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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 16:55:29
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 10, 2003, at 0:21:21
I started on Topamax, Neurontin and Abilify but discontinued both Neurontin and Abilify myself without dr's consent.... Ooopsie :) I don't like being on anything except what is entirely necessary. And since my anxiety wasn't as severe I quit Neurontin. And I figured out why I was hallucinating so I quit Abilify (combination stress and PTSD and issues in therapy made me realize that it had more to do with childhood trauma rather than psychotic episodes, ect.. blah blah..)... Anyway..
I am diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder, so I take Topamax as a mood stabilizer. I tried Lamictal, but it was in combonation with Lithium as well as Zyprexa. So, I was too drugged up. I wasn't able to even leave my house. I was fearful that "something was going to get me"... And I again discontinued on my own.. I guess I have a history of that.
Well, as for Topamax, I'm not fearful that anything is going to get me, except maybe the creditors because of the price :) I feel great on it. My mood is very stable. The cognition problems have deminished. My excessive weight from Lithium is gone. And my mental state is lovely, except maybe a bit of the holiday blues :)
Karen
Posted by katia on December 12, 2003, at 17:22:46
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 16:55:29
Hi Karen,
Do you think the lethary was caused by Zyprexa and not Lithium?
Did you try just the combo of Lamicatl and Lithium?
Topamax enough for BPI? Wow. I wouldn't have thought that. But you never know....
yes I know about the holiday blues...esp. in the face of quitting drinking!
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 12:05:09
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 12, 2003, at 17:22:46
Hello!!
Well, i started on the Lithium first and it actually made me hypomanic (odd huh??). Then depression started again so they added Lamictal. Then I started hallucinating so they added Zyprexa on top of all of it. I became afraid to leave my house and quit showering because I was scared something was going to get me in the shower. I almost refused to keep living basically. So, I just decided one day that I actually did make it to class that I wasn't going to take any more medications. And I was going to see a different doctor. This first doctor actually started me on 100 mgs Lamictal as the starting dose. I read a lot about it and I knew this was wrong (because of the rash). I questioned him about it and he said it was fine. So, I started it (I was so severely depressed I didn't even care at that point anyway.) But, I didn't get the rash. Later on when I told him about it, he was horrified. He didn't realize that we didn't taper up. He was cute, so I forgave him :) I'm a pretty forgiving person..My new doctor is really surpirsed that Topamax works too! He constantly checks up on me! I still see him once a month. But, it works for me. He wanted to keep me on Abilify (antipsychotic) to help control manic episodes but I discontinued that myself as well (I'm a bad girl!!). I told him I quit it about 2 months after the fact. He was a bit concerned but what could he do?
Topamax works great for me and I'm not going to question it! I've tried Lithium 2 different times. The first time it worked for a while (until I started hallucinating) and the second time it just made me sick. I tried Depakote for a couple of weeks and decided I didn't like the potential side effects. Lamictal didn't pan out too well, but it was in combination with others. Topamax has really been great for me. I'd do commercials for them if they asked me!!! I love the creators of this drug! It has helped me get my life together. I mean I still have a lot of things to work on and I still struggle, but I haven't been depressed for a while and the suicidal thoughts are gone. And I can shower!!! Yahoo! No more stinky Karen! My boyfriend loves that :) as I'm sure most other people who come into contact with me do to!So, you quitting drinking? Congrats!!! Alcoholism runs in my family so I am very careful!! I have an aunt and uncle who are afflicted with it. Good luck in your journey (??) is that the right word? I know it must be hard, but the reward is so much better than the gratification from the disease. I'm sure you can do it! Just don't let the stress from the holidays ruin your plans of staying sober. Continue to post to me and keep me updated!
Oh, are you taking Topamax? Are you dx Bipolar? You seem pretty knowledgable on the subject. Just curious.. Karen
I didn't realize how long this was... Ooopsie! :(
Posted by katia on December 13, 2003, at 14:45:37
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 12:05:09
> Hello!!
Hi Karen,
It's good that you sought out a new doctor. I don't care how cute you are, if someone prescribes a med that is potentially - highly - deadly without regard to this side effect, and this someone is supposed to be TRAINED in this, I'd have to chuck them right away. How incompetent to say the least. It's not a laughing matter and sometimes I wonder who's more ill AND ignorant on the subject of meds - doctors or the patients??
When you say you tried Lithium until you started hallucinating? Is that what you consider hypomanic? What did you hallucinate? When were you diagnosed? What has been your experience of mania (since you're BPI)?I'm *tentatively* BPII/Mixed. I also tried Depakote for a couple of months and decided I didn't like the potential side effects either, mainly the PCOS, which BTW I found out about by myself not my pdoc...
