![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lady fever on March 15, 2003, at 22:08:38
Hi, I'm new here.
The past 8 months have been extremely odd, and since I've received NO help from my doctor (I've been dropped by 3 psychiatrists this year, for missing appts that they couldn't seem to understand was related to my depression, which has been, at times, so debilitating I didn't even keep track of the month or go anywhere for weeks, and my GP moved, then they closed their entire practice, our county is in trouble because of the HMO's, and 70% of the doctor's have declared bankruptcy, we are ALL having trouble with medical care).
I've suffered with panic disorder for years, and that was finally completely stabilized with Xanax 4 mg per day, sometimes I have gone as low as 2 mgs, the panic was SEVERE, and resulted in 6 months of agorophobia and depersonalization that wouldn't quit. It's literally a miracle for me. The only problem is I've had to increase my dosage, and I'm a bit drowsy, but I've been on it for 6 years, and while there's a definate physical withdrawal, I've never even once abused it or craved it. I don't take any drugs or drink, smoke or even drink coffee, so my personality type is very non-addictive.
I am in my 20's, with a 4 year old, single mom, and not able to be employed any longer due to my depression. Also, my child's father now takes him more and more, and with good reason, I can't seem to focus on playing with him, or anything really. Many horrible escapist behaviors, to try to drown out the constant anhedonia and now misery that I feel. I've had depression before, but never anything like this.
About 8 months ago I started finding myself begging off work, and being irritable. Started seeking psychiatric help for mood swings (my family doc used to prescribe my Xanax). Diagnosed with Depression. Now my doctor refuses to see me, since I've missed 3 appointments in 6 months of being steady once a week with him, and he won't even return my phone calls, or fill my prescription! I called my crisis intervention county line and they told me it would be at least a week before I could get help, unless I went to the ER. I guess come Monday when I run out of meds, I'm going to be at the ER. How can a doctor be so negligent with a medication? I have nothing against Xanax, but the doctor is not good in my book. Also, I keep taking it very personally that he won't see me. I only PRESUME it's for missed appointments... he never told me why it was technically. My self-esteem is very very low right now, and he's really done a number on it. He did this to me right after my grandfather passed away as well, which only compounding things. What an ***hole.
The depression has been so bad for the last 2 months that I have not cleaned my house in probably four months. I don't notice time passing. I went from daily showering to showering twice a week at most (I have literally NEVER done this before). I have yet to send out all the Christmas presents I bought. I've stopped eating except very very occasionally, and have lost 15 lbs, and I was already rail-thin. No pleasure in anything. No sex drive whatsoever, yet keep seeking casual sex. Sometimes I'll spend 16 hours online, just to escape how I feel. Engaged in cutting myself this year, and started smoking, which is weird, I don't smoke and never have, and suddenly I CRAVE cigarettes strongly. I no longer socialize, though before this I worked as a model. No one notices because my family lives in Canada, and my friends do not live close by whatsoever. There's laundry that's been piled up since December, bills that get overlooked and never paid, services shut off. I've stopped cooking, and grocery shopping. I have no energy. I cannot concentrate on anything, not even a kid's book, or a cartoon. I cry CONSTANTLY and feel worthless (for years I never cried at all). It's like everything is INCREDIBLY difficult. Even the most minor task, like getting up to get dressed. I'm not tired, yet I sleep a lot to escape. My son is well cared for, but mainly since his father tries to care for him. He is LOVED, but I feel no joy, though I can still feel love for him.
So yesterday I found some Celexa samples, and took 15 mg's, and I actually feel slightly better already, which sounds odd, but I'm seriously medication reactive. I've previously taken Remeron, Zoloft, Doxepin, Elavil, Neurontin, Trazadone, and once they tried Lithium. Horribly reactions to all, except I could tolerate 10 mgs Elavil and stayed on that for a year (baby dose). Now I'm having SEVERE physical side effects, but I woke up this morning and felt a little happy, and forget two doses of Xanax in a row?! That absolutely does not ever happen. Right now, from the 15 mgs of Celexa, I'm having: very strong lockjaw feeling, grinding my teeth, rest of my muscles are clenched, bad headache, mild nausea, tight throat, feel like I'm on speed, but I slept fantastically even with this feeling last night (I also take ambien 20 mgs per night for years and years, and can say NOTHING bad about it, my tolerance to tranquillizers is naturally high, just my luck, and it takes a lot of them to sedate me), and my heart is beating laboured, so that I can't stand up, feel heavy, and I'm having really bad noticeable headrushes, presume my blood pressure has dropped? I'm also very shaky.
I probably sound like a total hypochondriac, though that's one of the few things I am not, lol...
What do you do when you're on this rough a road? How do you handle the side effects of drugs? Does anyone else have REALLY severe medication side effects? I am child-sized, so sometimes I wonder if that has to do with it (I'm a size 1, 92 lbs). I could never take recreational drugs for the same reason, too susceptible to their effects. Has anyone else experienced depression this severe? I was in a mental hospital once for my derealization problems, and I was pretty out of it, until they increased my Xanax, and remember faintly one man who was in a stupor. I'm starting to feel like that guy. I don't think so much about suicide as I do just ending the pain, and feel ashamed of how I've become. Do other people identify with this? My rational mind isn't gone. It's just hard to reach. And lastly, what do you do when you are so depressed that it's hard to reach out for help, especially when doors are shutting in your face from professionals, and it makes you feel unbearable, even when I called the County Line, the guy told me if I was depressed I wouldn't forget appointments, which just plain terrified me (to top things off my phone has been shut off save within a 12 mile radius, and I don't have the money to pay it, so calling Dr's has been difficult, though I've been using a calling card). I'm terrified of suddenly running out of my Xanax cold after 6 years of missing only a few doses. Will the ER be of any help if I do? At least my family takes care of my health insurance after I forgot to pay that on time too... seriously, some days I feel like I have Alzheimer's, I'm in such a fog.
