interesting, now that I take the Topamax I don't remember the covers moving so much. I'll look tonight. I also have to schedule a followup appointment since I had a surgery for my sleep apnea. It will be interesting to see if I still have rls. I guess I could ask my husband but he is a sound sleeper. :)

goodnight,
lorilu

 

Topamax and depression

Posted by stresser on November 15, 2004, at 6:25:23

In reply to Re: Is this for me?, posted by lorilu on November 15, 2004, at 2:27:48

I think I can remember some of you saying that topamax can cause depression, can you shed some light on that one for me please? My daughter told us last night she is really depressed again. It took about an hour to get that out of her, she will not talk to us at all because she doesn't like to deal with "issues." Is there an anti-depressent that doesn't cause weight gain? I'm thinking welbutrin is the only one that is the "lesser of two evils", but not sure. It seems that we are back in the same situation as before. Things seem to be getting better....WHAM! Was it all a dream? I woke up this morning with such a poor outlook on this situation, and I'm starting to think there really is no end to this. After two years, I really don't think there is going to be a change. Do we just fool ourselves for the sake of getting through the days? -L

 

Re: Topamax and depression » stresser

Posted by rainy on November 15, 2004, at 7:16:47

In reply to Topamax and depression, posted by stresser on November 15, 2004, at 6:25:23

Hi, you're up early too. I don't believe Topamax causes depression, at least for me--it just doesn't work as an antidepresant. All the antidepressants and anticonvulsants have depression in their fine print list of adverse effects. All of the SSRIs, the tricyclics (trofranil, elavil, etc) usually (not always)cause weight gain. I did well on trofranil for periperphal neuropathic pain, but I was on low dose and seriously restricting my diet. I was also 40 something.
Serzone, which is still available in Canada but not in the States, doesn't cause much weight gain. It worked wonders for me until they jerked it off the market and at last visit, Ms. Pdoc refused to prescribe. So I'm on Deseryel, (Trazodone) at 200 mgs, dopey but not yet gaining. Also, as you have read, still depressed.

Lamictal (lamotrignine, not sure if I spelled that right) is a wonder drug for treating bipolar II disorder. It has antidepressant properties as well as mood stabilizing effects and apparently many people do very well on it. It doesn't cause weight gain, according to the literature and my experience. It didn't work for me, but I'm what they call "treatment resistant." Love that nonjudgmental jargon.

For me, 15 was a higly emotionally volatle time. Only M knows: can she differentiate this current depression from the downs of the mood swings she's experienced? It was just Saturday, I think, that she was telling you that her mood is better. Maybe Topamax and Lamictal combined would work although I'm not a doctor and frequently don't know as much as I think I do. Is her doctor a psychiatrist, internist, GP or what, Stresser?

rainy


 

Re: Topamax and depression » stresser

Posted by rainy on November 15, 2004, at 7:28:51

In reply to Topamax and depression, posted by stresser on November 15, 2004, at 6:25:23

I want to change my first sentence in previous post. Of course Topamax can cause depression. "Mood changes" is how that fun thing is usually listed.

Also there's been such a huge uproar over pediatric use of ADs that I really want to hear from you about M's MD--I mean is he a pdoc, GP, what?

There's a wonderful, comfortable informative website about depression and all the meds, uproars etc of its mamagement called McMansweb.com or some such--I'll get back to you on that. This guy, McMan is completely on the consumer's side. He goes to AMA and other physcian gatherings,pharmaceutical conventions, reads extensively and then passes the information he gleans on to us. It's free. You might find that site helpful--I'll get the address this morning.

rainy

 

Re: RLS

Posted by lorilu on November 15, 2004, at 8:36:39

In reply to Re: Is this for me?, posted by lorilu on November 15, 2004, at 2:27:48

