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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 0:42:56
Hello:
I feel like I've reached a dead end. Years of trying multiple mood-stabilizer (depakote, lithium, neurontin, lamictal), without there ever really being any proof that I'm in any way bipolar. I'm 26 now. I smoked pot consistently and drank heavily since my mid-teens. I went right from there to heroine/cocaine addiction. And in 1997, I was prescribed Depakote the day after I withdrew from heroine for the last time. Since then, it's been a rollercoaster of various anxieties-social phobia, general anxiety-and depressive episodes mixed in. My doctor who I'm still seeing (same one since '97) has placed me on all the above-mentioned MS's. But nothing works-everything leaves me with these constant depressive anxiety episodes. I've combined depakote and neurontin at different times with SSRI's (paxil, zoloft, celexa), Wellbutrin, Effexor, beta-blockers (inderol, tenormin), dopamine agonists (mirapex, etc.), stimulants (concerta, adderall, dexedrine spansules, adderall XR), and benzos (klonopin, temazepam). The SSRI's helped me the most, but seemed to cause alcohol cravings and emotional blunting after a few months of being on them. This reaction to SSRI's seems to be the sole criteria by which my doctor has diagnosed me as falling somewhere within the 'bipolar spectrum.' He believes that a type of SSRI-induced hypomania causes my alcohol cravings & impulsivity. I couldn't tolerate effexor or wellbutrin. As for the stimulants, the adderall has helped me motivate and concentrate, and I have had no cravings for alcohol even when combining enough of it (@40mg) with an SSRI. But, my doctor insisted a few months ago that I should do a complete overhaul and start lamictal. I've been on it for 6 months, titrating slowly to 100mg. I haven't noticed any benefits; I still get stuck very often in these awful social phobia/derealization/depression episodes.
I am now taking 100mg lamictal, 40mg adderall, 2.75mg klonopin (2mg of which I take near bedtime with 15mg temazepam!), 10mg ambien. And because of my awful anxieties and recurrent depression, we were considering starting me up on another Anti-depressant. BTW one of the many doctors I visited for second opinions (they all disagreed) said that I'm not bipolar but have 'depressive anxiety' and that a TCA might work fine for me since the SSRI's did only temporarily.
My doc considered TCA's but said since he still believes I have some form of 'mild' bipolar disorder, TCA's aren't good because they'd push me into 'hypomanias' moreso than SSRI's. So we considered an MAOI but came to the conclusion that all the dietary/medication interactions render it not a good candidate for me, with my already-hypochondriacal, anxious demeanor. He also considered Straterra, but then ditched it saying a lot of his patients were reporting heightened irritability.
So, he decided to add Prozac, 1 of the only SSRI's I haven't tried, stating that it would have a good balance for me between activation and 'neuroleptic', calming properties. And it would directly help my social and other anxieties. I just began it almost a week ago at only 5mg. But I find that I've gotten terribly agitated and severely symptomatic; I can't leave my apartment, my body aches, I'm anxious and lethargic, and my mood swings drastically from one hour to the next. The only period of 'stability' I have is for 1 or 2 hours after each of my 20mg bid adderall doses-then I feel like I've been punched in the gut; I get so weak and my mood gets so rocky it's ridiculous. I have intense derealization, irritation, inability to face people. I know that adding a new agent to your system is bound to cause acute side-effects that abate as the drug's benefits kick in, but these don't seem like SSRI side-effects. Maybe a reaction to the SYNERGY of the different meds as a new one was introduced?
I told my doc and he said while the adderall mught be exacervating my mood swings, he wants to first see if reducing the lamictal might help. If it doesn't, I'd then go on to reduce the adderall-all while the prozac is beginning to 'work' (hopefully). He told me to drop the lamictal dose from 100mg to 50mg in a day, saying I won't experience withdrawal because it has such a long half-life. Well, I did that starting today, but all I can say is this is the worst I've felt in a long time.
