![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 195 to 219 of 495. Go back in thread:
Posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 1:08:08
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by Partlycloudy on July 17, 2014, at 13:52:59
> Noise cancelling headphones
yeah. i'm fairly sure we had a conversation about those last year, sometime.
applications open for next year in a couple weeks. i'll put in a specific request for a 'noise free zone'. basically... say that i simply don't make noise that would bother others (don't listen to loud music, don't have friends over to hang out in my apartment). i like to sleep and wake and study as i choose without other people being able to appeal to making 'reasonable noise at reasonable hours'. and... if there are other people like me... it would make all of our lives easier if we were placed on the same floor...
then the people who end up in studios because... well... perhaps because those were the only options left (i think that is partly it. studios are too expensive for most local students. i think that is why it is largely US students who are only here for 1 semester). and so you get people who are frantic to keep their door open and who walk around in pairs or gaggles or 3 or 4 or 5 because they are people who can't bear to be alone. those people... if you put them all on the same floor... you could give them big heavy rocks for their doors... and they could have their frat house or whatever it is that they want...
i think they think they are encouraging us to be better people by promoting diversity etc. i wonder if they think... they are matching me. sigh. perhaps this is one of those... people taking a year to get to know me... get to know that when i say 'i just want a quiet space so i can get on with my work' that what i mean is 'i just want a quiet space so i can get on with my work'. i hope that is it. fingers crossed... fingers crossed, indeed.
25+ (age) floor would be cool, too... but really, i don't care. i just want... to have a place to put myself where reliably... i can't hear other people (on the floor) banging about or calling or whistling or singing or yelling or whatever... someplace where my attention isn't captured by them. i think age would make a difference, actually.
i suppose they don't have any way of telling which people are quiet and which people are noisy. people aren't reliable self-reporters, typically. perhaps most other people aren't as bothered by other peoples noises as i am.
i wish i was more tolerant... will have to see how things wear in... i'm fairly sure noisy girl isn't going to get any quieter. she is one of those people who has to be accompanied by others always and she keeps up a constant stream... how much she bothers me will basically depend on... how much girl next door decides to befriend her. reward her for making noise her way. invite her over to make noise in her place. encourage her to come fetch her for this and that. class every morning at 8? come to sing out goodnight to the whole floor every evening?
sigh.
i don't know what happened to the boy. he seems to be gone.. american girl now. i wonder... i wonder if they think they ARE matching me.
i hope i get to be a bit more tolerant. i think i'm getting crankier as i get older... definatly since quitting smoking... but age, too. i just... i'm not 18 any more. and i guess... it is wearing a little bit thin that people treat me like i am. i'm just... not. i'm feeling my age... i... uh... i guess this is a bit more how you are supposed to feel... like being a student is temporary. you want it to be over. so you can earn money. what's good about money is the power it gives you. to get a bigger space somewhere that is sufficiently gated or restricted such that other people don't bother you / encroach on your space at all. to get away from the tragedy of the commons. i think people do get... quirkier or something as they get older...
something about quality, too. quality of friendships rather than quantity. being a lot less interested in making friends with everyone and a bit more discriminating with respect to where one invests ones time...
classes monday. looking forward to. picked up law coursebook today. LOTS of readings. graded to a curve because of multiple streams and competitive entry to year 2 law... still... think this semester will be less competitive because this is pre-req for other first year paper so all the law major hopefuls would have done it last semester and being doing the sequel. still... i won't get cocky. 2 essays. no options. 100% of the course grade. big. f*ck*ng. exam. and knowing my luck... it will be just after physics. lolz.
biology: aka: the study of icky gross things. more than 90% of animals are invertebrates. ick. physics... thermodynamics (they call it 'heat' on the outline and it takes us three weeks). mechanics. electricity. optics / waves. hopefully... slow and steady... she'll be right.
this actually happened last saturday... knock knock knock on my door. thinking... decided to open it. could be important. guy. can i come in. no. pause. after a while... what do you want? uh, can i come in? no. what do you want (firmer). uh... we're playing this game... next door... and as part of it i'm supposed to knock on some random persons door and get their phone number. can i have your phone number.
puzzled look.
no. confused look. sorry... no... sorry... i'm not interested... shutting the door... partly on him (pushing him back).
?
wtf?
i mean really. i.. uh.. really don't understand.
one scenario... truth or dare type of thing... i WAS randomly selected... they are trying to make friends. another scenario i wasn't randomly selected (something to do with indian boy perhaps deciding to move to be closer to noisier people?)... another scenario slightly more malicious?? about seeing whose phone number they could get (so they could, what? harrass me later?). why was he so insistant on coming into my flat? seems... weird to me. girls... don't typically let strange guys into studios... maybe he thought he was knocking on the door of a flat... the RA's put our name on the door (that's how i know we are a floor full of studios)...
probably... just kids being kids. that's what i mean: i'm not 18 years old any more. i... i'm not interested in your games. they bother me, actually. i get that it's an important part of your college experience and all. that playing games harrassing some girl for giving out her phone number of whatever is all part of your college experience and all... but, uh... 25+ year floor... yeah... thanks. that'd be great.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 1:54:59
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 1:08:08
my undergrad uni (from before) 1/3 of the students were returning / mature / over 25. so lecturers didn't often appeal to 'you might remember from school that'. but then i also studied things that weren't studied from school... and, uh, it's possible that more than 1/3 of the students in arts and social science (and education and law) were mature... probably less over in physical science... and, uh, they probably did need to remember stuff from school, yeah.
