![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 184 to 208 of 458. Go back in thread:
Posted by BarbaraCat on November 6, 2003, at 22:09:03
In reply to Re: Hello gals... » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on November 6, 2003, at 21:00:09
Hmmmm, I think we'd eventually break open the skunk blood and swamp juice, but I don't think we'd regret it one bit.
Posted by fluffy on November 7, 2003, at 11:55:44
In reply to Re: Hello gals... » fluffy, posted by katia on November 6, 2003, at 20:50:07
> Hi Katy,
> We have such similar experiences and histories and timing of things.
> I miss the carefree life too, but ultimately it wasn't a carefree life for me (but it was fun at times!). It was a cyclical life - one thing leading into the next and feeding off each other. It is rather boring to have to be so vigilant about what I do. I too am mourning a loss of an unhealthy self. I feel I'm in limbo at the moment and sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm female and I have to say my name. I feel a bit like I"m disintegrating and it's scary. My identity is going. I sometimes don't know what I like, want or desire. In fact nothing. I just feel empty. I think it's hard to get past this to get through this part - the in between unhealthy and healthy self.***I'm so glad to hear from you. I've been thinking about you for the past couple of days. I feel the connection too. About the identity...yes...it's totally weird and disconcerting to regret your past and try to think of the good days ahead. I "overidentified" with my diagnosis for a LONG time. And I still do it when I feel depressed. But you are still YOU! If anything, I've realized that those feelings and thoughts I had when I was cycling were still MY FEELINGs, just that they were an extreme part of my ego, or lack thereof. When I was first diagnosed, I posted on this board with the question "is there ever a normal after a BP diagnosis?" It's taken me a year, but I think I've discovered that "normal", even if it's still more extreme than most. Someone gave me some great advice on that thread that's never left me...I believe she said, "don't compare other peoples' outsides with your insides." Pretty profound, eh?
>
> I too am on the dsythmic side. For the first time today in over a week however, I had a mixed state. It only lasted a few hours; now I'm exhausted again. I'm just sooo soooo tired. Is it depression? probably. Hypthyroid? who the hell knows. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Never really thought about that one...***Hmmm. I wouldn't worry too much about the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. That's another can of worms, and you are dealing with one diagnosis that's quite enough for now. And you are definitely not hopeless, dear Katia. The Dep worked a bit for you, so let that be your guide. I will second Barb's suggestion that maybe Tegretol or Trileptal would be a good add-on to your combo. Both have similar mechanisms as Depakote (I think calcium channel blockers??). I've read that Teg or Tri have less "punch" but can definitely treat rapid cycling and even depression. I can attest to that.
***You posted somewhere about not "feeling" coffee. That's a definite sign of being depressed for me. What is that about? Maybe something to do with dopamine...it's bummer, b/c I LOVE coffee buzz.
> Glad your bad day didn't spiral further.
> BTW, I'm curious about my sleeping patterns. I do work nights, but that shouldn't be that big of an influence especially since I only work two - three nights per week. I can't fall asleep until around 1-2 and then I can't wake up until 11/12. I just CANNOT change it. I've tried. Like today, I was late for a 1:00 appt. because I slept too late. This has been going on since I've been on medication about a year ago. Previously, I was an insomniac. But then again previously, I had a job where I HAD to wake up earlier. I feel so caught in a zombified rut.***Just try to have a regular schedule that works FOR YOU. If that means sleeping late to have enough rest for your night job, then just go with it. If you can keep it consistent, then good. Make your appointments later in the afternoon if you need to.
***My sleeping pattern usually involves going to bed around 12:30 or 1:00 am and waking at 8:00. I'm working on it gradually this week to get it down. I'm now participating in a social rhythm and psychoeducation study at the mood disorders clinic, so I have a "coach" therapist to help me do this. If my pattern is off, I usually get to sleep at like 3 or 4:00 in the morning and sleep for 5 hours, tossing and turning. When I'm depressed, I'll feel heavy and can't keep my eyes open at 10:00, and I'll sleep until 10:00, unable to get going very well.
