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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:47:34
I feel horrible. I'm begging for a little compassion. I am not an idiot. My feelings are hurt. I am desperate. Life has not turned out to be what I expected. Nobody loves me everybody hates me I'm going outside to...... (I am personally opposed to making suicidal threats but you may assume one for purposes of facilitating outpourings of support and compassion). I am human too. I am not an idiot. Why doesn't anybody like me? (Rhetorical ? no answers please)
Request compassion, kindness, pure charity, gentleness.
Why is everyone picking on me? (If I am paranoid, please use it as occasion for further outpourings of support and compassion rather than medication suggestions.)
I am not an idiot. It feels like everyone is trying to kill my cyberself by attacking my input as not important compared to everyone else's. What have I got but words here. Bad enough to never fit in the real world and now outcast in Psychobabylonia. Well hang my harp on a tree I'm weeping.
Rush support and compassion and kindness Thanks in advance.....S*I''m not an idiot*oreteh
Posted by Kathie on April 6, 2000, at 21:27:19
In reply to Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:47:34
Soreteh:
I am sorry you are feeling badly and I believe all the negative input started as a misunderstanding on your part. Perhaps in the future you should ask a person to explain their position rather than attacking their position right off the bat..misunderstandings can happen from time to time. Written misunderstandings can be more prevalent because there is no inflection...you can't recognise sarcasm sometimes, humour can be tough to express, etc. I think your opinions are equally as important as mine...not that mine carry any weight here!! 8)....
But don't stop writing because you caught a little flack...life has its ups and downs, even in a cyber community. People are people. What more can I say?? Hang in there..I am sure you will be forgiven by the masses, in time. Know that I have forgiven you already.Kathie
Posted by Cam W. on April 6, 2000, at 21:51:33
In reply to Re: Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Kathie on April 6, 2000, at 21:27:19
Soreteh - Welcome to the Babbleland. I hope you stay and share your experiences and insight. This board is very caring and supportive. Sincerely - Cam W.
Posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 23:02:43
In reply to Re: Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Kathie on April 6, 2000, at 21:27:19
> Soreteh:
>
> I am sorry you are feeling badly and I believe all the negative input started as a misunderstanding on your part. Perhaps in the future you should ask a person to explain their position rather than attacking their position right off the bat..misunderstandings can happen from time to time. Written misunderstandings can be more prevalent because there is no inflection...you can't recognise sarcasm sometimes, humour can be tough to express, etc. I think your opinions are equally as important as mine...not that mine carry any weight here!! 8)....
> But don't stop writing because you caught a little flack...life has its ups and downs, even in a cyber community. People are people. What more can I say?? Hang in there..I am sure you will be forgiven by the masses, in time. Know that I have forgiven you already.
>
> KathieI was the one on the bad end of the name calling. What on earth are you forgiving me for???? Thanks for letting me know the masses have something against me;0) That's a real comforting thought.
Are you trying to be funny? Thanks anyway S.
Posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 23:04:54
In reply to Welcome Soreteh, posted by Cam W. on April 6, 2000, at 21:51:33
>
> Soreteh - Welcome to the Babbleland. I hope you stay and share your experiences and insight. This board is very caring and supportive. Sincerely - Cam W.Thanks. Looking forward to caring and support-the sooner the better. S.
Posted by Jeff on April 6, 2000, at 23:20:37
In reply to Re: Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 23:02:43
Soreteh,
I forgive you too. This is a great board, and you are more than welcome here, everyone makes mistakes and that is what being human is about. Dont be so hard on yourself o.k.?
Jeff
Posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 23:43:49
In reply to Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:47:34
> I feel horrible. I'm begging for a little compassion. I am not an idiot. My feelings are hurt. I am desperate. Life has not turned out to be what I expected. Nobody loves me everybody hates me I'm going outside to...... (I am personally opposed to making suicidal threats but you may assume one for purposes of facilitating outpourings of support and compassion). I am human too. I am not an idiot. Why doesn't anybody like me? (Rhetorical ? no answers please)
> Request compassion, kindness, pure charity, gentleness.
> Why is everyone picking on me? (If I am paranoid, please use it as occasion for further outpourings of support and compassion rather than medication suggestions.)
> I am not an idiot. It feels like everyone is trying to kill my cyberself by attacking my input as not important compared to everyone else's. What have I got but words here. Bad enough to never fit in the real world and now outcast in Psychobabylonia. Well hang my harp on a tree I'm weeping.
> Rush support and compassion and kindness Thanks in advance.....S*I''m not an idiot*oreteh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not an idiot but I slept at the Holiday Inn last night. I must not be communicating very well. I am extraordinarily depressed. I can't go on like this , but I don't have any real options. How can I communicate despair without resorting to threats? I could go to the hospital but what good would that do? In a lot of ways it would make things worse. They have plastic pillows and I was in the hospital with 4 people who killed themselves while they were in there too. (One was a runaway and one was on a day pass actually-maybe that only counts as two.) Still how safe is that? And being locked up seems to crank the pressure up for me instead of down. But the change might jar me out of this state of mind. They might could help me finally get some sleep and I'd feel different when I woke up. I have plenty of pills here I could make myself sleep here but I'm afraid of how I'd feel when I woke up-which is irrational.