That's so wonderful that the Topamax is working for you. How long did it take you with trial and error to get to this point? I've been in the works for 18 months now! One year was mistakenly on antidepressants to finally get the dx of bp. I'm on 200mg of Lamictal and 12g of fish oil. I'm starting to feel a dip in my mood though - again. nothing sticks. It could be PMS or the holidays or the fact that I'm not drinking. yes, that's makes me more depressed because it's like my medication. I've not tried Topamax.> So, you quitting drinking? Congrats!!! Alcoholism runs in my family so I am very careful!! I have an aunt and uncle who are afflicted with it. Good luck in your journey (??) is that the right word? I know it must be hard, but the reward is so much better than the gratification from the disease. I'm sure you can do it! Just don't let the stress from the holidays ruin your plans of staying sober. Continue to post to me and keep me updated!
**I'm not even going to try and remain sober on x-mas. it's not because it'll be so jolly, it's the opposite, I don't really have anywhere to go and will probably spend it alone. and that trully sucks.
>
take care,
katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 23:05:03
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 13, 2003, at 14:45:37
> > Hello!!
> Hi Karen,
> It's good that you sought out a new doctor. I don't care how cute you are, if someone prescribes a med that is potentially - highly - deadly without regard to this side effect, and this someone is supposed to be TRAINED in this, I'd have to chuck them right away. How incompetent to say the least. It's not a laughing matter and sometimes I wonder who's more ill AND ignorant on the subject of meds - doctors or the patients??<<Hiya~!!!! He was Really VERY VERY cute! And that was the only mistake he ever made so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. It turned out well, so I did find another doctor.... All's well that ends well I suppose...
> When you say you tried Lithium until you started hallucinating?
<<<I was on Lithium and started hallucinating while I was taking it. But I had been taking it for a while. Odd circumstances I suppose? I think it had to do with stress mainly and depression.
Is that what you consider hypomanic?
<<<No, not at all! Hypomania for me is wonderful!!! :) I welcome hypomania compared to depression and stress!What did you hallucinate?
<<< My dead father, skeletons walking on the side of the road, my walls bending, that sort of thing...When were you diagnosed?
<<< I was dx August of 2002What has been your experience of mania (since you're BPI)?
<<<< Ahhhh!!! Ummm, well.. Not good! When manic I instigate sex with complete strangers off the street, spend money that I don't have, walk down the street naked (oopsie, is that wrong?), sometimes have auditory hallucinations (hear things that aren't there) such as someone whispering my name and people crying, I have flashed a police car before, drive like a maniac... that type of thing...>
> I'm *tentatively* BPII/Mixed. I also tried Depakote for a couple of months and decided I didn't like the potential side effects either, mainly the PCOS, which BTW I found out about by myself not my pdoc...
> That's so wonderful that the Topamax is working for you.How long did it take you with trial and error to get to this point?
<<Well, I started on AD's 3 years ago, then they suggested therapy. I called my GP and said some unkind and psychotic words to his nurse. I moved to Muncie to start University, where I met my former GP. He dx me Bipolar (thank goodness!!!).. From there he put me on Lithium. After a brief hospitalization and a couple of med changes and a year or so of mixings, I found Topamax. So, I've been working on it for about 3 years total with about 1 year of therapy, which has helped tremendously! I too was put on AD's which didn't aid in my recovery. I can't believe my old GP didn't pick up on it. Some doctors seem to be just plain uninformed!
I've been in the works for 18 months now! One year was mistakenly on antidepressants to finally get the dx of bp. I'm on 200mg of Lamictal and 12g of fish oil. I'm starting to feel a dip in my mood though - again. nothing sticks. It could be PMS or the holidays or the fact that I'm not drinking. yes, that's makes me more depressed because it's like my medication. I've not tried Topamax.
><<<I hear you about PMS... I recently started the pill which adds to the mix.. Talk about being emotional! And I thought I didn't have emotions! Ha!!!
> > So, you quitting drinking? Congrats!!! Alcoholism runs in my family so I am very careful!! I have an aunt and uncle who are afflicted with it. Good luck in your journey (??) is that the right word? I know it must be hard, but the reward is so much better than the gratification from the disease. I'm sure you can do it! Just don't let the stress from the holidays ruin your plans of staying sober. Continue to post to me and keep me updated!
>
> **I'm not even going to try and remain sober on x-mas. it's not because it'll be so jolly, it's the opposite, I don't really have anywhere to go and will probably spend it alone. and that trully sucks.