i think... i get on pretty good with the disability guy here. he's going to talk to the bio convenor... anyway... i wrote him an email and said that i'd feel heaps better if i could observe a lab before participating in one. and that the head of chemistry said that sometimes students get a senior student to supervise them to do their lab someplace quieter (more one on one assistance) but the department couldn't fund that - it would need to be through disability.
anyway... point being... if you don't ask you won't get. so... thought i'd ask. i feel... that it is a big ask. i feel... like it might be asking too much... anyway... if you don't ask you won't get... he said he would meet with the co-ordinator and see... anyway... fingers crossed. we do dissection. lots of dissecting things at varying degrees of icky grossness... up to... rat. abdominal cavity. and preparing slides for microscope work. it is... important to me that dissection go well. that i... learn to like it.
and i told him that i'd decided to take his (and the science centres - so he doesn't feel like he pushed me into it or will be blamed if it goes badly)... take their advice in doing health science next year instead of biomed. take the easier options of verbal papers instead of physics... since my math is bad. and i'll have a lot less labs. i'm hoping that law will help keep me verbal. haven't done anything verbal (reading and writing) since quitting smoking... focus... i think enough time has passed...
anyway...
the med thing... i think the thing to do would be to... tell them in the interview (if i make it that far) about my dx. and tell them that i have things set up. that i'm good at knowing what i need... that i have supportive people to help me... that i have history of suitable accommodations with the university of auckland... that i understand there are competency requirements and funding and logistic limitations on accommodations... but that what happened to that student studying at cambridge was tragic... and that the university of auckaland is... could be... is... better than that. we can do it. rah rah. diversity for the win.
perhaps.
it's just kooky enough to possibly work.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 23:13:10
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 1:54:59
...or not.
i don't know anything about the particulars of the case (what if any accommodations he received, what the actual problem was). So probably unwise... and i don't want to risk anything... potentially divisive.
whatever... there is time... and i have people to process things with... figure things out... probably a range of scenarios depending on how the interview seems to be going.
a bunch of stuff is up... which is making me very happy indeed.
i have some physics to be getting on with... pre-reading. equations to practice, even. first equation is pythagoras' theorum. i have no idea why... so i hunted it out (not till first year high school) from that website and... i can do them :)
and i've been reading about icky gross things... which are starting to seem a little less icky gross and more Killer *ss Mean and Bad... Cnidaria... It has a mouth / anus ahahahaha. And some of them have tentical things to grab foody bits and shove them in there ahaha.
And law... Which reads... Mostly like the history of New Zealand. Treaty of Waitangi (which we consider the founding document of this country though apparently international law considers a treaty to be the wrong kind of thing to serve as a founding document...) But anyway... The introduction of British Law... And most of the course seems fairly history focused... Which I guess it has to be. Not entirely sure what else I was expecting...
I'm not thrilled about NZ history, honestly. But I suppose I should give it a chance since last time I did it was in High School. Hopefully the lecturers will be interesting and help things come alive... Anyway: There will be reading and writing.
Looking forward to things... I am.
Yeah.
:-)
A... Rather weird combination of subjects, methinks... Or not. This uni... Is actually a pretty good one. Lots of kids DO work hard... Things are actually quite competitive... Broadly rounded... Lots will be doing arts law... Perhaps fewer but probably still a few doing science law... I still feel really privileged I get to... Learn about all different kinds of things... And I'm really happy that things are up... Mostly because... The Chemistry people seemed so... Obstructive. Obstructive about that. I guess I thought that was indicative of other fields, too... And the physics people have office hours... And say to stop by any time... So I'll feel better about seeing them for some 1:1 help if I'm struggling instead of feeling like I have to mill about in the 40+ people packed group hall with maths tutors with the blue sashes and stats tutors with the yellow sashes to help me do my problem sets (or give me the answers if I make big enough eyes at them)... Something... Lab-ish about it all... Sigh.
Anyway... Seems that I don't have to go there.
And I hope... Labs will come alive for me, too (so to speak). I really really really really hope so... Since I guess... I was thinking surgery or pathology for medicine... And of course I understand that that is likely to change... But still... It feels important to me that do everything in my power to have labs go well this semester. Dissections... With scissors. I've never done anything like it. So... We'll see...
Posted by alexandra_k on July 19, 2014, at 16:00:44
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 18, 2014, at 23:13:10
well, i've emailed about the noise because it is ruining this place for me.
i knocked on next door at around 10:30 saying that if they wanted to hang out and talk and stuff after 10pm they needed to take it to the communal kitchen area or go out to a bar or something...
they seemed to try and be quieter for a bit and did eventually piss off around 11pm.
noisy girl simply can't be not noisy. she's got a high pitched voice and if she's visiting my neighbour even behind 2 closed doors her voice travels through. and she's constant... talking or making eee noises or whatever. she simply can't be quiet. i get that. and she can't really be alone. and she's befriended 2 people and the quietest (hence most pursued) seems to be my neighbour. so noisy girl spends her time calling out to the others...
it is possible that they don't put any thought at all into room / floor allocations for studios. they might just be randomly assigned. or... i suppose it is possible that they thought they knew what would be good for me so very much better than i did. i mean... i made it very clear on my application about what i needed and what my priorities were. i really don't think that these visiting people would be particularly misrepresenting themselves... put the people who are very keen on the social thing TOGETHER. why is that so hard?
anyway... i said it was probably too late to change room / floor assignments for this semester now... but that i would give up this room (which i'll be very sad to leave, honestly) if there were a quieter one available. requested a noise free and / or 25+ year old floor for next year.
and once again... if people don't listen to me... i'll have to bring in 'disability'. that seems to be what that is about... for the times when people simply will not listen to what i have to say about how things are with me and how important things are for me... i need to say that and bring some kind of clout of disability law behind me. not that the whole disability thing has very much power (not that there are very much disabled people in / with power)...
i found this UK handbook on medical doctor diversity. where are the transgender doctors? where are the doctors with disabilities? etc... NZ gets it when it comes to Maaori and Pacific Islander doctors... Rural doctors... Why not other minority groups? I guess that was what I was thinking before...