Please offer your experiences, thoughts, support, on any of these matters, and I will be truly grateful. Please help me feel a little less crazy. I'm scared of all this, and feeling out of control, though not panicking. Scared of losing my child or winding up in a mental hospital or losing my house. Previous to this I was making a large sum of money, was about to buy a house, had a good career (between fashion modelling and my "day job"), was married, and very social. Things couldn't be more different for me now. I feel dead, and everything's been lost, my saving's is gone, as is my career, and I feel like I'm losing myself as well, but can't seem to stop any of it, no matter how hard I try to just "pull myself up by my bootstraps."
And everytime I ask for help from friends, I run away if they give me any. I think I'm afraid of hurting the people I love, as many of them HAVE gone away due to my recent problems, which seem to mainly frighten them. Likewise my family.
Posted by Krissy P on March 15, 2003, at 23:27:02
In reply to Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa..., posted by lady fever on March 15, 2003, at 22:08:38
Hi, What are you wanting help with the most?? Let's start small:-) I would love to hear back. I just had a similar scenario with my psychiatrist regarding cancelling my appt. It not only sent me to the ER, she didn't realize it was because I was depressed, but she wasn't too happy. I think that psychiatrists may get upset becasue as mine pointed out to me, she wants to see me every 4 weeks, so I can be re-evaluated and kept in contact-reasonable I think.
Kristen:-)
==================================================================================================
> Hi, I'm new here.
>
> The past 8 months have been extremely odd, and since I've received NO help from my doctor (I've been dropped by 3 psychiatrists this year, for missing appts that they couldn't seem to understand was related to my depression, which has been, at times, so debilitating I didn't even keep track of the month or go anywhere for weeks, and my GP moved, then they closed their entire practice, our county is in trouble because of the HMO's, and 70% of the doctor's have declared bankruptcy, we are ALL having trouble with medical care).
>
> I've suffered with panic disorder for years, and that was finally completely stabilized with Xanax 4 mg per day, sometimes I have gone as low as 2 mgs, the panic was SEVERE, and resulted in 6 months of agorophobia and depersonalization that wouldn't quit. It's literally a miracle for me. The only problem is I've had to increase my dosage, and I'm a bit drowsy, but I've been on it for 6 years, and while there's a definate physical withdrawal, I've never even once abused it or craved it. I don't take any drugs or drink, smoke or even drink coffee, so my personality type is very non-addictive.
>
> I am in my 20's, with a 4 year old, single mom, and not able to be employed any longer due to my depression. Also, my child's father now takes him more and more, and with good reason, I can't seem to focus on playing with him, or anything really. Many horrible escapist behaviors, to try to drown out the constant anhedonia and now misery that I feel. I've had depression before, but never anything like this.
>
> About 8 months ago I started finding myself begging off work, and being irritable. Started seeking psychiatric help for mood swings (my family doc used to prescribe my Xanax). Diagnosed with Depression. Now my doctor refuses to see me, since I've missed 3 appointments in 6 months of being steady once a week with him, and he won't even return my phone calls, or fill my prescription! I called my crisis intervention county line and they told me it would be at least a week before I could get help, unless I went to the ER. I guess come Monday when I run out of meds, I'm going to be at the ER. How can a doctor be so negligent with a medication? I have nothing against Xanax, but the doctor is not good in my book. Also, I keep taking it very personally that he won't see me. I only PRESUME it's for missed appointments... he never told me why it was technically. My self-esteem is very very low right now, and he's really done a number on it. He did this to me right after my grandfather passed away as well, which only compounding things. What an ***hole.
>
> The depression has been so bad for the last 2 months that I have not cleaned my house in probably four months. I don't notice time passing. I went from daily showering to showering twice a week at most (I have literally NEVER done this before). I have yet to send out all the Christmas presents I bought. I've stopped eating except very very occasionally, and have lost 15 lbs, and I was already rail-thin. No pleasure in anything. No sex drive whatsoever, yet keep seeking casual sex. Sometimes I'll spend 16 hours online, just to escape how I feel. Engaged in cutting myself this year, and started smoking, which is weird, I don't smoke and never have, and suddenly I CRAVE cigarettes strongly. I no longer socialize, though before this I worked as a model. No one notices because my family lives in Canada, and my friends do not live close by whatsoever. There's laundry that's been piled up since December, bills that get overlooked and never paid, services shut off. I've stopped cooking, and grocery shopping. I have no energy. I cannot concentrate on anything, not even a kid's book, or a cartoon. I cry CONSTANTLY and feel worthless (for years I never cried at all). It's like everything is INCREDIBLY difficult. Even the most minor task, like getting up to get dressed. I'm not tired, yet I sleep a lot to escape. My son is well cared for, but mainly since his father tries to care for him. He is LOVED, but I feel no joy, though I can still feel love for him.