I'm debilitated and can't function on any level. Hopefully the Prozac will kick in and work soon, but even if it does, wouldn't it just be like any other SSRI? OK for a few months and then horrible? I've become so self-absorbed and obssessed with meds, yet I haven't felt 'ok' in years. I don't see any other options on the horizon, especially since I've tried everything I know of for my symptoms, and all these doctors are disagreeing on my diagnosis! It seems that all these med regimes have 'created' more symptoms than are characteristic of entire mood disorders! And I never know if adding meds are really for the reason of treating a biological desease or for trating the side-effects of another med I'm taking! I'm just constantly going around in circles, one med combination to the next. I'm very confused and FED UP!!!! Sorry for the length of this. Any insights?
Posted by Ritch on March 9, 2003, at 10:20:22
In reply to Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it, posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 0:42:56
.....The SSRI's helped me the most, but seemed to cause alcohol cravings and emotional blunting after a few months of being on them. This reaction to SSRI's seems to be the sole criteria by which my doctor has diagnosed me as falling somewhere within the 'bipolar spectrum.' He believes that a type of SSRI-induced hypomania causes my alcohol cravings & impulsivity....
Peter, I get "SSRI-induced hypomania" as well, but it is an *immediate* phenomena, not a delayed one. Also, I can take very small doses and not get hypomanic, and the anxiety is clearly helped. Have you considered micro-doses? BTW, I couldn't tolerate 5mg of Prozac most of the year (excessive activation/insomnia). My *maintenance* dose of Prozac was in the 2.5mg range (every day).
.....My doc considered TCA's but said since he still believes I have some form of 'mild' bipolar disorder, TCA's aren't good because they'd push me into 'hypomanias' moreso than SSRI's.........
The important point here is that you haven't TRIED a TCA yet. Stims are *supposed* to be *bad* for bipolar disorder (like TCA's). What is his rationale behind giving you stims, then? Evidently he didn't have any qualms with you trying stimulants. TCA's can work rather well for agoraphobic symptoms and GAD.......I told my doc and he said while the adderall mught be exacervating my mood swings, he wants to first see if reducing the lamictal might help. If it doesn't, I'd then go on to reduce the adderall-all while the prozac is beginning to 'work' (hopefully). He told me to drop the lamictal dose from 100mg to 50mg in a day, saying I won't experience withdrawal because it has such a long half-life. Well, I did that starting today, but all I can say is this is the worst I've felt in a long time.......
Do you think the Lamictal has helped you in any way?
Posted by MelD on March 9, 2003, at 12:30:22
In reply to Re: Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it » Peter, posted by Ritch on March 9, 2003, at 10:20:22
Peter, i am now an MAOI believer after having tried SSRIs of many types in many combinations over the years. I am also bipolar and had the same experience as you - either being unable to tolerate the SSRIs or having them poop out on me. I would recommend looking into the newer info on the MOAI diet. I think you will find, as i did, that it is not nearly as restrictive as your doc feels it is. The diet is the reason i refused MAOIs for so many years and now that i am on them i find it to be no big deal. Most importantly, i have found dramatic relief from my symptoms that i have never felt before. As always, we are all different in our responses, but i felt compelled to reply and urge you not to give up on something that could be very good without even giving it a try. BEst of luck to you - its a tough road dealing with depression and i think we have all been sick and tired of it all at some point. Please dont give up.
Posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 13:50:47
In reply to Re: Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it » Peter, posted by Ritch on March 9, 2003, at 10:20:22
Hey Mitch.
> .....The SSRI's helped me the most, but seemed to cause alcohol cravings and emotional blunting after a few months of being on them. This reaction to SSRI's seems to be the sole criteria by which my doctor has diagnosed me as falling somewhere within the 'bipolar spectrum.' He believes that a type of SSRI-induced hypomania causes my alcohol cravings & impulsivity....
>
> Peter, I get "SSRI-induced hypomania" as well, but it is an *immediate* phenomena, not a delayed one. Also, I can take very small doses and not get hypomanic, and the anxiety is clearly helped. Have you considered micro-doses? BTW, I couldn't tolerate 5mg of Prozac most of the year (excessive activation/insomnia). My *maintenance* dose of Prozac was in the 2.5mg range (every day).
>
>The interesting thing is that I've always had profoundly beneficial responses to SSRI's for at least a month or 2. More specifically, they 've helped me a lot with sepression, social anxiety, agoraphobia, public performancec (musician), etc. But the 'hypomania' wouldn't occur for a few months-and when it does, I don't know if it's hypomania.
