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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jeff on May 20, 1999, at 23:40:19
Hello...
Several years ago (I'm 28 now) I began taking Wellbutrin primarily for nicotine withdrawl (I had been using chewing tobacco since I was 16 as self-med for ADD, and had to quit immediately to maintain oral health). It became clear that I was also depressed at the time because I felt so much better about everything. Mostly, I had been feeling debilitatingly mentally and emotionally exhausted after five difficult years after college. Mostly, I have displayed the symptoms of the unoffical "Atypical depression", with my mood mirroring my life situation very closely, and the ADD which has always been there. The worst it had ever been for me was truly wanting to commit suicide but knowing that I couldn't do it.Recently, Wellbutrin has been "pooping out". Of all things, I am feeling the worst about the fact that I am depressed in the first place. My doctor has suggested switching to Effexor, but after reading some of the horror stories here, I don't think I will try it. I was thinking about Serzone, any others on this?
Also, I was wondering what others' experiences have been regarding the stigma of depression and/or ADD? Recently, I met this woman and it felt so right that I thought I might have finally found "the one". It became apparent that this was probably not the case before I told her that I was on medication, but I did tell her before we broke it off, and it was obvious that it negatively affected how she felt about me. Since then I have been consumed with anxiety about what to do about this the next time I meet someone. Is it OK to keep it a secret until the relationship is mature enough to handle it? Or would that be immoral or unethical, springing something like that on someone once they are fully invested? Should I look for someone who is also depressed or is that not a good idea? I have no idea how I would manage to go on if someone rejected me for only that. Surely the thought that if they did so they probably weren't worth it anyway would be of little consolation.
I read a study that revealed that 50% of the spouses of depressed people said they would not have married that person had they known they were going to have a mental disorder.
What have been everyone else's experiences?
Posted by SJ on May 21, 1999, at 3:13:31
In reply to depressed about being depressed, posted by Jeff on May 20, 1999, at 23:40:19
Jeff,
You remind me of someone.....
Effexor horror stories? I've noticed that nearly all of the antidepressants have received bad press in one form or another here--maybe it has something to do with everyone responding differently. I had fairly good luck with Effexor, but Wellbutrin was a disaster for me. Because of my (irrational?) suspician that Effexor has contributed to weight gain, I'm supposed to be tapering off in order to try the next one: Celexa. I'm not so sure. By far, the best med I've tried so far is Neurontin, for mood swings. But I still get mood swings--they're just not so morbid and suicidal (oddly, I wish they were sometimes--?) So, what to do? I haven't heard much about Serzone, except that it maybe has a lower incidence of sexual side effects, like the Wellbutrin (they ALL say that....).
I sympathize with your situation involving dating. In fact, it's practically giving me an anxiety attack just thinking of what to say! I think that what I would do is refrain from mentioning it unless I was serious about the relationship. I would not mention it to anybody I knew casually (the social stigma is definately there). You've already anticipated the best advice anyone could give you: a woman who would choose to think less of you because you take antidepressant medication isn't worth your time. It *is* true. Still, I know that this statement is one that you know on an intellectual level, but it's not something you (or I) can ever accept on an emotional level (sigh...). I do believe that there is nothing wrong in wittholding this information about yourself until an appropriate time. It's not like it's a contagious disease.
Wouldn't it be difficult to get to that point in a relationship without the woman noticing that you were depressed? I don't think that I could conceal that there was something up with me for a sustained length of time.
As for whether you should seek out other depressed women--uh, I want to say YES!, but I think that perhaps a romantic relationship isn't well served by having TWO depressed people anxious about each other all the time. I could be wrong, and I know that I wouldn't follow any advice whatsoever when it came to ROMANCE! One advantage, though, to dating a depressed person is that you'd have someone with whom you could relate to in a way you just can't with others (at least that's true for me). This could be very helpful to you, especially now. Just maybe not for the long term picture.
How do you go about deliberately trying to find a depressed woman to strike up a romance with, anyway? Do you already know some likely candidates? Come to think of it, I'm aware of depressed women all over the place.
Incidentally, my husband would still marry me, even after all I've put him through (and I've even told him he SHOULD divorce me!).
I wish the best for you, Jeff. I hope that, even though I'm not part of the dating scene, I was able to offer you some sort of useful advice. Maybe others here have actual dating experience on which to base their advice....