>
> So yesterday I found some Celexa samples, and took 15 mg's, and I actually feel slightly better already, which sounds odd, but I'm seriously medication reactive. I've previously taken Remeron, Zoloft, Doxepin, Elavil, Neurontin, Trazadone, and once they tried Lithium. Horribly reactions to all, except I could tolerate 10 mgs Elavil and stayed on that for a year (baby dose). Now I'm having SEVERE physical side effects, but I woke up this morning and felt a little happy, and forget two doses of Xanax in a row?! That absolutely does not ever happen. Right now, from the 15 mgs of Celexa, I'm having: very strong lockjaw feeling, grinding my teeth, rest of my muscles are clenched, bad headache, mild nausea, tight throat, feel like I'm on speed, but I slept fantastically even with this feeling last night (I also take ambien 20 mgs per night for years and years, and can say NOTHING bad about it, my tolerance to tranquillizers is naturally high, just my luck, and it takes a lot of them to sedate me), and my heart is beating laboured, so that I can't stand up, feel heavy, and I'm having really bad noticeable headrushes, presume my blood pressure has dropped? I'm also very shaky.
>
> I probably sound like a total hypochondriac, though that's one of the few things I am not, lol...
>
> What do you do when you're on this rough a road? How do you handle the side effects of drugs? Does anyone else have REALLY severe medication side effects? I am child-sized, so sometimes I wonder if that has to do with it (I'm a size 1, 92 lbs). I could never take recreational drugs for the same reason, too susceptible to their effects. Has anyone else experienced depression this severe? I was in a mental hospital once for my derealization problems, and I was pretty out of it, until they increased my Xanax, and remember faintly one man who was in a stupor. I'm starting to feel like that guy. I don't think so much about suicide as I do just ending the pain, and feel ashamed of how I've become. Do other people identify with this? My rational mind isn't gone. It's just hard to reach. And lastly, what do you do when you are so depressed that it's hard to reach out for help, especially when doors are shutting in your face from professionals, and it makes you feel unbearable, even when I called the County Line, the guy told me if I was depressed I wouldn't forget appointments, which just plain terrified me (to top things off my phone has been shut off save within a 12 mile radius, and I don't have the money to pay it, so calling Dr's has been difficult, though I've been using a calling card). I'm terrified of suddenly running out of my Xanax cold after 6 years of missing only a few doses. Will the ER be of any help if I do? At least my family takes care of my health insurance after I forgot to pay that on time too... seriously, some days I feel like I have Alzheimer's, I'm in such a fog.
>
> Please offer your experiences, thoughts, support, on any of these matters, and I will be truly grateful. Please help me feel a little less crazy. I'm scared of all this, and feeling out of control, though not panicking. Scared of losing my child or winding up in a mental hospital or losing my house. Previous to this I was making a large sum of money, was about to buy a house, had a good career (between fashion modelling and my "day job"), was married, and very social. Things couldn't be more different for me now. I feel dead, and everything's been lost, my saving's is gone, as is my career, and I feel like I'm losing myself as well, but can't seem to stop any of it, no matter how hard I try to just "pull myself up by my bootstraps."
>
> And everytime I ask for help from friends, I run away if they give me any. I think I'm afraid of hurting the people I love, as many of them HAVE gone away due to my recent problems, which seem to mainly frighten them. Likewise my family.
Posted by lady fever on March 16, 2003, at 0:47:01
In reply to Re: Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa... » lady fever, posted by Krissy P on March 15, 2003, at 23:27:02
That's a good question.
Sorry that was a long post. It's overwhelming to me.
--acknowledgement by other people who have been through depression that it CAN be debilitating, that I'm not crazy or irresponsible or losing my mind totally, and that what I'm experiencing has been experienced by other depressed people?
--understanding the side effects of Celexa that I'm having, through the experiences of others(I tried google searching without luck, and also the archives, without much luck).
--figuring out what to do when you're on long-term physically dependent psychotropic medication that is suddenly stopped, eg. whom do I call? What are my options? What would other people do if they were suddenly dropped and could not seem to find another prescribing doctor who did not have months of wait time (there are only 6 psychiatrists on my insurance policy for a county of +1 million people, and about 10 general practitioners, when you call their answering machines, it says they are not accepting any new patients, and they won't return your calls)?
Posted by Alara on March 16, 2003, at 5:11:15
In reply to Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa..., posted by lady fever on March 15, 2003, at 22:08:38
Hi Lady Fever,
Check out this site for stories written by people of all ages who are experiencing depression:
http://www.depressionnet.com.au/yourstory.html
I can guarantee that this will make you feel much less alone!
You are not going crazy. Depressed and anxious people (myself included) are notorious for questioning their sanity. Not all doctors have a good understanding of how terrifying and isolating this experience can be - in spite of all their clinical training.
Keep looking and you will find a compassionate, empathic doctor who can help you.
About the med crisis: Here in Australia we have mental health crisis units who can usually arrange for appointments on the same day that you call. They can organise for a short-term supply of medication until you get on your feet. Try looking up your phone book under medical services.Hang in there. If it's any consolation, my house looks as though a bomb has hit it too. I chose to sleep for most of the weekend, escaping from any thoughts of my job. :-)
The good thing about depression is that it never lasts for ever. Life will change and you will get reprieve. Meanwhile, try to look at your condition as a chance to grow. There's a silver lining in every cloud.
Let us know how you go.
Alara
Posted by Ilene on March 16, 2003, at 10:39:47
In reply to Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa..., posted by lady fever on March 15, 2003, at 22:08:38
Yes. Nearly all of this is famiiliar. I don't have panic attacks, and I have a problem w/ eating too much, not too little. I don't have severe reactions to most meds. I don't cut, I don't smoke. (Nicotine is known to "help" people w/ mood disorders. There's a thread about it here somewhere.)
I've had some better days recently. I think they are because I am on Lamictal, but who knows. I think I was never diagnosed correctly, that I'm actually bipolar instead of unipolar. Lamictal is an anti-seizure drug that's being used as a mood stabilizer & AD.