> >
> take care,
> katia<<<<I'm in the same situation... My mother lives in a different state. My boyfriend invited me to his parents, but I feel out of place. I spent last xmas there, but still... I may spend the holidays alone.... It does suck.... I feel like they feel obligated to buy me as many presents as they buy there kids. And I feel like I'm imposing. Waaaaa....... Why can't I have a normal family.......??????????I hate the holidays.....
Posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 1:09:13
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 23:05:03
Hi Karen,
> What did you hallucinate?
> <<< My dead father, skeletons walking on the side of the road, my walls bending, that sort of thing...
> Ahhhh!!! Ummm, well.. Not good! When manic I instigate sex with complete strangers off the street, spend money that I don't have, walk down the street naked (oopsie, is that wrong?), sometimes have auditory hallucinations (hear things that aren't there) such as someone whispering my name and people crying, I have flashed a police car before, drive like a maniac... that type of thing...
**Wow! If that's a description of BPI, then I'm definitely not that. However! I do remember now "running naked through a field" with some guy that I grabbed at a party - just because I liked the sound of it - we went out back - I grew up in a rural area! I was 17 at that time. I have done some wild things - was nominated as Most Wild for senior superlatives in high school. I've had impulsive affairs with strange men and drive like a maniac, but never hallucinated - auditory nor visual. I can't even imagine it. My hypomanias have been far and few between and apart from about six months of a very distince high when I was 17/18 and again when 21, i've rapid cycled. It's been awhile (apart from the past year) that I've felt that wonderful hypo state of inspiration, euphoria, and feeling of being in love with life - giddiness. hypomania can exist in one day for me or for one week, two weeks, but it's mainly mixed state of agitation and irritation, which is where my alcohol comes in - when I"m up, when I'm irritated, and when I'm depressed - mainly the mixed and hypo states. My main thing has been debilitating chronic depression. I"ve become crazy with boyfriends and huge fights etc. So I'm not sure what my dx is - I guess BPII/Mixed.** Where's Muncie?
>I hear you about PMS... I recently started the pill which adds to the mix.. Talk about being emotional! And I thought I didn't have emotions! Ha!!!
**Have you had your hormones tested to see how much of this is hormone related? I'm wondering about me.
<<<<I'm in the same situation... My mother lives in a different state. My boyfriend invited me to his parents, but I feel out of place. I spent last xmas there, but still... I may spend the holidays alone.... It does suck.... I feel like they feel obligated to buy me as many presents as they buy there kids. And I feel like I'm imposing. Waaaaa....... Why can't I have a normal family.......??????????I hate the holidays.....
Ditto on that! I just want a "normal" life and a normal family and I HATE the holidays.
I'm 33.
How old are you and how old were you with your first manic episode?
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 9:38:28
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 1:09:13
Hiya!
I can't remember exactly when I had my first manic episode, but I would say it was about 18 or 19 years old. It had the regular symptoms: decreased need for sleep, euphoria, talking like a mad woman (those are clinical terms :) , I vadalized a public restroom once with a hammer and a baseball bat once. And I used to shoplift all the time when I was manic.There is a great book you can buy called "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide" It is really good and straight forward.
I don't rapid cycle. I was depressed once for about 2 years straight. Now that sucked. Rapid cycling doesn't seem like it would be much fun at all.
Have you been dx? Are you scared to go to a doctor?
I've not been tested to see how my hormones relate, but I've not had problems with hormones until I started the pill.
Muncie is in Indiana. And I'm 24.
Posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 15:17:37
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 9:38:28
Hi Karen,
> There is a great book you can buy called "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide" It is really good and straight forward.**I've got that book. It is good.
> I don't rapid cycle. I was depressed once for about 2 years straight. Now that sucked. Rapid cycling doesn't seem like it would be much fun at all.
Nope. None at all. My main thing has been chronic depression. i can't remember a time except those two distinct periods of hypomania (each lasted about six months in 1988 and 1991) that I wasn't depressed or in some agitated mixed state.
> Have you been dx? Are you scared to go to a doctor?
** yes I have. I'm on Lamictal now at 200mg and 11ish grams of fish oil a day. I'm sliding down the shute though. The Lam. is not holding. I see my pdoc on the 19th and possibly going on Lithium to enhance the effects of Lam. and to also bring in it's own qualities. I'm SCARED TO DEATH of developing a permanent hypothyroid because of Lithium tho'. And I hear that the weight gain happens often.
I'm sick to death of all of this. Depression and feeling like hell and having my life in shambles and no medication working and worrying about side effects...blah blah blah...I envy the person who goes to sleep easily, sleeps the night through, has a stable mood, (and that's enough right there), but plus, has a fulfilling creative career, has a healthy relationship, and has a home and children.
