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Posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 10:56:42
In reply to Re: topamx » iris2, posted by stresser on October 23, 2004, at 19:23:45
> I think I have my connection, but I had to change eveything including my screen name. What a mess!! At least I have babbl mail now, but i hope I don't get into trouble with Dr. Bob for creating a new profile. Anyway, Everyone---- Things are not going well here, because M has said that the binging isn't stopping. That means the topamax isn't working at 150mg. She is really distressed and wanted me to take her to a hospital. I can't do that, of course. I really don't think there is a doc/phys/therapist that can help her, and she's beside herself. Her cloths are getting way to small, nothing is helping at all. I can't even help her....What do I do? -L
I am wondering if she is on it at the right times and if she is on a high enough dose to quit the food urges...
the food urges and the weight loss was really noticeable my husband says when I was at the higher dose...
and when I go the dosage at the right times it worked better for me...kat
Posted by stresser on October 24, 2004, at 12:23:25
In reply to Re: topamx » stresser, posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 10:56:42
I'm assuming you all figured out it's still me, after all that mess with the babble mail and posting...what a mess. Kat, are you saying you are really depressed? I'm looking to you for the advice, you're supposed to be the rock for us!!! Do you think you need other medication for the depression? I just worry about your seizures and I think those need to be taken care of, as well as the depression. Now for M, this morning she said that for the last three days her eyes felt really scratchy when she put her contacts in her eyes. (last about one hour) I hope the topamax isn't doing that, and it's the need for fresh contacts. I told her to try that and I hope that's it. The ringing in the ears is gone, but her doc. didn't say anything about increasing her dosage in the future. I have ready that it sometimes takes 200mg to get the binge urges to go away. He mind is on food 24/7, even when she isn't hungry. I really wish it were me, instead of her dealing with this. She thinks if she is kept away from food it will go away, but even if she was somewhere where it was controlled she would eventually have to go back to the "real world" and deal with food again. They put those darn vending machines in the schools, and that's one of the problems with her. She just can't stay away from them. We were wondering if maybe there's something else wrong, because I don't see her eat huge amounts. She says she doesn't eat huge amounts when she binges, but she won't be honest and write down everything she is eating. (her trainer wanted her to do that for him) I read an arcticle that says that teenagers underestimate the amount of food they take in, and I'm thinking that may be one problem. I don't think it's her thyroid, because we had it tested. When we were on vacation this summer, she was with us 24/7 (of course), and ate very healthfuly for about 10 days. When we got back home she said she had lost four pounds, and I thought that was a sign that it is the binging. She was taking Lexapro at the time and I think losing was harder on that SSRI. I am weening her off the Wellbutrin, because I don't think it's doing her any favors either. I hope I'm not talking in circles, but I'm trying to get everything down for all of you. Kat, is it sunny in Ontario today? It is here, for once, and I hope that helps my mood. Hang in there, and keep writing those clever posts because it's very intertaining as well as informative. Bridgey- Where have you been? -L
Posted by rainy on October 24, 2004, at 14:54:49
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 24, 2004, at 12:23:25
Alright, I've just lost message # 15--poetry to be sure. I've been dealing with bad passwords, names, registrations, and after a trip to the administrative board which followed a desperate letter to Dr Bob for help, the computer crashed for almost 24 hour hours. You may not know how lucky you are!
Bridgey, aren't you starting rehersals at the beginning of the month? Into the Woods? How's your voice doing? Does the Topamax help you vocal chords relax?
Stresser, I've read a couple of places that talk therapy is sometimes useful in dealing with eating disorders--is this an option that fits in anywhere with your philosophy (or budget--it's so stupid expensive)? Topamax is such a newbie, I think, in treating anorexia/bulemia. By the way, you should have my e-mail address on your babble mail by now. I didn't start losing weight until about 225 mgs.
Iris2, I've babbled you, too, with my e-mail address.
Completely off the wall: What does this symbol mean? <g>
Testing, testing
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 16:44:23
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 24, 2004, at 12:23:25
> I'm assuming you all figured out it's still me, after all that mess with the babble mail and posting...what a mess. Kat, are you saying you are really depressed?
At one point I was being treated for depression as I suffer for seasonal affective disorder... go figure, I live winter but need the light of summer which I really do not enjoy -- there is some sort of personality disorder that needs investigating!!!!
