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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 28 to 52 of 95. Go back in thread:
Posted by Homely Cygnet on August 9, 2013, at 19:12:37
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:05:07
I used to be so sad to get up in the morning and read posts from you before the deputies or Bob got up an erased them all. To me that was simply cruel. I never understood the transference thing you had (or have) going on with Bob but I hope you will be ok.
I don't understand you at all but always wish you the best.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:45:39
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion » alexandra_k, posted by Homely Cygnet on August 9, 2013, at 19:12:37
> I used to be so sad to get up in the morning and read posts from you before the deputies or Bob got up an erased them all.
ah.
i am sorry. i didn't mean to cause you to feel distressed. i suppose the idea was for me to cause bob or whoever i felt had hurt me to feel as distressed as i did. then they would see that they had the power to change it. then... well... they might change it.
of course that doesn't make any sense. but insofar as my action had sense or reason... that was it.
and there was collateral damage... and of course i didn't succeed in (my dubious goal) of inducing the relevant hurt in the relevant parties anyway. and... well... their severely hurting me was probably collateral damage for something else...
and you get cycles of people hurting people hurting people hurting hurting people and a whole bunch of hurt.
i'm sorry for my part in your hurt.
i think... i hope... i believe... that i've progressed from that place. and i'm not likely to return. not least because i am more resilent... i don't think i'll be as dependent on these boards as i have been at certain points in the past... and also because i think the lengthy blocks had a lot to do with how many posts there were on the boards... and... i don't imagine that babble will get that busy again.
my mother was over-involved and extremely emotionally reactive. around her... i needed to be transluscent and her emotions needed to animate me... then i'd be her punching bag for everything and anything she didn't like about herself. it was confusing... so confusing for me...
my dad... was transclucent. you could be light and kind and sensitive and gentle and warm and inviting and... you could reach right through him like a ghost. it was like there wasnt anything... wasn't anyone there. nothing in there. he'd died inside long ago. apparently his first wife cheated on him and left him. left him devistated. he kept pictures of her. she was beautiful. i only learned when i went back home when he was dying. i realised... he kept pictures... he died back then. or maybe he died even earlier than that who the f*ck knows.
i don't feel like many people get me. this is hard to explain... there are different levels of getting... or being understood. i... feel that bob gets me, and perhaps that i get him like i really don't feel for very many people in this would. i could count those people on one hand. on less than half of one hand... i'm not sure why. probably partly a right kind (and there are a few - my last t got me and he was fairly non-verbal) of blend between having stuff going on but not being intrusive about it... and an ability to see... i don't know. i don't know what it is.
yes i do. because he can contain me. i can't kill him. or hurt him sufficiently to deform him, break him, result in his retaliation. at least... that is my story. and i'm sticking to it. insofar as the retaliation thing goes... i blame that on the boards being unweildy.
and there it is.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 20:00:24
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:45:39
because i don't know how to contain myself sometimes. i don't know what to do. how to change it. how to accept it. how to... not explode. implode. something.
i guess it is my mother's problem. i got it too. except... i think i got it worse than her. intermittently... whereas she got it fairly constant.
and i guess i got my dad's problem sometimes, too. that is why i need total silence / time out. because i am helpless in the face of other people. their expressions their movements their mumbles.. their presence... tries to animate me from the core.
but i'm defiant. i... can't. can't let people do that. and because most people will kill you with their stupid you know. or animate you. then throw you away in disgust.
because they don't really want to animate you.
boundaries.
so. f*ck*ng. draining.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2013, at 23:58:31
In reply to Ouch » Dinah, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 9, 2013, at 12:56:07
> Please don't use the boards to exclude people.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused.
More information about posting policies and tips on alternative ways to express yourself, including a link to a nice post by Dinah on I-statements, are in the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2013, at 0:38:23
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:45:39
> Babblechat is iffy with lots of freezes and lack of refreshing, but perhaps we could experiment with browsers and see if any of them work. Or we could decide on a different host chat.
Babblechat is definitely iffy now, for some reason, but there are at least work-arounds.
> Dr. Bob, I don't mean to be unwelcoming, but I was thinking of this more as a group of us who had been in therapy together, and going through so much of the same thing at the same time. You certainly have been a topic in enough of my sessions, but it's not the same thing. I don't want to speak for others, but perhaps you could join us for part of the reunion instead of all of it? Some or perhaps all of the group would love to talk with you, of course, but we'd also like the type of conversations that might not be as easy with someone on the other side of the couch, so to speak, who hasn't shared our experiences.
>
> DinahI understand wanting some time to yourselves. That's fine with me.