I have seen of such people. I've hear that they are out there - amazing huh? I"m sick of being tormented. There's only so much a person can take. This is no life.It's how I"m feeling today. Oh did I say it's how I've felt ALL my life???
I"m coming to the end of my energy with this trial and error and with this constant state of torture.
So there you go a real letter without any embellishments.BTW - anyone out there on Lamictal get very dizzy and nauseous at 200mg?
katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 16:05:59
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 15:17:37
Ahhh, hun/!!! I think that once you get the medication bit sorted out, a lot of the rest will start to fall into place (the career, family, ect...)
When I first started Lithium I actually lost weight. But, when I became depressed once again I began gaining, as I usually do when depressed. So, don't worry too much about hypothyroidism until you get warning signs. What bothered me the most about Lithium was the bowel problems (if you catch my drift). But, at least I stayed regular...
I too suffered with chronic depression for about the last 3 years and Topamax has helped with that dramatically! But, my doctor is amazed at that. He is rather shocked. But, it works for me so I'm not questioning it.I can't really comment on Lamictal, because I took it in combination with Lithium. But I guess that is what you will be doing too. I was still depressed and lethargic. Really, the only thign that I have found to help me with wonderful results is Topamax. But, again, my doctor is really amazed at that.
Good luck with your struggle to find the right combo... Once you do find it, it is great! It takes some time. I did take 200 mgs Lamictal and 1500 mgs Lithium per day.
Posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 16:13:26
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 16:05:59
Hi again,
So you were on the combo of Lam/Lith? Did it ever work for you for any amount of time?
I'm just feeling disheartened b/c I've dealt with this my whole life and finally when I open my eyes to the fact that it's not me, it's an illness and I can be treated and then SOUGHT out help 18 mos. ago and I STILL haven't gotten it right - it can look a bit hopeless.
That also amazes me that Topamax alone helps BPI.
When you say don't worry about hypothyroid until symptoms appear, won't it be too late then?
thanks for you posts - they help.
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 16, 2003, at 14:14:47
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 16:13:26
Well, my memory is pretty severly impaired, so I don't really remember the combination of Lithium and Lamictal working for me too well. I remember I was pretty lethargic at the time and terrified to leave my house.
I understand what you are going through. /You get dx and you are like "Greta! Now they can "fix" me. It just isn't quite that simple. It does take a while to figure out which drug/s work/s for you and at which dosage. And whether you can handle the side effects. It can bring you down. But hang in there. Once you find the right cocktail, it makes all the difference in the world. And I strongly believe you will find the right cocktail. It just takes some time. Have you tried Lamictal with an AD? It is safe to take an AD with a mood stabilizer if you have stubborn depression. Some people can handle it. I was taking Lexapro with Lithium at one point, as well as Klonopin. It was a good combination for me at the time. It realy is trial and error. If you have a good supposrt system and you trust yourself to know the signs of hypomania and mania, why not try and antidepressant along with a mood stabilizer? It's something to ask your doctor about. If you aren't getting relief from depression, it is time to find a more aggressive approach. You should stick with an SSRI though, and Wellbutrin is suggested as the best for preventing a manic episode from occuring. Have you taken an AD in the past? With what results?
I'm not sure about hypothyroidism. I do know that there is medication you can take to help if you do develope it. This is a concern you should address with you doctor. I wish I knew more about it, so I could help you.
Are you happy with Lamictal?
Is you main problem now depression?
Why not suggest adding Wellbutrin to the Lamictal?I'm going to do some research on hypothyroid and direct another post when I catch something.
Thinking about you, Karen
Posted by katia on December 16, 2003, at 22:21:36
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 16, 2003, at 14:14:47
Hi Karen!
> Well, my memory is pretty severly impaired, so I don't really remember the combination of Lithium and Lamictal working for me too well. I remember I was pretty lethargic at the time and terrified to leave my house.
**Do you think it was the Lithium making you lethargic? That's what I'm worried about. I think I"ll try the Lithium with my Lam. (200) first - and then add wellbutrin or something. I have been on the depressed side much of the past two months and two days ago I spun out into a terrible mixed state - today the energy is subsiding. see below another post I wrote last night
"Today felt like a day that everyone was mean to me! just got worse and worse... AFter that I went to my therapist and cried, ranted and RAVED for 50mins. She even wanted to have me call my pdoc to put me on Lithium or somethiing! I worked tonight and it's just been one thing after another. I can't explain what is happening to me....I'm losing it completely and spiraling out of reality. At one point tonight I thought - ok, well nothing left but suicide. And then I thought - "chuck the ATkins diet and have a glass of wine if it means something that will save you from yourself". And the combo with the resignation that I would end it and then the fact that I had something else (the glass of wine)(and I'm not even a big drinker) or not even that glass of wine. just the thought and plan (but no action ) of suicide helps me to actually live more? does that make sense to anyone? Once I decide I'd had enough and started planning a suicide, then suddenly things got lighter....it's odd. Mixed states are when suicides happen the most. it's awful. it's like you're in that backwash of water going back out to sea. you have no idea where to take stand - I feel like a wild animal has gotten loose and is banging up against the insides of my mind - I feel out of control with emotion and I'm scared."