> > I have restless leg syndrome and it only bothers me occasionally. I never knew what it was until a couple of years ago when I saw it mentioned in an article in the newspaper by Dr Donahue, one of those "write in" Dr's. I was like "OH MY GOSH! THAT'S ME!" My husband sleeps like a dead log so he wouldn't notice if I was thrashing around beside him or using a belt sander. It would make no difference to him. :P I just thought, what on earth is wrong with my legs! It felt like bugs were under my skin and I had to move them. It didn't hurt or anything, just was extremely annoying. I just had to keep moving them. Every now and then it will act up and become annoying but it has never been a bad problem. Not enough to have to take medication for it. I think maybe the Topomax has exacerbated it a tad. Not horrendously or anything but I have noticed it more so than I ever have. It occurs maybe 3 times a month or so rather than every other month. Like I mentioned, it's just an annoyance more than anything else so I don't really worry about it. I found out my dad also has RLS. Oh well. I guess I shall go rest my legs....
>
> Hi,
> Wow,
> you knew you had rls. I don't feel it at all. I only do it while I am sleeping and I never knew why my bottom sheet was ripped off every morning. They finally figured it out when they videotapped me sleeping at the sleep clinic like kat. Interesting, now that I take the Topamax I don't remember the covers moving so much. I'll look tonight. I also have to schedule a followup appointment since I had a surgery for my sleep apnea. It will be interesting to see if I still have rls. I guess I could ask my husband but he is a sound sleeper. :)
>
> goodnight,
> lorilu
>
> I don't think the Topamax helped! I woke up and my pillow was on the floor, my legs were off the bed and my sheets were off! I also went to bed after 1am so I know I was tired! Guess what, I am still exhausted. Thank goodness for Provigil!

lorilu

 

Re: Topamax and depression

Posted by stresser on November 15, 2004, at 10:21:14

In reply to Re: Topamax and depression » stresser, posted by rainy on November 15, 2004, at 7:16:47

She is seeing a Physchologist and a general MD. They are working together on her situation. I feel uncompfortable asking for medications because I have done it so frequently. I feel like she's on one, and then the other like a turning wheel. He's going to think I'm crazy. Is it worth it to be on anything? -L

 

Re: adverse effects » bridgey1128

Posted by headachequeen on November 15, 2004, at 13:21:02

In reply to Re: adverse effects, posted by bridgey1128 on November 14, 2004, at 20:16:20

> My problem, and I guess this is why I am bipolar II and not whatever your psych pinned whatever you have, is that I get psyched about doing something and then burn out. I can start something but not finish. I think that is the problem with bipolar II. We get excited about doing something and get our spoons in too many pots and then quickly get burned out and lose interest. The excitement is more about being a part of something rather than finishing it I think sometimes. I have no doubt of your creativity. I am very creative too, but like I said, my interest wanes in something that I once was on fire for. Now, being on meds, it's much better. Theatre isn't like that though. I guess because it's a general interest. I guess I am a lot like you though. I don't do something unless I think I will be the best at it. ;) I don't like NOT being. I am quite competitive.

>> Oh, Bridgey I never realised how competitive I was until a few years ago and it suddenly dawned on me that I could not stand to be second to anyone in anything...
I just do not do anything that I do not think I will be better at than the majority of the people doing it...
so maybe I miss out on some of life's experiences but at least I am not disappointed in my performance... <g>

