![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shar on May 10, 2006, at 22:13:10
Not much happening over here with the oldies! I guess that means every person is doing great! Well, then good!!
Just checking in. Had the worst job interview of my life today. I was in the midst of a panic attack, couldn't breathe, dry mouth, hands and voice shaking...altogether a wonderful experience (NR). And I think it could have been a job I'd have been good at.
Oh, well, that's how things go sometimes, I guess. Winston Churchill once (reportedly) said, "Success is moving from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." Great quote.
Hope to see some of y'all later. Would love to see more of y'all here more often! But, then...look who's talking!
xoxoxoxo
Shar
Posted by Kath on May 15, 2006, at 15:27:51
In reply to Everybody must be feelin' great!, posted by shar on May 10, 2006, at 22:13:10
Hi Shar - no I'm not doing particularly wonderfully!
What a horrible experience & I do like the quote.
I'd love to see folks here also. Makes me feel sad not to.
Same old thing for me - my life is soooooo tied in emotionally with my kids' even though they're 30 & 22 !!!!!!!!!!!! :-((((
Jeez. If I wait for them to get their lives on track to go ahead with mine I'll be dead.Drop in a Haven some time if ya like Shar. Not that much happens there, but sometimes....
I send you my loving thoughts. & not I'll read your Mothers' post! since motherhood (I feel) has ruined my life somewhat. What a horrible thing to say, right?!!!!
I love them both a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
BUT - my mind is screwed up & I find it hard to separate my well-being from their lives. I hate it.
hugs, Kath
> Not much happening over here with the oldies! I guess that means every person is doing great! Well, then good!!
>
> Just checking in. Had the worst job interview of my life today. I was in the midst of a panic attack, couldn't breathe, dry mouth, hands and voice shaking...altogether a wonderful experience (NR). And I think it could have been a job I'd have been good at.
>
> Oh, well, that's how things go sometimes, I guess. Winston Churchill once (reportedly) said, "Success is moving from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." Great quote.
>
> Hope to see some of y'all later. Would love to see more of y'all here more often! But, then...look who's talking!
>
> xoxoxoxo
> Shar
Posted by allisonm on May 20, 2006, at 12:53:06
In reply to Everybody must be feelin' great!, posted by shar on May 10, 2006, at 22:13:10
Um, well maybe and maybe not...
Up and down. I find myself a slave to other people's moods. I am working on this, but have noticed that when a co-worker or my dad is in a foul mood, everything goes out the window and down the cr*pper. There's a mixed metaphore for you.
I made an excuse today to go home and make some chili for lunch b/c my dad was being irrational and trying to foist guilt complexes on everyone this morning. I find myself drinking red wine that I was putting into the chili. And so I don't care anymore b/c I feel fine. Better. Tipsy. Drunk. Whatever.
\Better go deliver the chili. We all need something to eat....
A<
Posted by shar on May 24, 2006, at 3:30:28
In reply to Re: Everybody must be feelin' great! » shar, posted by allisonm on May 20, 2006, at 12:53:06
K and A--
Insomnia again.
I think y'all are very funny! I'm not doing so well either. Looks like the house is gonna be foreclosed on. Don't know what I'll do then!
Yeah, I totally understand about the kids AND family issues. Mine is 35 going on about 16. I'm just happy he hasn't had kids!
And...red wine in chili. Hmmm, haven't got that recipe. Care to share?
Love you all,
Shar
Posted by Kath on May 24, 2006, at 12:49:26
In reply to Y'all are so funny!, posted by shar on May 24, 2006, at 3:30:28
Hi Shar - how awful about the house! Oh My God. I'm sending you "golden light"!!!! You're in my thoughts hun.
luv, Kath
Posted by shar on May 25, 2006, at 22:21:51
In reply to Re: Y'all are so funny! » shar, posted by Kath on May 24, 2006, at 12:49:26
> Hi Shar - how awful about the house! Oh My God. I'm sending you "golden light"!!!! You're in my thoughts hun.
>
> luv, Kath
Thanks, Kath. I truly appreciate all prayers and positive energy that good people send me.I miss the 'family' also. As my WP is fond of saying...I'm not dead yet. That is my only spark; sort of a 'don't lose hope thing' which I have to struggle with, because I'm just about there...and I truly do not care so much any more. Lately, it's just felt like an assault from somewhere....
Whoa, that almost rhymes enough to be a song!!!
xoxo,
Shar
Posted by allisonm on May 30, 2006, at 20:51:58
In reply to Y'all are so funny!, posted by shar on May 24, 2006, at 3:30:28
Well, I find that throwing a little red wine in anything with tomatoes in it kind of takes some of the acid out... that and a little sugar. I usually do it with spaghetti sauce, but seeing as it was a bad day, and I decided to have a glass of red wine while putting together this particular batch of chili, it seemed like a good idea to add a little wine to the mix. That way it justified more my drinking in broad daylight... Does that make sense?
