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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by qbsbrown on April 3, 2010, at 21:48:10
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by ed_uk2010 on April 3, 2010, at 21:36:32
It says my babblemail is turned on, but i have not received anything at any of my email addresses.
Brian
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 6:29:22
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 3, 2010, at 21:48:10
> It says my babblemail is turned on, but i have not received anything at any of my email addresses.
>
> BrianStrange. I don't think my babblemail is working either. I haven't had any babblemails for a couple of weeks but someone said that they sent me one.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 6:36:29
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 3, 2010, at 21:39:37
>So it looks like i'm gonna be doing this taper w/o ect in the near future, plus i don't have the money for it.
Yeah, I agree with that. You might be able to have it at some point in the future, but hopefully you won't need it.
>It seems to me, that the mountains in california, away from people, and in nature, and doing something positive, and physical work on a farm, and not having a computer etc, might be the best thing for me.
I do agree that you need to be away from home. I can't say whether or not being in the mountains would be the most relaxing place for you though. Only you can know that. I might go crazy without my computer!
Getting a job is certainly what you need to do when you're feeling a bit better but I don't think now is the right time because you're not well enough yet. In a few months time you may be ready. I hope so anyway.
How is the diazepam treating you now?
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 12:42:31
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 6:36:29
> >So it looks like i'm gonna be doing this taper w/o ect in the near future, plus i don't have the money for it.
>
> Yeah, I agree with that. You might be able to have it at some point in the future, but hopefully you won't need it.
>
> >It seems to me, that the mountains in california, away from people, and in nature, and doing something positive, and physical work on a farm, and not having a computer etc, might be the best thing for me.
>
> I do agree that you need to be away from home. I can't say whether or not being in the mountains would be the most relaxing place for you though. Only you can know that. I might go crazy without my computer!
>
> Getting a job is certainly what you need to do when you're feeling a bit better but I don't think now is the right time because you're not well enough yet. In a few months time you may be ready. I hope so anyway.
>
> How is the diazepam treating you now?
>
>
The diazepam seems to be working well now. No interdose. No depression or irritability. i was out at a movie etc last night, and the previous night out all night, and out during the day. So i think my body/brain is accepting it fine, as well as it is the lyrica. I think that the trileptal might be the only problem child, but might help the most w/ wd.Yeah, i can not imagine life w/o a computer:)
I'd give anything for the conversations that i wake up to in the morn to stop. Waking up i the morn is horrific, I wonder if zyprexa is worth a shot,,,..i doubt it, i think that is where ect would work, cause it has slowed a bit after. EG, if I go on a date etc (ironic that i have dated like crazy during this psychosis, than I have in the past many years combined when i was really drugged up and sane LOL!), like last night, i'll wake up to having conversations with that person, not out loud, but in my head. Hence me thinking getting away from people in general might serve me well right now. I could not imagine how the conversations would run rampant if i were to get a job right now.
But just seeing images all day long of things that i can/could not do is disturbing. Simply seeinng a scene in a movie last night of people relaxing and having fun at a swimming pool, relaxing, drinking, etc, having fun, i couldn't do. Or i hear of all of my friends, just waking up, being able to exercise, do what they want, go about their lives, is tough for me to swallow not being able to do (and keep in mind, trileptal makes me view the world in a weird existential disgusting way, is why i quit it, many/most drugs do this), and not to mind, all of my past failures, in jobs, breakdowns, even in simple things like long drives, when having to pop tons of zyprexa to do so, or take tons of depakote etc just to stay alone in a hotel room alone. Honestly, who does this?This ALL came from one infamous night 8 years ago when i had an 8 hour panic attack, and experienced severe depersonalization, and was followed by 24/7 derealization for years. My life hasn't been the same since that night. It was the derealization that got me on the klonopin. But i found that it made me depressed, irritable, watered down, glum, had to keep raising the dose, interdose, and withdrawal. Docs would say, it's not withdrawal, take this antidepressant, i'd try it, horrible reaction, it'd just make me cry and cry. The FUNNY thing is, is that at the time, i was seeking out all docs, chiropractors, neurologists, etc, anytyhing but a psychiatrist or psychologist, and i did not see a relation.
I thought i had something crazy like encephalitis or something of the sort, even basically asking my GP to order a spinal tap at the time, hhmmmm, maybe it was MS.