However I have, in addition to all the redhead disorders or whatever they are called and diabetes, epilepsy and migraine. Apparently migraine and epilepsy (taken from something I read recently about a new possible treatment for migraine) the two are related -- at any rate, when the former neurologist learned I had migraine, he prescribed topomax to deal with them and as a supplemental seizure treatment...
there are days when the seizures take over my life and ignore the treatment patterns that I am depressed but not to the point of needing treatment, although I spent a month in hospital after a breakdown... that was a couple of years ago and was released on the understanding that I would see a psychologist for a few years...
he and I met for a year or so... and he kicked me loose with the assurance that if I ever needed him he was only a phone call away...
> I'm looking to you for the advice, you're >supposed to be the rock for us!!! Do you think >you need other medication for the depression?
I don't know about being a rock for anyone, but I do know that I will never again take any antidepressive of any sort. I think they are the most incredibly damaging things in the world...
zombieland invents them to be sure that there is a population. In one of my sessions with the psychologist he mentioned that my mother had done a good job of raising me with her Aberdeen granite philosophy because I never let my guard down and he never saw any sign of emotion...
well I was on these anti-depressants ... as well as a sleeping pill and an aed... so on the way home that day I decided that there would be no more zyprex no more effexor and no more of the sleeping stuff... I just threw them away...
no one told me that it was not how it was done, I just did it, the old Aberdeen granite approach to life... and it worked for me.
I had no problems with it, nothing bothered me about it until I told my doctor who offered to put me on a lesser med to help adjust gradually (this two months after I quit) so there would be no reactions or whatever... I thanked him but pointed out that I would have to have something to help me come off that then... he told me that if someone quit cold turkey it was usually for a medical reason and in hospital under supervision... well, no one told me that either until then... it was done and I was fine and I told him that if he wanted to cut me off as anon-compliant patient I would understand but I no longer wanted to take the stuff.
He had no problem with my not taking as long as I came back to talk if I had problems and as long as I kept going to the psychologist. I had told the psychologist a month earlier. When I told the psychologist about his reaction and how funny I had found it he was rather angry and told me that I had been lucky because other people have terrible times doing that... well, they are not Aberdeen granite... but it did help our sessions and we reached the bottom of the problems I had to solve and that was that...
now my depression days I understand; they annoy me but I can pretty well deal with them and I find that the people here are really helpful, incredible therapy... far better than the silly group sessions in hospital with everyone sitting around looking at the ceiling or the walls and twiddling their thumbs.
That was a great rest, away from the stresses and strains that put me there, but it solved nothing, just increased the meds. What a solution to life's stresses: give more medications.
I keep wondering why psychiatrists exist other than to hand out pills and get bigger pay cheques.
Sorry, Dr. Bob. I know -- no nasty comments, but I do wonder... the psychologist did the work... and without pills...>>I just worry about your seizures and I think those need to be taken care of, as well as the depression.
I think I have found one solution to dealing with them... I cannot read and function when I waken in the morning, but if I take a long nap (from about ten until around three) I am able to read, the nausea goes away, and I am able to walk without the appearance of a drunken sailor... things are looking up...
and I have not had a daytime seizure for two whole days ... I feel like celebrating...
but as I have cut back on coffee and do not drink caffeinated soft drinks or alcohol or eat chocolate or other stimulants... and am cutting back on the stronger proteins such as red meat and pork and and and and.... anyone care to join me in a peanut butter and beansprout sandwich - on whole wheat of course...
>> Now for M, this morning she said that for the last three days her eyes felt really scratchy when she put her contacts in her eyes. (last about one hour)Now here I am an expert as I suffer from dry eyes... they say that if you live with a dog long enough you grow to look like it, in my case I have taken on some of its health problems instead...
I had to have surgery to correct entropion (a mild <s> even a <g> is all right, but stop that laughing <g>) and have had three or four surgeries on each eye for dry eye... and with no immune system... this is the time my body chooses to heal... at the moment I am waiting to be sure that my head won't twitch at the wrong time to go back and have both eyes done again, probably have them cauterised this time as the first time...have her use a product to moisten her eyes at night when she is not using her contacts... one that does not have artificial preservatives.. the best one I know, is oh brother GenteelGel ... do not use the drops as they have the preservative...
this comes from the surgeons.., their recommendation... there is another stuff, a drop but I cannot remember its name...
it is good but I prefer this one, easier to use...
shall think of the other...
whenver she is not using the contacts, irrigate the eyes...
and never use anything that promises to get the red out...
there are several products widely advertised and commonly in use for many years that might as well be replaced with battery acid...