I'm sure you know, but post any ol' time, and I'm glad we can be here for each other...here, here, as for the glass of dopamine we could share together..my preference is a Fuller's ESB...cheers to you.
hugs,
Katy
Posted by BarbaraCat on November 7, 2003, at 12:54:15
In reply to Re: Hello gals..., posted by fluffy on November 7, 2003, at 11:55:44
Hi Katy,
Those are wonderful words to Katia, so kind and full of understanding. We really have to be extra special kind to ourselves (and each other as best we can) during these times. The knee-jerk reaction is to beat ourselves into doing it 'right', but if we could, we would.I try to remember how I would treat a poor sick frightened animal. Would I whip a starving and ill horse into going faster? Would I beat fear into any one of my beloved kitties so that they 'behave'? I don't think so. Yet, I beat myself unmercifully if I don't conform to a sick society's standards or if I can't perform the way I imagine a more energetic and less traumatized version of me might. Yes, I get royally pissed at living half a life. Sometimes I don't know who to get pissed at, I don't have the energy to defuse it, I don't wanna write in my journal or do a damn thing - and yet it has to go somewhere. So back at me it goes, and that's the absolute worst thing I could possibly do. It gets impacted and turns toxic.
I like your suggestion to Katia to just sleep when you need to and not worry about the hours if you don't really have to. Yes, there is sleep disorder syndrome and that has to be addressed, as she is doing in the study. But I think we fear something called 'lazyness' or 'self-indulgence' or 'not measuring up' like it's our dirty little 'if only they knew that about me' secret. The truth is that when we're feeling good, we naturally want to DO things and to LIVE LIFE. It feels good and spontaneous to express our vibrant energy and in fact, it's hard NOT to. It bubbles up and we can't sit still. The other side of that is when there's very little life force and energy it's not a good thing to expect more than we have. The well is dry. It might work for the short run to whip ourselves into shape but not for the long haul. That's a sure road to adrenal burnout. So thanks for that reminder. I'm going through a fibro flare at the moment and it's hard to motivate and I'm verging on 'oh come on, not again you wimp' thoughts. Your words helped me to put things in perspective knowing that when the time is right I'll know it. It helps to remember that no matter how crummy I get to feeling these days it's NOTHING like the hell I've been through in the past and those horrible days are quickly receding and I'm finally trusting they will continue to do so. I'm very very grateful for this. Love ya, Barbara
p.s. Fuller's ESB is a righteous brew!
Posted by katia on November 7, 2003, at 15:00:52
In reply to Re: Hello gals..., posted by fluffy on November 7, 2003, at 11:55:44
Hi Katy, I'll apologize right now for the long post. It just kept going...
So good to hear from you too. I know what you mean about "overidentifying" with the dx. On one hand I think that's normal. For me, for so long I blamed myself and was in such torment for years without an explanation or dx, feeling inadequate and less than; that it's been good for me to throw my hands up in the air and give in to the dx for awhile and lie around like a slug attributing everything to this disorder. I know I'll find a balance. One thing that's been clear in this lastest down swing is that I wasn't really down before; I was mixed and cycling. As I told Barb and you may have read (always welcome to read everything), sometimes I need a contrasting mood in order to define the previous one. I'm definitely down now. Not severly, but that ole' familiar feeling that I used to know as "me". Now I know it as depression. The other thing about being aware of this whole dx is when, like now, I'm in the midst of a pretty hard down swing, I realize that I'm in it (b/c of the contrast) and I'm not so hard on myself. and I can see all the things that "experts" say you feel when you're depressed. In other words, I can see that it is not me and it IS hard to do something "about it" and "snap out of it". It's a strong hold.
I think i experienced mixed yesterday because I was rushing and stressed to the doctor's office and had just woken up. I wasn't even able to have a bowel movement!:-) Just in case you were interested... But I feel like I've got to shelter myself so much. When I used to go to a job that was in the morning, i experienced the mixed state just about all day due to the rushing in the morning. and then I'd get home and deserve a glass of vino due to the stress all day from the mixed state. God, it's amazing to see my life through this different lens now. I wish I'd have had this sight 15 years ago.