I have been doing better, however, in the alcoholism department. I am not sneaking home during the day for a glass of wine to calm the nerves. I seem able to last an entire day now without that crutch. I just drink at night now.... Not too much, though, because it would be too hard to get up in the morning. It IS a 7-day-a-week job in the summer and I can't afford hangovers or lack of sleep this time of year, nor can I afford bad eating habits. Too hard to function.
It was hazy, hot and humid the last few days, in the 80s and low 90s. We have had a very cold spring. It figures that we would get instant summer. It always happens this way. Cold, damp, hail, rain, frost... then BAM!! sweltering heat.
OK. I'll stop whining.... or wine-ing.
That sucks about the foreclosure threat. I hope great hopes and thoughtful thoughts that it won't come to that.
Love,
A<
Posted by coral on May 31, 2006, at 18:08:05
In reply to Everybody must be feelin' great!, posted by shar on May 10, 2006, at 22:13:10
Dear Shar,
My God......foreclosure? Having come within a hair's breadth of that myself once, I can so deeply appreciate all the feelings that brings into play. Don't know what the laws are in your state, but here, (Michigan), a person has a year to redeem their property after foreclosure.
You'd asked about healing in my dreams re: my mother. I'm still trying to formulate the answer. It's exceptionally simple and incredibly complex simultaneously. Right now, I'm consciously boxing up the grief because I'm having to handle her estate....however, that doesn't stop my subconscious from tackling it.
My heart goes out to you and your WP....(((((((Shar))))))
xoxoxoxoxoxCoral
Posted by Kath on June 1, 2006, at 15:21:10
In reply to Re: Everybody must be feelin' great!, posted by coral on May 31, 2006, at 18:08:05
Hi Coral - So good to see you here!
I'm sorry about your Mom - don't know any details, but I send you warm hugs.
My Mom died when I was 23 and I'm 59 now. I've done VERY little grieving. Just did some "energy work" yesterday about my Mom's illness & death. I feel like I'm starting to chip away at the grief a bit these days.
Once I told a therapist that it felt like a huge high dam was holding back the waters of the grief & if I let them open I'd drown. She pointed out that I can take a few rocks out of the dam & let some flow out without being overwhelmed by it. That was some years ago. It seems that finally, some of the feelings about my Mom's illness & death are coming to the surface for me to feel them.
((((((((((((Coral)))))))))))))
love, Kath
Posted by coral on June 7, 2006, at 12:31:23
In reply to Re: Everybody must be feelin' great! » coral, posted by Kath on June 1, 2006, at 15:21:10
Dear Kath,
Thanks for the warm hugs. Sorry to know of your loss so early in life. At least I had my mother much longer. She passed after a very long illness.
I'm handling the estate and am one step short of exhaustion at the moment....sigh....
Coral
Posted by Shar on June 10, 2006, at 19:45:58
In reply to Re: Everybody must be feelin' great! -- Kath, posted by coral on June 7, 2006, at 12:31:23
I think the 'letting loose of the dam' analogy is a very good one.
When my dad died when I was 14, I was left alone with psycho-mom. My older sis got to go live with a dearly loved aunt and uncle. In those days, people didn't talk to kids about death (part of the American dream?). So, I was pretty much on my own, and got into a lot of bad habits pretty fast.
It took me decades to have the "Great Catharsis." It was a wonderful dream. I went into a beautiful, beachfront house (I have no idea where). My dad was there all dressed in white, and the first thing I did was run up into his arms and say "I don't want you to die!" And, we just hugged for a long time.
Then, we went for a walk on the beach, holding hands, and -- I guess it was a younger me --we talked about all the things he would miss. My high school prom, graduation, college graduation, marriage, walking me down the aisle, his grandchildren, and I got to tell him how much I would miss him. Even now, I do--but not to a devastating extent, as before.
I think we all deal with these things in our own ways, in our own time, and, really, my belief is, the pain can stop being a major focus, but it never really goes away completely. IMHO.
Coral, Kath--y'all have my complete sympathy, and are in my heart. I understand the exhaustion; it can come in many ways.
xoxoxo
Shar
Posted by Shar on June 10, 2006, at 20:44:35
In reply to Red wine in chili... » shar, posted by allisonm on May 30, 2006, at 20:51:58
A--
I believe that if it takes a glass of wine or two to get through the day, that's fine. And if it takes a couple more to get through the night, that's ok, too.I don't believe in driving under the influence, but, self-medication is a well-known phenomenon...especially with us who have mood disorders, and don't have the right med "cocktail", self-medication occurs quite frequently. Whether it is Tylenol-PM, Sudafed, wine, whiskey, pot, etc. And, there's no shame in trying to survive.
In fact, the world believes the shame is in trying NOT to survive. So...go figure. It's like dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.
You can always pull back on alcohol usage, but you have to be around to do it. And, you are just a kid! You have many years to go!