AEDs and topomax and tegretol of course are aeds will dry the eyes a bit... so we fight back with proper and healthy stuff...
It is not a drastic thing and stops after a while... even in dry-eye situations... as long as the stupid things don't heal LOL>>I have ready that it sometimes takes 200mg to get the binge urges to go away. He mind is on food 24/7, even when she isn't hungry.
Then try to help her find other consuming interests.. she needs to find that food is not the only way to solve her problems... if only she could share her problems with you and find a solution with you but we all know that is not in the real world only in the scripted world
>> They put those darn vending machines in the schools, and that's one of the problems with her. She just can't stay away from them.
In Ontario they are legislating the foods and quantities of food that can be in the vending machines... that should be interesting and I was told yesterday that the plan is to take it a step further to control the foods that can be in a lunch that is sent with a child to school...
now that I think is going a lot too far...
>>We were wondering if maybe there's something else wrong, because I don't see her eat huge amounts.
Oh,L., I didn't eat at all in high school and my mother didn't notice... I got up and no one noticed that I didn't eat breakfast before I caught the bus into the city. I grabbed a Pepsi and sometimes ate a few frites with it for lunch and some times just the Pepsi. Often I was involved in school activities so was too late for dinner and no one thought about asking if I had eaten.
I look at photos of myself in high school and think how I would panic if a daughter of mine would press my panic buttons if she looked like that... I do not look like a walking skeleton but I maintained a 94-95 pounds or a little less and was 5'6" so I always looked taller than I was and panicked if I thought I had gained weight... but no one noticed...
my mother would comment if she thought I had gained weight though!
>>She says she doesn't eat huge amounts when she binges, but she won't be honest and write down everything she is eating.Hey, I am supposed to keep a record for the meetings with the nutritionist so we can get things on track with blood sugar and balance my diet to keep it and me happy... and I forget a lot of the time... it is so easy to forget and I am supposed to be a mature responsible adult... well, let's scrap the responsible
>> the Wellbutrin, because I don't think it's doing her any favors either.Seems to me that it is one of the ones they told me would cause weight gain... I know effexor does... balloon time!!!!
I hope I'm not talking in circles, but I'm trying to get everything down for all of you.L., this is where you talk about it and we try to listen and help... and if it is in circles well we can follow the cookie trail... honest... we are able to travel with you and understand...
>Kat, is it sunny in Ontario today? It is here, for once, and I hope that helps my mood.It was sunny and I was thinking it would be a good day for some photography, the end of fall and all that, no matter how rotten I felt... and then I slept through it... and now it is evening...
I missed it all... oh well as they say in my country, tomorrow is another 24 hours
and perhaps the sun will shine again and brighten the day for all of us and I will get those photos..
somewhere there will be some colourful leaves still clinging to a tree and looking beautiful... and I will find that tree and those leaves...
> Hang in there, and keep writing those clever posts because it's very intertaining as well as informative.L, a friend from whom I have not heard in a while e-mailed yesterday to inform me that her sister was diagnosed with epilepsy recently and she (my friend) had decided that her sister and I are not going to let it interfere with our life styles and that, she said, is that...
I shall indeed hang in there... this is not going to get me down... I have felt sorry for myself long enough... time to fight back...
kat the survivor
>
Posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 16:48:13
In reply to Re: topomax, posted by merry on October 24, 2004, at 0:04:45
> > Question for all, hope you can help. I am really desperate! I am now up to 400mg topomax- am feeling calm , but my mood swings are from another planet !!!! Can this be equaled out somehow ?? Then I get myself so damm depressed !
> > Has anyone been there done that?
>
> I am working my way up to 400mg of topomax. I am at 250mg right now. I noticed alot of side effects because my doc had me go up my dose too fast but also noticed that I started to become severly depressed a soon as the increase began. I have been crying alot. I have been calmer because my anxiety and anger seem to have disapated and I am glad about that. But I don't like the depression. I am hoping that maybe when my body adjust to the new dose the depression would ease up. As for the mood swings...well that is also a problem because I would be crying for like 20 minutes then all of a sudden I will be laughing and feeling all better for a while then the sadness would come back. WEIRD. Topomax is supposed to be a MOOD stabalizer. So can anyone out there give NeNe and me some advice? Thanx....merry ps. Thank you stresser for your positive feedback on the other post. You made me focus on my good qualities and made me feel better about myself. I hope things are well with you.