--
> i suppose the idea was for me to cause bob or whoever i felt had hurt me to feel as distressed as i did. then they would see that they had the power to change it. then... well... they might change it.
> i think... i hope... i believe... that i've progressed from that place. and i'm not likely to return. not least because i am more resilent... i don't think i'll be as dependent on these boards as i have been at certain points in the past... and also because i think the lengthy blocks had a lot to do with how many posts there were on the boards... and... i don't imagine that babble will get that busy again.
> i don't feel like many people get me. this is hard to explain... there are different levels of getting... or being understood. i... feel that bob gets me, and perhaps that i get him like i really don't feel for very many people in this would. i could count those people on one hand. on less than half of one hand... i'm not sure why. probably partly a right kind (and there are a few - my last t got me and he was fairly non-verbal) of blend between having stuff going on but not being intrusive about it... and an ability to see... i don't know. i don't know what it is.
>
> yes i do. because he can contain me. i can't kill him. or hurt him sufficiently to deform him, break him, result in his retaliation. at least... that is my story. and i'm sticking to it. insofar as the retaliation thing goes... i blame that on the boards being unweildy.
>
> alexandra_kI think it had to do with both how many posts there were and how I was handling them. The model then was posters depending on the administration to use its power to define and enforce boundaries to make this a refuge. Certain refuges require very strong boundaries.
I don't think Babble is likely to return to that.
Speaking of blocks, I've been struck how posters who were blocked a year -- an eon in Internet terms -- have sometimes returned and resumed posting, sometimes actively. I might also get in trouble mentioning names, but Alex and Homely and Lou are all examples.
Bob
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 6:53:55
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2013, at 0:38:23
Sorry Bob but I've only been here since August 5 2013.
> Speaking of blocks, I've been struck how posters who were blocked a year -- an eon in Internet terms -- have sometimes returned and resumed posting, sometimes actively. I might also get in trouble mentioning names, but Alex and Homely and Lou are all examples.
>
> Bob
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 6:55:31
In reply to Re: please be civil » HomelyCygnet, posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2013, at 23:58:31
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 10, 2013, at 8:08:12
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 11:57:46
> Terrific!
>
> Does anyone have a way to contact Fallsfall or Daisy or Alldone or Karen Kay or Emily Elizabeth? Just as an example. There are so many more.
>
> Babblechat is iffy with lots of freezes and lack of refreshing, but perhaps we could experiment with browsers and see if any of them work. Or we could decide on a different host chat.
>
> PC? Twinleaf? Sleepygirl? Would you be interested?
>
> Dr. Bob, I don't mean to be unwelcoming, but I was thinking of this more as a group of us who had been in therapy together, and going through so much of the same thing at the same time. You certainly have been a topic in enough of my sessions, but it's not the same thing. I don't want to speak for others, but perhaps you could join us for part of the reunion instead of all of it? Some or perhaps all of the group would love to talk with you, of course, but we'd also like the type of conversations that might not be as easy with someone on the other side of the couch, so to speak, who hasn't shared our experiences.Sorry, I didn't read this thread until today.
Considering I have been lurking when I haven't been posting, I would like to attend a reunion. I have always enjoyed other Babblers' company for the depth of our friendships right off the bat. There is so much (of one aspect) that we understand about each other.PC
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 8:16:12
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:45:39
Thanks for explaining Alex. That was very touching.
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 8:20:34
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 17:11:12
John the Baptist
wait
wait no
don't tilt
the platterSPLUNK
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2013, at 20:47:45
In reply to Do you feel like Salome? I feel like » Dinah, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 8:20:34
I don't want your head. I just hoped to feel safe on Psychology.
I'm off this thread, Cygnet. I don't much feel like doing a reunion anymore. I have too much real life going on right now for this.
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2013, at 20:50:50
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion » Dinah, posted by Twinleaf on August 9, 2013, at 18:57:27
I do think it would be lovely to meet up with people. But stuff is going on with my mother that has me at my limits. Hopefully someone else will pick up the idea. I'd be happy to attend.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:50:43
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion » Dr. Bob, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 6:53:55
> I've only been here since August 5 2013.
Please don't post information that you know to be false.
More information about posting policies is in the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:53:04
In reply to Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 10, 2013, at 20:50:50
> stuff is going on with my mother that has me at my limits.
What's going on with your mother? Could you use some support?
Bob
Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 10:08:56
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dinah, posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:53:04
Thank you for asking, Dr. Bob.
It's sandwich generation problems that I've been dreading for many years, and coming to a head this month. I could use support, prayers, positive energy, whatever is offered. I feel responsibility without really having any power. And I haven't nearly enough will to deal with the situation.
Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 14:32:23
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 10:08:56
To keep it psychological, I think I have at last convinced my therapist that "I'm glad it's you, not me" is not as therapeutic as he thinks - despite the validation in his pitying looks.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 11, 2013, at 18:50:04
In reply to Re: stuff going on, posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 14:32:23
> To keep it psychological, I think I have at last convinced my therapist that "I'm glad it's you, not me" is not as therapeutic as he thinks - despite the validation in his pitying looks.
I'm sorry, but that deserves a "snort".
I know what it is like to see a train coming the tracks for years, and to be helpless as to the outcome or how it could be better. Do you feel you have looked into every avenue? Bearing in mind her abode might end up demolished, no matter what happens?
Hugs to you, Dinah.
PC
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 23:35:41
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 10:08:56
> It's sandwich generation problems that I've been dreading for many years, and coming to a head this month. I could use support, prayers, positive energy, whatever is offered. I feel responsibility without really having any power. And I haven't nearly enough will to deal with the situation.
Try not to feel responsible for things you don't have any power over. Hoping you learn ways to cope and find the energy to persevere,
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on August 12, 2013, at 0:53:04
In reply to Re: blocked for week » HomelyCygnet, posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:50:43
> > I've only been here since August 5 2013.
>
> Please don't post information that you know to be false.
>
> More information about posting policies is in the FAQ:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforce
>
> Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
>
> Thanks,
>
> BobI feel kinda uneasy about this one, too. It depends on how you view your posting name. For me... A new name was about an attempt at rebirth. At a new identity. I know we have to post to admin that we used to post... But aside from that... I thought we were entitled to (entitled to is not quite right) our personal views on identity around our posting names. And what that meant or signified to us.
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 3:01:55
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on August 11, 2013, at 18:50:04
:)
I appreciated the sentiment he was aiming for, but the wording was unfortunate. He should never lead with "I'm glad it's you..." even if he was trying to point out that this time I wasn't catastrophizing. That what I was feeling was what your average person would feel in the situation.
I haven't looked into near enough avenues. It's difficult to plan with someone who doesn't want your help or input, but *will* be calling you for the inevitable emergencies (and probably quite a few non-emergencies as well.)
Responsibility with no power.
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 3:02:26
In reply to Re: stuff going on, posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 23:35:41
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 12, 2013, at 7:48:37
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 3:01:55
> :)
>
> I appreciated the sentiment he was aiming for, but the wording was unfortunate. He should never lead with "I'm glad it's you..." even if he was trying to point out that this time I wasn't catastrophizing. That what I was feeling was what your average person would feel in the situation.
>That's what I took from his statement. Sigh.
> I haven't looked into near enough avenues. It's difficult to plan with someone who doesn't want your help or input, but *will* be calling you for the inevitable emergencies (and probably quite a few non-emergencies as well.)
>
> Responsibility with no power.
>
Yes indeed. Been through this in the last couple of years, and paid for it with my peace of mind, my relationship with my husband's family, and state of mental health. None of it was good, really.I cringe now when people tell me how "strong" I am.
PC
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 12:07:08
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on August 12, 2013, at 7:48:37
> I cringe now when people tell me how "strong" I am.
> PC
>I hate that too. It's one of those things that makes me feel even more the exact opposite.
Are things getting any easier with time?
I'm still afraid of my mother. She's good at getting angry, and I've never dealt well with anger.
I'll never forget when I went to some sort of community service program about dealing with anger. Silly me thought it was for dealing with other people's anger, while in reality it was about people dealing with their own rage. And I was the one they were worried about!! I still can't figure that out. I grew up with two parents who could sometimes be angry and volatile. Anger that appears uncontrolled scares me.
I say "appears". My mother once proudly told me how she'd used anger to control a situation with someone else. She apparently didn't realize that I figured that if she did it with others, she would do it with me.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 15, 2013, at 14:50:51
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 12:07:08
I have the same experience with anger. I handle my own - IRL - fairly well. On the Internet, I am a monster I don't recognize. But others' anger directed towards me personally IRL leaves me wanting to hide. For a long time. And not subject myself to the circumstances again, because it is so traumatizing.
Ah, childhood. So hard to leave behind some of those entrenched emotions and reactions.
(((Dinah)))
Posted by alexandra_k on August 15, 2013, at 22:52:13
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on August 15, 2013, at 14:50:51
I have been starting to wonder about whether Olympic Weightlifting is a good choice of physical exercise for me. I'm attracted to sports involving power - a sudden burst of explosive strength. But then... I'm not sure that it does my temperament much good. Reinforces... Strengthen... Condones... Encourages... the loose cannon aspect of my nature...
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