Funny how now, i just had a spinal tap to confirm a disease, which seemed to match up many of the same symptoms 8 years ago.
If you bother to read, i think it's easy to narrow down what the problem has been the whole time,,...the benzo.
I'm looking at back of some of my old writings and postings, these things worry me about klonopin, although i get some relief from them;
"Every time i start to feel better, i try to quit klonopin"
Tue Jul 19, 2005
And it comes back 100 percent, to the point i think im going crazy, gonna be in an insane asylum, and can't escape my head, full on panic.
When about to move to LA in 8/04"Now what remains is anxiety, racing thoughts, watching those thoughts, not being able to get out of my head."
This was tolerance withdrawal and interdose withdrawal had already begun w/ in 2 months!
Aug 04
"I was on day 3 of cold turkey of klonopin (granted only on .5 usually) and it just hit me like a hammer. I began taking it again,"
Me in Jan 06
"Been on 1.5 for over one year. Got dumb, and tried cold turkey. Almost ended up in the hospital 3 weeks later, with symptoms across the board.
No now i've reentroduced it, and will wean. It's making me ultra depressed, and does nothing for my anxiety anymore, sugar pills."
Me in Sept 05- Seems like I knew the problem years ago if I was reaching out for this help"Want off Klonopin!"
I've almost been on klonopin (1.5 mg daily) for almost one year.
It works well for my anxiety, but i think induces a little depression, makes me tired, and need more as i go along. And i don't want it long term.
What is the most effective weaning process? And what are the most effective supps (please include dosages).
My brain denying meds in 04, while like in seattlePosted by qbsbrown on December 31, 2004,
I'm really fed up with the meds, my brain hates them.
Three years later, doc crossed me over from ativan to valium, i tolerated it ok, but he tried to wean me off in 1 week. And i would only feel anxiety relief for about 2 hours, and then it'd be gone.Now i get no relief whatsoever. Am I just at a drop off point w/ benzos?
The klonopin worked this winter, but quit it after a month because of the depression/irritability it induced.
What a history!!!!!!!!!!!!!Now I'm perpetually from my most recent taper, and subsequent detox and cold turkey, and it seems like it can't readjust-rearrange back into a normal brain. this is why i want more ect, it seems to help.
Regards,
Regards,Brian
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 12:56:32
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 12:42:31
And i believe it was one year ago, when i think i realzied the drugs were my problem. just on trileptal and valium, i began DOING things, exercising, hanging with friends, getting ready to leave the country, doing so many things i was not doing. Until an infamous day when the part of the trileptal, the part where it makes me depressed/irritable and would get racing thoughts, and i saw some weird existential angst ugly things, when i decided to drop it, and was left in benzo CT. But i had a life, i could wake up, and there was a day, and progression, go to the gym, hang with friends, go to the zen center etc, and to now what my days and mornings are like, especially with memories of sanity, and what "normal" days felt like, the progression of the day, and the events of them, this is TOO much to swallow, not to mention the severe severe psychotic phenomenea that i've experienced by putting myself through a cold turkey.
How I ever get a semi-normal life again from this state, i don't know how it is possible. A phoenix rising from the ashes? I try, i am doing more things with people than ever. But it doesn't change a lot of what i've experienced, although mind you, much has improved. I can actually see the present moment!!
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 13:10:54
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 12:42:31
Hi Brian,
Whatever the Trileptal is doing, it would be unwise to stop taking it abruptly. Pretty much all psych meds can cause problems if they are suddenly discontinued. Are you going to try taking 150mg twice a day?
I assume you are still taking 20mg diazepam three times a day. Now that you are feeling a bit more stable, I think you should be able to start reducing quite soon.
Seriously though, how are you managing to go on dates?!
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 13:22:39
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 13:10:54
> Hi Brian,
>
> Whatever the Trileptal is doing, it would be unwise to stop taking it abruptly. Pretty much all psych meds can cause problems if they are suddenly discontinued. Are you going to try taking 150mg twice a day?
>
> I assume you are still taking 20mg diazepam three times a day. Now that you are feeling a bit more stable, I think you should be able to start reducing quite soon.