Merry,Are you taking all the topomax at the same time?
how fast are you increasing the dosage?
when are you taking the topomax?
kat
Posted by redscarlet on October 24, 2004, at 17:53:32
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 16:44:23
Well, I just have to say my psychiatrist saved my life and I thank him dearly for that.
Psychiatrists DO help lots of people and save many lives as well.You can track your daily food intake on www.fitday.com. It will keep track of your calories, protein, carbs etc.
You can also put in your daily activity, such as what exercise you do. It's a easy way to keep a log of your eating & exercise.I'm on 450mg of Wellbutrin and it has not caused weight gain, in fact it would be very, very unusual to gain weight on Wellbutrin.
Posted by merry on October 24, 2004, at 19:09:15
In reply to Re: topomax » merry, posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 16:48:13
> >
> > I am working my way up to 400mg of topomax. I am at 250mg right now.
>
> Merry,
>
> Are you taking all the topomax at the same time?
> how fast are you increasing the dosage?
> when are you taking the topomax?
> kat
>I am taking 125mg in the morning and then the other at night. Tonight I will increase to 150mg. I felt better today. I went outside and watched colorful hotair balloons drift across the crisp morning sky and I smiled because it was beautiful. I was enjoying the morning outside of my house. :) merry
Posted by stresser on October 24, 2004, at 19:41:43
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by redscarlet on October 24, 2004, at 17:53:32
This is for everyone: Merry-Thanks for the fittoday.com, I will use it even if she doesn't, because it sounds too easy to keep track of how much protien I get.(I'm sure I don't get enough)
Kat: I will go out and buy the eye gel tonight or tomorrow, it sounds very hopeful that the eye thing will subside. As for M getting her mind on something else, I don't know. Every time I ask her what we can do, she says "I DONT KNOW", for everything. I ask her what she's substituting the food for, and same reply. It's like talking to a wall, and it's tearing my family apart. My husband is fed up with my being so worried about her, and want's me to stop? Yea, I can do that emediatly, right? I finally took half of one of my Klonipin's for anxiety, and it worked very well. I didn't feel groggy, just less anxious. Maybe I will do that when I feel I need too. I don't like relying on pills, and after what you said about ssri's, it re-enforces my wanting to be off them. Does the topamax help with your moods, and well a migraines and seizures? I'm wondering if that will be enough for M?Have a good evening, enjoy your furry friends! -L
Posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 20:14:18
In reply to Re: topomax, posted by merry on October 24, 2004, at 19:09:15
> > >
> > > I am working my way up to 400mg of topomax. I am at 250mg right now.
> >
> > Merry,
> >
> > Are you taking all the topomax at the same time?
> > how fast are you increasing the dosage?
> > when are you taking the topomax?
> > kat
> >
>
> I am taking 125mg in the morning and then the other at night. Tonight I will increase to 150mg. I felt better today. I went outside and watched colorful hotair balloons drift across the crisp morning sky and I smiled because it was beautiful. I was enjoying the morning outside of my house. :) merry
>All right, sports fans, let me riterate this important schedule...
it is vital that you start the dosage in the evening and work up to the first half then start the other half in the morning...
otherwise it is going to cause problems and side effects...Another vital thing to remember is to take Topomax with food...
either with a meal or with a small snack -- a couple of crackers and peanut butter or a small salad or whatever appeals to you, but do not take it without food...Again... start with the evening dosage and build up to the maximum half dose in 25 mg increments by no faster than two week intervals
and take it with food...kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 20:21:20
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 24, 2004, at 19:41:43
> This is for everyone: Merry-Thanks for the fittoday.com, I will use it even if she doesn't, because it sounds too easy to keep track of how much protien I get.(I'm sure I don't get enough)
> Kat: I will go out and buy the eye gel tonight or tomorrow, it sounds very hopeful that the eye thing will subside. As for M getting her mind on something else, I don't know. Every time I ask her what we can do, she says "I DONT KNOW", for everything. I ask her what she's substituting the food for, and same reply. It's like talking to a wall, and it's tearing my family apart. My husband is fed up with my being so worried about her, and want's me to stop? Yea, I can do that emediatly, right? I finally took half of one of my Klonipin's for anxiety, and it worked very well. I didn't feel groggy, just less anxious. Maybe I will do that when I feel I need too. I don't like relying on pills, and after what you said about ssri's, it re-enforces my wanting to be off them. Does the topamax help with your moods, and well a migraines and seizures? I'm wondering if that will be enough for M?