**so that's a pretty good description of the other side of depression for me - maybe Li. and Lam. will work well together. IN any case, I decided yesterday that I can't deal like this and lamict. just not cutting it alone.>> I understand what you are going through. /You get dx and you are like "Greta! Now they can "fix" me. It just isn't quite that simple. It does take a while to figure out which drug/s work/s for you and at which dosage. And whether you can handle the side effects. It can bring you down. But hang in there. Once you find the right cocktail, it makes all the difference in the world. And I strongly believe you will find the right cocktail. It just takes some time.
**Thank you so much for those words of encouragement - really. I need to hear that I"ll find the right combo and things will fall into place.
>>Have you tried Lamictal with an AD?
**Nope. Since getting a BP dx, I have stayed off ADs.
>>Have you taken an AD in the past? With what results?
**Oh yeah. What a nightmare. I tried 5! over the course of almost a year - hypomanic on two and a zombie on the others. I can't believe it took everyone that long to figure it out. In june I got the dx.
> I'm not sure about hypothyroidism. I do know that there is medication you can take to help if you do develope it. This is a concern you should address with you doctor. I wish I knew more about it, so I could help you.
**I know. But the last thing I need is permanent damage to my thyroid, esp. the way that makes you gain weight and cold.
> Are you happy with Lamictal?
> Is you main problem now depression?
> Why not suggest adding Wellbutrin to the Lamictal?**I will do this if Lithium and Lam. don't do the trick.
>
> I'm going to do some research on hypothyroid and direct another post when I catch something.
> Thinking about you, Karen**Thanks!
take good care,
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 17, 2003, at 13:17:22
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 16, 2003, at 22:21:36
I don't think Lithium made me lethargic because I took it and had no problems with it. I did not have problems until I added the Lamictal. But, it could have just been a problem with my mental health in general, nothing to do with the medication. It is still very confusing to me. But, I did try Lithium a second time as well. And, it didn't make me lethargic. So, my gut tells me the combination of lithium and lamictal together made me lethargic.
I really can sense the pain coming through in your post. It was both wonderful and very sad at the same time. You express yourself very well. I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time right now. I think you should demand answers and solutions from your pdoc. What is taking so long? If I have a problem with meds or my moods, I call him and tell him I want a workable solution and yesterday. I don't pay him so that I can sit around and be miserable! You deserve to be happy. Talk to your pdoc about finding a solution and finding one soon!
It concerns me that you are talking about suicide.. You know, last summer I was hospitalized for trying it. That was before Topamax. I am certain there is a medication/s for your particulra brain chemistry. It is just a matter of trial and error.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more certain I am that I became lethargic due to my own "demons", not the medication.
And, ADs are quite safe if taken with a mood stabilizer. Ask your dr about it.
Please, I know it is hard not to get discouraged. But, once you do find the perfect fit it makes all the difference in the world. Just hang on until you do! Talk to your pdoc. Try the lamictal/lithium combo and see how that treats you. If you are still feeling depresed, try adding an AD. If that still doesn't work, talk to your pdoc about an alternative. I would think from there it would be something like lamictal and an AD?? But, your pdoc knows more than I do...... Hang on! I'm counting on you :)
Karen
Posted by katia on December 17, 2003, at 14:57:43
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 17, 2003, at 13:17:22
Wow. Thanks Karen.
Although I moving into insomnia now, I am not so crazy. The night I was thinking about suicide as an option out of pain if nothing else works, I had a dream. I dreamt that I had a terminal illness and I was looking onto my life and feeling like "no, I can't leave yet! I've endured the bad, now I want the good!". I was very sad and I realized that I trully love life, I"m just sad because I haven't had the ability to feel it and appreciate it.
I'm better now. The impulse passed. Thanks for your concern.
