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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 28 to 52 of 102. Go back in thread:
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 8:56:17
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 7:59:12
I think you are possibly being overly sensitive as it was not made in a mean spirited context and it wasn't uncivil.....the babblemails were uncivil.
It still doesn't give someone such as Phillipa and her husband to babblemail veiled threats. The point is this is something that happens numerous times a year and THAT is a huge problem. I dislike passive aggressive bullying and think it is uncivil. That is what is occurring here.
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 8:58:00
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by glydin50 on November 16, 2010, at 7:28:08
You hit the nail on the head. And people wonder why good people don't post anymore. Therein lies the answer.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:08:43
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 8:56:17
If I understand correctly, Maxime felt accused by Phillipa's babblemail.
If I were Phillipa, in reading this thread I might feel accused of everything from causing self harm to reducing site traffic to threatening another poster.
Is there a moral difference between it happening in private and it happening in public? Is the pain less or greater?
Uncivil babblemails should be forwarded, with headers, to Dr. Bob. The notification function should be used with uncivil posts. It is against site guidelines to take matters into one's own hands, so to speak.
Everyone involved in this thread, so far as I see, is a long time poster and well aware of the site guidelines.
Dr. Bob *will* be around sooner or later. If the posters on this thread feel that having their say is worth any consequences that follow, that's their decision to make. But I hope that when consequences do follow, neither Dr. Bob nor any other poster will be considered to blame.
What any other poster does is their responsibility. What each of us does in response is our *own* responsibility.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:10:16
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:08:43
I might also add that it's against site guidelines to publicly post private communication without the other poster's permission.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:14:56
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 8:56:17
> I think you are possibly being overly sensitive...
Sensitive, certainly. If I'm to err, under these circumstances, I'll happily err on the side of "overly".
I will accept responsibility for my sensitivity.
Posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 14:36:38
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 7:59:12
Well Phillipa posted the YouTube video and asked to leave comments. I ASSUMED that she meant comments on the YouTube site. I didn't think that she meant ASV mother was going to come to PB to see the comments. Also, I was just posting my POV. I said that I didn't remember him and that was the truth. With all the posters on PB I think it's fully understandable that not everyone is going to remember all the posters.
Posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 14:39:32
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:08:43
I didn't feel accused by Phillipa's BM. I felt threatened by what she was saying about her husband. I was scared that I was going to get something VERY nasty from him. The only reason Phillipa stopped him from doing it is that she was worried SHE would get in trouble. That's all.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:00:16
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 14:36:38
I respect that you contacted Ame Sans Vie's mother and everything is ok. I realize that you had no intention of hurting his mother, and did not speak with her as your intended audience. You were speaking to Phillipa about her choice to post the link, if I understood correctly. As far as I'm concerned, it can be forgotten. I'd have never brought it up again, I'd have never even again commented on this thread, had this thread not developed the way it did.
As I said before, you contacted Ame Sans Vie's mother. Phillipa thanked you. Perhaps it's best to let the matter drop.
Or you might wish to forward the babblemail to Dr. Bob at his email address.
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 15:02:36
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:08:43
"If I were Phillipa, in reading this thread I might feel accused of everything from causing self harm to reducing site traffic to threatening another poster"
People are responsible for their own actions and when they are doing things behind the scenes they should be called out for it.
"Is there a moral difference between it happening in private and it happening in public? Is the pain less or greater?"
Not sure what your point is? Interesting that people will say things in private when they can get away with it isn't it?
"What any other poster does is their responsibility. What each of us does in response is our *own* responsibility."
Not sure what your point is again? So, you are saying to ignore it when someone feels threatened? Reality is people are not allowed to say what they want freely so some resort to babblemail. I don't know about you but one should not be in favor of just keeping ones mouth shut one someone if very uncomfortable.
Again, we see this how many times a year with the same poster and behind the scenes gossip and manipulation?
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 15:04:32
In reply to Re: FYI » Maxime, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:00:16
Yes, let's forget about it and plug our ears and hum loudly so it will go away.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:05:57
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 14:39:32
It is never pleasant to contemplate the possibility of receiving an angry babblemail. It's not unusual to have more than one motive to do something. Whatever Phillipa's motives, she did convince him not to do that. It's not so easy to discourage an angry husband, in my experience.
Any attempt to de-escalate a situation like this is a good thing. For whatever reason.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:14:24
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 15:04:32
I'm trying to imagine myself as someone who would prefer to keep my mouth shut and ignore unpleasantness....
Can't quite manage it.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 15:18:28
In reply to Re: FYI » Maxime, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:05:57
> It is never pleasant to contemplate the possibility of receiving an angry babblemail. It's not unusual to have more than one motive to do something. Whatever Phillipa's motives, she did convince him not to do that. It's not so easy to discourage an angry husband, in my experience.
I wonder why Phillipa felt the need to tell Maxime that her husband was seething and so on and so forth? I believe that was done to intimidate. No matter that she "stopped" him. The damage was done. Intimidation? We don't have first hand knowledge that her husband was angry at Maxime.