I find that burn out is a constant threat and I also find that there is a risk of a new idea becoming all consuming before the present idea reaches completion...
I need someone to keep me on task...
I am a master of multi-tasking as long as the interest remains high...
as soon as it becomes ordinary and the interest lags, then it is difficult for me to maintain the doing...
when I was teaching and the students were not a challenge it became difficult to get up in the morning and get to work...
why should I bother, there was nothing there to interest me...
when I had students with personality problems or children with extremely high abilities who were easily bored and had to be constantly challenged, then I couldn't wait to be at school and hated to leave as I was constantly planning ways to reach these ones...
one year I had an entire class of brilliant students, in the days when they still 'streamed' students... it was wonderful... I lived and breathed my work...
then when I found my way into open-line radio and talk and information, I hated week-ends... couldn't wait for Monday morning to roll around...
week-ends were a loss to me because I was not at work...
put in eighteen hour days with the greatest of joy because I was so alive in what was I doing...
my identity became what I was doing... and I lost myself in it...
my whole life was this artificial high... and when a particular show went really well I was so high up that I was talking to the man in the moon as I flew past...
I mean, think of it, I was paid to tell people what I thought... got a raise one day for asking a person if she was born stupid or had to work hard to get that way... another caller the same day drove me to ask her if it hurt to be so dense or was it a painless process, probably because her father and mother were fraternal twins...
we were talking about a severely handicapped child whose only reaction was to pain, one whose parents were fighting the provincial govt in an effort to prevent yet another surgical procedure that would prolong his agony... he was mentally handicapped, physically handicapped, blind, deaf, and I forget what else... had a limited time to live and someone thought a shunt of some sort would lengthen his life by a few weeks...
there would be a great deal of pain involved in the surgery and the aftermath and pain was the only sensation to which he reacted...
these two women called in to talk about their nephew in one case and neice in another who were mentally handicapped
The one kept talking about 'it' -- she is the one I asked if she were born stupid...
the other stated that this child was born this way to punish his parents for something they had done and they had to suffer the pain so he had to have the surgery... actually I said a lot more and expected the network owner to strangle me.
Instead he gave me another five an hour on top of the first raise...
apparently the switchboard was lighting up like the milky way with people in support of me...
those days were wonderful...
then the network was sold and sold again and the live people replaced by wire feeds...
all of a sudden I had no identity at all until I found a new gig...
it took me a couple of years to discover me again...
that was the down part and it was so black...
the black hole of Calcutta had nothing on the black hole of me...
it had to be something I had done to cause this and there was no rationalising with me...
I would not go out of the house for months...
try getting a job without leaving your bedroom...
even in radio where they do not have to see you, it is hard to do...

Hey, I never said I was rational...
have to be more than a little irrational, totally off the wall and extremely bizarre to get by in that business....

and ooooohhhhh soooooo competitive.

and that goes for the music field too...
if one does not have that drive there is no way one can get up and sing a role and put it across...
that drive has to be there or one cannot become Thais or Buttercup or Marian the Librarian or anyone else... for that matter, not even one's self I learned eventually

Now if I could just find me these days...

kat

 

Re: Topamax and depression

Posted by bridgey1128 on November 15, 2004, at 13:21:09

In reply to Re: Topamax and depression, posted by stresser on November 15, 2004, at 10:21:14

Is she really depressed? Or just sad and having a bad day. I think we toss around the term "depression" too lightly. Kids are saying they are depressed when they are just having a bad day or something isn't going well. She could be having a depression episode or just sad that Topomax isn't working the way she wants it to. When kids don't talk to us it makes it really hard to know what's what. :( Very frustrating. I really don't think that Topomax CAUSES depression per se in most people. It just doesn't do that well in preventing depression episodes. Since I know what my triggers are for my depressions I just try and steer clear of them and I have found Topomax to be very effective in controlling my hypomania. It hasn't CAUSED my depressions. It just hasn't HELPED them. I think that triggers cause them and people blame the Topomax and then again it might actually cause depression in some people. The side effects vary so much in this drug who can say. It would be hard to say that the Topomax actually caused it though because it depends on that certain individual's past cycles and behaviors etc. I really do think that more so than actually causing depression, it just doesn't control the triggers or the depression that the person is already prone to so it appears to cause it. I have had mighty deep depressions while on Topomax but it hasn't caused them. Sorting through them, I know exactly what caused them, and now that I know what and when, I can better avoid those certain triggers and be more depression free. I guess I am blessed though to know more of what causes my depressions than most people. Psydocs are useless to me because I tell them what they want to hear. I know what I have to do or know what needs to be done, but sometimes you can't do it. That, and it irritates the crap out of me to be analyzed like a bug. When I went to be diagnosed officially as bipolar the psych I saw asked me all the normal questions but when I speak I tend to look around. It has nothing to do with being dishonest, or distracted. I am just an observant person and like to know what is going on in my surroundings. I guess that is paranoia too. He had the most annoying habit of ducking his head into my line of vision, like LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! He couldn't stand the fact that I wasn't looking at him. I was like SHEESH MAN!! I was speaking to him. I wasn't wandering or anything. And when I did look at him, I was looking him straight in the eye. I do that because when I am looking at someone's face I have a hard time visualizing what I am talking about. If I am describing something, I need to look away so I can imagine it. If I am looking at a face, I am reading it, so it becomes distracting to me. I look to the left and right of people, depending on the bigger space for me to visualize what I am speaking about. They say, if you look right you are remembering, you look left you are creating, fabricating, lying. Not with me. Sometimes I even have to close my eyes because I need a whole empty canvas. I enjoy telling stories. Not false ones, I just mean retelling things that have happened. FUnny ones, sad ones, happy ones. Especially the funny ones because I love to make people laugh. Those are the ones I love to act out. Anyway, off to get my son from school...