**The other thing I'm experiencing is having a hard time being authentic in front of friends and public. I'm the best actress in the world and for so long, I've done the minimum to get by in social settings and the limited encounters I've had with my friends. I put on a face as I melt and disintegrate on the inside. AND drink to get through it. Drinking spins me into hypomania. (maybe hence why i'm depressed now, I don't have the drinking to propel me within minutes to a hypo state. (I normally have hidden away until I have enough energy to face the world again). And then afterwards, I race home exhausted and crumble. The exterior (great quote by the way) of me does nothing to portray what's going on in the interior. One of my friends (of four years) doesn't really get this dx; doesn't really believe in "pathologies" anyway. It hasn't been said, but I can feel her disbelief and distrust with what I"m doing with meds and so forth. And I can understand her confusion to a point....She attributes all those times that I've called her crying and desperate to "life circumstances" and I'm a sensitive soul. But it's almost as if she doesn't have time to pander towards this wallering in a diagnosis as if it's something escapist or "romantic". I feel so unseen and misunderstood by her and don't know how to bring it up. These are all subtle feelings that haven't been talked about. She's just said to me "If you believe it, then that's all that is important". Which is BS, b/c I don't get supported or understood that way.
Anyway, sorry to go on, but just wondering if you (or anyone else) has trouble with letting the actress go and giving myself permission to say "I'm in a depression right now and I can't laugh at all your jokes because YES, I suffer from a mood disorder". OR "Sorry I yelled at the woman in the theatre, I was in a mixed state of INTENSE agitation.". It's like what do I own? and what do I hide because it's really just me "acting out"? It's all so confusing. AM I making any sense????**RE: Trileptal, now my pdoc is set on Lithium. Probably because I was still cycling on Dep. I was better, but not totally. I'm upping the Lam. today to 100mg and hopefully, *pray*, that it will lift me up. I also want to get my thyroid checked pre-Lithium. don't want another set of problems.
"don't compare other peoples' outsides with your
insides." Pretty profound, eh?**GREAT QUOTE. and something to remember. One wise thing my mother did say to me when I was growing up (b/c I'm sooo sensitive) is "just because you see someone you know and they don't look happy, it could be because they are having a bad day and has nothing to do with you". Somewhat different than what you mean above. yes, I know your comparison. The image that comes to mind is lonely ole' me shuffling down an empty street shivering on rainy cold night alone and looking into the steamy windows of the warm houses with the cozy happy content families on the inside sitting by the fire together drinking hot chocolate. And feeling that I'll never have that and I'm such a loser and *uck up!
That's one thing, I've learned too. Everyone has things that they deal with and no one's life is perfect. And on the reverse side, this year I've realized also that not everyone has felt like me and that yes, possibly what I'm feeling isn't healthy or normal - hence me finally reaching out for help.**See this is what I wonder about. You only need 7ish hours of sleep and you do fine right? I crumble and crack if I don't get lots of sleep and then i'm a zombie for the first three hours upon entering the world again and then one hour of living, then bam! darkness again.....
>my preference is a Fuller's ESB...cheers to you.
*Is that a beer?? sorry for the ignorance....but you can tell where my fidelity lies....in skunk and swamp juice.Hugs back to you and I'm so glad you're there.
Katia
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 7, 2003, at 19:03:51
In reply to Redirect: Avro?, posted by Dr. Bob on September 30, 2003, at 18:57:45
> Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect the discussion that doesn't have to do with medication to Psycho-Social-Babble. Here's a link:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/264570.html
>
> Thanks,
>
> Bob
Posted by Houston on November 7, 2003, at 22:29:31
In reply to Re: Lamictal side effects, posted by Dalilah on August 25, 2003, at 14:05:26
Dalilah:
When they upped my lamictal to 150 from 100 it sent me spiraling into major depression and I cried constantly and for no reason at all. So they lowered to 100 and added 20mg of prozac. Now life seems great!
Thought I would share that with you as you may want to chat with you doctor about and option like this one.
> I'm sorry I don't know about all the side effects and sleep was not one for me, though I'm quite sure it's possible.
