![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 84 to 108 of 133. Go back in thread:
Posted by phillybob on April 2, 2001, at 14:40:39
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression , posted by sweetmarie on April 2, 2001, at 13:52:20
> What is ADD?
Attention Deficit Disorder (usually co-morbid with Hyperactivity Disorder thus often seen in conjunction with ADHD ... Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) ... I think. You can use the search feature here or follow the links I posted and read those discussion threads.
(A non-psychology search engine that I find especially valuable is http://www.google.com/ ; by clicking on the "cached" area of what it finds in the search, you can actually see the words that you requested to be searched as highlights when scrolling through a document! very time effective)
>Also, how would you define atypical depression?
Again, following the links above'll get you to what I personally consider my symptoms to be. Really, I am not inclined to box myself in with any diagnosis. I just know what symptoms and experiences I have had and try to address it from there: periods of more severe depression broken up by just a plain old low level depression with a tendency for short sub-hypomanic episodes (growing up, naturally occurring, but now only AD med-induced). For example, AD's (Anti-Depressants) do not work (at least as monotherapy) for me. I either get a positive response for a short period while on an AD but then it "poops out" or I have a short-lived positive response upon discontinuation of the AD. Or, I have no response or a bad response to the AD.
>Also, what kind of medication is Adderal (i.e. a tranq or what)?
Adderral is a stimulant (like Ritalin and Dexadrine).
>During your `well` period, what caused it to end?
Follow the Topamax experiences thread in my last post to get a clear picture. Basically, I had to stop the drug, causing the "well" period to end. I stopped due to one major side effect (gum recession) which may have been because I was taking too high of a dose or increased it too rapidly (?).
>What is your brother`s illness?
Just good old-fashioned ADD (and a bit of family environment issues compounding the problem).
>Your psychiatrist (psycdoctor, as I think you call them) seems pretty switched on. I`m not sure about my new psychiatrist, as I haven`t actually been `under him` yet.
Our pdocs here in the states are private (i.e. they may be more profit-motivated ... success equals better word of mouth and professional respect and, hopefully, more personal satisfaction in helping clients). Some, however are just "tools" of the big pharmacology companies and/or health insurance companies. I pay real money to my pdoc (a big ouch from my wallet!).
>How do you come upon all this info - is it via the Net? I wouldn`t have a clue about neurotransmitters etc.
Just use the search engines and read, read, read. Your understanding of your situation and possible "cures" will help you talk more confidently with your psychiatrist about options. Hopefully, though, what you are being prescribed now will be what you need! P.S. I really don't know much about neurotransmitters, either. I personally don't feel the need to get that technical and just rely on a more rudimentary understanding of what classes of what drugs do what things symptomatically. Maybe, after I achieve long-term remission, I'll look into it, though.
Regards, Pbob (kind of like Pdoc, huh?)
Posted by sweetmarie on April 3, 2001, at 6:14:16
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression--ditto » JohnL, posted by Shar on March 8, 2001, at 19:22:48
> My pdoc recently added .5 mg Risperdal to my cocktail of wellbutrin and effexor, and klnonpin at night. It worked (I felt relief from depression) within a few days. We upped it to .75 because I was having the "feeling ok then the bottom falls out" plus "rage reactions" and doc said increase could help me stay feeling better for 24 hours, plus rage reaction could be a rx to withdrawal when .50 couldn't get me thru 24 hours.
>
> BTW, I have not felt this good in years. Years! It is incredible. Zoloft also worked well for me, but pooped out. I am praying this will not poop out.
>
> Shar
> > I sound like a broken record because I say this so often, but as I see it there are a small handful of drugs that could prove very helpful to you. None of them have yet been tried. The only reason I suggest these drugs is because they have proven to be helpful to quite a few folks here that have had trouble with more straight forward treatments. Including me.
> >
> > The broken record drugs I'm referring to are Zyprexa, Amisulpride, Adrafinil, Risperdal, or any combination of two of them (not Zyprexa+Risperdal together though). Any of them, or any combination of them, seem to work especially well with a little bit of an SSRI in the background.
> >
> > The drugs you are on or have tried are far more harsh than any of these drugs I've mentioned. Since you can handle the side effects of the other drugs, then the ones I mentioned will seem like candy. Except for one thing. They will probably work.
> >
> > There are various theories as to what causes depression. The most popular one is a deficiency in neurotransmitters. Increasing them is what antidepressants do. You have pretty much exhausted that theory in your case. Time to explore other ones. That's where the drugs I mentioned come into play.
> > JohnShar,
Haven`t heard from you in awhile. I was wondering whether the combination you went onto (the Ritalin, Welbutrin, Efexor and Klonpin) has continues to work, i.e. has it managed to sustain you? Also, How long is `years`? That probably sounds a bit of a stupid question, but I hope you know what I mean.
Anyway, I hope it`s still doing the trick; let me know,
Anna.
Posted by sweetmarie on April 3, 2001, at 6:19:12
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression--ditto » JohnL, posted by Shar on March 8, 2001, at 19:22:48
> My pdoc recently added .5 mg Risperdal to my cocktail of wellbutrin and effexor, and klnonpin at night. It worked (I felt relief from depression) within a few days. We upped it to .75 because I was having the "feeling ok then the bottom falls out" plus "rage reactions" and doc said increase could help me stay feeling better for 24 hours, plus rage reaction could be a rx to withdrawal when .50 couldn't get me thru 24 hours.