>
> Have a good evening, enjoy your furry friends! -LL, I have not had a migraine since January 2003 and I am loving the reality...
and have to admit now that I think about it that I am far less moody... used to have a lot of mood swings... would wake up in foul moods because I don't want to be where I am... lost a good friend, a lawyer because I had a clause added to my will that I was not to be buried here as no one in his right mind would want to be found dead here... forgot he had been born here and his family goes back for generations ... to these people if you have not at least eight generations buried in the local cemetery (and it had better be the right one) you are an interloper...
I would spend days feeling moody and depressed and make it worse by the choice of music I played and so on... simply because I do not want to be here... when we were married my husband promised to love honour and not live here... and promptly was transferred here...
who said life was fair?
Of this entire country this is probably the only town I truly loathe... if Cleveland is the toilet of the world I know where the cesspit is...but the moody times are definitely less... hmmm have to do something about that; he may think I am starting to like it here...
migraines gone, seizures coming under control, moods under control, but I refuse to learn to like this area...
kat
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 24, 2004, at 20:45:50
In reply to Re: topamx » stresser, posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 20:21:20
WHEW! No I haven't fallen off the planet or everything. This weekend was my son's 7th birthday and my 10 year class reunion so I was a little occupied. MAN you people have been busy typing!! Rainy, no I haven't auditioned for Into The Woods as of yet. That will be in Dec. Annie will run in Nov. INto the Woods will run the end of Feb, beginning of March. I can't ever do a show this time of the year because of working on Christmas music at church. I hope I get into the show. It is a fairly large cast but if I don't get one of the leads, I am not sure I would be right for any of the other roles. They just aren't my personality. Not that I am JUST THAT GOOD or anything. The leads just happen to fit my personality better than say...Cinderella. :P I go to my Dr tomorrow to talk about upping my dosage. Even though I have already upped it. I guess I will see about upping it after this again. I think I need to. We'll see. Well I am off for now. Really tired...didn't get in until 2:30 last night...
Posted by rainy on October 25, 2004, at 4:43:32
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by bridgey1128 on October 24, 2004, at 20:45:50
Well, so you must be still singing, which is cool. Which must mean that your vocal chords are hanging in there, which is also cool. Does the Topamax help them do that? That sounds facetious, but I'm truly curious about this drug we are taking with love and hate.
Our daughter's birthday is in the summer, so we always had state park picnics, and I've completely blocked out what we did for our son, who was born in early January. Now we send a check, which is easier than whatever it used to be. A birthday party for a 7 year old is something of an event, right?
I woke up at 3 this morning, crabby and depressed before I got out of bed. Bummer. Need to finish my Spanish homework, (dang, it's hard!) get ready for two meetings that I volunteered for--nobody made me do it--and be nice to my husband. Then I'll feel better.
I wish I didn't have to take the pills.
That's not meowing--it's stating a fact.
May we all find something funny or lovely
about this day.
rainy
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 25, 2004, at 10:44:47
In reply to Re: topamx » bridgey1128, posted by rainy on October 25, 2004, at 4:43:32
I don't think the Topomax has hurt my voice at all. I don't think it has helped it in anyway, but at least it hasn't hurt it. I don't think I could take a med that would hurt my voice. Considering I sing for my "out" so to speak, I just couldn't do that. I would just be crazy! My vocal range has really been stretched since I joined my band a couple of years ago. I can sing jazzy and more rock stuff in my chest voice and in my lower range but once you put me in my head voice..well it's all over. It's going to come out operatic. However, my chest voice range has risen from an A to an E, which is a HUGE difference! I have to be careful though. There is a difference in stretching your vocal abilities and straining your voice. If you aren't careful, and use MUCHO breath support, you can seriously damage your vocal chords by singing in your chest voice all the time. Hence...Brittney Spears and the like. You have to make sure you open your throat up wise when you do it, otherwise you feel your throat tighten and you get that pinched, naisly, sound that so many pop singers have. I did go to the Dr today about upping my meds and he did once he found out I hadn't had any more relapses of depression, which I haven't. As long as I know what the triggers are, and can avoid them, I do fine. My hypomania had returned, however, so I knew it was time to up the meds. He said that was fine and he upped me to 175(which I had already done but didn't tell him