>
> I am up to 150mg of Lamictal now. It seemed like it may have been helping to curb some of the depression. My lithium has removed my hypomania (sadly I feel sometimes.) Anyhow, the last 3 days I have sunk back into the deep hell depression that I know so well. Cry Cry Cry death death death. When will this lamictal work? Will it send me back to the hospital? Is it all a cruel joke? Do I have to live like this forever? Do I just have to accept that I'm down most of the time?
>
> Help. Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? Suicide plans? OK, I know that's not funny.
>
> -Dalilah
Posted by katia on November 8, 2003, at 0:41:06
In reply to Dalilah: Lamictal side effects, posted by Houston on November 7, 2003, at 22:29:31
Hi Houston,
What's your DX?
Are you bipolar?
Posted by katia on November 8, 2003, at 15:01:12
In reply to Re: Hello gals..., posted by fluffy on November 7, 2003, at 11:55:44
katy,
You did help very much.You also inspired me with that poem. I wrote two rather long ones today!
I'll write more later too as I'm rushing off TO work.
take care,
katiaHi again,
I guess we got re-directed. Above is what I wrote last night to you. It seems when there is a redirect a few posts get lost; even the place where it's redirected to doesn't have the posts. So I didn't want you to think I didn't respond.I am actually feeling better. I upped the Lam. to 100mg yesterday and I did feel a bit better. As you know I wrote a lot too yesterday. That always helps; but then again is it that helping or was I feeling better already b/c of the Lamictal and then was ABLE to write. Who knows.
I'm having trouble sleeping tho'. (falling asleep). I've had to take seroquel the past few nights, it's all I've got. i guess this happens when I lose Depakote and up Lamictal.
take care katy,
katia
Posted by nmk on November 9, 2003, at 11:37:38
In reply to Re: Hello gals... » fluffy, posted by katia on November 8, 2003, at 15:01:12
> >
>.
>
> I am actually feeling better. I upped the Lam. to 100mg yesterday and I did feel a bit better. As you know I wrote a lot too yesterday. That always helps; but then again is it that helping or was I feeling better already b/c of the Lamictal and then was ABLE to write. Who knows.
> I'm having trouble sleeping tho'. (falling asleep). I've had to take seroquel the past few nights, it's all I've got. i guess this happens when I lose Depakote and up Lamictal.
> take care katy,
> katia
>Hi Katia,
I am up to 300 mg of Lamictal and like you, I can't sleep for the life of me. My doc had me on 3 mg of xanax xr and that still didn't do the trick. I tried 50 mg of seroquel last night and it knocked me out for only five hours and then I was wide awake.
How much seroquel do you take at night and does it give you a full 8 hours? I am afraid to decrease the lamictal since it is helping (somewhat) with the depression yet I need some sleep. Any suggestions??
Thanks,
Nicole>
Posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 14:45:33
In reply to Re: Hello gals... » katia, posted by nmk on November 9, 2003, at 11:37:38
HI Nicole,
Yikes, that's tough. i have yet to have it that rough on Lam. I take between 1/8 and 1/4 of a 25 mg pill of Seroq.!!! and usually within two hours, I'm asleep and sleep for 8-9 hours. BUT however, I wake up groggy and a teensy bit on the depressed side. Is the xanax at 3mg not working? Is that a high dose? maybe raise it some or try something else all together.
good luck.
katia
> Hi Katia,
>
> I am up to 300 mg of Lamictal and like you, I can't sleep for the life of me. My doc had me on 3 mg of xanax xr and that still didn't do the trick. I tried 50 mg of seroquel last night and it knocked me out for only five hours and then I was wide awake.
>
> How much seroquel do you take at night and does it give you a full 8 hours? I am afraid to decrease the lamictal since it is helping (somewhat) with the depression yet I need some sleep. Any suggestions??
>
> Thanks,
>
> Nicole
>
> >
>
>
Posted by Dalilah on November 9, 2003, at 15:21:00
In reply to Dalilah: Lamictal side effects, posted by Houston on November 7, 2003, at 22:29:31
Hey Houston,
Thanks for the info. I've actually upped my Lamictal to 275mg and feel a ton better, though still have struggles. Glad yours is working.