Posted by alexandra_k on July 20, 2014, at 22:15:33
In reply to Re: classes..., posted by alexandra_k on July 19, 2014, at 16:00:44
yay... classes today... so happy... so good to be back.
:)
physics is okay. young post-doc for the first quarter. he seems nice. might be his first time teaching. they have lots of extra help available... a 'stop by pretty much anytime' room... so... no excuses...
pythagoras theorum is for resolving a perpendicular vector. i learn.
a lot of the same kids from chemistry last semester. i think because a few of them have decided to apply for bio-med next year... which means they are trying to get their GPA up. so... taking the easiest papers they can find... it is actually nice to have familiar faces... they are nice kids, really.
law was great. like coming home. philosophy, ha. speel on how it isn't about learning facts it is about engaging with the content. on how the lecturer has opinions and is opinionated but she doesn't want us to say what we think she wants to hear she wants us to engage for ourselves.
lots of new words. familiar... but i don't know what they mean. and little phrases. technical terms, i guess. she did a lot of getting us to talk. we only have 4 tutorials... so the lectures are lectures and small group work as part of that... i had a grumble about group work... but... whatever.
she's older... but seems younger. i mean... she said she taught the course for the first time the year before i was born... but i would have guessed she was roughly my age. so she's maybe early 50's... knows her stuff... obviously enjoys teaching it. dynamic. so... it will be fun. i was surprised that most of the class said they intend to apply for law... but it doesn't make sense to me... because it is a pre-req for the other first year law paper and you need both of them... so... they did badly last semester and are repeating? it makes no sense...
the class is graded to a strict curve... it is notoriously a course to stay away from if you are looking for an easy pass... i don't actually know whether that is true or not, but that's the grapevine. even though it is classified 'gen ed'. anyway... that's why i'm taking it this year. wouldn't risk it next year...
anyway... i was thinking about dropping it... but will keep me sane after physics, i think. which is all calculations.
animal bio... in 45 minutes... icky gross things here i come...
so good to be back.
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 22, 2014, at 18:23:22
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 20, 2014, at 22:15:33
I liked that. "Law was like coming home."
Oh, to be a fly on the wall where you are, and vicariously enjoy a formal education.
Envy.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2014, at 19:30:40
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by Partlycloudy on July 22, 2014, at 18:23:22
> I liked that. "Law was like coming home."
> Oh, to be a fly on the wall where you are, and vicariously enjoy a formal education.
> Envy.Why don't you enroll in something? Is there a uni close? Canadian Literature, or something.
Online... Really isn't the same.
It IS hard, with all the kids... But it is... Stimulating. It keeps me sane. I honestly don't know what I'd do without it...
When I tried to quit drugs... I couldn't quite manage it. Went off to rehab and that didn't work out. Then I decided stuff focusing on trying to stay clean... Enrolled back at University. Just part time. 2 courses... It gave me a reason to stay clean. Working on assignments... Gave me something (actually fairly interesting) to be doing in the evenings. In front of the TV. I'm back to that, haha.
My Dad's marriage was a lot like how you describe yours. I think my stepmother wanted more... More intimacy. But my Dad actually seemed to be happy. He liked to have charge of the TV remote and evenings were about watching TV. Not even talking during the commercials... I remember when I used to visit... I'd take work with me to help with the boredom...
And my friends who I stayed with in Wellington... We didn't have a TV because Jo didn't want it to be like the above... So everyone had their internet device and there we were doing our own thing...
I guess one issue is what you do with your time (e.g., I potter away like that by myself to unwind). Another issue is degree of intimacy. And how much conversation is a part of that. Some guys... Really aren't chatty...
Anyway... I'm actually serious about the college thing. Why the hell not? JUst one class....
The biggest and best thing about being a student is: 'opportunity'. That's what you catch from the young un's. A feeling of an exciting and interesting future. Of things being on the up. Of how things are only going to get better. Of possibilities... Being a doctor or lawyer or English Professor or whatever.... The idea(l) of these things...
It helps.
And you are verbal and creative and stuff. I think... You would really love it.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2014, at 0:02:40
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2014, at 19:30:40
so physics is... well... at the risk of cliche... physics is HARD. my brain hurts, wah! and i'm just... well... i'm just not very good at it. my brain doesn't work like that.
most everything seems surprising and odd to me. thinking of movement in a circle as being continuous changes in direction... going up and going to the left and going down... odd things like that... i guess i just thought... well... you are going forwards, really. different ways of thinking... i find it quirky and fun. but i would never have thought of it like that if i were left to my own devices... and it turns out there are good reasons for thinking of it differently... etc... but my brain just doesn't particularly naturally think that way at all...