Posted by Jim Hardy on May 21, 1999, at 3:34:27
In reply to Re: depressed about being depressed, posted by SJ on May 21, 1999, at 3:13:31
I've read bad things about Effexor, too, but when I tried it I had no side effects and no trouble stopping it, if I withdrew slowly. I've taken Serzone and the only thing I can say is that it didn't have any sexual side effects, whereas I have noticed them with the SSRIs such as Paxil, Prozac, etc. I wish I could, but I can't answer your other questions. Good luck. -- Jim
Posted by Sean on May 21, 1999, at 14:44:21
In reply to depressed about being depressed, posted by Jeff on May 20, 1999, at 23:40:19
> Hello...
> Several years ago (I'm 28 now) I began taking Wellbutrin primarily for nicotine withdrawl (I had been using chewing tobacco since I was 16 as self-med for ADD, and had to quit immediately to maintain oral health). It became clear that I was also depressed at the time because I felt so much better about everything. Mostly, I had been feeling debilitatingly mentally and emotionally exhausted after five difficult years after college. Mostly, I have displayed the symptoms of the unoffical "Atypical depression", with my mood mirroring my life situation very closely, and the ADD which has always been there. The worst it had ever been for me was truly wanting to commit suicide but knowing that I couldn't do it.
>
> Recently, Wellbutrin has been "pooping out". Of all things, I am feeling the worst about the fact that I am depressed in the first place. My doctor has suggested switching to Effexor, but after reading some of the horror stories here, I don't think I will try it. I was thinking about Serzone, any others on this?
>
> Also, I was wondering what others' experiences have been regarding the stigma of depression and/or ADD? Recently, I met this woman and it felt so right that I thought I might have finally found "the one". It became apparent that this was probably not the case before I told her that I was on medication, but I did tell her before we broke it off, and it was obvious that it negatively affected how she felt about me. Since then I have been consumed with anxiety about what to do about this the next time I meet someone. Is it OK to keep it a secret until the relationship is mature enough to handle it? Or would that be immoral or unethical, springing something like that on someone once they are fully invested? Should I look for someone who is also depressed or is that not a good idea? I have no idea how I would manage to go on if someone rejected me for only that. Surely the thought that if they did so they probably weren't worth it anyway would be of little consolation.
>
> I read a study that revealed that 50% of the spouses of depressed people said they would not have married that person had they known they were going to have a mental disorder.
>
> What have been everyone else's experiences?Boy can I relate... I think we need to forgive
ourselves for having depression or any other kind
of disorder. I've spent a great deal of time just
coming to terms or accepting that my brain was not
exactly normal. On the other hand, I have made
many new friends who have similar stories and I
feel a certain kinship with them which makes our
friendship stronger. I am also an artist, and I
have found that most people in the art community
are very accepting of mood disorders.So I guess I would put persons who were not accepting
in the same class as those who would not marry a
person who had, say, a limp; I'm not sure I would
want to be with such a person.When you deal with the struggle of depression,
the ups and downs over the years, and you hang on
through pain which I am convinved most normal
people just do not get, there must be some kind
of strength of character that emerges, even if we
cannot see it ourselves. Sometimes I can read this
between the lines of persons who post messages at
this sight, and I am touched by their strength and
courage.I think a lover who does not see this is missing
out on something very important.Sean.
Posted by Jeff on May 22, 1999, at 20:52:01
In reply to depressed about being depressed, posted by Jeff on May 20, 1999, at 23:40:19
SJ - Who do I remind you of? I was unsure whether you were referring to yourself. The idea about dating depressed women came into my head for precisely that reason - being able to relate, empathize instead of sympathize. And I firmly believe that regardless of physical and emotional symptoms, anyone's capacity for hope and love is greater with a partner at their side. My life would be worthwhile if someone else's was even a little better because they spent it with me. It is comforting to know that some have their supportive companion.
As for concealing that there is something up with me - there is no need because it is apparent immediately - I'm ADD. We are plainly different even when asymptomatic.Sean - I have spent most of my life coming to terms with ADD, now I am starting from the beginning with depression. I have felt the kinship you speak of with other ADD individuals, but I have yet to have the chance to become close with someone who is being treated for depression. I suspect the kinship will be much the same but very different. The primary difference is that symptoms of depression are usually experienced as something alien, not a part of you. If these symptoms were to suddenly disappear, you would feel more like yourself. With ADD, the symptoms ARE you. It feels good to have certain ADD symptoms because this is what comes naturally and effortlessly. If these symptoms were to disappear, you may not feel like yourself. When two ADDers connect, the kinship forms because it's OK to be yourself. I suspect that when two depressives connect, the kinship forms because it's OK to NOT be yourself. Either way, the strength of character that you mentioned is unmistakable. I see it too in these postings.
This forum is an absolutely wonderful place: it has become so hard to find sincerity on the internet. Thank you Dr. Bob and everyone out there.
Jeff
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