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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 44 to 68 of 93. Go back in thread:
Posted by Zyprexa on August 25, 2010, at 23:52:04
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by Maxime on August 25, 2010, at 19:22:58
> I don't know what to do.
Look for a better job! Closer to home and better pay if possible.
Posted by emmanuel98 on August 25, 2010, at 23:55:36
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by Maxime on August 25, 2010, at 19:22:58
Can you go to a hospital and tell them you're plajnning to OD? Or to the ctisis center
Posted by Phillipa on August 25, 2010, at 23:58:19
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by emmanuel98 on August 25, 2010, at 23:55:36
On line school? Medical field? Don't laugh just a thought. Phillipa
Posted by morgan miller on August 26, 2010, at 0:12:00
In reply to trapped, posted by Maxime on August 25, 2010, at 14:23:49
Maxie, you have to get someone to help you. There has to be some free counseling service.
What about a psychiatric hospital stay? Do you have insurance? I didn't like my hospital stays much but they did help get me started on getting better.
What about family or friends?
First, you need a med or meds to help you feel better. That's why I suggest admitting yourself to a hospital.
Have you ever applied for disability? Are you on it now? A friend of mine has been on it for 4 years. Most of his hospital stays and doctor visits are paid for. And, he gets paid a certain amount of money every two weeks, it's only $250 I believe, but it's better than nothing. I'm just thinking that disability may be a good thing for you until you get better.
Hang in there, things will get better. You have to reach out for some help.
Morgan
Posted by violette on August 26, 2010, at 7:27:47
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by Maxime on August 25, 2010, at 19:22:58
"I don't know what to do."
Maxime,
Do you have a college degree? If not, Phillipa had a good idea-how about going to school? If there is a local community college near you, you could even do work-study there (they place you somewhere on campus-it's not like 'applying' for a job), working part time doing something easy like paperwork at the financial aid office. Sure beats retail! The college environment is really laid back and I have found that in college, people are generally nice to be around, and having your curiousity aroused takes your mind off bad feelings. And at community colleges, there are a mix of people-different ages, single moms, younger kids, senior citizens, people who go to 4-year university, people on welfare....
And if you are on welfare, you'd be eligible for the full govt. grants which would exceed your tuition. You get to pocket the rest. My son gets about $3000 in cash per year just from leftover grant money. In addition to that, you can also get student loans to live on-that you don't have to pay back until you graduate. And there are tons of private scholarhips where you just write essays, and if you are selected, can get checks for $1000, $500, whatever, and keep the money.
Plus, it works well if you have mental health problems since you can miss classes when you are not feeling well. Or you could arrange all your classes in 2 days a week sometimes, esp. during your first year. It's not ideal to miss classes, but if you do your homework and study you can still get good grades. And when you start, the classes are generally very easy.
There are 12-month programs or 2 year programs-some pay $20 an hour after graduation, such as an MRI technician, there's non stressful jobs like medical billing coder, more... There are free programs for welders and machinists since they are in short supply. The community colleges have partnerships with businesses that hire the graduates.
It could build your self confidence too, you would get a sense of accomplishment each semester from earning credits towards a degree. You could start off with 2 classes the first semester maybe and ease yourself into it, and do work study. Either way, going to school can pay more than retail, if you include the loans and excluding the private scholarships you can get.
Screw retail. Could school be the change you need? I survived years of college with mental illness, at times it was real bad. It's a way out....Be hopeful. :)
Posted by floatingbridge on August 26, 2010, at 14:55:04
In reply to Back from Crisis Centre, posted by Maxime on August 17, 2010, at 19:36:25
(((hugs))), Maxie
Some possibilities suggested in this thread, school, distance learning, counseling. (Though free counseling may not always be the best, you could get lucky.)
We're all pulling for you.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on August 26, 2010, at 15:48:41
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by Maxime on August 25, 2010, at 19:22:58
Some good ideas for Maxie.
Maxie, you said you were a burden. Why would you even think that? Aren't you the one who is caring for your mother? You are not a burden on anyone.
Love Ed x
Posted by Maxime on August 26, 2010, at 16:41:59
In reply to Re: trapped » Maxime, posted by violette on August 26, 2010, at 7:27:47
I have a Masters degree. If I go back to school I lose the Welfare (that's how it works here). I wanted to go back to do my PhD, but I couldn't afford it.