that!) and then in a couple weeks to 200mg. Which I wanted to do anyway. I feel like now maybe the weight loss will start happening for me. At the 175mg dosage I can tell it's slowly starting to happen. I have gone down a couple pounds in the past week but I have also tried to stick to my diet. So...who knows. Maybe it will help me stay on it. I don't care! As long as the weight comes off!! I want to lose at LEAST 30lbs by the time I audition for the show. And I could have another 15-20 off by the start of practices..if I get in. I am so nervous about actually getting cast. I have never been nervous before. I have always assumed I would get a role. SOME role because there has always been an ensemble to fall back on. There is no ensemble in this show. All are pretty much major roles. If I can be Bloody Mary and the Producer who has known me for a good many years comes up to me and tells me she is so proud of me she could just die, then I think I have a fair shake. I know the musical director. He directed the music for Godspell and South Pacific and he absolutely loves my voice and tells me every chance he gets. The obstacle. It's not my favorite director, who has been my director for the past 4 shows I have been in. :( It's the choreographer from Godspell....WHICH! I was on his goodside and he DID like me! So that is a positive note, because once you are on his good side you tend to be there and he likes you. But once you are on his bad side...watch out. HE DOESN'T LIKE TALKING WHILE HE IS DOING SOMETHING...sheesh what is this? 5th grade? He likens it to buzzing bees. I think he is ADD personally. But I digress. My next schedule biggie, is my birthday...Number 28 Maybe I can lose some weight before then too. that would be nice. Hmm number 28 on NOv 28. After that...the auditions. I REALLY hope my cogitive abities aren;t out the window by then. I feel a few are slipping on the 175mg dosage. I hope this passes soon.....
Posted by iris2 on October 25, 2004, at 14:08:03
In reply to Re: maybe back on the board, posted by rainy on October 24, 2004, at 14:54:49
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 25, 2004, at 14:53:55
In reply to Have not figured g out yet, anyone? (nm) » rainy, posted by iris2 on October 25, 2004, at 14:08:03
It means "grin". :) It's short for that.
Posted by stresser on October 25, 2004, at 15:43:15
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by bridgey1128 on October 25, 2004, at 10:44:47
Is the relaps of your depression because you need to increase your topamax dosage? I hope it takes care of depression, because I am taking M off the anxiety causing Wellbutrin. Slowely. Her eyes are sill burning, but even with the eye gel I thin that may happen for a couple of days. I'm really nervous about it, and also about the fact she may not be able to cont. the topamax if it does not get better. As for the singing....I only wish I could carry a tune. You must be phenomenal. I am really wanting to know where this show will be playing, my daughter LOVES musicals, and I'm already assuming you will be in it. How wonderful the topamax is working, and knowing you have this to look forward too, it may just keep your mind off the food even more so. Those pound might just drop off out of sheer excitement!!!! I hope your weekend was exciting with the reunion and birthday (cake) haaaa. That's my reason to have a birthday party. M is at the pdoc as I type this. WE had a farily bad weekend and I hope she comes home feeling better, because her dad seems to be having a hard time with the fact she can't help herself. I feel sorry for her. Bla bla bla......you know the same song and dance. She says the medication is working "a little", whatever that means. I'm sick of this, so sick of it I took her Xanax on Sat. Oh well......it's a beautiful day and I have to go back to the gym for another class. I'm not in the mood at all. Mondays are my loaded days and I'm ready to give some of these up. Ask me tomorrow and I may not feel the same way. I'm still trying to control the world. -L
Posted by rainy on October 25, 2004, at 16:12:45
In reply to Re: Have not figured g out yet, anyone?, posted by bridgey1128 on October 25, 2004, at 14:53:55
about <g> thanks. I was thinking maybe giggle.
I like grin.
rainy
Posted by rainy on October 25, 2004, at 16:51:38
In reply to Re: Have not figured g out yet, anyone? » bridgey1128, posted by rainy on October 25, 2004, at 16:12:45
Bridgey, forgive me for probing, but when you say you feel your cognitive stuff slipping, could you please be more specific? This is what's (among other things) bugging me about going up or down on Topamax. For laziness, I think, I've just not filled my pill box so I sometimes can't remember if I've taken three or 400 mgs and I think it makes a difference in my cognitive fuuntioning and depresion rolling about.
And wow, you've got a lot to keep focused on. You mean you don't want to forget words, or entrances or exits, or pauses, or which notes belong where?
Besides being, shall we say, nice?
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on October 25, 2004, at 16:54:25
In reply to Re: Have not figured g out yet, anyone? » bridgey1128, posted by rainy on October 25, 2004, at 16:12:45
> about <g> thanks. I was thinking maybe giggle.