I thought benzos disinhibited me before and I need my inhibitions in place when I feel this irritable, but if I take enough to go to sleep will it be alright or will I wake up disinhibited. The answer of course is who knows? I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Nothing makes any sense to me. I am so tired. I am so very very tired.S.
Posted by Saint Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 23:59:30
In reply to Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:47:34
> I feel horrible. I'm begging for a little compassion. I am not an idiot. My feelings are hurt. I am desperate. Life has not turned out to be what I expected. Nobody loves me everybody hates me I'm going outside to...... (I am personally opposed to making suicidal threats but you may assume one for purposes of facilitating outpourings of support and compassion). I am human too. I am not an idiot. Why doesn't anybody like me? (Rhetorical ? no answers please)
> Request compassion, kindness, pure charity, gentleness.
> Why is everyone picking on me? (If I am paranoid, please use it as occasion for further outpourings of support and compassion rather than medication suggestions.)
> I am not an idiot. It feels like everyone is trying to kill my cyberself by attacking my input as not important compared to everyone else's. What have I got but words here. Bad enough to never fit in the real world and now outcast in Psychobabylonia. Well hang my harp on a tree I'm weeping.
> Rush support and compassion and kindness Thanks in advance.....S*I''m not an idiot*oretehThanks for the forgiveness everybody, but actually I was asking for compassion for my pain not whatever you're forgiving me for. I forgive you for not understanding. I forgive you for forgiving me. I forgive me for not speaking the language too well. I just feel generically horrible not horrible for my sins. That's why I started a new thread for a new thought.
Posted by Kathie on April 7, 2000, at 1:53:51
In reply to Re: I FORGIVE PSYCHOBABBLE, posted by Saint Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 23:59:30
Soreteh:
I am sorry if I misunderstood your problem, which apparently I did, but you weren't really clear on what was bothering you. To feel generically horrible is a little more enlightening, but not a whole lot. I am not terribly experienced with severe depression, except for my own, which was clinical and easily treated with SSRI's. I understand how a person can feel horrible and hopeless and in total despair with no apparent reason though. I know it is awful to not have the energy to live your life, to not participate in the lives of your children, to only want to be left alone in your bed whether you are alseep or not. But now I also know things can and do turn around. You are in a down phase at the moment, there are things out there worth living for. I am sure not everybody hates you, perhaps people don't understand you, but that is hardly the same as hate. I can certainly see you are irritable, that is screamingly obvious and you don't appear to be in a real receptive frame of mind at all. The people here can only help you if you let them. You have to be willing to listen to what they say and try and apply it to yourself, find inspiration in their words and ideas. As for your life not turning out the way you thought it would...well I don't think too many of us have the lives we were expecting, I know I don't. But you have to, you must, except what it is..change what you don't like. There is a saying that the only things in life that are a guarantee are birth, death and taxes. For the most part that is true, we don't know what tomorrow holds. We or a loved one could die suddenly or be diagnosed with a terminal disease....so instead of worrying about the maybes, you enjoy what you have now. Can you tell us why you are having such a bad time? Is there anything in particular that is bothering you? Can you give us a couple details, fill in the blanks so to speak...I feel like I am playing a guessing game with you, and I really would like to offer my support, but I am not sure what it is you need.
Kathie
Posted by DC on April 7, 2000, at 2:13:10
In reply to Soreteh please be more specific, posted by Kathie on April 7, 2000, at 1:53:51
Soreteh, I don't understand why these people are giving you a hard time either. I didn't see anything wrong with your posts. The other guy really did say some inappropriate things. I, for one, appreciate your presence on the board. I appreciate your honesty. And I will pray that you feel better. What you describe sounds awful and my heart goes out to you.
Posted by Sherry on April 7, 2000, at 7:42:11
In reply to She doesn't need forgiveness, posted by DC on April 7, 2000, at 2:13:10
I don't understand why she is being given a hard time either. I was shocked at how unfeeling oozak was to Tori, and I wanted to choke him/her myself. However, I do agree with Bob that maybe that thread was not the best place to be arguing about it, and I do appreciate him stepping in. As far as I can see, that is the only mistake made here, and does not require any forgiveness. I truly hope you start feeling better Soreteh. I was in your situation on Tues. and because of the kind words of a poster here, I was able to call my pdoc and find out what was going on. Sometimes when we feel this way, it takes someone else to point out the obvious to us. If you are feeling like a threat to yourself, you need to get in touch with your doctor. You must reach out for more help than we can give you here. I will keep you in my prayers as well, now go get some help.
> Soreteh, I don't understand why these people are giving you a hard time either. I didn't see anything wrong with your posts. The other guy really did say some inappropriate things. I, for one, appreciate your presence on the board. I appreciate your honesty. And I will pray that you feel better. What you describe sounds awful and my heart goes out to you.