Posted by Maxime on August 26, 2010, at 16:43:22
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by emmanuel98 on August 25, 2010, at 23:55:36
> Can you go to a hospital and tell them you're plajnning to OD? Or to the ctisis center
I could call the crisis centre. I might call them tonight. I don't know.
Posted by Maxime on August 26, 2010, at 16:44:47
In reply to Re: Back from Crisis Centre » Maxime, posted by floatingbridge on August 26, 2010, at 14:55:04
>
> We're all pulling for you.I know you are. I don't know what I would do without PB.
Posted by Maxime on August 26, 2010, at 16:46:52
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by ed_uk2010 on August 26, 2010, at 15:48:41
Ed, I feel like a burden to society. I HATE being on Welfare when I am trained to do so many things. I am a parasite of society. Also, my mum is always worried about me which is not good for her health. I think it would be better if I didn't exist.
Posted by emmanuel98 on August 26, 2010, at 19:28:50
In reply to Re: trapped » ed_uk2010, posted by Maxime on August 26, 2010, at 16:46:52
Maxie - Please go to an emergency room and tell them you have pills and are thinking about overdosing. They will admit you if they think you are actively suicidal and have the means. I have been hospitalized several times and found that each time I got (1) relief from suicidal thoughts; (2) regular meetings with p-docs, social workers and psych nurses who gave me good advice and hope for the future, in addition to trying new meds' (3) a place to feel safe and go to groups and work on DBT and CBT kind of skills.
Don't be alone if your are suicidal. GEt immediate help. This is a life-threatening crisis.
Posted by violette on August 26, 2010, at 19:29:22
In reply to Re: trapped » violette, posted by Maxime on August 26, 2010, at 16:41:59
I considered you were looking for retail work because you had less options.
Retail work sucks when you have mental illness. Working with pets, nature, anything other than retail....I feel like you are getting so many suggestions here, not sure if adding more to them will be helpful or not.
Hang in there. :)
Posted by Phillipa on August 26, 2010, at 19:48:16
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by violette on August 26, 2010, at 19:29:22
Maxie what's the Masters in as maybe you could do something part time with it? Phillipa
Posted by violette on August 26, 2010, at 20:09:05
In reply to Re: trapped » ed_uk2010, posted by Maxime on August 26, 2010, at 16:46:52
Maxime, I also recently had feelings of being a burden to society and not wanting to exist..in fact, I used those exact words on a therapy forum just a few days ago.
They got extreme this week, in between therapy sessions, the most difficult week I ever went through so far. It's usually related to turning anger-pent up, long held anger, against yourself because you saved it up for so long as during childhood, it is too painful or scary to feel or express that anger towards the parent (or S.O.) who you loved and depended on...after turning anger against yourself for long enough, it buildes and eventually feels like a need to 'self destruct, destroy yourself' (not exist).
But you know what-the extreme urges to not exist feelings only lasted a day or so, then went away, and I came out much better than I was before I felt them..though now have to learn how to deal with letting myself feel anger, which was released as a result...
Your feelings will be relieved too. Those states can last longer or shorter, any length of time is very painful, but they are by no means permanent. I don't know what works best for you, but maybe if you directed anger at something-think of anything that annoys you, and vent it here or anywhere; in your thoughts or in words...I'm not talking hitting pillows here. Try to release some anger away from yourself by directing it something that find angers you. People who abuse animals; conservatives, liberals, whatever you can find to get angry about. You could get some relief if you were able to arouse angry feelings at something other than yourself.
Your situation is NOT hopeless, you will not feel this pain forever...These feelings CAN be relieved. They are temporary-and you will get relief....please realize this.
Posted by morgan miller on August 26, 2010, at 21:28:55
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by emmanuel98 on August 26, 2010, at 19:28:50
> Maxie - Please go to an emergency room and tell them you have pills and are thinking about overdosing. They will admit you if they think you are actively suicidal and have the means. I have been hospitalized several times and found that each time I got (1) relief from suicidal thoughts; (2) regular meetings with p-docs, social workers and psych nurses who gave me good advice and hope for the future, in addition to trying new meds' (3) a place to feel safe and go to groups and work on DBT and CBT kind of skills.
>
> Don't be alone if your are suicidal. GEt immediate help. This is a life-threatening crisis.I second this, you need to go to the hospital and get help now.
You are obviously very bright and educated, you have too much potential to give up on life. Also, you are not a burden on anyone.