I'm seeing my pdoc in two days and I'll probably go on Lithium.
take care Karen_Kay
Posted by Karen_kay on December 18, 2003, at 9:41:07
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 17, 2003, at 14:57:43
I'm glad that you've changed your mind. Sometimes dreams do that. I'm also glad that you have an appointment with your Pdoc soon. I remember when I started the Lithium, it began working for me immediately! Within the first few days. Results may vary from person to person, but for me it worked fast. And at first I loved Lithium. I almost wish I had stayed on it the first go around. But, m=y pdoc at the time just kept adding medications to it to counter depression and psychosis (which wasn't the case at all, I just needed a good therapist :) which I had a bad therapist at the time..But, you just have to learn.. I guess everything i life is a big learning process, as much as it sometimes sucsk... Good luck at your dr appointment..
I hate the holidays.. I think I'm going to be alone this year :( I have places to go, but I just feel out of place no matter where I go. I think I'll just stay home this year with my dog and think about things. It will be a pain travelling and working around everyone's schedule anyway. Blasted holidays!
Posted by katia on December 18, 2003, at 13:57:05
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on December 18, 2003, at 9:41:07
Hi karen,
Yes, I think I'll go onto Lithium. I can't deal with the depressions and then the mixed states. God they come out of nowhere. I just hope I don't gain weight. I'm going to be really on top of it. I just can't sleep now unless I take Seroquel and Neurontin. Then I sleep like a baby. In your BP experience, have you ever experienced a mixed state?Remember when you said you walked down the street naked (oopsie was that WRONG?), I laughed and laughed. Just curious, what led up to that and had you been drinking?
I'll think of you on xmas! I'm going up north (2hrs) and spending it with a long long time friend. We're both from Virginia and knew each other there and both seemed to have made our way out here about ten years ago (Cal.). she's like my family here. However, we are double trouble and normally there is lots of wine involved. Which is why I was hesitant before. But f-it. I don't want to be alone! I'll try and be good! I just want to be around people, with a tree, and a fireplace!!!
take good care,
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 18, 2003, at 15:51:00
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 18, 2003, at 13:57:05
Hiya!
I've never had a mixed state. I'm very glad for that!
And the naked thing. Well, that has happened several times. It seems that I have a knack for taking my clothes off. Which is strange because I have this "thing" about my boobs (they're tiny
:( But, my sisters (I love them, but one in particular takes advantage of me, especially when I'm manic) and I were walking past the house of a man I had a crush on (a 40 something year old boss at work) and she was like "Take off your clothes" and I thought "What the hell, that'll get his attention" And I did. At about 2 in the afternoon. And another time we were walking down Main Street in my hometown in the middle of the afternoon, and I was manic again and the same sister (who knew I wasn't in the right state of mind, and also knows that I hesitate to turn down a dare) said "I dare you to take off you clothes and walk down the street" It seemed like a good idea at the time. It still doesn't seem like it was a bad idea. I didn't get caught. No harm, no foul, right?And no, I hadn't been drinking at all... Just plain old mania will do the trick for me....
As for Christmas, good for you! I'm glad that you have someone close to spend the holidays with. I'm going to be alone, but I'm not upset in the slightest. I could go to my sister's or my boyfriend's family, but I think I should stay home (with my doggie). I need a break and some time to really think about things. I've just been stressed lately and have been avoiding some things. This is the perfect opportunity to think about everything. The only problem is making everyone think that I'm not home alone. How can I do that? If my boyfriend finds out I am planning on staying home, he'll drag me there. If my sister finds out I want to stay home, she'll come up here and get me. I don't think of the holiday as a big deal. I just WANT to be alone. And my boyfriend is only leaving for a couple of days. Help me think of a plan. Maybe I can tell my sister I'm going with Andy. And tell Andy I'm going to my sister's.. And stay home and drink whiskey sours all night long.... yummy!!!!!
Posted by kka on December 19, 2003, at 0:02:09
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 13, 2003, at 14:45:37
> > Hello!!
> Hi Karen,
> It's good that you sought out a new doctor. I don't care how cute you are, if someone prescribes a med that is potentially - highly - deadly without regard to this side effect, and this someone is supposed to be TRAINED in this, I'd have to chuck them right away. How incompetent to say the least. It's not a laughing matter and sometimes I wonder who's more ill AND ignorant on the subject of meds - doctors or the patients??
> When you say you tried Lithium until you started hallucinating? Is that what you consider hypomanic? What did you hallucinate? When were you diagnosed? What has been your experience of mania (since you're BPI)?
>
> I'm *tentatively* BPII/Mixed. I also tried Depakote for a couple of months and decided I didn't like the potential side effects either, mainly the PCOS, which BTW I found out about by myself not my pdoc...
> That's so wonderful that the Topamax is working for you. How long did it take you with trial and error to get to this point? I've been in the works for 18 months now! One year was mistakenly on antidepressants to finally get the dx of bp. I'm on 200mg of Lamictal and 12g of fish oil. I'm starting to feel a dip in my mood though - again. nothing sticks. It could be PMS or the holidays or the fact that I'm not drinking. yes, that's makes me more depressed because it's like my medication. I've not tried Topamax.