My dad is dying, and I have see him soon. He lives 3000 miles from me. Is throwing me off.
If I lived alone I would be much worse. My family situation keeps me afloat a little better. My husband pays the bills, my kids are older. The kids are on their own most of the time. I spend most of the time in escapism. Otherwise I can't concentrate. For some reason I can post messages on the internet to people who share my disabilities. I can hardly do the most routine chores, but I can make it to the grocery store and do some cooking most weeks. Laundry piles up, the floors are nasty, there are papers everywhere. My only motivation is guilt.
I don't know if I've experienced depersonalization. I sometimes feel like I'm not attached to the rest of the world. It's not as if the world is unreal, but I can hardly pay attention to it.
I have a good relationship with my pdoc. I think she would call *me* if I missed an appt. Lucky, I guess. I can hardly pick up the phone for anything else. I can hardly pick up the phone to call someone I don't know.
Whoever told you if you were depressed you wouldn't forget your appts. is completely uninformed and shouldn't be telling people what to do.
The county services are probably stretched to their limit. You may not come across as sick as you are, because when you are at your worst you hide in the house.
From what people have said, if you go to the ER and tell them you are suicidal, they will want to hospitalize you. If you *don't* tell them they will try to blow you off. Bring the xanax bottle w/ you so they will know you've been getting it.
I adhere to a "don't ask, don't tell" rule about suicidal ideation, so I've avoided being hospitalized. I also have a more structured life, which keeps me functioning a little better.
Have you been to the ER before? If you have health insurance you should be able to get care.
Having unsupportive friends and family is sucky but familiar. I know it's hard to communicate with people.
Is your ex of any use? Can he act as an intermediary? Sometimes the utility companies and so on will work something out if you manage to explain the situation. Possible the hospital has a social worker or case manager who can step in. (Yeah, I know, hardly likely.)
Even if you lose custody of your son you may be able to regain it once you are stable.
Please post if you can.
--I.
> Hi, I'm new here.
>
> The past 8 months have been extremely odd, and since I've received NO help from my doctor (I've been dropped by 3 psychiatrists this year, for missing appts that they couldn't seem to understand was related to my depression, which has been, at times, so debilitating I didn't even keep track of the month or go anywhere for weeks, and my GP moved, then they closed their entire practice, our county is in trouble because of the HMO's, and 70% of the doctor's have declared bankruptcy, we are ALL having trouble with medical care).
>
> I've suffered with panic disorder for years, and that was finally completely stabilized with Xanax 4 mg per day, sometimes I have gone as low as 2 mgs, the panic was SEVERE, and resulted in 6 months of agorophobia and depersonalization that wouldn't quit. It's literally a miracle for me. The only problem is I've had to increase my dosage, and I'm a bit drowsy, but I've been on it for 6 years, and while there's a definate physical withdrawal, I've never even once abused it or craved it. I don't take any drugs or drink, smoke or even drink coffee, so my personality type is very non-addictive.
>
> I am in my 20's, with a 4 year old, single mom, and not able to be employed any longer due to my depression. Also, my child's father now takes him more and more, and with good reason, I can't seem to focus on playing with him, or anything really. Many horrible escapist behaviors, to try to drown out the constant anhedonia and now misery that I feel. I've had depression before, but never anything like this.
>
> About 8 months ago I started finding myself begging off work, and being irritable. Started seeking psychiatric help for mood swings (my family doc used to prescribe my Xanax). Diagnosed with Depression. Now my doctor refuses to see me, since I've missed 3 appointments in 6 months of being steady once a week with him, and he won't even return my phone calls, or fill my prescription! I called my crisis intervention county line and they told me it would be at least a week before I could get help, unless I went to the ER. I guess come Monday when I run out of meds, I'm going to be at the ER. How can a doctor be so negligent with a medication? I have nothing against Xanax, but the doctor is not good in my book. Also, I keep taking it very personally that he won't see me. I only PRESUME it's for missed appointments... he never told me why it was technically. My self-esteem is very very low right now, and he's really done a number on it. He did this to me right after my grandfather passed away as well, which only compounding things. What an ***hole.
>
> The depression has been so bad for the last 2 months that I have not cleaned my house in probably four months. I don't notice time passing. I went from daily showering to showering twice a week at most (I have literally NEVER done this before). I have yet to send out all the Christmas presents I bought. I've stopped eating except very very occasionally, and have lost 15 lbs, and I was already rail-thin. No pleasure in anything. No sex drive whatsoever, yet keep seeking casual sex. Sometimes I'll spend 16 hours online, just to escape how I feel. Engaged in cutting myself this year, and started smoking, which is weird, I don't smoke and never have, and suddenly I CRAVE cigarettes strongly. I no longer socialize, though before this I worked as a model. No one notices because my family lives in Canada, and my friends do not live close by whatsoever. There's laundry that's been piled up since December, bills that get overlooked and never paid, services shut off. I've stopped cooking, and grocery shopping. I have no energy. I cannot concentrate on anything, not even a kid's book, or a cartoon. I cry CONSTANTLY and feel worthless (for years I never cried at all). It's like everything is INCREDIBLY difficult. Even the most minor task, like getting up to get dressed. I'm not tired, yet I sleep a lot to escape. My son is well cared for, but mainly since his father tries to care for him. He is LOVED, but I feel no joy, though I can still feel love for him.