-Dalilah
> Dalilah:
>
> When they upped my lamictal to 150 from 100 it sent me spiraling into major depression and I cried constantly and for no reason at all. So they lowered to 100 and added 20mg of prozac. Now life seems great!
>
> Thought I would share that with you as you may want to chat with you doctor about and option like this one.
>
> > I'm sorry I don't know about all the side effects and sleep was not one for me, though I'm quite sure it's possible.
> >
> > I am up to 150mg of Lamictal now. It seemed like it may have been helping to curb some of the depression. My lithium has removed my hypomania (sadly I feel sometimes.) Anyhow, the last 3 days I have sunk back into the deep hell depression that I know so well. Cry Cry Cry death death death. When will this lamictal work? Will it send me back to the hospital? Is it all a cruel joke? Do I have to live like this forever? Do I just have to accept that I'm down most of the time?
> >
> > Help. Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? Suicide plans? OK, I know that's not funny.
> >
> > -Dalilah
>
>
Posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 16:02:32
In reply to Re: Dalilah: Lamictal side effects, posted by Dalilah on November 9, 2003, at 15:21:00
Dalilah,
Maybe I missed some of your posts before, but are you also on a combo of Lithium and Lamictal? What did you start first? Glad to hear that 275 is working for you. Do you find when you titrate up on Lam. you get an initial buzz that wears off after a few days? And does this plateau? or does depression come back?
When did you add Lithium? Is your dx BPII?
Do you experience mixed or rapid cycling?
thanks.
Katia
p.s. what is your dose of LI?
Posted by Dalilah on November 9, 2003, at 16:45:06
In reply to Re: Dalilah: Lamictal side effects » Dalilah, posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 16:02:32
> Dalilah,
> Maybe I missed some of your posts before, but are you also on a combo of Lithium and Lamictal? What did you start first?D: Yes Lithium and Lam. I started Lithium first.
Glad to hear that 275 is working for you. Do you find when you titrate up on Lam. you get an initial buzz that wears off after a few days?
D: Not really a buzz. I get angry and irritated, but it goes away after a few days.
And does this plateau? or does depression come back?
D: Still depression creeps in somedays/weeks...
> When did you add Lithium? Is your dx BPII?
D: Yes.
> Do you experience mixed or rapid cycling?
I don't know anymore. I guess. I was manic my whole life, and a major drug addict. The depression I've experienced since getting sober has been so harsh. I literally did not get out of bed for a year.
> thanks.
> Katia
> p.s. what is your dose of LI?D: 600mg Lithium, though I've been on 900 and 1200 before. Lithium is good. Lamictal is good. Both together have been good.
Posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 0:54:47
In reply to Re: Dalilah: Lamictal side effects, posted by Dalilah on November 9, 2003, at 16:45:06
> D: Yes Lithium and Lam. I started Lithium first.
> D: Still depression creeps in somedays/weeks...**How long were on Li. before starting Lam?
Was Li. not effective on its own?> I don't know anymore. I guess. I was manic my whole life, and a major drug addict. The depression I've experienced since getting sober has been so harsh. I literally did not get out of bed for a year.
**So you've only just been thru' your first depression? wow! How old are you? When you say manic, do you mean hypomanic? So you were in a constant state of near euphoria for how long? Why then did you finally get help? probably b/c you got sober and depressed and then realized that what you had been experiencing much of your life was mania/hypo? Did the drugs induce your mania, or was it there prior?
I've been depressed all my life, interspersed with little periods of hypomania and lots of mixed states/dysphoric. I'm 33. When I up the Lamictal, I get a buzz. I feel great. I love it - it gives me windows into what it feels like to be normal.
take care,
Katia
Posted by nmk on November 10, 2003, at 10:51:15
In reply to Re: Hello gals... » nmk, posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 14:45:33
Thanks for the reply Katia. You are SO lucky that the tiny amount of Seroquel you take knocks you out. Last night I didn't even touch the seroquel and ended up taking restoril which I had taken years ago and stashed away. My pdoc is out of town until Thurs. and I have lowered my dose of Lam from 300mg to 250 to see if that helps tonight.