Winston Churchill once said "My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite: smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them."
I'm just saying, if that's what it takes to keep you around...OK.
xoxo
Shar
Posted by allisonm on June 11, 2006, at 22:07:34
In reply to Re: Red wine in chili... » allisonm, posted by Shar on June 10, 2006, at 20:44:35
Thank you.
I often wonder whether the prescribed drugs that I take will cause cancer or liver failure and whether they are more or less toxic than alcohol. My pdoc says the drugs such as ativan are less "hepatotoxic."
I am always in awe of his psychiatric terms. They make me giggle sometimes in session. He looks at me strangely, but I don't care. I think that any "normal" or "regular" or "average" person would giggle at terms such as "sleep hygiene" when talking about sleep habits or "tribe" when referring to finding people who are more like me.
It has been hard the last few days. I am remembering that it has been about 8 years since I last saw my mother alive. It was a weekend in June -- the weekend of Father's Day. Unfortunately, I got into a conversation with a new friend about my mother and her alcoholism and the last time that I saw her. It brought back intense memories that I had put away. Now my mind swims with recollections of that time.
I have to change the subject now.
In other news, I have the five coolest kitty cats in the world. Four of them are all black. They amuse me endlessly. They all get along well and seem to like me too. They follow me all over the house, and all of them are under 2 years old, so there is plenty of play going on... I find cat toys all over the place. Their locations change hourly. Cardboard boxes are the best toys of all. These little furry creatures are the joy in my life. They love me unconditionally, which is more than I can say for 99.9 percent of humans I have known in this world.
I don't know why, but I seem to be having problems with time lately. I turn 45 this fall. (I know, I am a baby in your eyes.)
My husband left me and my mother died 8 years ago in July. I seem to be reliving the events that led up to those bad 10 days in July. I don't know why all of this is coming back into consciousness now. I thought I was over this stuff several years ago. This really sucks.
Posted by Kath on June 15, 2006, at 20:30:42
In reply to Kath and Coral, posted by Shar on June 10, 2006, at 19:45:58
Wow Shar - what a lovely dream.
A few years ago when I visited Nova Scotia (where my Mom & Dad had been after they were married - I'd heard so many stories growing up about it & knew he loved it there). Anyway, at the shore one day I felt my Dad there & talked with him & felt him so strongly with me. It was lovely.
Your dream sounds wonderful.
Thanks for your kind words.
Kath
Posted by Kath on June 15, 2006, at 20:37:13
In reply to Re: Red wine in chili... » Shar, posted by allisonm on June 11, 2006, at 22:07:34
Hi Alli - so sorry this is happening for you (not your kitties - the other stuff)
Please see the post from today on the alternative board about TAT. In fact here's the website.
www.tatlife.com
It's a 'holding' method. It may sound weirdo but it is AMAZING. At least is has been for me anyway.
I've dealt with 3 issues:
1 - being left crying alone in my crib in a closed room when I was a baby. This memory came up in some inner child work years ago.l2 - my Mom's breast cancer & death when I was 23.
3 - all the sh*t with my son from his age 13 until now (22)
Believe me - it's amazing what I feel has been lifted off of me. Don't hesitate to email me (anybody) if you want more info about my experience
much love, Kath
> Thank you.
>
> I often wonder whether the prescribed drugs that I take will cause cancer or liver failure and whether they are more or less toxic than alcohol. My pdoc says the drugs such as ativan are less "hepatotoxic."
>
> I am always in awe of his psychiatric terms. They make me giggle sometimes in session. He looks at me strangely, but I don't care. I think that any "normal" or "regular" or "average" person would giggle at terms such as "sleep hygiene" when talking about sleep habits or "tribe" when referring to finding people who are more like me.
>
> It has been hard the last few days. I am remembering that it has been about 8 years since I last saw my mother alive. It was a weekend in June -- the weekend of Father's Day. Unfortunately, I got into a conversation with a new friend about my mother and her alcoholism and the last time that I saw her. It brought back intense memories that I had put away. Now my mind swims with recollections of that time.
>
> I have to change the subject now.
>
> In other news, I have the five coolest kitty cats in the world. Four of them are all black. They amuse me endlessly. They all get along well and seem to like me too. They follow me all over the house, and all of them are under 2 years old, so there is plenty of play going on... I find cat toys all over the place. Their locations change hourly. Cardboard boxes are the best toys of all. These little furry creatures are the joy in my life. They love me unconditionally, which is more than I can say for 99.9 percent of humans I have known in this world.
>
> I don't know why, but I seem to be having problems with time lately. I turn 45 this fall. (I know, I am a baby in your eyes.)
>
> My husband left me and my mother died 8 years ago in July. I seem to be reliving the events that led up to those bad 10 days in July. I don't know why all of this is coming back into consciousness now. I thought I was over this stuff several years ago. This really sucks.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble 2000 | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.