>
> Seriously though, how are you managing to go on dates?!Oh Ed, I've got the charisma and charm no matter how crazy I am (I can fake and hide it pretty well)!!!! The women are pretty addictive creatures I tell you LOL
For some reason, the morning trileptal hypomania seems to be stopping, i don't know if it's the added lyrica or the diazepam. I'm going to lyrica 175mgs 3x a day today, and i think i was just gonna go through with trileptal 300mgs 3x a day, see if i can't get that mid day crap gone, as i feel it would really help with tapering.
You think get to 600mgs lyrica real soon and start tapering diazepam? Should i do it strict eg ashton taper schedule. My last taper, i was SO obsesssional about, it was outrageous. Now, i'd rather just be more nonchalant, and be like, hey, i think i can take 5mgs less today. Or does it need to be meticulous again, given my sensitivity?
Now the choice is to get on a bus or plane and head to California tonight. HHHMMM.Regards,
Brian
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 13:24:57
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 13:22:39
PS- Yes, last year, dropping trielpal cold turkey, during my fast diaz taper i was doing with no issues, put me in the midst of a benzo cold turkey, and put me to where i am now.
I learned my lesson not to drop an anticonvulsant during a benzo taper i think.
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 14:02:01
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 13:24:57
Or, I could try to go work a mindless job that i might be able to handle, such as at a restaurant, do my taper, and have money saved for ect. I'm sick of conversations, things repeating in my head, hearing me texting people, what i text, what they text, repeat over and over again. Just look at my phone, and i will hear what i just texted the last person i texted.
You can see why i want to get away from technology and people) Pre ect, this was WAY worse, especially hearing me telling people, drs, all day long, explaining what i was experiencing. And the intrusive images. I would have to literally say out loud, don't talk to him/her, or when i'd see the intrusive images, i'd say, don't show me that.Obviously a lot of PTSD from this whole experience.
If this were pre ect, and pre re-introduction of drugs, you and i would be having many conversations in my head Ed. And what you would say to me, would repeat over and over, and i would hear what i would write or say before i said it.
I'm glad it's calmed, but i want it gone. It's tough to remember what it was like to be sane, like my whole life, and it's sickening to get used to these phenomenea.
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 16:52:22
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 13:10:54
> Hi Brian,
>
> Whatever the Trileptal is doing, it would be unwise to stop taking it abruptly. Pretty much all psych meds can cause problems if they are suddenly discontinued. Are you going to try taking 150mg twice a day?
>
> I assume you are still taking 20mg diazepam three times a day. Now that you are feeling a bit more stable, I think you should be able to start reducing quite soon.
>
> Seriously though, how are you managing to go on dates?!Ed, for lyrica, how many days of 175mgs 3x a day before 200mgs 3x a day? I can move up quick on it, i tolerate it fine, and it helps.
Regards,
Brian
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 17:24:52
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 16:52:22
> Ed, for lyrica, how many days of 175mgs 3x a day before 200mgs 3x a day? I can move up quick on it, i tolerate it fine, and it helps.
It's not set in stone. Just depends on whether you experience any side effects.
Alternatively, you could stay at your current dose for the moment (if you think it's sufficient) and then increase Lyrica later on during the taper if you need more for anxiety.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 17:27:59
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 14:02:01
> Or, I could try to go work a mindless job that i might be able to handle, such as at a restaurant...
I think a restaurant could actually be quite stressful!
When you hear things repeating over and over, is it like a voice inside your head or as if someone was speaking in your ear?
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 17:37:22
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 13:22:39
>Oh Ed, I've got the charisma and charm no matter how crazy I am
I can imagine :)
>i think i was just gonna go through with trileptal 300mgs 3x a day, see if i can't get that mid day crap gone, as i feel it would really help with tapering.Perhaps you should wait until you're on a stable dose of Lyrica first? If you make too many changes at once you won't know which med is doing what, if that makes sense.
>Should i do it strict eg ashton taper schedule.As far as I know, Ashton advoctated flexibility in the taper, although she did produce tables with suggested tapers as a guide.
>hey, i think i can take 5mgs less today. Or does it need to be meticulous again, given my sensitivity?
Reducing from 60mg/day to 55mg is a very small reduction, but reducing from 10mg to 5mg is a very large reduction.
I think it's important to avoid going so fast that you end up having to increase the dose again. If you have to increase, you don't get where you want to be. I suppose it's a compromise between sticking to a planned taper and being guided by how you feel.