>
> So yesterday I found some Celexa samples, and took 15 mg's, and I actually feel slightly better already, which sounds odd, but I'm seriously medication reactive. I've previously taken Remeron, Zoloft, Doxepin, Elavil, Neurontin, Trazadone, and once they tried Lithium. Horribly reactions to all, except I could tolerate 10 mgs Elavil and stayed on that for a year (baby dose). Now I'm having SEVERE physical side effects, but I woke up this morning and felt a little happy, and forget two doses of Xanax in a row?! That absolutely does not ever happen. Right now, from the 15 mgs of Celexa, I'm having: very strong lockjaw feeling, grinding my teeth, rest of my muscles are clenched, bad headache, mild nausea, tight throat, feel like I'm on speed, but I slept fantastically even with this feeling last night (I also take ambien 20 mgs per night for years and years, and can say NOTHING bad about it, my tolerance to tranquillizers is naturally high, just my luck, and it takes a lot of them to sedate me), and my heart is beating laboured, so that I can't stand up, feel heavy, and I'm having really bad noticeable headrushes, presume my blood pressure has dropped? I'm also very shaky.
>
> I probably sound like a total hypochondriac, though that's one of the few things I am not, lol...
>
> What do you do when you're on this rough a road? How do you handle the side effects of drugs? Does anyone else have REALLY severe medication side effects? I am child-sized, so sometimes I wonder if that has to do with it (I'm a size 1, 92 lbs). I could never take recreational drugs for the same reason, too susceptible to their effects. Has anyone else experienced depression this severe? I was in a mental hospital once for my derealization problems, and I was pretty out of it, until they increased my Xanax, and remember faintly one man who was in a stupor. I'm starting to feel like that guy. I don't think so much about suicide as I do just ending the pain, and feel ashamed of how I've become. Do other people identify with this? My rational mind isn't gone. It's just hard to reach. And lastly, what do you do when you are so depressed that it's hard to reach out for help, especially when doors are shutting in your face from professionals, and it makes you feel unbearable, even when I called the County Line, the guy told me if I was depressed I wouldn't forget appointments, which just plain terrified me (to top things off my phone has been shut off save within a 12 mile radius, and I don't have the money to pay it, so calling Dr's has been difficult, though I've been using a calling card). I'm terrified of suddenly running out of my Xanax cold after 6 years of missing only a few doses. Will the ER be of any help if I do? At least my family takes care of my health insurance after I forgot to pay that on time too... seriously, some days I feel like I have Alzheimer's, I'm in such a fog.
>
> Please offer your experiences, thoughts, support, on any of these matters, and I will be truly grateful. Please help me feel a little less crazy. I'm scared of all this, and feeling out of control, though not panicking. Scared of losing my child or winding up in a mental hospital or losing my house. Previous to this I was making a large sum of money, was about to buy a house, had a good career (between fashion modelling and my "day job"), was married, and very social. Things couldn't be more different for me now. I feel dead, and everything's been lost, my saving's is gone, as is my career, and I feel like I'm losing myself as well, but can't seem to stop any of it, no matter how hard I try to just "pull myself up by my bootstraps."
>
> And everytime I ask for help from friends, I run away if they give me any. I think I'm afraid of hurting the people I love, as many of them HAVE gone away due to my recent problems, which seem to mainly frighten them. Likewise my family.
Posted by Krissy P on March 16, 2003, at 12:14:43
In reply to Re: Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa... » lady fever, posted by Ilene on March 16, 2003, at 10:39:47
Posted by Ilene on March 16, 2003, at 12:38:40
In reply to Re: Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa... » lady fever, posted by Krissy P on March 15, 2003, at 23:27:02
>
I just had a similar scenario with my psychiatrist regarding cancelling my appt. It not only sent me to the ER, she didn't realize it was because I was depressed, but she wasn't too happy. I think that psychiatrists may get upset becasue as mine pointed out to me, she wants to see me every 4 weeks, so I can be re-evaluated and kept in contact-reasonable I think.
> Kristen:-)
> ==================================================================================================
>
>
You'd think psychiatrists would understand the way a person can become paralyzed. Even the dentist calls the day before an appt. Sheesh.--I.
Posted by Krissy P on March 16, 2003, at 14:00:27
In reply to Re: Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa... » Krissy P, posted by Ilene on March 16, 2003, at 12:38:40
AMEN!!! My pdoc NEVER calls to remind me of my appt. What's up with that??????????????
> >
> I just had a similar scenario with my psychiatrist regarding cancelling my appt. It not only sent me to the ER, she didn't realize it was because I was depressed, but she wasn't too happy. I think that psychiatrists may get upset becasue as mine pointed out to me, she wants to see me every 4 weeks, so I can be re-evaluated and kept in contact-reasonable I think.
> > Kristen:-)
> > ==================================================================================================
> >
> >
> You'd think psychiatrists would understand the way a person can become paralyzed. Even the dentist calls the day before an appt. Sheesh.
>
> --I.
>
Posted by Jaynee on March 16, 2003, at 18:00:54
In reply to Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa..., posted by lady fever on March 15, 2003, at 22:08:38
Ladyfever, I have been where you are. I got divorced from my first husband when my daughter was 3. I pretty much lost everything including what felt like my mind. You are in a very scary situation right now. Being a single mom is a very lonely and frightening situation for anyone. Don't beat yourself up because you are not superwoman.
Can your parents and family be supportive? Is it possible for you to move closer to your parents, until you get back on your feet. This is what I had to do. When you are a single parent, you will need all the support you can get. But if you don't ask, you won't get the help you need. Being close to my family was a life saver for me. You need to get help, not just for yourself, but for your beautiful little child as well.