> Wow, 2.5mg seems tiny. The only 2 SSRI's on which I've been up to a fairly hefty amount are Paxil and Zoloft. But my doc said he wants to stay on a 'small' Prozac dose (5mg). I was prescribed Paxil for the first time by my internist doctor back in '94 because I had like a week long panic episode in response to someone in my dorm getting meningitis. I didn't know anything about meds, so I kept taking it for about 2 years-even through all my hard drug use. Who knows if it made my drug-seeking worse than it already was? that's the qiestion.
> .....My doc considered TCA's but said since he still believes I have some form of 'mild' bipolar disorder, TCA's aren't good because they'd push me into 'hypomanias' moreso than SSRI's.........
>
>
> The important point here is that you haven't TRIED a TCA yet. Stims are *supposed* to be *bad* for bipolar disorder (like TCA's). What is his rationale behind giving you stims, then? Evidently he didn't have any qualms with you trying stimulants. TCA's can work rather well for agoraphobic symptoms and GAD.
> That's what I thought, too. But he said that stimulants have much less of a tendency to push someone into hypomania than antidepressants, especially TCA's. He said he treats a lot of bipolar patients with a mood stabilizer and a stimulant instead of an antidepreesant. If their depression doesn't respond adequately, that's when he considers an AD add-on.
> ......I told my doc and he said while the adderall mught be exacervating my mood swings, he wants to first see if reducing the lamictal might help. If it doesn't, I'd then go on to reduce the adderall-all while the prozac is beginning to 'work' (hopefully). He told me to drop the lamictal dose from 100mg to 50mg in a day, saying I won't experience withdrawal because it has such a long half-life. Well, I did that starting today, but all I can say is this is the worst I've felt in a long time.......
>
>
> Do you think the Lamictal has helped you in any way?
> Honestly, it's been such a long bout with the lamictal that I can't really tell. I'd go through a few days of felling more balanced and hopeful about the med, but then I'd go through all the bad stuff again. Either way, it certainly hasn't helped to any noticeable degree, anywhere near how my doc said it 'could' help-as an 'all-in-one' solution. There has been no real improvement in my anxiety and my depressive episodes, when they hit me, are just as bad, if not worse. I did for a bit think the med was working and was superior to the other MS's Itried, but I think my periods of feeling hopeful were largely influenced by my doctor's positive feelings about the med for atypical depression and mixed/rapid cycling BP, and even anxiety. But 6 months is enough of a trial. If it hasn't worked as he said by now, it doesn't seem like the right choice.
>BTW, It amazes me how attentive you are to people's problems and how helpful you are. I really admire that. Thanks again Mitch,
Peter
>
>
>
Posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 14:04:31
In reply to Re: Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it, posted by MelD on March 9, 2003, at 12:30:22
Hi MelD:
You know there's always been a belief in the back of my mind that an MAOI like Nardil would be the perfect choice for my particular mixed depression/anxiety/derealization/social phobia, etc. And my doctor was seriously considering it as well. His partner is Dr. Liebowitz, the guy who really brought the anti-social phobia efficacy of MAOI's to the public. He's a leading expert on them.
We even got to the point where my doctor gave me all the latest materials about the dietary restriction and told me to try adhereing to it for 3 days as a test (also because he said you need to be on the diet 3 days prior to beginning an MAOI). So I was really under the impression that we were going to have me start an MAOI. But I was so extra cautious and anxious about everything I ate; like I wouldn't go to restaurants, afraid that I might overlook some tyramine content! I knew he would be giving me that anti-hypertensive drug to carry around with me (like an antidote, I guess). But I was still anxious about; he said jokingly that for me to start an MAOI, he'd have to give me another med to calm down my anxiety so I could take the MAOI! Anyway, I don't think I was that anxious-just not used to being on a kind of diet where if you eat the wrong thing you might have to go to the ER.
But, I haven't heard one single negative thing about MAOI's from people who actually take them. They've all said MAOI's are by far the best.
My problem now is that I already started the Prozac a week ago, so even if wanted to start the MAOI, I;d have to stop the Prozac and wait many weeks-especially because of the long half-life of the Prozac-before I could start. I don't think I can handle waiting what with the bad episodes I've been having.