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 17:54:26
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 17:27:59
> > Or, I could try to go work a mindless job that i might be able to handle, such as at a restaurant...
>
> I think a restaurant could actually be quite stressful!
>
> When you hear things repeating over and over, is it like a voice inside your head or as if someone was speaking in your ear?
>For some reason, i'd like to get to 600mgs lyrica. After 2 175mg doses today, mixed with my 2 300mg trileptal doses, and 2 20mg diaz doses, i feel a little drunk, which is better than the alternative.
It's my own voice that never stops. It's me talking, it's me telling stories, asking people questions, answering questions etc. Although, there were many times when the first thing i would hear when i woke up would be, it's time to die. I would hear this constantly throughout the day. Usually it would be telling me terrible things, and as i was speaking to people,my friends, doctors, it would be telling them goodbye in my head, as suicide was iminanant. I would think about these medical tests that i was having done, and knowing that i was never going to be able to pay the medical bills, because i would not be alive.
I would speak to my grandmother on the phone, and cry after our talks, because i thought of how much she would miss me. I see all of my friends on facebook, i could literally hear them speaking/talking about me after i died. I held my own mock funeral in my room, with a music compilation, and had written my obituary. My own voice first thing in the morning, would say, it's time to go, you're not supposed to be here.
Every 3rd thought, or what i would hear, would be about dying.
Mind you, the only time i have ever felt suicidal in my life, was a couple days on paxil, which i quit, and also neurontin had given me some dreams/visions of me carrying it out. other than that, i'm a calm, peaceful person.2 months into cold turkey, as i was attempting to go to a movie theater, much crying involved, i was shooting baskets at a basketball machine, every shot i took, my own voice would say, i want to die, i want to die, i want to die, as i'm crying, and calling my shrink constantly. He calls many drs around the country, and all say it's psychosis from benzo cold turkey.
I would hear my own voice saying, "I'm scared", and i have to respond, "I know". Or it would talk about, i can't be affraid anymore, cause i'm not on a benzo. there were many morbid thoughts, times, i felt like something was going to make me jump out of the car. If i saw a knife, i was afraid that something was going to make me hurt someone with it.Like i say, MUCH has improved with the ECT and the meds right now, but the memories are horrific, and still some of the phenomenea are terrible. When this first started, i literally could not even see myself in the mirror, as my thoughts were so thick. I could not do simple tasks, such as clip my finger nails, as the intrusive thoughts/memories were so thick, and then a running commentary, and even my own voice mocking me of what i couldn't do. Memories and telling stories, of how much of my life i wasn't on benzos etc. At night, as i closed my eyes, all that i could see, were memories, and hear my own voice. I mentioned that there were moments of times of believing of devil possesion, or a night of being incarnated as God.
Those delusions have passed.
I messed something up in my brain from a cold turkey dramatically for sure. And I believe that ECT has helped reset some of it.
How to ever resume a life of normalcy, I don't know.
I could tell more, but i doubt that anyone wants to hear it, and as i have mentioned, i have been banned from speaking about it to my family.
Love,
Brian
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 18:39:04
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 17:54:26
Not to mention the days to where i could only hear songs play in my head, walk around the house doing an obsessional habit, and vegetatively staring at the computer.
Oh what i've put myself through, and what my life has become with my potential, could not be more tragic if you ask me. I just wanted to go teach overseas:(
To think of me fearlesslely traveling all over Brazil alone when I was 20 years old, to being reserverd to my condition and state now, could not be more depressing.
Perhaps this is why i feel like doing something dramatic is in store for meBrian
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 18:42:15
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by ed_uk2010 on April 4, 2010, at 17:37:22
> >Oh Ed, I've got the charisma and charm no matter how crazy I am
>
> I can imagine :)
>
>
> >i think i was just gonna go through with trileptal 300mgs 3x a day, see if i can't get that mid day crap gone, as i feel it would really help with tapering.
>
> Perhaps you should wait until you're on a stable dose of Lyrica first? If you make too many changes at once you won't know which med is doing what, if that makes sense.
>
>
> >Should i do it strict eg ashton taper schedule.
>
> As far as I know, Ashton advoctated flexibility in the taper, although she did produce tables with suggested tapers as a guide.