Dinah, in your years of being on Babble, do you recall any instance where this sort of thing happened with the Phillipa?
Do you have any recollection of people complaining about babblemails and emails ? Anyone at any time.
>
> Any attempt to de-escalate a situation like this is a good thing. For whatever reason.As I said above the damage was done. A verbal assault/threat can be as scary as a physical thread/assault. I know that from personal experience.
I hope this doesn't get swept under the rug.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:09:40
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 15:18:28
As a pragmatist, I feel moved to ask...
Does it seem possible that a thread like this might arouse sympathy in a direction other than what is intended? No matter what the reason, is this the best way to achieve your goals?
I know when I read posts, I hear more information about the poster than the subject of the posts.
As I said before, if someone receives an uncivil babblemail, it should be forwarded to Dr. Bob. No one can assume that because they write a babblemail they are safe to say anything. It says right on the babblemail that the civility rules apply. I try never to write any babblemail that I would mind having Dr. Bob review, because I realize that it can be forwarded to him. I would advise everyone to follow that rule.
I have really nothing more to say on the the topic. People will make their own choices to post according to their own values, and their willingness to live with the consequences.
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 17:14:16
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:08:43
>>Dr. Bob *will* be around sooner or later. If the posters on this thread feel that having their say is worth any consequences that follow, that's their decision to make. But I hope that when consequences do follow, neither Dr. Bob nor any other poster will be considered to blame.
Precisely.
>>What any other poster does is their responsibility. What each of us does in response is our *own* responsibility.
Exactly.
Thanks, Dinah. I feel sad and dismayed reading this thread. I have asked Dr. Bob to look at it.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:09:40
> As a pragmatist, I feel moved to ask...
>
> Does it seem possible that a thread like this might arouse sympathy in a direction other than what is intended? No matter what the reason, is this the best way to achieve your goals?
>
> I know when I read posts, I hear more information about the poster than the subject of the posts.
>
> As I said before, if someone receives an uncivil babblemail, it should be forwarded to Dr. Bob. No one can assume that because they write a babblemail they are safe to say anything. It says right on the babblemail that the civility rules apply. I try never to write any babblemail that I would mind having Dr. Bob review, because I realize that it can be forwarded to him. I would advise everyone to follow that rule.
>
> I have really nothing more to say on the the topic. People will make their own choices to post according to their own values, and their willingness to live with the consequences.As a realist, I am asking you if you are refusing to answer the question about the "behind the scenes" babblemail controversy? Why can't you answer a simple question? Do you remember this happening before with babblemails?
I really am not in this to make sure anyone gets any sympathy. I could care less about sympathy. I am in this for what is right.
Correct this. It has been going on for years. This is why I am in this.
It is wrong.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
I also am concerned with what is right.
I've been the subject of attention like this. I think many of us have.
I don't see how this is the best way or the most effective way to resolve any issue.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:42:42
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 17:14:16
I felt the same way.
I just don't understand people sometimes.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:53:35
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
> I also am concerned with what is right.
>
> I've been the subject of attention like this. I think many of us have.
>
> I don't see how this is the best way or the most effective way to resolve any issue.Nothing has been done so far that has put a stop to it. Would you agree with me?
There is an 800 lb elephant in the room and it has been ignored for years.
I don't think anyone is going to make this up. Proof is in their babblemails. Would you call the posters liars?
For the record, I don't dislike Bob.I don't know Bob. I dislike the behavior.
>
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:55:00
In reply to Re: FYI » 10derheart, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:42:42
> I felt the same way.
>
> I just don't understand people sometimes.Neither do I.
>
>
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
"Encourage one another and build each other up."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 18:16:14
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:53:35
> I don't think anyone is going to make this up. Proof is in their babblemails. Would you call the posters liars?
I'm not sure why you're asking this of me. I didn't intend anything I said to suggest that anyone was lying or making things up, and I'm not sure what you interpreted to mean that.
Posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 18:31:51
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
> Correct this.
Any suggestions?
I have none at the moment.
I really haven't given it much thought. I think I understand why it is unsettling to imagine what is going on "behind the scenes". I was recently approached by a poster who wanted to know if it was true that I disliked them. I was told that a third party had suggested the idea. I refused to be sucked into the drama. However, I was disgusted by the whole thing. I lost quite a bit of respect for the questioning poster. I can't imagine what else is going on behind the scenes. For some of us, it may be our imaginations that leave us thinking the worst. I guess it is a survival mechanism. It is safer to prepare for the worst than it is to assume the best.
I really don't give a damn what either of these two gossipers think of me. However, I do worry about what may be the untoward consequences of their present and future behaviors as they may eventually intrude in my life.
You never know.
Yuck.
- Scott
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 18:33:32
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
>
>
> "Encourage one another and build each other up."
> - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
I suppose we can ask WWJD.
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:40:18
In reply to Re: FYI » 10derheart, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 18:33:32
>I suppose we can ask WWJD.Encourage each other and build each other up?
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