I know that you have to increase sloooowly with Lam. but do you know if you have to decrease just as slowly?
Thanks Katia,
Nicole
Posted by nmk on November 10, 2003, at 11:01:30
In reply to Re: Lamictal side effects » nmk, posted by BarbaraCat on November 5, 2003, at 14:45:42
Thanks Barbara. I too remember the days of Pergonal and Gonal F injections since it took 7 tries of artificial insemination to conceive my twins. It was an emotional rollercoaster and I shudder to head down that path again. My pdoc said that some women even resort to a hysterectomy and 50% of the time they have no relief from their previous symptoms.
I have tried Vitex and all the other natural hormonal remedies to no avail. So, I will continue with the Lam, despite the SEVERE insomnia I am having. I have decreased it to 250 mg to see if that helps tonight. I told Katia that I had taken 50 mg of seroquel the other night and although it initially knocked me out, I was up after five hours and wide awake. I felt like crap the next day and vowed NEVER to do that to myself again. My pdoc is out of town and I had to try whatever will get me some zzzz's.
I asked Katia this too but do you know if you can decrease the Lam. at a faster rate than when you increase?? I dropped from 300mg to 250 mg today to see if that will help with the insomnia but don't know if I can decrease that quickly by 50 mg.
Let me know how you are feeling and I hope everything is looking up these days.
Nicole:)))
Posted by Dalilah on November 10, 2003, at 11:32:13
In reply to Re: Dalilah: Lamictal side effects, posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 0:54:47
Hey Katia,
I was on Lithium for about 6 months before the Lam. It helped a lot, but the depression was still pretty harsh. That's where the Lam came in.Oh no, I've been depressed a lot of my life. That was just my first 12-month depression (very scary.) It's so hard to determine my past ups and downs cause I didn't get diagnosed with the bipolar til 32. I'm 35. Now I have to re-examine my whole life in terms of manic/depression, so it's hard to say.
Anyhow, I sure used the drugs to deal with depression. And yes just hypo-mania, and not drug-induced. Of course cocaine made me feel good, but also quite horrible. In my daily life I was incredibly productive, I mean more than the average person. I had several business, completed college with honors, made an endless, amount of art, (all at the same time) and slept very little - in general. I never stopped. It was impressive, but ultimately took it's toll. It's quite possible I experienced a lot of mixed states.
Now I must (when feeling good) force my sleep, not overwork, try to be normal. Cause too much up leads to down (and that's intolerable.)
I too experience good feelings when I up the Lam but it doesn't necessarily go away, maybe just evens out. How much Lam do you take (150?), cause I'm serious, it didn't help me til 200mg.
-Dalilah
> > D: Yes Lithium and Lam. I started Lithium first.
> > D: Still depression creeps in somedays/weeks...
>
> **How long were on Li. before starting Lam?
> Was Li. not effective on its own?
>
> > I don't know anymore. I guess. I was manic my whole life, and a major drug addict. The depression I've experienced since getting sober has been so harsh. I literally did not get out of bed for a year.
>
> **So you've only just been thru' your first depression? wow! How old are you? When you say manic, do you mean hypomanic? So you were in a constant state of near euphoria for how long? Why then did you finally get help? probably b/c you got sober and depressed and then realized that what you had been experiencing much of your life was mania/hypo? Did the drugs induce your mania, or was it there prior?
>
> I've been depressed all my life, interspersed with little periods of hypomania and lots of mixed states/dysphoric. I'm 33. When I up the Lamictal, I get a buzz. I feel great. I love it - it gives me windows into what it feels like to be normal.
>
> take care,
> Katia
>
Posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 14:23:32
In reply to Lamictal insomnia » katia, posted by nmk on November 10, 2003, at 10:51:15
HI,
I don't think you need to titrate down from Lam. slowly. I think I was reading somewhere that even stopping cold turkey isn't dangerous. don't quote me however, but I think what you did was fine.
btw, what is restoril?
k.
Posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 14:49:17
In reply to Re: Dalilah: Lamictal side effects, posted by Dalilah on November 10, 2003, at 11:32:13
> Oh no, I've been depressed a lot of my life. That was just my first 12-month depression (very scary.) It's so hard to determine my past ups and downs cause I didn't get diagnosed with the bipolar til 32. I'm 35. Now I have to re-examine my whole life in terms of manic/depression, so it's hard to say.
**Hi Dalilah, I'm 33 yrs. old and just got dxed as BPII when I was ending my 32nd year - just months ago. During last year, I was on different ADs thinking i was only unidepressed. But now I know. It's very bizarre isn't it to have to reflect back on your life through a different lens (re-examine as you say). For me it's positive and negative. one, it brings a sigh of relief - like "oh! no wonder! it all makes sense now". and the other side, geezzzz, what was me and what was bipolar? And who am I by the way?!
It's a discombobulating time, but also a time for clarity.
That's great that you were able to accomplish so much and be productive. For me, it's just been crazy - tons of jobs, tons of lovers/boyfriends, lived in about five different countries. Everything just felt chaotic. So I don't really have any skills. well, I'm almost finished with grad school in psychology (yes how funny), so that will be my new career and my first real career. I'm kinda like a jack of all trades with no expertise anywhere. But I'm still young. Still time for career, partner/husband (same person :-) ,and children.
I'm only at 100mg of Lamictal and with the increase of the dose from 50mg, I feel so much better. I just got off of Depakote due to the Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome danger. And I was still looping and rapid cycling on it. So the next augment will be lithium if we need to go there. I'm worried a bit about the irritability with Lam. as that's been my main trait of hypomania anyway. Very rarely have I experienced the productive euphoric aspect of "mania" like you did, unfortunately. I've had more of a very fiery, wild temperment - lots of fights with boyfriends etc. quitting jobs, blah blah blah
Have you experienced any insomnia from Lamictal?
>>Of course cocaine made me feel good, but also quite horrible. In my daily life I was incredibly productive, I mean more than the average person. I had several business, completed college with honors, made an endless, amount of art, (all at the same time) and slept very little - in general. I never stopped. It was impressive, but ultimately took it's toll. It's quite possible I experienced a lot of mixed states.**Wow. How long did that go on for - the little sleeping and never stopping? I think some people level out and have a general up or general down. I've definitely been down as my normal way of being, with brief periods of hypo and mixed.
> Now I must (when feeling good) force my sleep, not overwork, try to be normal. Cause too much up leads to down (and that's intolerable.)
** yeah, that is hard. I'm learning also not to take on too much and just focus on what I've already gotten started. That's been hard. How do you force yourself to sleep? I have to take something if I'm too up.
> I too experience good feelings when I up the Lam but it doesn't necessarily go away, maybe just evens out. How much Lam do you take (150?), cause I'm serious, it didn't help me til 200mg.
**that's good to hear.
take care,
Katia
p.s. I was looking up a word in the dictionary to check for spelling and I immediately opened to flibbertigibbet - a flighty chattering person.....
Posted by nmk on November 10, 2003, at 15:08:34
In reply to Re: Lamictal insomnia » nmk, posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 14:23:32
> HI,
> I don't think you need to titrate down from Lam. slowly. I think I was reading somewhere that even stopping cold turkey isn't dangerous. don't quote me however, but I think what you did was fine.
> btw, what is restoril?
> k.Thanks Katia. Restoril (sp?) is a sleeping pill similar to Ambien. I take a 10 mg pill and 20 minutes later, I am peacefully asleep until 5 am when I am wide awake.
Nicole:)
Posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 15:28:58
In reply to Re: Lamictal insomnia » katia, posted by nmk on November 10, 2003, at 15:08:34
Hi anyone and everyone,
Just curious....specifically towards you Barbara,
you mentioned that if you take sleeping pills, then you don't get the REM sleep, right? What if you take something like Seroquel or Trazadone (an antipsychotic or antidepressant), do you or anyone else know if this allows for a healthy night's sleep?