>
> >hey, i think i can take 5mgs less today. Or does it need to be meticulous again, given my sensitivity?
>
> Reducing from 60mg/day to 55mg is a very small reduction, but reducing from 10mg to 5mg is a very large reduction.
>
> I think it's important to avoid going so fast that you end up having to increase the dose again. If you have to increase, you don't get where you want to be. I suppose it's a compromise between sticking to a planned taper and being guided by how you feel.
>
>
>
>Oh yeah, this last years brutal taper, where i had the most rare, severe, and uncommon withdrawal symptoms (perhaps that was MS), going from 30mgs to 17 was brutal. I think there were times where it was 1-2 mgs drops every two weeks.
Not sure how i will do it this go round.
Brian
Posted by Phillipa on April 4, 2010, at 19:40:05
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 18:42:15
Brian not to upset you but you do say psychosis right? Are you definitely diagnosed with MS or could this be just a thought? A Delusion? But you do mention the med. Could you be also scared of this new dianosis? Probing is what I'm doing. I seriously think you need to contact you pdoc immediately. I care. Love Phillipa ps you sound so miserable and uncomfortable in your skin
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 19:49:04
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me? » qbsbrown, posted by Phillipa on April 4, 2010, at 19:40:05
> Brian not to upset you but you do say psychosis right? Are you definitely diagnosed with MS or could this be just a thought? A Delusion? But you do mention the med. Could you be also scared of this new dianosis? Probing is what I'm doing. I seriously think you need to contact you pdoc immediately. I care. Love Phillipa ps you sound so miserable and uncomfortable in your skin
Thanks Phillipa. Yes, I do have MS, I inject myself daily, and my cerebral spinal fluid analysis papers are sitting right next to me as we speak. I am not afraid of the new DX. I was pissed at the neurologist when he thought that the psychosis and the MS weren't related, although when i research MS, i do see psychosis as a possibility.
I contact my PDOC CONSTANTLY. He actually has to constantly remind me to limit calling him once a day, because typically, it's excessive. Uncomfortable in my own skin would be an understatement, but it's been better since ECT and the 3 meds i'm on. It was my fault for going cold turkey, but in the state i was in, the toxic/psychotic reaction i was having, it seemed the only choice:(
I do not like my PDOC much, and have saught out the help of a karma integrative PDOC who teaches at the zen center i like. Although ingesting psychiatric medications seems pretty counterproductive to my health, and i believe for health, and sanity, i will ultimately have to get off, just more safely off the diazepam this time:)
Thank you for the concner Phillipa
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 20:02:20
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 19:49:04
Ed,
We seemed to side step the headache and naseau today, and the bad depression phase. A little down, but not that bad. I have an optimistic feeling, that with these two on board, tapering might be easier. I will hope.
Brian
Posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 20:21:58
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 19:49:04
Phillipa, pre ECT, they even tried me on clozaril/clozapine, which is only fda approved for treatment resistant schizophrenia. It did not help at all. Funny thing, is that that we did not try a benzo. As after ECT, and put on a benzo, people thought i was semi back to normal.
As my pdoc believes, it's psychosis secondary to MS. The ect did help some as i mentioned, and i'd like more, but can't afford it. But this did all seem precipitated by going cold turkey off a benzo. Bad idea(
Brian
Posted by Phillipa on April 4, 2010, at 21:39:53
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 20:21:58
Brian would it be a good idea or bad one ECT with MS I have no idea? As for psychosis and MS that I will also search. I wonder if it's kind of like what my Infection control doc said. When the damage is done treat what the damage is with appropriate treatment. Benzos are used in MS I did read that. So many that would help. I don't know have to do some research. And if you now know how to babblemail send your address we can correspond with information. Oh go to National Osteoporosis website. Off shoots on there I'm sure will also link to MS. Get support system site. Love Phillipa
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 5, 2010, at 8:33:36
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 18:42:15
>Oh yeah, this last years brutal taper, where i had the most rare, severe, and uncommon withdrawal symptoms (perhaps that was MS), going from 30mgs to 17 was brutal. I think there were times where it was 1-2 mgs drops every two weeks.
>
> Not sure how i will do it this go round.Brian,
What symptoms have you experienced which are definitely due to MS? You've not said much about the MS.