i think a large part of it is about instruction. about providing a structured environment... about just naturally growing up in an environment that has that structure... i think... mathematics education is a huge part in providing that structure, yeah. that a lot of that... seems preparatory for science, yeah. amazing how... conceptually... seeing the way they set things up for maths... right from kindy... year 5... year 7... seeing how viewing things that way makes this and that in science seem more... natural. easier, even. easy if you think of it in this way...
i'll stick out the course... but i think at the end of it... i'll be pleased enough to call it a day. for physics. for physical chemistry. i mean, i know aspects may come back in biology... but biologists think fairly differently about such things...
biology is... intimidating. a very large lecture theatre with severely staggered seating. one needs to arrive very early in order to get a good seat. then sit about for a fair while being jostled and listening to the yakkers yakkity yak yak.
the lecturers have been interesting thus far. dynamic. making icky gross things seem pretty and amazing and interesting. really very clear presentation of material... powerpoints in advance... i'm coming around to the whole course book thing... have figured out how to annotate it and personalize it so it will be useful for me... and apparently it has been arranged so i can observe a lab in advance. which i have a huge sigh of relief about... will talk with... my key worker... i guess she is... about what to say to students asking about that... if i can observe... it really will help me so very very very very very much. and the bio people will get to know me a bit...
law is going well. missed today because of court. court is going well... not guilty. next up is about the lawyers trying to get the statement of what i'm accused of changed. because i didn't try and kick her... but i admit i punched her a few times. apparently... the whole thing will take maybe 9 months. and hopefully it'll get chucked out by the judge at that point... anyway... they seem to find it interesting to entertain me so, uh, that's what i guess i'll be doing on wednesdays... and they are even going to get me in in the afternoons so i won't miss class...
i guess i can turn up and watch anytime i want... open court. i guess... i can do that at the high court, too, actually. i actually live just across the road from the high court haha. i just don't think to be... nosy. the old biology building was initially designed (or something like that) as a biology museum... one of the lecturers was saying... we can go wander around and there are all kinds of exhibits... i just don't really think to go exploring like that... but i should... wander around... find nooks and crannies... places to study... things to learn...
the lawyer i've been assigned... she's young. really, very. and timid. i guess that's why we have lots of small group activity things in lectures... to try and encourage the kids to be more socially confident. i guess i just assumed that the kids who wanted to do law would be... drama people. but actually thinking about the kids in the actual class... well... i guess some people gotta do paperwork for tax law etc etc...
i don't think it matters particularly, though. i trust the process i've seen from court room 5 ahaha and looks like you get the same room / judge right the way through... only potentially trouble with needing to send my grading contract off... leaving the 'do you have criminal proceedings underway against you?' question blank... they'll probably just assume i missed a question... i imagine it will be okay. they probably won't even notice (and they've employed me before). fingers crossed, anyway...
exhausted. bit of a shock to the system having 9am class and 4pm class. so grateful indeed i can come home for naps between class. don't know what i'd do otherwise... early starts... good for me. anyway...
...
so very glad to be back :)
Posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2014, at 15:56:23
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2014, at 0:02:40
loss of faith.
so... the first year biology co-ordinator thinks i'm an idiot. she was like 'so, have you read your manual because there is lots about labs in there' and 'no, it doesn't' when i pointed out that one of the sentences stopped mid-word never to be resumed... and i had to go through that with her mighty slowly...
i said 'if labs don't work out for me then i'm going to have to go and do something else'. to... test the waters. you know. she almost said 'yes - you will'. but she bit her lip. so... yeah. that's the general attitude.
the kids who rock up to lab without having done any of the pre-reading at all... who smile and flirt and copy and laugh their way through labs to earn (actual average grade for labs) an A+ for the laboratory component...
these are the people who are the future of biology. the students who get an A+ on a test where the average class grade is a B... We don't want them. I mean... Who cares about theory - right? It's all about having fun in the labs...
Apparently different people have different 'learning styles'. That's how come some people talk right the way through lectures... That's how come some people tap tap tap their pencils and incessantly kick the desk in front of them. I mean... I'd be tempted to say 'oh yeah, are they really learning?' But their laboratory grade speaks for itself.
My B+ doesn't mean sh*t. Because most people who got that... Got it in virtue of not failing any of the theory and getting an average grade (A+ equivalent) for the laboratory component.
So...
Becuase of idiosyncratic things about the way they choose to break down their grading distribution..
Becuase biology has decided that the actual graded component of labs is supposed to be a surprise... Hence there are issues about my attending a laboratory in advance. Because they have decided you actually arent supposed to know what you are doing before you 'just get in there girl! hurry up already!'...
Biology is not for me.
The university is upfront abuot how on disability grounds you can request a separate examination room. I've never seen the point in that. The exam is invigilated and people have to be silent. It is the one f*ck*ng time of the year that people are made to be silent (which is probably why a lot of people bomb exams because they freak out about the silent).
And what of learning styles then? Clue: F*ck off about your learning styles... Focus on your EXAMINATION CONDITIONS. They set the ideal / optimal learning styles. And with respect to that ideal standard you have fixed... Some people are simply disruptive.
But it does... Perhaps... Set precedence. For me to ask for a separate testing room for labs. Since they are supposed to be exams like that. I want a quiet room, then.
I don't suppose I'l get it. Because that costs money. I'll need to be independently supervised.
Too many people. 200+ students. Who the f*ck cares... Give us the EASY students. The ones who don't give a f*ck. We'll herd them through...
Education. Huh.
Methinks the sophists got to that...
Posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2014, at 16:07:52
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2014, at 15:56:23
oh... so apparently the medical science course doesn't have assessed labs.
though, actually, that wasn't entirely clear from the person who told me that. the 'dissection' component wasn't assessed...
i suspect this is, yet again, a case of how they think they are 'starting out easy and training you up to do stuff that is hard' but what is hard for others is easy for me and vice versa.the problem is...
herding them through. i don't herd through so good. so...
i won't just turn and walk away... because none of this actually makes a damn of difference.
this is going to be one of those things... will take however many years just for me to get to talk to the right people in a conversation where they are somehow primed not to relate to me like i'm an idiot. to even understand... what it is that things are supposed to be about... in order to make an informed decision about whether i can do that / whether it is worth my fighting to get to do that... etc.
i think the world is f*ck*d up and screwy.
i'm coming to learn why i'm so bad at asking for help. now that i've started askign for help i've come to learn that people don't / won't pull through on that. they will chastise and blame you for not asking for help... but if you point out that you did ask for help and they didn't provide appropriate help... well...
they will offer things nobody needs. a quiet examination room. they won't offer things that people can actually use. apparently... people in wheelchairs can't even get their classes scheduled in a wheelchair friendly room. they'll just tell them to listen to the lectures online. but then lecturers won't put all their stuff online because they want to focus their teaching on the lazy students who won't be bothered coming to class if they think they can get all the material later (those are the important students, you see, the ones who do really f*ck*ng well in labs all naturally miraculously talented like with no preparation or forwards planning at all!) and some people in biology simply won't refrain from going on and on and on about red-green contrast stuffs in total resregard of people with that form of colour blindness...
the world is b*llsh*t.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 25, 2014, at 19:50:35
In reply to Re: yay..., posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2014, at 16:07:52
well, there goes week one. feel like i've been rolled over by a steam train... or whatever that saying is, i forget.
it is a shock to the system having 9am class and then 4pm class... not used to getting up so early... not used to finishing up so late... i think i develop a different relationship to sleep when i have a time to get up by... i think once i get used to the routine objectively i do better for it... and i simply can't manage to develop the routine when i don't have scheduled classes... but it is a bit of a shock to the system while i try to adapt.
law is... well, nobody else seems to take much in the way of notes... but she gets through a great deal of content and i don't see how else we are supposed to learn it... so... i'm getting 3-4 pages in 50 minutes. if my memory serves me right... that will become more like 6... and, yeah, i'll manage to crank out around 12 pages in the 2 hour exam at the end of the semester. dealing with hand cramps and so on... my words are tripping over each other. ha. i have learned... my verbal writing skills have deteriorated through disuse. that is... surprising... but not surprising... i feel happy for it. i thought it would be so... i'll be fast to pick things back up. glad for the course.
biology is actually hardest because... yak yak yakkity yak right the way through lectures. people like to talk. i think a bunch of kids are drawn to biology because it seems easier than other classes. tis true that biology isn't hard, really. that isn't the point. it is more... the masses and masses and masses of information that you are expected to retain. we've already gotten through quite a lot of content indeed... cell types and anatomy of all kinds of critters... she's great for trying to find pretty pictures... but you have to go pretty micro indeed (nano in fact ahahaha) for flukes and co... parasitic stuff... ik.
my faith has been restored in the disability people... i went and... said about how i wanted the opportunity to present my case properly before any kind of irrevokable 'no' came out... he said they were really not at that point yet... and... well... anyway... i said my piece. and he was able to rephrase so I know he gets me. i felt properly heard. i feel calmer.
meeting with nurse from the new place didn't go so well. she is a nice person etc etc etc but may as well be from mars. she says the right kinds of things... about it being good that i talk about stuff etc... but i think we are fundamentally quite different people, really.
it is hard... i know that people have more empathy for me if they think that i am broken or defective somehow so i don't get the hang of the social thing. they pity me. want to help. they feel a lot less empathy if they think that i opt out because i... look down on it somehow. because i think people are making happy puppy noises... that i could make (by putting on a great fake effort). that i think that... other people are fake with it. which they are (which i have seen around me). people be OH MY GOD SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU! then hearing them 'OH MY GOD WHAT A BITCH!' once the person is out of hearing. or 'you are discharged'. or... whatever...
labs... one thing to think I can't do it (though issues of competency are raised). another thing to think I have some kind of... moral objection about the independent work that is really group work that is really most gregarious gets most attention most flirty biggest eyes extracts the right answer from the tutors and distributes it as they see fit... kind of an opting out. less empathy.
i'm not sure what to do about htat.
i was thinking... maybe it is better if i don't go back and talk with her anymore...
but probably... it is better to see if i can learn to comunicate with her. comprimise. something like that. it is hard. i think the truth is probably some kind of middle way... i do find it hard... because i don't much care about being friends with / being popular with the 18 year old first years... but there are settings where i do care. philosophy conferences. etc. and there... social anxiety issues... social blunders... do ... prevent me. upset me. inhibit me. confound me. whatever.
anyway...
i wish i were better at physics. i like phycisists. they are good people. i get them. our lecturer was joking about 'finnish national repulsive force' and he showed us a pic of finnish people cuing for a bus. distributed. not clumped. he said it was because they hated one another and didn't want to talk. he said he comes all the way across the other side of the world to get away from finnish people. worst day if his life was to discover a finnish mathemetician 2 floors down. ahahahahahahaha. i get physicists. the class is... most distributed. most quiet. i wish i were better at physics.
anyway... back to the wormy worms... sigh. and i should get started on my physics assignment.
happy.