> I like grin.
> rainy
>It is usually grin and <G> is big grin...
<s> is smile so <S> is big smile
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 25, 2004, at 17:12:00
In reply to Re: topamx » bridgey1128, posted by stresser on October 25, 2004, at 15:43:15
> Is the relaps of your depression because you need to increase your topamax dosage? I hope it takes care of depression, because I am taking M off the anxiety causing Wellbutrin. Slowely. Her eyes are sill burning, but even with the eye gel I thin that may happen for a couple of days. I'm really nervous about it, and also about the fact she may not be able to cont. the topamax if it does not get better. As for the singing....I only wish I could carry a tune. You must be phenomenal. I am really wanting to know where this show will be playing, my daughter LOVES musicals, and I'm already assuming you will be in it. How wonderful the topamax is working, and knowing you have this to look forward too, it may just keep your mind off the food even more so. Those pound might just drop off out of sheer excitement!!!! I hope your weekend was exciting with the reunion and birthday (cake) haaaa. That's my reason to have a birthday party. M is at the pdoc as I type this. WE had a farily bad weekend and I hope she comes home feeling better, because her dad seems to be having a hard time with the fact she can't help herself. I feel sorry for her. Bla bla bla......you know the same song and dance. She says the medication is working "a little", whatever that means. I'm sick of this, so sick of it I took her Xanax on Sat. Oh well......it's a beautiful day and I have to go back to the gym for another class. I'm not in the mood at all. Mondays are my loaded days and I'm ready to give some of these up. Ask me tomorrow and I may not feel the same way. I'm still trying to control the world. -L
L, Mondays are always bad days... so just grab them by the hair and spit in their eyes and tell them they can't get you down... then move on with life...
M will do it... but only if she wants to...
as for her father he has to want to want her to succeed or he will destroy her...
believe me I know. I had a destructive parent...
he was incredibly controlling too, wonder if that has anything genetic in my control problems <g>...
he was used to people following his commands at the drop of his hat and expected me to be the perfect daughter and to follow his orders too... my mother expected me to be the perfect member of her family and to follow her expectations and to fit within her controlled guidelines and both let me know when I did not meet their expectations...
they were never slow to criticize and never interested in praise...
amazing how I became a dog trainer and use the praise method...
I should be using the yelling and screaming at the dog method...
but I insist that the dog be set up for praise method no matter what... I know how it feels to be criticised when one has done one's best to succeed and no one has noticed...
to be in the first year in a new school and try for a role in the chorus in the school musical and come home with the lead instead only to be told that a cousin is dancing in Nutcracker Suite in Massey Hall... well whoopdee doo... all those kids get to do is fill the stage because they need kids on the stage but has anyone noticed???
of course not...
positive reaction will help... I swear it will so make him sit up and take notice... she needs his positive help...
and that may be the problem
she may be doing anything she can to get his notice...
I did anything at all... from shooting to singing to back-packing to rappelling or however it is spelled to photography... and I was a better shot and I was better at rappelling (both part of his job of course) and I toook to camping and hiking and canoeing and back-packing and to survival training, another part of his job like I was meant for it... and he still didn't notice me other than to point out the flaws...
so I became a trainer and ended up training some of HIS men and I was only 16... and he still didn't notice other than to tell me to remember that these men would try to put one over on me because I was just a kid... but they hated him too so they worked hard just to show him...
here I am an old lady still climbing through culverts and up and down hills and loving it and still wondering if my mother ever notices that I am good at what I do... and still working at my music and all that... well I will be when my strained vocal cords heal...
the eating disorder was to show them too apparently....
being a kid is hard... being a parent is harder...LOL (Laughing out Loud for those who want it translated) then they tried to tell me how to be a good parent!!!!!
Oh and I forgot to mention that it will take a day or so for the gel to work to soothe the eyes...
still trying to remember the name of the safe drops
kat
Posted by iris2 on October 25, 2004, at 17:38:56
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 24, 2004, at 19:41:43
I just wrote a long post at "social" most of it ws directed for you.I would check with your daughters eye docter about the contacts bcause sI just went to my eye docter for a new prescription and he told me I was not a good ancicate for contacts because I have dry eyes from my meds. Hes did say it was not to be ruled out.
I do not know if anything I wrote will help because it is impossible to talk to teens. You are not alone! Your husband is not completely off track. I know as her mother you are going to worry but if she will not talk to you about it try not to worry more it won't help either of you.