Posted by Noa on April 7, 2000, at 8:19:39
In reply to Re: She doesn't need forgiveness, posted by Sherry on April 7, 2000, at 7:42:11
Soreteh,
I think you are presenting two issues, one being the interaction on this board, and the second being your current feelings of desperation. Your last post seems to be saying you want to move off the topic of interaction on this board, and receive help for your feelings of despair and anguish.
Tell us more about you, about how this feelings started, about whether you are receiving any medical or psychological treatment, etc.
What does it mean that you stayed at the Holiday Inn? Does this have something to do with a possible suicide plan?
If you are feeling at the end of your rope, please know that many of us have felt that way at least once, and for some of us, many times. It may seem hopeless right now, but hope does still exist, even if you cannot see it.
Posted by Liz on April 7, 2000, at 8:37:28
In reply to Re: I FORGIVE PSYCHOBABBLE, posted by Saint Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 23:59:30
I re-read all the posts in Tori's thread and I'm confused. Please clarify if I'm wrong, but it appears to me that "oozak" made the original, perhaps inappropriate post. (I won't go into that too much, but it appears he was using an approach that may have reflected his own experience and may have worked for him...whatever.) Then "Soreteh" came on and criticized him for his apparent insensitivity, then Bob came on and asked them, appropriately I think, to take their disaggrement to another thead or to private email as to not distract from support and concern for Tori. Is that about it so far? My point here is that I don't think that "Soreteh" is the "culprit" here and perhaps has a reason to feel a little abused.
Most of the people who post here are at least a little fragile (I'm certainly including myself in that group), so we all need to examine our words with extra care, if we're able. And when we are out of line, it is not unseemly for someone to kindly point it out. If we were all perfectly stable, we would most likely not be hooked up to this board. Perhaps we should think of it as a test of our compassion that we can extend it to everyone, even those who make it difficult. I for one would not want to see anyone scared off this board; it is a life line for me and many others. Now if I'm out of line, keep it to yourself, I can't take it! ;-)
Posted by PL on April 7, 2000, at 13:11:25
In reply to Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:47:34
> Nobody loves me everybody hates me
This reminds me of a song I would sing to my daugher when she was little and mad about something:"Nobody loves me everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms.
Fat worms skinny worms, tall worms short worms, all different kinds of worms.
You.......cut off the heads and suck out the blood, throw the skins away.
I don't know way people don't eat them
three or four times, three or four times, three or four times a day."
Posted by Cass on April 7, 2000, at 14:46:50
In reply to Re: despair, posted by Noa on April 7, 2000, at 8:19:39
Soreteh, I was also concerned by your mention of sleeping at a Holiday Inn. You mentioned having a lot of pills, too. If the hotel stay was part of a suicide plan, maybe a short stay in the hospital would be good for you. BTW, I don't think your communication has been unclear. I just think that not everyone knew exactly what had been said in Tori's thread. You are clearly a compassionate person. I hope you feel better, and I hope you continue to post.
Cass
Posted by Greg on April 7, 2000, at 14:57:22
In reply to Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:47:34
Wow.....
This is amazing to me. Sometimes we have a tendancy to forget who we are. Differences in opinion are part of what defines us.
Sometimes I need love and sympathy, other times I need a swift kick in the butt. But I don't expect you to know what I need unless I tell you.
No one should ever have to beg for compassion, it should be given freely, especially here. But understand the compassion can come in many different shapes and sizes.
Come here and speak your mind, keep the things you need and throw the rest away. I hope your life (and mine) gets better soon, you'll be in my prayers.
You are not an idiot.
Peace,
Greg
> I feel horrible. I'm begging for a little compassion. I am not an idiot. My feelings are hurt. I am desperate. Life has not turned out to be what I expected. Nobody loves me everybody hates me I'm going outside to...... (I am personally opposed to making suicidal threats but you may assume one for purposes of facilitating outpourings of support and compassion). I am human too. I am not an idiot. Why doesn't anybody like me? (Rhetorical ? no answers please)
> Request compassion, kindness, pure charity, gentleness.
> Why is everyone picking on me? (If I am paranoid, please use it as occasion for further outpourings of support and compassion rather than medication suggestions.)
> I am not an idiot. It feels like everyone is trying to kill my cyberself by attacking my input as not important compared to everyone else's. What have I got but words here. Bad enough to never fit in the real world and now outcast in Psychobabylonia. Well hang my harp on a tree I'm weeping.
> Rush support and compassion and kindness Thanks in advance.....S*I''m not an idiot*oreteh
Posted by Soreteh on April 7, 2000, at 17:33:58
In reply to Re: Support and compassion:Shameless plea!!!!!!!, posted by Greg on April 7, 2000, at 14:57:22
Thank you everyone. It meant more to me than you can imagine (even more than I would have imagined). I do have lots of pills but not of a deadly sort.(I really do do what I can to manage this.) I've also been to see the brick and mortar type help today. So I guess I'll just hang on and wait it out. Thanks again. S.
This is the end of the thread.
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