As for the Xanax, don't let it run out, get more of it before it runs out. Going cold turkey on that stuff is lethal. You will need a doctors help in coming off that stuff after 6 years.
You are going to need help, so please get it where ever you can. Family is usually the best place to start.
Good luck, and I'm pulling for you.
ps. I am Celexa 20mg and the first time I tried it, I got all the side-effects you mentioned, but they went away after about a month.
Posted by lady fever on March 17, 2003, at 0:13:19
In reply to Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa..., posted by lady fever on March 15, 2003, at 22:08:38
thank you for your support! I didn't expect so much response back... wow.
I definately feel less alone now.
AND the Celexa is working. It's not my imagination... this is so strange, because I literally stopped believing in antidepressants a long time ago. But today I felt so good, and I was not at all irritable. Still quite sick feeling, and now with insomnia too. But STARVING. My mind felt clearer. My concentration was good enough to read. I was able to play with my son and not worry about anything or space out, and I didn't feel irritable at all. This is after like two days.
I went out to dinner and even got dressed. This is a huge deal for me. Afterwards I stopped by my exes and he asked me why I was acting so differently. I asked him what do you mean, and he said I seemed really rational (I'd been mean and losing my temper all the time for a long while, unable to deal with even talking to anyone). So it was weird. He noticed it.
I think I'll be able to cope alright. Tomorrow I'm going to make some phone calls and get everything straightened out, or try to with my doctors. If I have to go to the ER, well the suggestion about bringing the pill bottle is probably a good one (though the Celexa is appearing to seriously reduce my desire for tranqs, I am able to skip doses like never before... only alcohol could ever do this before). And the advice that even if it was so bad that I lost my child, I'd get him back is also important to me.
Thank you so much for your support, really and truly. I might lurk around because I am still scared about my medication side effects. The jaw clinching is a little better, but I'm still tense in my muscles, and my headache is bad, but all the orthostatic stuff seems better too. I don't like the prospect of insomnia though. Last night I slept for 4 hours and then woke up WIDE AWAKE. This never happens. I ordinarily can sleep more or less all day, and sometimes do.
Also, I hope I can offer some support to new people who feel like they've failed all meds. I'm seeing how this has effected me, I don't feel like an idiot after reading the post about doctors... it feels so negligent, and moreover, mean, as well as the guy I'd called at County mental health. Maybe it's just the meds, though I'm still depressed, I haven't cleaned the house or anything, but I did take a shower, get out, and not feel irate today at all. My depression was "agitated" I'd been told, and it got to the point where it was practically like Tourette's in how quickly I'd cuss someone out, sometimes for next to nothing.
I'm very drowsy now, think I'll try to catch the sleep train before it leaves the station.
Posted by jane d on March 17, 2003, at 12:31:05
In reply to Re: Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa..., posted by lady fever on March 16, 2003, at 0:47:01
Hi lady fever,
I'm glad to see you're feeling better. I just wanted to add my voice to all the others who know exactly what you were going through.> --acknowledgement by other people who have been through depression that it CAN be debilitating, that I'm not crazy or irresponsible or losing my mind totally, and that what I'm experiencing has been experienced by other depressed people?
Everything you posted reminded me of myself except that while I was in the middle of it I could never have found the words to explain what was happening. For years I thought I was the only person whose housekeeping was so bad that I'd hand the phone through the window to a neighbor with an emergency before I let them set foot inside. And there have been times when getting to a doctors appointment was my only accomplishment for the week.
> --understanding the side effects of Celexa that I'm having, through the experiences of others(I tried google searching without luck, and also the archives, without much luck).
You may want to try a more general search. The side effects of any of the SSRI's such as Celexa are the side effects of the whole class. I'm sure I've seen side effects like yours described with drugs like Prozac for instance. If you search on both SSRI in general and on the specific drugs - Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, Zoloft, etc. I'm sure you'll find more information.
> --figuring out what to do when you're on long-term physically dependent psychotropic medication that is suddenly stopped, eg. whom do I call? What are my options? What would other people do if they were suddenly dropped and could not seem to find another prescribing doctor who did not have months of wait time (there are only 6 psychiatrists on my insurance policy for a county of +1 million people, and about 10 general practitioners, when you call their answering machines, it says they are not accepting any new patients, and they won't return your calls)?
I've never had to go through this myself and hope I never do. Can you contact the insurance company and demand that either they provide someone or they reimburse you for seeing a non HMO doctor? Can you have someone else, family or a good friend, call them for you? Other people can often be more aggressive on your behalf than you can be for yourself. Or could someone try to call your former doctor and find out why he isn't seeing you. It might have nothing to do with your missing appointments. He might be having a dispute with your HMO over fees for example, although if that is the case I doubt he will say so. Finally, many people who post here choose to see private psychiatrists even though they have HMO coverage. I do that. It is expensive but I feel I can't afford not to. Is there any chance you could borrow some money for a private doctor from your family? It really is an investment in getting you back to earning money just as going to school is an investment.
Jane
Posted by jane d on March 17, 2003, at 12:49:11
In reply to Re: Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa... » Krissy P, posted by Ilene on March 16, 2003, at 12:38:40
> You'd think psychiatrists would understand the way a person can become paralyzed. Even the dentist calls the day before an appt. Sheesh.
>
> --I.Irene,
I'd wondered that myself. My dentist borders on being a nuisance with the phone calls. My doctor doesn't call before either, nor call if you miss an appointment to find out why. I wonder if any pdocs do call or if this is some policy they learn in medical school. And I wonder if it is the same for doctors who are just meds versus those who provide therapy.