Just curious, because I'd like to get some tranquilizers for sleep.
katia
Posted by Dalilah on November 10, 2003, at 17:26:29
In reply to a recovering flibbertigibbet » Dalilah, posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 14:49:17
Hey Katia,
>For me it's positive and negative. one, it brings a sigh of relief - like "oh! no wonder! it all makes sense now". and the other side, geezzzz, what was me and what was bipolar?
D: EXACTLY
> **Wow. How long did that go on for - the little sleeping and never stopping?
Can't say - years. But I did sleep and sometimes took out a couple days to sleep straight (especially after drugs.) I don't remember. There was so much craziness. But my general level was up/doing a lot. But don't think I didn't have the irritated crazy fighting behavior to go along with it. And I've quit every job I've ever had.
Now I must take seroquel (I try to keep it to 25mg) to sleep. I need it whether I'm on Lam or not. I always need it. Believe me, I've tried to get away from it cause I'm afraid it seems too much like a drug and messes with my sobriety. But I've decided that's not true. The stuff keeps me together. I suppose I might be able to sleep without it but I'd wake up 2 hours later.
It takes so much time and work to get your meds and schedule - your bipolar regiment - together. But sounds like you're doing great, being proactive. Too many people are not able or won't or don't know how (my dad) to demand the best health care for their mental illness. It takes a lot of energy and you know many times we don't have ANY enery.
-Dalilah
Posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 17:55:05
In reply to Re: a recovering flibbertigibbet, posted by Dalilah on November 10, 2003, at 17:26:29
> I don't remember. There was so much craziness. But my general level was up/doing a lot. But don't think I didn't have the irritated crazy fighting behavior to go along with it. And I've quit every job I've ever had.
**I hear you loud and clear.
>
> Now I must take seroquel (I try to keep it to 25mg) to sleep. I need it whether I'm on Lam or not. I always need it. Believe me, I've tried to get away from it cause I'm afraid it seems too much like a drug and messes with my sobriety. But I've decided that's not true. The stuff keeps me together. I suppose I might be able to sleep without it but I'd wake up 2 hours later.** yes, I"m thinking that I may just have to include a drug that gets me to sleep. When my sleep is out of whack, there goes my mood swings, then on to drinking, then onto affairs with strange men or rowdy behavior,etc.....
> It takes so much time and work to get your meds and schedule - your bipolar regiment - together. But sounds like you're doing great, being proactive. Too many people are not able or won't or don't know how (my dad) to demand the best health care for their mental illness. It takes a lot of energy and you know many times we don't have ANY enery.
**Ditto on that. My dad is depressed and has been for years with insomnia. Come to think about it, interspersed with "hyperness". hmmmmmm. But he won't address it and it drives me mad. (no pun intended). He won't even acknowledge that anything is off.
Katia
Posted by Dalilah on November 10, 2003, at 18:15:48
In reply to Re: a recovering flibbertigibbet, posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 17:55:05
Katia,
My doctor claims the seroquel acts with the lithium to provide mood stabalizing qualities. Anyhow, regular sleep is a major major part of getting our bipolar selves together. I seem to need 9+ hours. Really. I suppose it's good to be clean and sober so I can't go the drinking route. Stability.
Hey, I'm heading out of town for a few days, so I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your e-mails. Ask me anything you like, but wait til Thursday.
-Dalilah
Posted by katia on November 11, 2003, at 0:54:57
In reply to Re: a recovering flibbertigibbet, posted by Dalilah on November 10, 2003, at 18:15:48
> Katia,
>
> My doctor claims the seroquel acts with the lithium to provide mood stabalizing qualities. Anyhow, regular sleep is a major major part of getting our bipolar selves together. I seem to need 9+ hours. Really. I suppose it's good to be clean and sober so I can't go the drinking route. Stability.
>
> Hey, I'm heading out of town for a few days, so I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your e-mails. Ask me anything you like, but wait til Thursday.
>
> -Dalilah
Hi,
I'm with you on the clean and sober. I've stopped drinking - it's been over a month now w/ one minor slip up. I also need 9+ hrs. of sleep. It's odd. I think it's medication related. I've always been such an insomniac.
have a good trip.
cheerio-
katia
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