Posted by violette on August 27, 2010, at 7:25:28
In reply to Re: trapped, posted by morgan miller on August 26, 2010, at 21:28:55
I hope you're doing better today Maxine!!! Everyone here cares about you!
Posted by Maxime on August 27, 2010, at 15:51:44
In reply to released, posted by violette on August 27, 2010, at 7:25:28
No, I am not doing better. In fact I am worse. I only just got out of bed and it's 5 pm. I don't plan on getting out of my pjamas. I've been crying on and off all day. I hate life like this.
Posted by floatingbridge on August 27, 2010, at 16:20:00
In reply to Re: released » violette, posted by Maxime on August 27, 2010, at 15:51:44
Posted by Maxime on August 27, 2010, at 19:19:38
In reply to Re: released » violette, posted by Maxime on August 27, 2010, at 15:51:44
I've been crying all day and I can't stop except for when I am asleep. I am not usually the crying type.
I hate being in this pain. I am talking about mental pain. The physcical pain is nothing compared to the mental pain. And Tylenol doesn't have the mental pain.
Posted by violette on August 27, 2010, at 19:27:21
In reply to Re: released » violette, posted by Maxime on August 27, 2010, at 15:51:44
Maxime, you sound better than yesterday. Crying/grieving is better than feeling like not wanting to exist and feeling like a burden to the world. It can be uphill from here...
I say screw Retail Land. I know you needed a job, but you know-you were too good for them anyway!!
F*ck them!! They are the one's who lost out..another employer will reap the benefits of what you have to offer!
You really are a special person, Maxime. I hope you realize this. And emotional sensitivity is a positive trait-without the empaths, the world would just be full of robots. It would be like a science fiction story, more like a horror movie.
Posted by Maxime on August 27, 2010, at 22:22:05
In reply to Re: released, posted by violette on August 27, 2010, at 19:27:21
Thank you for your kind comments.
I still don't want to exist. I just don't want to talk about it too much on PB because I don't want anyone to feel that they have to call the cops on me. I've had to do that before for a member here, and it's not pleasant. It feels like deceipt even though it isn't. I don't want anyone to ever say "if we had known we would have done something". That kind of stuff does not belong on PsychoBabble. Well, that's my opinion any way. Other members, who are mentally unstable/in pain/unwell should not have to deal with that. If I decide to OD I am not going to announce it here. That's just not cool.
What I can say is that I don't plan on doing anything to tonight. I am having trouble thinking and I don't think I could carry it out. I am too muddled. Confused. And my head hurts from so much crying.
Thanks for caring.
Posted by Maxime on August 28, 2010, at 16:49:34
In reply to Re: released » violette, posted by Maxime on August 27, 2010, at 22:22:05
I cut today and I haven't done that in a very, very long time. I wanted to feel SOMETHING, see that I was still alive. I want to stop.
Posted by floatingbridge on August 28, 2010, at 17:28:55
In reply to FML, posted by Maxime on August 28, 2010, at 16:49:34
Maxine, you must talk to someone on person or on the phone. Does someone at the crisis centre know? Do you have any therapy or group people to call? Even an organization like AA but specific to self injury. Do you know of one?
You deserve understanding and company. Walk barefoot outside in grass or sand. Chew ice cubes. Plunge your feet in ice water. Cold shower. Dig sand with your hands. It takes energy. So does cutting. You can practice distraction until Monday.
Write us
Posted by violette on August 28, 2010, at 18:48:15
In reply to Re: released » violette, posted by Maxime on August 27, 2010, at 22:22:05
Maxime,
I understand what you are saying about writing/not writing certain things here and that is considerate of you.
In reading many of your posts here, I am a bit surprised. you are very intelligent and seem to have many strengths and positive qualities to overcome at least some of these feelings. I'm not saying 'toughen up' 'pull yourself out of it', please don't misunderstand my intentions.
I don't know much about cutting, but did you ever try intellectualization to cope with extreme emotions? It's not considered a 'healthy' defense mechanism-but it is in the higher range, a step up, and can be a useful coping mechanism in times of extreme emotional distress. Just a suggestion for you to try-you might find that reading about borderline in object relations will give you some insights into why you feel this way, and could bring you some relief. It might be worth a try.
I hope all the suggestions by the memebers here are of some benefit, and that you are not feeling overwhelmed by it all. I do believe things will pick up for you soon and given that so many here believe in you, that you can believe in yourself.
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