mostly. exhausted. but happy.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2014, at 16:55:19
In reply to Re: phew, posted by alexandra_k on July 25, 2014, at 19:50:35
i feel bad for how much i grumble and moan and complain about the way other people teach their classes or whatever...
a huge part of it is coming from fear. fear that i won't do well. and perhaps... excuses as to why i didn't. it always feels a bit like they must have just thrown them down the stairs and seen which flew the furtherest... when you didn't do well.
actually... that's not quite true... i knew i f*ck*d up aspects of chemistry before getting grades back...
i just...
partly... i am getting worse, i think. the sensory things. i've always had trouble going to the movies... because people can't sit still / be quiet. i remember in canberra... having trouble with public lectures. because the benefactor people would bring their non-academic partners and again, people can't sit still / be quiet.
biology people can't sit still / be quiet. not the first year ones in animal biology, any way.
i see that the problem with OY1 isn't the serious OY1 contenders... the problem is that they don't offer proper lecture streams... that's why the day i went... chemistry at 8am was pretty good / quiet. cell biology at 9am... more (bio) people turned up... noisier... lots of 'sssssssssh' from those who got their *ss*s there for 7.45... lots of complaining that the group of 6 can't all be together right in the middle of the theatre so they go off to the overflow room...
i guess the idea is... that the kids won't notice, really. i mean... they just came from high school. it will still be a step up from that.
and i... sort of slip through the cracks with my undergraduate degree (first degree) having been completed too long ago for them to consider... for my last degree (masters) having been completed too long ago for them to consider... 2005... it isn't like i've been in the non-academic work force since then forgetting how to study... i've been auditing graduate level courses in philosophy and science over in the US etc etc etc... but no... i have to do a foundations year (this year) before next year... OY1... cluttered up with people who can't sit down and be quiet yet. because their 'learning style' (actually, their 'failure to learn style') involves them whispering all the way through the lecture and kicking the seat in front of them.
sigh.
only 1 year and a bit to go...
at least labs are streamed next year. i wonder what the health science kids are like? my guess? they will probably be... about the same as the biologists.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2014, at 17:00:56
In reply to Re: phew, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2014, at 16:55:19
i just don't understand how these kids get to be at university. when they can't sit still and be quiet. i don't understand why it is that the lecturer doesn't say 'only rule of my classroom is not to disturb / interfere with other people learning'. then you just need to pounce on the very first instance of chatter... 'if you want to have a conversation please can you take it outside because it is disruptive to other people who are trying to learn' and... well... i've never had a problem with students talking after that.
so... it isn't that these kids can't be quiet.
they are quiet for exams.
invigilators don't invigilate properly 'you can leave early but ONLY IF YOU AREN'T DISTURBING OTHERS STILL WORKING'. tell them they aren't allowed to ask the row to move so they can get out... students will accept that if they are told.
i don't understand...
no consideration for others...
i don't understand.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2014, at 21:35:12
In reply to Re: phew, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2014, at 17:00:56
it is a beautiful day. the sun is shining and my room is really wonderfully warm...
i just had a potter in the gym... some delicious coffee...
the kids on my floor are good kids, really. i'm just a grumpy grump grump. i expect... some well intentioned matching WAS attempted... just in case... they might draw me out of my shell or something... develop a motherly instinct or something... they do seem to have mostly got the hang of going out...
life is good.
law is good. physics is... enjoyable, really. you let the hammer go at quarter to so it will keep going straight.... ahahahaha....
tapeworms are... well... gross, really. but whatever... only another week of that before we get to move out the water, i think... reptiles or something. the quirks of breathing out of the water and locomoting...
life it good. really.
looks like my contract made it through :)
worst case... i get to do law. then i can apply to med school as a graduate.
i guess...
life is good.
(of course law is actually hard to get into... but the whole second half of the course is basically philosophy of law so i... really don't see how i can go wrong...)
or sports science... there is always sport science...
life is good.
i also... got eschalon book II. which was perhaps bad of me... but perhaps not. if there is one thing i've perhaps learned from chemistry it is that... diversity can be good. having bits of different things can do. not quite a work-life balance... more of a work-work balance. having different things on the go. especially for... calculations. when you are tired and sick and it feels like reading isn't making sense... is just going straight in one ear and out the other... that simply isn't true for something like law or for stuff in biology. i've learned vast tracks of stuff for exams in that sort of altered state of consciousness. that state... simply isn't productive for math or physics or chemistry, though. i really did find that. just get to a point and ENOUGH! just can't do it anymore... the very best thing to do is to... go do something else. like... law. or biology.
eschalon book II... not entirely sure what to say... i guess... there isn't much harm in having an... escape hatch? not sure what to say...
i actually didn't get study done over the weekend... much. wrote up all my biology notes to a manageable form for the exam cram... but that's all... got started on my physics assignment. okay, so i did some. but i didn't exactly get stuck in the way i thought i should.
but now i feel... good. refreshed.
observing a lab tomorrow. then doing the lab the next day. it isn't assessed is only reason i get to observe. because it is in the first two weeks and people are still finalizing enrollments so they can't have any assessment in that period...
it'll be okay.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2014, at 22:00:37
In reply to Re: phew, posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2014, at 21:35:12
and it is winter. that is the point. middle of winter. *this* is the subtropical climate they came for...
so very glad to be up north and not to have gone down south... i did have romantic ideals about the student town... the reality (poverty in particular) would have been much much much much much harder to bear.