I wouldn't expect that reducing by 1mg every two weeks would be brutal unless there was also something else going on. Like you say, this could have been to do with the MS.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 5, 2010, at 8:38:57
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 20:02:20
> We seemed to side step the headache and nausea today, and the bad depression phase. A little down, but not that bad. I have an optimistic feeling, that with these two on board, tapering might be easier. I will hope.
Well, that's good news :)
You must be traumatised by what happened after the CT, and what happened during your previous taper. Perhaps you're previous taper was aggravated by symptoms of MS? That's what I was thinking. I don't think it will be so bad this time.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on April 5, 2010, at 8:49:23
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by qbsbrown on April 4, 2010, at 20:21:58
Brian,
So, let me get this right. You're now taking...
Trileptal 300mg three times a day
Lyrica 200mg three times a day
Diazepam 20mg three times a dayYour morning hypomania and afternoon depression have both reduced. You aren't suffering any inter-dose symptoms with diazepam. I think you also said that you feel slightly intoxicated.
If this is correct, I think you will be able to start reducing diazepam soon. The intoxicated feeling suggests that the diazepam dose is actually a bit too high, which should mean that it will be easy to reduce at first.
Is the voice in your head any less intrusive today? It sounds awful.
Posted by qbsbrown on April 5, 2010, at 11:36:40
In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by ed_uk2010 on April 5, 2010, at 8:49:23
> Brian,
>
> So, let me get this right. You're now taking...
>
> Trileptal 300mg three times a day
> Lyrica 200mg three times a day
> Diazepam 20mg three times a day
>
> Your morning hypomania and afternoon depression have both reduced. You aren't suffering any inter-dose symptoms with diazepam. I think you also said that you feel slightly intoxicated.
>
> If this is correct, I think you will be able to start reducing diazepam soon. The intoxicated feeling suggests that the diazepam dose is actually a bit too high, which should mean that it will be easy to reduce at first.
>
> Is the voice in your head any less intrusive today? It sounds awful.
>
>trileptal 300 3x, morning hypomania seemingly gone, afternoon bad physical illness seemingly gone, and just a little depressive side
yesterday afternoon
yesterday was lyrica 175mgs 3x, and was planning on the same today. tomorrow, could i go to 200 3x a day? I tolerate fine, and it helps.
diaz 20mgs 3s a day, no interdosePersonally, i think the slight intoxicated feeling was/is from lyrica, i could be wrong. For sure felt no intoxication from 6mgs of xanax, which would be equivalent.
I know the sedated, drunk, depressive, irritable feeling from diaz, and this didn't feel like it.My own voice in general, is a LITTLE less intrusive, repetetive, asnswering future questions, telling stories, running commentary, intrusive images etc.
At many times, i still wonder if i am bipolar, as diagnosed 2 times and need to dope myself on these drugs highly.
I remember being on a high dose of trileptal 1800 last winter, frantically calling my dr asking if we could go to the max, 2400 (maybe even on zyprexa too), and him saying fine, but i've never had a patient on that high of a dose, cause i was still having racing thoughts (mind you i was on 3mgs ativan for sleep, interdose could have been brutal and a big cause). thiking of times i needed 30mgs of zyprexa to drive. Times i needed 2000mgs of depakote to slow me enough to stay in a hotel alone. Albeit i was always a drugged up idiot and not happy, and as i tried to mention, saw ugly depressive existentially ugly things in the the environment, and disgust in people. I often wonder these things, and have an obsessional habit (muscle testing) to see/think if i am. Even though as i also mention, back from detox in middle east, and off of drugs, i felt great, only to have racing thoughts after 5 days, which could have been benzo wd, and much more withdrawal.
On the bright side, I found out that i would have inernet access in the mountains of california.
I had a great interview with a school in south korea yesterday, yeah yeah, i know, traveling to a foreign country and teaching in my state, albeit it's teaching english, and the curriculum is laid out, no teacher planning, i might actually enjoy it greatly, as even now, i love tutoring english online. Maybe having my own autonomay away from my parents. I don't know what would/could aggrivate this, and what could make it better.
As i saw my doc, kind of a jerk, i told him about my idea of going to the mountains in california, and he's like, let's get your stable first. And i'm like WHAT THE HELL IS STABLE???
Ok, i'll stop now
Brian
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