It doesn't make sense to me because by the very nature of depression I think we are more likely to forget appointments, or get confused about them, or convince ourselves that we are too much of a bother for the doctor to deal with.
Does anyone have a doctor who issues reminders or follows up?
Jane
Posted by lady fever on March 17, 2003, at 13:42:18
In reply to Re: Why don't pdocs call to remind of appointment? » Ilene, posted by jane d on March 17, 2003, at 12:49:11
I've even asked for a call to be told they don't.
My dentist and family doctor and OB-Gyn and every other doctor, even my physical therapy people always call.
What gives?
I'm sure I woul've made it to all my appointments if I remembered them with a simple reminder!
I've seen 5 or 6 shrinks in my life and never had any call.
Posted by stjames on March 17, 2003, at 13:58:55
In reply to Re: Why don't pdocs call to remind of appointment?, posted by lady fever on March 17, 2003, at 13:42:18
Posted by Krissy P on March 17, 2003, at 15:06:28
In reply to Re: Why don't pdocs call to remind of appointment? » Ilene, posted by jane d on March 17, 2003, at 12:49:11
Hi, Both my pdoc and my primary care doc issue follow-ups, but never reminder phone calls the night before, etc. I wonder if they do the follow-ups cuz they are concerned with the almighty dollar-I say sometimes????
Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > You'd think psychiatrists would understand the way a person can become paralyzed. Even the dentist calls the day before an appt. Sheesh.
> >
> > --I.
>
> Irene,
>
> I'd wondered that myself. My dentist borders on being a nuisance with the phone calls. My doctor doesn't call before either, nor call if you miss an appointment to find out why. I wonder if any pdocs do call or if this is some policy they learn in medical school. And I wonder if it is the same for doctors who are just meds versus those who provide therapy.
>
> It doesn't make sense to me because by the very nature of depression I think we are more likely to forget appointments, or get confused about them, or convince ourselves that we are too much of a bother for the doctor to deal with.
>
> Does anyone have a doctor who issues reminders or follows up?
>
> Jane
Posted by Krissy P on March 17, 2003, at 15:18:07
In reply to Re: Why don't pdocs call to remind of appointment?, posted by lady fever on March 17, 2003, at 13:42:18
Yeah ditto! I mean we all have stuff to take care of, what makes us any different than the docs in this case? And, it's like when we aren't feeling well anyway-maybe they assume we would never forget an appointment-but that's not always the case. Heaven forbid- What gives? sensitive subject for me a little:-)
Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> I've even asked for a call to be told they don't.
>
> My dentist and family doctor and OB-Gyn and every other doctor, even my physical therapy people always call.
>
> What gives?
>
> I'm sure I woul've made it to all my appointments if I remembered them with a simple reminder!
>
> I've seen 5 or 6 shrinks in my life and never had any call.
Posted by Dinah on March 17, 2003, at 17:22:29
In reply to Re: Why don't pdocs call to remind of appointment? » Ilene, posted by jane d on March 17, 2003, at 12:49:11
My pdoc has his secretary call the day before an appt, just like any other doctor. I see him once every few months, so we make appts way ahead of time.
My therapist doesn't call because I see him once or twice a week, and am extremely unlikely to forget an appt. :D
Score. Seven years, no forgotten appts by me. One almost forgotten appt by him (had to rush to office from mowing lawn, was half hour late).
Posted by Jonathan on March 17, 2003, at 23:00:00
In reply to Re: Why don't pdocs call to remind of appointment? » jane d, posted by Dinah on March 17, 2003, at 17:22:29
Last April the AD which had got me through my Dad's illness and death a couple of months earlier (thanks to an unauthorized dose increase - my mother's GP prescribed two months' extra supply of moclobemide for me on the pretext that I had left the original supply at home at the other end of the country) pooped out. For the first time ever I missed an appointment with my pdoc because I just couldn't bear to get out of bed and take a bus to the hospital. I couldn't bear to phone and apologize either, but my wife did this for me and got me a new appointment a couple of weeks later, and she made sure I kept it :)
The doc put me on a new AD (lofepramine, a tricyclic NRI) and told me to come back in the usual three months, in early August. Unfortunately, lofepramine never really worked for me; it was better than nothing at all, but only just. The August appt would have been the time to change or augment it, but we both forgot about it until the day had passed. I phoned a couple of days later and was told that I'd receive a letter informing me of the date and time of my new appt.
Another three months passed, but still no letter, and I was feeling very much worse so I went to see my GP. She wouldn't change my medication unless the pdoc wrote to her with new instructions: the system here is that GPs prescribe and specialists tell them what to prescribe. She did, however, promise to try and get me an urgent appt with the pdoc.
This was arranged for mid-January, eight months after my previous appt. It turned out that my pdoc had taken me off his list of patients because I had missed two appts. His letter informing my GP of this had arrived while she was away and a locum had put it unread into my file. Informing the patient directly of this is, apparently, considered unnecessary.
The same story from the viewpoint of an NHS manager:
Treatment of Patient J1 was terminated in August 2002 and his GP was informed; ten brownie points to Dr X for his successful treatment of this patient. In November 2002 the same GP referred a new patient, J2, to Dr X; five brownie points to Dr X for taking on a new patient, and five more for seeing him just inside the recommended maximum waiting time of three months. Why don't pdocs call to remind of an appointment? It would reduce successful terminations of treatment and new referrals, and there's also the cost of the call to consider.
In the old Soviet Union, the steel production figures improved every year, yet the system inexplicably collapsed.