Peter
Posted by MelD on March 9, 2003, at 14:45:46
In reply to Re: Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it » MelD, posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 14:04:31
I hear ya, Peter - there is so much to consider in trying a new med. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and information. It helps us all to hear from others. Bottom line is finding what works for you, and we all are hoping for the best for you. Keep us posted :)
Posted by Ritch on March 9, 2003, at 16:10:33
In reply to Re: Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it » Ritch, posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 13:50:47
> >The interesting thing is that I've always had profoundly beneficial responses to SSRI's for at least a month or 2. More specifically, they 've helped me a lot with sepression, social anxiety, agoraphobia, public performancec (musician), etc.
But the 'hypomania' wouldn't occur for a few months-and when it does, I don't know if it's hypomania.Wow, that's where we differ for sure. I could go and get a "typical" dose of ANY SSRI/Effexor right *now* and within a few hours to a day be hypomanic (except if I am dead in the middle of a major depressive episode). That's interesting that you say you don't know whether it is hypomania or not.
> > Wow, 2.5mg seems tiny. The only 2 SSRI's on which I've been up to a fairly hefty amount are Paxil and Zoloft. But my doc said he wants to stay on a 'small' Prozac dose (5mg). I was prescribed Paxil for the first time by my internist doctor back in '94 because I had like a week long panic episode in response to someone in my dorm getting meningitis. I didn't know anything about meds, so I kept taking it for about 2 years-even through all my hard drug use. Who knows if it made my drug-seeking worse than it already was? that's the qiestion.Yes, 2.5mg isn't much! But, much more than that for very long and I get all sorts of weirdo symptoms (not just "typical" hypomanic symptoms). The visual/auditory illusions with Prozac were very weird (mostly intrusive music). Prozac and Celexa at higher doses make it hard for me to breathe for some reason, too.
...What is his rationale behind giving you stims, then? Evidently he didn't have any qualms with you trying stimulants. TCA's can work rather well for agoraphobic symptoms and GAD.
> > That's what I thought, too. But he said that stimulants have much less of a tendency to push someone into hypomania than antidepressants, especially TCA's. He said he treats a lot of bipolar patients with a mood stabilizer and a stimulant instead of an antidepreesant. If their depression doesn't respond adequately, that's when he considers an AD add-on.
I shouldn't be too surprised to hear that actually. I never had the "instant" hypomania from stimulants that I get from SSRI's. In fact, I don't experience much mood-elevation at all from stims (Ritalin had zero mood effects). However, every time I try classical stims I start to get this anxiety thing churning (sleep fine though) and it just worsens and I wind up off the stims again.
> > Do you think the Lamictal has helped you in any way?> > Honestly, it's been such a long bout with the lamictal that I can't really tell. I'd go through a few days of felling more balanced and hopeful about the med, but then I'd go through all the bad stuff again. Either way, it certainly hasn't helped to any noticeable degree, anywhere near how my doc said it 'could' help-as an 'all-in-one' solution. There has been no real improvement in my anxiety and my depressive episodes, when they hit me, are just as bad, if not worse. I did for a bit think the med was working and was superior to the other MS's Itried, but I think my periods of feeling hopeful were largely influenced by my doctor's positive feelings about the med for atypical depression and mixed/rapid cycling BP, and even anxiety. But 6 months is enough of a trial. If it hasn't worked as he said by now, it doesn't seem like the right choice.
> >BTW, It amazes me how attentive you are to people's problems and how helpful you are. I really admire that. Thanks again Mitch,
> Peter
> >Thanks! Your problems are just SO similar to mine. I just feel all puzzled by it. When I was taking Neurontin (300mg/day) and a little Klonopin (.5mg) and a *little* Celexa (1.5mg/day) for nearly a year I didn't have any unusual hypomanic spells. Since Neurontin doesn't "work" for mania-then what was it "working" on?? I really wonder if it isn't BPII at times, just anxiety and ADHD. I added a little Wellbutrin in the last several days because I was getting so unfocused I couldn't complete ANYTHING. It helped somewhat right away. If it was bipolar shouldn't it have gotten WORSE (the distractability, inattentiveness)? I get hypomanias but usually only SSRI related........Mitch
P.S.-Got a question for you. When you were diagnosed with ADHD, were you tested? The reason I ask is that when I take stims and esp. WB (for some reason), the sense of time passing slows almost to a stop. Is that a symptom of ADHD (sense of time passing very rapidly)?