>
> > So, you quitting drinking? Congrats!!! Alcoholism runs in my family so I am very careful!! I have an aunt and uncle who are afflicted with it. Good luck in your journey (??) is that the right word? I know it must be hard, but the reward is so much better than the gratification from the disease. I'm sure you can do it! Just don't let the stress from the holidays ruin your plans of staying sober. Continue to post to me and keep me updated!
>
> **I'm not even going to try and remain sober on x-mas. it's not because it'll be so jolly, it's the opposite, I don't really have anywhere to go and will probably spend it alone. and that trully sucks.
> >
> take care,
> katiaFYI- Topmax has shown some success in reducing or elimating the urges to drink alcohol or binge drink. Do a search - there was a study. I am on it to curb over-eating.
Posted by katia on December 19, 2003, at 20:33:50
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by kka on December 19, 2003, at 0:02:09
OH, you are funny! I am like that too. I was always the one everyone dared to do something because they knew I would! Did mania influence me? who knows. I think I'm just naturally looney and goofey in a bold daredevilish sort of way. I have a thing for stripping too.....I think I've got in under control now...:-)
AND likewise, I detest my bum! you'd think I'd hide it away in the attic!I think your plan is good - tell your boyfriend that you're going to your sisters and vice versa. Then afterwards just explain you did it b/c you wanted to be alone and you knew that they wouldn't let you!
I saw my pdoc today and I"m starting the Lithium at 450mg - the Eskalith CR form. I'm staying on the Lamictal at 200mg. We'll see what happens. I hope I don't gain weight or get that cognitive dulling/dumbness!
Ciao!
Katia
Posted by fluffy on December 20, 2003, at 11:55:07
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by kka on December 19, 2003, at 0:02:09
Hi Katia--
(and karen). I had an instinct to cruise the babble boards this morning. Katia--sorry I didn't reply to you the other day. I was kind of ignoring all of my e-mails. I'm so sorry you had such a hard time with that nasty mixed state. they are the scariest. the only time i've had a full mixed state was on antidepressants. and I'm really surprised i made it through alive. it's like your head can't think about anything but suicide...just whirling around. i seriously wanted to bang my head into a wall. i thrashed things around and yelled at my cats. if there had been a human around, i'm certain i would have hurt them if provoked. i am so glad you made it out ok. but it's hard to reconcile with your head afterwards.
katia--something keeps striking me about your posts. i think you are coming to terms with the difficulties of all this. having drugs not work or make you feel worse is salt in the wounds. but you have to try them first, and not worry about stuff that may or may not happen.
i may have to go on zyprexa or depakote next, and frankly, i'm having to not care about the possibilities of side effects (pcos, thyroid junk, weight gain, rashes). all drugs carry side effects, and it's important to be aware of them. but if you are feeling miserable, then don't put the cart in front of the horse. just concentrate on if the drug is alleviating your symptoms and actually making you feel better in the short run. you can cross that bridge when you come to it if the drugs seem to be causing long term problems. most problems are reversable.
i'm saying this to you b/c i've been taken off of every drug i've tried due to really bad side effects. if i could achieve mood stability through a drug and be a little chubby or have a thyroid problem, at this point, i probably wouldn't care. as long as i felt like my normal self otherwise. i'm off the trileptal b/c my sodium levels were dropping quickly, and it can result in a coma or death!! so needless to say, it's out of the equation. then when we discontinued the trileptal, i got a rash again. my doctors are freaking out, calling me every 3 days to see if my rash is going away. now my lamictal dose has been cut in half, (i'm at 100mg), and it's the only thing i'm taking. it's not enough. I can't sleep a wink. and i have been hypomanic for 5 days now. my art work is soaring...it's taking off! but i'm having a hard time holding on to my thoughts and concentrating on what people are saying to me. admittedly, i've enjoyed the high, but i know it will end. i keep wondering if i should call my doctor to tell him i'm getting manic, or if i should ride out this enjoyable high. but i just want some long run stability. it's hard to worry about side effects. but i just have to jump in b/c i haven't had typical results to typical drugs.
i hope you will give lithium a try without worrying about the thyroid stuff too much. don't shoot yourself in the foot. you've had a really hard time lately, and if the Li works, then you are on your way. would you ever consider the depakote again? didn't it work for you, but you were afraid about the pcos? just curious.
take care. i really hope you are feeling better, and it continues. i wish you the best of luck with this crap. it's very difficult to say the least!
i care about you,
Katy
Posted by katia on December 20, 2003, at 13:46:08
In reply to Re: lamictal, misery, side effect fears, posted by fluffy on December 20, 2003, at 11:55:07
HI Fluffy old friend!
good to hear from you.