 

Stresser: GP vs Pdoc

Posted by rainy on November 15, 2004, at 13:25:01

In reply to Re: Topamax and depression, posted by stresser on November 15, 2004, at 10:21:14

When it comes to psychotropic meds, especially in the case of kids and teens, my opinion leans toward consulting the man or woman who theoretically has experience and head knowledge of the drugs. She/he should be in a much better place to know what might work for M and at what dose she should start if only because of the constant flow of drug reps through the office.

This is not to say that there aren't some real doozies out there in professional phsychiatry, but I started with my family guy and he said he was uncomfortable prescribing meds he was unfamiliar with and I should be seeing a shrink. I was embarrasesed. This was for depression mind you--the bipolar part came ten years later.

Living near a city helps--there's anonymity as well as a variety of choices; pediatric and geriatric Pdocs. A herd of Pdocs. What would have been ideal would have been to start with the psychiatrist and then continue with the more familiar (and less expensive) family doctor, but somehow that wasn't an option.

Pros and cons to everything--this is just my opinion.

rainy

 

Re: Is this for me? » lorilu

Posted by headachequeen on November 15, 2004, at 13:29:02

In reply to Re: Is this for me?, posted by lorilu on November 15, 2004, at 2:27:48

I also have to schedule a followup appointment since I had a surgery for my sleep apnea. It will be interesting to see if I still have rls. I guess I could ask my husband but he is a sound sleeper. :)
>

Surgery for sleep apnea??????

now, no one told me about that one....

I think I want a second opinion on this sleep clinic LOL

I have to have surgery on my wrist in January some time as it is...
there is this mess of bone chips or splinters or something woven into some nerves that has to be dealt with and there is all this confusion about it... has to be done because it is painful and interferes with my photography and that is not a thing I wish to have continue...
When I have days with no fog or whatever interfering I want my life back and that includes the cameras.
Yes, I want it ALL and gift-wrapped...
so the bone and nerve mess has to go....
but that means the surgeon and neurologist have to agree on anaesthetic and how and when and all the rest of it...

but surgery for sleep apnea...
do they remove it?? :)
One of the things the doctor wanted to know was if I snored.... of course I don't. Ladies do not snore and I was raised to be a lady...
the dear husband informed that I do indeed snore... and loudly enough that he would rather be in the same room as a jack hammer... it would be quieter except when there is the pause in the snoring and then he has to listen to hear me start breathing again....
well I guess I should be happy he worries that I might not start breathing again except he says that as soon as I start breathing the snoring starts...
I think I want a lawyer....
how could he say such a cruel thing...
and to compare me with a jackhammer!!!!

so maybe they can remove it??????