Posted by djmmm on March 9, 2003, at 16:41:27
In reply to Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it, posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 0:42:56
Try a MAOI...the food/medication restrictions shouldn't even be an issue if you are suffering that badly.
Posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 20:35:47
In reply to Re: Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it » Peter, posted by Ritch on March 9, 2003, at 16:10:33
> P.S.-Got a question for you. When you were diagnosed with ADHD, were you tested? The reason I ask is that when I take stims and esp. WB (for some reason), the sense of time passing slows almost to a stop. Is that a symptom of ADHD (sense of time passing very rapidly)?
>
> No I wasn't tested; my doctor said he doesn't believe in the 'diagnostic tests' for ADD. He just asked a lot of stuff about my history, etc. I never really had a 'singular' type of ADD - like only impulsive or only inattentive; I read somewhere rhat it's so much harder to detect ADD in adults because a lot of the physicality of the disorder becomes internalized; instead of just running around and fidgeting like a child with ADD, you sort of get that restlessnes in your mind as an ADD adult, and it could likewise become more complex, combined with varying degrees of other comorbid symptoms-anxiety, depression, symptoms of bipolarity, etc. As for the time thing: I don't know. I don't remember ever feeling time rushing by when I was a child. But ther stims are wierd for me in that, while they help me concentrate, sometimes I'll be involved in something, and then I look at my watch and 6 or 7 hours have elapsed. It's sort of disorienting. I'm sure that's the med and not the ADD itself, at least for me.
Peter
Posted by KrissyP on March 9, 2003, at 20:54:43
In reply to Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it, posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 0:42:56
Hi, I am so sorry you are feeling fed up. I struggled with this same predicament for a long time. I take Lamictal also and it is my wonder drug. Can you ask your doc to raise the dose? That may help or like your doc said a TCA may be just theh ticket.
I'm not a doctor but IMHO your dose of 2.75mg klonopin (2mg of which you take near bedtime with 15mg temazepam!)isn't going to kill you:-)
Those are fairly LOW doses even though you take both of them. I hear your frustration very well and I feel for you! There has got to be some way that you and your doctor can come up with an option here-I hear everything you are saying-believe me. Give the Prozac time. I KNOW it is frustrating, but the patience of it all will yield results-I guarantee it. You have a complicated post here (not so much complictaed but exactly-feeling fed up) and I don't blame you one bit. I want you to find a doc and stick with him/her-one you feel comfortable with.
We are all here for you and hang in there. Just hang in, be patient and IMO, I would stay on the Lamictal-it has helped my anxiety as well as stabilizing my mood too, but YMMV.
Keep us posted and if you need anything else I'm here for you!
Kristen
==================================================================================================
Hello:
I feel like I've reached a dead end. > I am now taking 100mg lamictal, 40mg adderall, 2.75mg klonopin (2mg of which I take near bedtime with 15mg temazepam!), 10mg ambien. And because of my awful anxieties and recurrent depression, we were considering starting me up on another Anti-depressant. BTW one of the many doctors I visited for second opinions (they all disagreed) said that I'm not bipolar but have 'depressive anxiety' and that a TCA might work fine for me since the SSRI's did only temporarily.
> My doc considered TCA's but said since he still believes I have some form of 'mild' bipolar disorder, TCA's aren't good because they'd push me into 'hypomanias' moreso than SSRI's. So we considered an MAOI but came to the conclusion that all the dietary/medication interactions render it not a good candidate for me, with my already-hypochondriacal, anxious demeanor. He also considered Straterra, but then ditched it saying a lot of his patients were reporting heightened irritability.
> So, he decided to add Prozac, 1 of the only SSRI's I haven't tried, stating that it would have a good balance for me between activation and 'neuroleptic', calming properties. And it would directly help my social and other anxieties. I just began it almost a week ago at only 5mg. But I find that I've gotten terribly agitated and severely symptomatic; I can't leave my apartment, my body aches, I'm anxious and lethargic, and my mood swings drastically from one hour to the next. The only period of 'stability' I have is for 1 or 2 hours after each of my 20mg bid adderall doses-then I feel like I've been punched in the gut; I get so weak and my mood gets so rocky it's ridiculous. I have intense derealization, irritation, inability to face people. I know that adding a new agent to your system is bound to cause acute side-effects that abate as the drug's benefits kick in, but these don't seem like SSRI side-effects. Maybe a reaction to the SYNERGY of the different meds as a new one was introduced?