and the rowdy students attracted *because* it is notoriously a rowdy student town... however much of it there is here (and really - not so very much as i incessantly grump about) it would be a lot worse down there...
the weather really affects me. i remember being so very happy in canberra because of sunny sunny sunny every day is sunny. the levels of light... such a difference to quality of life. here is pretty sunny. sunny sunny... fluffy white clouds that zip about and the odd 20 minute torrential rain. by odd i mean like... one or twice or three times a day... only an issue if you get caught in it... i've been lucky...
i am very lucky indeed.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2014, at 20:40:52
In reply to Re: phew, posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2014, at 22:00:37
so i got to observe today. it was very different from chemistry. relaxed about lab coats and comings and goings. can keep your bag with you. the door is open and you can go out for water and stuff.
very structured time-wise. screens up and the demonstrations are displayed onto the screens. people do seem to work pretty closely in pairs... but i got told that my lab won't be full so i can work by myself if i like...
it was wonderful to be able to sit back and observe. get used to the temperature and the lights. get used to the accent of the demonstrator. see how closely people sit. how much they work independently vs together. how they get the attention of the demonstrators. how insistent is appropriate. all that stuff... that's the stuff that is hard for me.
i don't think i learned much of anything of the stuff that they were supposed to be learning in lab. the name of the structures... too busy processing all that other stuff... but at least i could just focus on all that other stuff and relax a bit since the pressure was off since i wasn't being assessed on other bits...
the worm was gross to start... but people seemed to... habituate. eventually. tis kinda cool all the internal structure stuff. could actually see lots from the demonstrators one... the issue seems to be about cutting lightly enough to scrape the external layer away while leaving the internal organs intact. most people are too heavy handed and cut bits out / off / crush things up...
i wonder if i can get permission to observe other labs... i didn't even look at the quiz they took at the end... or learn any of the stuff that the lab was supposed to be about... all the other stuff... is sort of... a precondition for my learning all those other things, i think. anyway... i guess... can but ask. see how tomorrow goes, anyway. if things go the better for it.
so happy they really are nothing like chemistry.
Posted by PartlyCloudy on July 29, 2014, at 8:26:09
In reply to Re: lab, posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2014, at 20:40:52
We did dissections in high school biology (boggles my mind now). There were two tracks for education then in Ontario: a 4 year programme for those not intending to go on to uni, and a 5 year programme which was geared to preparing kids for uni. I was in the 5 year programme but didn't make it to the last year, because Life.
But Biology was a quick, early morning class, and pulling animals apart were the only labs in which we were not partnered up. The further up the evolutionary scale we got, the queasier I became. I'm glad you get a chance to observe. I know that would have helped me. In a lot of ways it seemed sometimes like a "scare the kids" class, rather than educational.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 30, 2014, at 3:08:58
In reply to Re: lab, posted by PartlyCloudy on July 29, 2014, at 8:26:09
well, that went well. i actually... enjoyed it.
i made a mess of my worm, unfortunately. actually... both of them :( not entirely sure why. I WAS really careful. But the scissors were blunt and I couldn't seem to pierce the eipdermis to start with... And blunt ended so couldn't get a tip in under... And the worm was fresh and the structures seemed to tear rather than separate...
But other people managed, so I don't know.
I wonder if I can take my own small pair of nail scissors...
Anyway... Nothing irrevokable. Could draw the demonstrators... The hydra under microscope was really cool. Pretty. Tiny little animal... I'm kind of looking forward to things getting bigger. The worm didn't seem gross for long... The worst part was picking it up to start with. Then it was okay... I wish I hadn't made a mess of it :(
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 30, 2014, at 5:42:13
In reply to Re: lab, posted by alexandra_k on July 30, 2014, at 3:08:58
No scalpel? We had at least Exacto knives. And those useless bandage cutters. That sounds like a great way to smear a worm. It was by far the most difficult for our class.
Oh, and pins for the wax trays to keep the bits out of the way.
In my day, at least.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 30, 2014, at 19:17:30
In reply to Re: lab, posted by Partlycloudy on July 30, 2014, at 5:42:13
we had a little metal tray a bit bigger than a soap dish. to cut down on the amount of wax, i guess. and... a plastic box with scissors, forceps (too coarse) and a couple things that looked like compasses. needle ends. those and the pins were most useful for scraping the skin back, i think.
we were meant to hold it... snip the skin back with scissors and then pin it down. thinking now... probably the scissors had one blunt ended bit and one sharper ended bit. and i was using the wrong side... i sort of thought... what we would be doing would be a bit more like using a stanley knife... that the key would be to nick it under then slide it gently along under the skin... but it wasn't anything like that at all... i think i sort of mashed it up trying to pierce the skin in the first place :(
sorry worm :(
i did try my best :(
i guess it is a bit like cooking... chopping the vegetables... you can't use proper technique with unbalanced, blunt instruments... but proper equipment is expensive... and the idea seems to be... to keep things entertaining by keeping things at a fairly coarse grained level... so they don't want to instruct us particularly on technique... they don't have time, really... and things are overwhelming / overloading enough... hard to remember to turn the microscope off (keep the light down) so as not to fry the hydra...
and other people managed, so... i actually think i might have broken it when i was flattening / straightening it... i don't know... then the second one didn't have a saddle (was a baby?) so i don't know how much was there in the first place...
anyway...
i got more mileage out of using the pins to pull the skin back. one of the demonstrators was using the... compass looking things... to do that under the microscope... and there was a lot more there... i guess i'll try and use those more next time. and look at the scissors properly... i think i'll feel like a bit of a freak if i get my own kit since they don't say anything about our getting our own kit... but i think i'd really rather that... then (now this is going to sound odd...) i could practice using it on supermarket chickens, or something...
it's like how hairdressers are over their scissors. or chefs over their knifes... or olympic weightlifters over their barbells. the tools become... extensions of you. the end of your cane becomes your fingertips you want to wash your hands after poking something with a stick... and it takes time to learn motor control of a different... body.