Yes, I started the Lithium yesterday. We'll see about it - I'm not worrried about the hypothyroid thing anymore - I just want to feel better.
I'm envious when I hear of others' hypomania!! Normally if I don't sleep, it goes to a mixed state! I don't have any fun....:-(
I would definitely try Depakote if I were you. Definitely. You're already thin, the Trileptal worked for you minus the s/e so they are somewhat similar. I actually didn't gain weight on it. It didn't quite work for me. I was still cycling.
Thanks for your words!
I'm dashing off so I'll write more later.
your friend,
Katia
Posted by fluffy on December 20, 2003, at 13:53:45
In reply to Re: lamictal, misery, side effect fears » fluffy, posted by katia on December 20, 2003, at 13:46:08
Hey Katia
Good to hear from you, too. i'll admit that the hypomania is sort of fun. but i get really paranoid. i can't keep track of my thoughts...they just whirl around, and i can't really remember much of them later. so mainly, it's kind of annoying after awhile. but at first, wheeeeee!!! I also have to wonder how much i've offended people later. i've been known to tell people off when i'm like this.
later,
katy
Posted by katia on December 20, 2003, at 17:19:32
In reply to Re: lamictal, misery, side effect fears, posted by fluffy on December 20, 2003, at 13:53:45
How much are you sleeping?
Are you taking anything for it?
k
Posted by fluffy on December 21, 2003, at 12:39:32
In reply to Re: lamictal, misery, side effect fears » fluffy, posted by katia on December 20, 2003, at 17:19:32
Hey Katia--
I'm sleeping probably an average of 5-6 hours a night, which isn't the worst it's ever gotten. But even if I take the Temazepam i have for insomnia, i still can't fall asleep very well. i've been getting more and more edgy over the past few days. that's the thing...the fun hypomania part fades rather fast due to lack of sleep, which just catapults me into edgy, irritated, anxious hypomania. I feel like biting peoples' heads off, and I'm starting to cry at the drop of a hat now. I've started to switch into depression over the past day or so. gotta call the doc on monday. this undermedicated business just can't do. we are going to go back to the drawing board anyway. they are just watching and waiting to figure out what to treat with what meds. *sigh*
How are you holding up with the lithium? any weird side effects? what dose are you on? Li carbonate or extended release? i had side effects from the get-go, even on low doses. If you are doing well now side effect wise, then it's a good sign you'll tolerate it well. A little thirst and fatigue is normal. I hope you are doing well,
Katy
Posted by katia on December 21, 2003, at 14:32:28
In reply to Re: lamictal, misery, side effect fears, posted by fluffy on December 21, 2003, at 12:39:32
> Hey Katia--
>
> I'm sleeping probably an average of 5-6 hours a night, which isn't the worst it's ever gotten.Hi katy,
well 5-6 hrs I can relate to. I just can't relate to classic mania - no sleep at all and feel fine for it!But even if I take the Temazepam i have for insomnia, i still can't fall asleep very well. i've been getting more and more edgy over the past few days. that's the thing...the fun hypomania part fades rather fast due to lack of sleep, which just catapults me into edgy, irritated, anxious hypomania. I feel like biting peoples' heads off, and I'm starting to cry at the drop of a hat now.
**Yes, I've been there. It's like just being along for the ride...
>>I've started to switch into depression over the past day or so. gotta call the doc on monday. this undermedicated business just can't do. we are going to go back to the drawing board anyway. they are just watching and waiting to figure out what to treat with what meds. *sigh*
**Has your rash gone away? If it has, then I think you could increase your dose. And I really think Depakote could work for you. Let me know what happens, k?
> How are you holding up with the lithium? any weird side effects? what dose are you on? Li carbonate or extended release?
Well, nothing really has happened yet. I'm going on day three today at 450mg of Eskalith CR (the most extended release). I haven't really noticed any s/e yet. But then again, the first day I took it and went to bed, got up yesterday and was so busy all day into the night as I worked. Then after work, went for a late dinner and had three glasses of vino. And I feel it today. I take it at night, so I haven't taken it yet today. With the holidays here and taking on a second job (dog walking and petsitting), I'm really distracted from myself and I feel it. It doesn't feel healthy - you know like I'm not in tune and I hate that disconnected feeling I have when life gets like this. I need so much solitude and down time. So it's hard to tell really. I guess no news is good news at this point. I'll go to 900mg in 12 days if I see no improvement.
take care and keep in touch.
Katia
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