I'm still taking lofepramine, but now with lithium augmentation. Miraculously, the AD has started to work! I don't feel well, but I'm better than I've felt for more than a year. When I read Ace's posts on the joys of Nardil I feel like saying "I'll have what he's having" (almost like the woman at the restaurant in "When Harry Met Sally"); but I know there's little hope of getting an irreversible MAO inhibitor in the UK.
Posted by lady fever on March 18, 2003, at 2:19:23
In reply to How the British NHS handles missed appts, posted by Jonathan on March 17, 2003, at 23:00:00
Jonathan, I seriously understand. That post sounds so much like how I feel. We have usually a three month wait to see a non-gp. I once phoned an old gp for a physical and was told they had no appointment for FIVE months. So I switched. But here there are so few pdocs and I don't know what to do, except I can empathize.
And again, I forgot to call today, I swear I'm losing my mind sometimes. I DID go grocery shopping though! Though my groceries are still half in the car, as the Celexa made me horribly drowsy midday (it doesn't do that if I take it at night)... and I got inside and fell asleep right away until dusk.
I REALLY REALLY need to make that appointment tomorrow.
I forgot everything today, but at least I went grocery shopping and remembered to phone my mother. And my mood was worse, though I felt less irritable. My eyes are extremely dry though. And I've not cleaned the house yet. Today I was back in escapist mode though I also only took two Xanax, which is a MIRACLE to me. Three days now. And I feel fine. I wasn't expecting another med to make me forget my physically addictive one.
Posted by japonica on March 19, 2003, at 11:11:30
In reply to Re: Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa..., posted by lady fever on March 16, 2003, at 0:47:01
Oh no lady fever you most assuredly are not crazy, irresponisible or losing your mind. Your post, while lengthy, was extremely organized indicating your thoughts are lucid. You didn't ramble aimlessly. Your concern and awareness of your child show your desire to do the right thing and your acceptance of your responsibilities.
As a lifelong sufferer of a bipolar II condition (I experience extreme lows but only moderate highs;I'm now 42)I can attest to the severe debilitating nature of this illness. I was a cutter 25 years ago before the condition was named and recognized. Talk about frightening. I was unable to articulate my reasons for harming myself. Others assumed I was attempting suicide (I was not) and couldn't even succeed at that. That was the attitude expressed to me by some, including family members. I now recognize it as my way of contolling something in my otherwise out of control life. Something similar to Anorexia.
I no longer spend time with the psychiatic community. I've had way too many bad and damaging experiences with these folks. I work with my GP to find the right medications. I've tried going off them in the past with the attitude that I ought to be able to do this on my own now that I'm back on feet only to end up having an even more depressive episode. I now intend to take my meds as long as I'm not having any horrible reactions to them. I'm now on Effexor XR (75mg.) for 5 months. I will see my doctor this Saturday to increase my dosage and augment with Topomax (also known as dope-o-max :) it's a mood stabilizer) My moods are cycling very rapidly and I've gone from 103 lbs. to 127lbs. I'm hoping the Topomax will help. My doctor knows I research my med selections carefully and she allows me to make recommendations. I typically print info for her which helps her in her decisions. I may be on them all my life. That's ok. I'll do what I must to not only survive but to feel the pleasure I'm entitled to.
I understand your need to sleep and escape. I fight it constantly as I have 2 children, a full time job, and am a part time student. I am recently divorced from a verbally and pschologically abusive husband who used my mental illness to threaten me. He was going to have me declared unfit (there has never been any truth to this) and take my children. In my fear of my illness I beleived him. I woke up one day and decided to fight back. I now have my children who are healthy, happy, talented, and calmer now that Dad is out of the house. Even the dog feels better. As for the need to escape, sometimes I just let myself. My children are older now and do not require the attention your youngster needs. When mine were younger, I sometimes relied on a neighbor for some relief. My husband was rarely reliable.
Try not to allow the negative voice in your head to win out over your thoughts. I know it sounds trite but take it easy on yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you seem to be to others. Keep plugging away, give yourself credit for the smallest of achievemnets. You *will* feel better. Unfortunately you may need to learn to ride the wave so to speak.
Please keep in mind these are my personal experiences. I don't mean to suggest that there are no good pdocs out there or that what you're experiencing is a lifelong condition. Do take care of yourself and seek help where you can find it. We are all here for each other and our numbers are vast. You are not alone.
Thanks to all who take the time to post here.
japonica
Posted by cybercafe on March 19, 2003, at 12:35:40
In reply to Re: How the British NHS handles missed appts, posted by lady fever on March 18, 2003, at 2:19:23
> Jonathan, I seriously understand. That post sounds so much like how I feel. We have usually a three month wait to see a non-gp. I once phoned an old gp for a physical and was told they had no appointment for FIVE months. So I switched. But here there are so few pdocs and I don't know what to do, except I can empathize.
>
> And again, I forgot to call today, I swear I'm losing my mind sometimes. I DID go grocery shopping though! Though my groceries are still half in the car, as the Celexa made me horribly drowsy midday (it doesn't do that if I take it at night)... and I got inside and fell asleep right away until dusk.
>
> I REALLY REALLY need to make that appointment tomorrow.
>
> I forgot everything today, but at least I went grocery shopping and remembered to phone my mother. And my mood was worse, though I felt less irritable. My eyes are extremely dry though. And I've not cleaned the house yet. Today I was back in escapist mode though I also only took two Xanax, which is a MIRACLE to me. Three days now. And I feel fine. I wasn't expecting another med to make me forget my physically addictive one.i thought most patients went private?
is it hard to get health insurance?
This is the end of the thread.
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