Posted by PartlyCloudy on July 30, 2014, at 20:27:08
In reply to Re: lab, posted by alexandra_k on July 30, 2014, at 19:17:30
I don't think it would be odd to get your own kit if you are going to be progressing evolutionarily with the dissections. We started with worms, then did frogs, unborn sharks, and ended up with cow or pigs' eyes. I think that, given our age at the time, the "gross out" factor was taken into consideration, to encourage us to partake.
Then we reversed course and started to look microscopically at things like pond water and paramecium.
Amazing how much I recall, given the amount of time past, but it was one of my most favourite classes, with an engaging teacher with time to spend with whomever needed it. Perfect, really.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 30, 2014, at 22:36:18
In reply to Re: lab, posted by PartlyCloudy on July 30, 2014, at 20:27:08
hmm.
we only have 6 labs... but our last lab is a dissection of a rats abdominal cavity...
i can't remember what else we do... starfish... i can't remember what else... 2 vertebrates, apparently. that are by-products of medical research (aka not bred / killed specially for us).
i remember my undergraduate university had dissecting kits available from the student store... pretty sure the biology students were expected to buy them along with their lab coats. i don't think i've seen them at the student store here. haven't heard any mention of that... maybe they don't think it is a good idea to have undergraduates running around with scalpals? it wouldn't surprise me if it is that...
even then... there is a huge difference in the quality of instruments just like how there is a huge difference in the quality of knives... nothing better than chopping vegetables with a nice balanced knife... or... skinning a chicken. etc. a properly sharp pair of scissors... maybe i will take along some nail scissors... apparently you can do quite a lot with a sharp pair of scissors and those pins... scalpals can be a lot harder and too sharp (you want to have to work to pull structures apart and not accidentally slice into important structures. i suppose i should ask...
i'll only continue if it seems like i have the potential to be good at this stuff. but i guess i might need to invest a bit in order to see whether i have potential. like forking out for a decent calculator (for me). think of it that way. probably a new pair of nail scissors will do...
just think how good you'd get working in the plastination warehouses over in china....
Posted by alexandra_k on July 31, 2014, at 1:29:38
In reply to Re: lab, posted by alexandra_k on July 30, 2014, at 22:36:18
turns out the noise on this floor... which isn't so bad, i suppose... is because of a +1 (her words). got chatting in the lift... he's doing a phd in something interesting, actually. she's 'just a +1 tee hee' (her words). so... noisy one (undergrad from downstairs?) comes calling on her periodically... but they do seem to have gotten into the habit of going out... which is good, i suppose.
he probably has a lab so he doesn't even try and work from home...
anyway... whatever. hard to know what to do with +1 situations... when they get university accommodation, i mean. not sure how i feel about that, actually... if the function is to entertain then you kind of need to be someplace where you have space and facilities to entertain...
anyway... whatever...
not enough places for current students of this university...
but whatever...
whatever...
glad i'll never be one.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 31, 2014, at 2:12:35
In reply to Re: lab, posted by alexandra_k on July 31, 2014, at 1:29:38
and of course she was probably kidding... or she'll probably turn out to be like a number of '+1s' i've been introduced to... passionate about macrame or a kindy teacher (and really into that) or whatever...
and most of the most successful have +1s... or at the very least a partner who works in something sufficiently different enough such that they get sick of talking about work...
Posted by alexandra_k on August 1, 2014, at 2:01:36
In reply to Re: lab, posted by alexandra_k on July 31, 2014, at 2:12:35
feeling... behind. of course i am. end of week 2.
people were coughing today. course they were. end of week 2.
around 1/4 to 1/3 will be sick and contagious next week.1 - physics assignment.
2 - biology notes. need to keep up with having them in a manageable form for the cram. i won't try and cram 'em yet... form is important. systematizing them to make them learnable.
3 - law. was fun today. some stuff on the courts... some of the people in the class are doing the other class at the same time... wonder if they got special permission... to do both classes together... or if some of them didn't do as well as they hoped last semester so they are resitting? not sure if you are allowed to do that if you passed already? anyway... some serious people...overhead several conversations today about people who 'didn't even study' but passed this and that or who hoped to or whatever... i wish those people would go do something else. or at the very least be contentious about not disturbing other people who are trying to learn...
i suppose it is possible that people say 'sniff, i didn't even try' when really they DID try - but didn't do so well. actually... that might be fairly likely. not entirely sure how or why this culture of mine (nz) seems to promote this whole ideal of being cool as a cucumber (not giving a sh*t about anything, you know, acting like you are all full of mj and reggae chilled) and achieving more than people who, you know, try. or work. we don't seem to promote work ethic. we don't seem to promote... allowing others to have a work ethic...
anyway...
there was a cute invertebrate vid that was inspiring... but i can't find it. these guys are pretty cool, too:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF8OJt_pujc
but of course people mumble mumble whisper all the way through class...
anyway... feel like my time is spread a bit thin... guess because i need sleep to fight off all the germs... i wish lecturers would do more to dissuade people from coming to class... it really would help out the people who really really really really do want to be there...
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