> I told my doc and he said while the adderall mught be exacervating my mood swings, he wants to first see if reducing the lamictal might help. If it doesn't, I'd then go on to reduce the adderall-all while the prozac is beginning to 'work' (hopefully). He told me to drop the lamictal dose from 100mg to 50mg in a day, saying I won't experience withdrawal because it has such a long half-life. Well, I did that starting today, but all I can say is this is the worst I've felt in a long time.
> I'm debilitated and can't function on any level. Hopefully the Prozac will kick in and work soon, but even if it does, wouldn't it just be like any other SSRI? OK for a few months and then horrible? I've become so self-absorbed and obssessed with meds, yet I haven't felt 'ok' in years. I don't see any other options on the horizon, especially since I've tried everything I know of for my symptoms, and all these doctors are disagreeing on my diagnosis! It seems that all these med regimes have 'created' more symptoms than are characteristic of entire mood disorders! And I never know if adding meds are really for the reason of treating a biological desease or for trating the side-effects of another med I'm taking! I'm just constantly going around in circles, one med combination to the next. I'm very confused and FED UP!!!! Sorry for the length of this. Any insights?
Posted by KrissyP on March 9, 2003, at 22:20:27
In reply to Re: Another horrible 'episode'-so sick and tired of it, posted by djmmm on March 9, 2003, at 16:41:27
Posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 23:26:51
In reply to I really agree here (nm), posted by KrissyP on March 9, 2003, at 22:20:27
I can't take an Maoi now that I have an SSRI in my system. I don't know what's happening to me. It gets worse as the day goes on. I just feel like I'm in a bad dream. I can't leave my apartment. I can't eat, and I can't make the simplest decisions. My body aches and I mumble whenever I talk. I'm sorry for complaining; I know you've all been through this, and I don't have anyone to talk to who understands what this feels like. My family is just worried sick about me, and I hate to impose this on them, but I can't stop them from worrying. My fiancee and I just called off our engagement today; I've been seeingher for 4 years and engaged for 10 months, and I was so numb talking to her, it's like I didn't even care. I see people around me leading productive lives-going to work, socializing, laughing, and I feel completely detached from it all. I don't know if this recurring depression is part of a mood disorder that's progressively getting worse, or if it's my mind/body's reaction to all the medication changes I go through every month.
Posted by KrissyP on March 9, 2003, at 23:36:52
In reply to Re: I really agree here, posted by Peter on March 9, 2003, at 23:26:51
Hey:-) I've been there. We are here for you k?
You have us all to talk to, even though we can't be with you physically. I have felt this way you speak of too-many, many, many times. Please be patient. (I know easier said than done)
I've learned that I can't stop my family, especially my mom, from worrying-but if they are worried they obviously love you and try to see it that way-they may just not understand. I have also experienced many many times "seeing people around me leading productive lives-going to work, socializing, laughing, and I felt completely detached from it all". It passed and so shall this with you-that's why I said be patient it takes a lot but I know you can do it.
Talk to your doc or a doc asap and/or go to the ER. I want you to feel better:-)
Kristen
==================================================================================================I can't take an Maoi now that I have an SSRI in my system. I don't know what's happening to me. It gets worse as the day goes on. I just feel like I'm in a bad dream. I can't leave my apartment. I can't eat, and I can't make the simplest decisions. My body aches and I mumble whenever I talk. I'm sorry for complaining; I know you've all been through this, and I don't have anyone to talk to who understands what this feels like. My family is just worried sick about me, and I hate to impose this on them, but I can't stop them from worrying. My fiancee and I just called off our engagement today; I've been seeingher for 4 years and engaged for 10 months, and I was so numb talking to her, it's like I didn't even care. I see people around me leading productive lives-going to work, socializing, laughing, and I feel completely detached from it all. I don't know if this recurring depression is part of a mood disorder that's progressively getting worse, or if it's my mind/body's reaction to all the medication changes I go through every month.
This is the end of the thread.
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