My experience with my teen years and my own eating disorder was I was angry when my mom asked me about food. Again we are all diferent.
irene
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 26, 2004, at 0:05:55
In reply to Re: topamx » stresser, posted by iris2 on October 25, 2004, at 17:38:56
Cognitive as in..right now I am forgetting simple words. Right now I don't have to worry about lines or entrances and the like. I am not doing any shows. I only do one a year and the music I sing right now is in choirs and my band and I use sheet music so no need to memorize. I just hope that this all passes BEFORE I have to memorize entrances and exits and large amounts of lines and notes. Lines are harder for me to memorize than music. I don't know why. With music, you have to memorize notes and words. I guess that's the way my brain works. With music, it's easier to remember something that has a tune to it, sort of like a mneumonic device. I have always used them to memorize things, like my French vocab in high school. My friend Melanie and I would learn our whole 25 French vocab list 30 minutes before a test and ace it every time. We also were always making up words to familiar tunes in band. As for the Topomax, it does much better for the hypomania than the depression. That is why Dr's sometimes pair it with an antidepressant, although unfortunately a lot of times antidepressants don't work very well for bipolar II. Yes I know I know. many people are on them. But from talking with people, they don't seem to work very well. My Dr had told me, and from my own personal experience, they either don't work at all, cause one to go into a hypomania, work really well and then stop working or have bizarre side effects. I have not found one in all the one's I have tried that works. Which is why I came to the conclusion that something else must be wrong and that I was not just depressed. My Dr also said this was pretty common and the reason that a lot of people come to find out that they are bipolar. You don't go to the Dr because you feel good! This is also the age that a lot of people are diagnosed. (27) I guess because we have been treated for depression for so long and it just hasn't worked. Welbutrin TOTALLY dried me out. I wonder if that is what is making your daughters eyes dry. How long has she been on that? It made my mouth like COTTON!! THat is one reason I stopped taking it. That and it just made me crazy. Prozac made me crazy. Lexapro didn't work. Effexor was HORRID!!!!!!!!! I am just fine with the Topomax as long as I stay away from my depression triggers. well I am off to bed...nighty!
Posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 8:36:28
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by headachequeen on October 25, 2004, at 17:12:00
We did try the Genteal eye gel for M, and she says her eyes feel better this morning after using it last night before bed. That's a relief. She is taking accutane as well a topamax (small dosage of accutane) and that tends to be drying for her eyes also. Thanks so much for the recomendations for the gel. Kat-you don't even realize how much I value your knowledge, and I'm feel very fortunate to have stumbled across this board. My husband and I have really tried many different aproaches to this disorder. We have tried being tough, sympathetic, encouraging, indifferent, etc. and nothing is really working long term. He is really stubborn, and engineer, and with him it's either black or white. Do you know the type? Drives me BONKERS!!! You would think encouragement would help, but it doesn't at all. I do go to talk with her pdoc. tomorrow, and I hope that helps me to know how to react. I also know how it feels to grow up not being noticed. May parents were divorced when I was 12, my dad hardley knew I was alive, but yet my brother got enormous amounts of attention. I have ALWAYS known that I was and still am, not good enough for my mother. Isn't that sad that many of us are in the same situation. I feel that maybe I am passing that off to M, but how do I stop when that's all I know? I have tried to act as if I don't care about many things with her, and that really doesn't seem to work either. I'm either controlling or not caring enough. I'm stuck in a tought spot and cannot get out, so now I'm looking to all of you once again for advice. -L
Posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 11:48:30
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 8:36:28
I relate some to your daughter as I have yet to really grow up and I was anorexic and bulimic as a teen too. For me it did not matter what my folks did or said I was going to hold the past against them forever. Control is definitely not the way to go though I can tell you that. She needs to find her own voice not yours or your husbands. She might hate her own for a while or not find it and you will be tempted to step in but she probably will resent you for it. If she is anything like I was I was impossible to talk to. Although some of that was that my folks kept repeating the same messages. My father was a control freak and cold like a chemist he was. See any similarities. He thought the whole thing was ridiculous I think and that I should quit feeling sorry for myself or whatever and get off my a** and get going. My mother kept crying and obsessing about my food until I could choke her. That is part of what I remember about those years. I do not mean to sound callous that is just the way it was.
irene
Posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 13:22:22
In reply to Re: topamx » stresser, posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 11:48:30
this may get directed to the social board, but how did you get out of it? How long have you taken topamax, and do you take it for that? -L
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