but seriously, no one mentioned anything following the clinic... I thought this was just one of those things like the stress clinic and that is such a joke....
kat

 

Re: Topamax and depression » stresser

Posted by headachequeen on November 15, 2004, at 13:48:58

In reply to Topamax and depression, posted by stresser on November 15, 2004, at 6:25:23

Do we just fool ourselves for the sake of getting through the days? -L

Deep breaths and a moment of relaxation, then a moment of reality...
nothing builds up overnight and nothing is defeated overnight....
She came a long way in that she was able to tell you that she felt things were changing. She was beginning to have control over the binging and she was feeling better...
WOW and WOW again...
that was a huge step forward...
but there will be steps backward...
then the steps forward will occur again...
and then a step back..
but each time the forward will be sooner and a little further and the backward a little less drastic...

May I enter again into one of my little illustrative memories...
I know. They are endless, but when one gets to my excessive years there has been a lot of memory and with the stuff I have entered into, a lot of doing so even more memories... some of them I hope useful, therefore I share...

for many years we fostered teens in really horrendous emotional shape. For the most part we fostered girls, most of whom had attempted suicide on three or more occasions, most of whom had endured sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse...
These were not the children people were anxious to adopt, although many were permanent wards of the Crown and should someone want to adopt one they were available...
In some cases before the girls became wards of the Crown, there was an effort made to rehabilitate them and return them to the family...
they would live with us for a time set by the court during which time someone was supposedly working with the parent/s and siblings if siblings there were, preparing for the child's return.
Eventually there would be visits arranged.
The first visit was usually here, with the parent/s and other children coming here for a short visit, perhaps a meal...
then the child would go home for an afternoon or a couple of hours, with one of us accompanying or the social worker, usually it was with Mom in attendance. Then a day, then an overnight, then a weekend then every second week-end...

Usually these visits began after the girl had been with us for about three months...
during this time we had exposed her to a different life style, trust and respect and love and security... where the only type of disciplince was discussion-based, where the only physical contact was a hug (we believe a person needs at least four hugs a day to survive, seven to exist and twelve for growth), and where there was time for each child in the house... that is personal time...
I made sure there was time for each child, our own and the foster children on a one-to-one basis as did my husband, and we made time for them as a group and in smaller groups...
sometimes we had four teens and our own three here.. on one occasion we had our own three, two permanent fosters we eventually adopted, and seven others and I still don't know where we put them all... and it was wonderful chaos...

However, when it came time for the ones who were to visit home to start the visiting, we would send 'home' for a week-end a child who had become quite a different child -- not totally healed but changed. (These children came here as a last resort. If they could not make it here it was an institution or group home and some of the workers would actually tell them this... talk about threats...)
They would leave here with different attitudes, in varying stages of healing, more confident, happier and stronger than when they arrive...
at the end of the visit, we would be met by the child who first arrived in our home...
at first it was so discouraging...
I would cry myself to sleep when it was finally safe to leave the child alone that first or second night without fear of her doing something drastic...
What had happened to the happy confident little girl I had said good-bye to at her mother's front door? Who was this moody angry violent creature I brought home with me?
We would start over at the beginning...
and by the time the next visit rolled around we would have our 'daughter' back... and at the end of the visit, we would have to start again...

but as time went on we saw a pattern...
the regression lasted for a shorter time each visit and each time the girl would regress less...
until she could handle the visit better and hold on to her new self better... and handle the difference between 'home' and home...
In most cases we would end up in a conference with the worker and the child and she would tell the worker what was happening when she went 'home' and that would eventually end with the child becoming a permanent ward with a chance for a future...
but the interim was such a struggle for her and for us...

it never became easier to live with even when we began to understand what was happening...

We also found they could handle only so much success then fear would overtake them; this was not my life yesterday and I don't know how to handle this, so I drift back into the known... then in a few days or whatever time was required the child would struggle back to the surface...

success is frightening....

hang in there, Mom

you are both doing well
don't give up

kat


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