>
> BTW, I have not felt this good in years. Years! It is incredible. Zoloft also worked well for me, but pooped out. I am praying this will not poop out.
>
> Shar
>
>
>
>
> > I sound like a broken record because I say this so often, but as I see it there are a small handful of drugs that could prove very helpful to you. None of them have yet been tried. The only reason I suggest these drugs is because they have proven to be helpful to quite a few folks here that have had trouble with more straight forward treatments. Including me.
> >
> > The broken record drugs I'm referring to are Zyprexa, Amisulpride, Adrafinil, Risperdal, or any combination of two of them (not Zyprexa+Risperdal together though). Any of them, or any combination of them, seem to work especially well with a little bit of an SSRI in the background.
> >
> > The drugs you are on or have tried are far more harsh than any of these drugs I've mentioned. Since you can handle the side effects of the other drugs, then the ones I mentioned will seem like candy. Except for one thing. They will probably work.
> >
> > There are various theories as to what causes depression. The most popular one is a deficiency in neurotransmitters. Increasing them is what antidepressants do. You have pretty much exhausted that theory in your case. Time to explore other ones. That's where the drugs I mentioned come into play.
> > JohnShar,
In my previous post I put `Ritalin` - I meant `Risperdal`. Sorry.
Anna.
Posted by SLS on April 3, 2001, at 9:02:17
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression , posted by sweetmarie on April 2, 2001, at 13:52:20
Hi Anna.
> I thought that you were gradually increasing the Lactimal - you seem to be saying that you are on 300 mg. Have you been on it before, or have you pushed yourself up to this dosage? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick? You say that it has an effect - how much of an effect, and how long did it take to achieve it?
> Let me know,
O.K.
You may have seen a post in which I described the way I went about increasing the dosage of Lamictal. I have been taking 300mg for over a year.
I used the following titration schedule, although I currently see others using more gradual schedules:
25 x 2 weeks
50 x 2 weeks
100 x 1 week
add 50 x 1 weekI have used this schedule three times. It might make sense to spend a week at 75mg between 50mg and 100mg. A few times, I would feel a mild itching on my eyelids around the eyelashes on dosage increases.
* When Lamictal is being combined with Depakote, it is critical to use no more than half of the above dosages. Depakote slows down the rate at which the body eliminates Lamictal.
I am not a good person to compare notes to. The first time I tried it, I had just discontinued a combination of the antidepressants Nardil and desipramine. I often experience a brief improvement when I discontinue certain drugs, including these. It would be difficult to separate this improvement and my response to Lamictal. However, I am not surprised by some people's descriptions of feeling improvements at dosages of 50mg and lower when they are first beginning treatment. This is probably temporary in most cases. I haven't seen too many people finding 50mg to be their optimal dosage to treat depression. Dosages of between 100mg and 300mg seems to be the effective range. One person reported needing 400mg.
How long does it take to work for depression? I don't know. Like so many other drugs, I think it is variable. For me, I felt a small improvement during the first few weeks at 25mg and 50mg. that was intermittant. I would say that there was a more sustained effect when I reached 100mg. It was necessary for me to raise the dosage in order to maintain an improvement. I found that 300mg was an optimal dosage. I lose the effect if I lower the dosage. If you are tolerating the drug well, I would consider targeting 200mg and remaining there for several weeks. If you are treating a true rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, you cannot fully evaluate the effectiveness of any drug, including Lamictal, unless you take it for several months.
When I first tried Lamictal, its antidepressant effect became synergistic with the improvement I received from discontinuing the antidepressants just prior to starting it. I felt substantially improved. I found myself going out and enjoying myself. I couldn't keep myself in the house. I had no use for the T.V. There were just so many other things to do. I had no hesitency to walk into a night-club by myself and striking up conversations with anyone who's ear was close enough to hear me. What fun.
It was nice to be able to read and comprehend too. Eventually, things sought their own level and I was left with only a slight improvement. Today, I continue to take Lamictal because it does help a bit when it is combined with an antidepressant.Sooo...
You might feel a moderate improvement during the first two weeks that might or might not fade. If it fades, don't get upset. It is probably a very good sign that you will experience a long-term improvement at dosages between 100mg and 300mg. Some previous investigations studying the use of Lamictal in bipolar depression found the average effective dosage to be 187mg.
I wish I could give you more concrete answers. It makes sense for you to follow other people's experiences on Psycho-Babble to get a better idea of the range of responses that are possible with Lamictal.
Lamictal is a good drug with few side effects that is worth trying.
- Good luck.
Posted by lois on April 3, 2001, at 12:59:14
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression , posted by SLS on April 3, 2001, at 9:02:17
How can you tell if you have too *much* lamictal aside from being manic?I worked up to 400 mgs and had slight improvement in depression each time I upped by 25 mgs for about 4 days and then pooped out, only to improve again after another increase of 25 mgs.
Now on 400 mgs for abour 2 weeks I stopped noticing improvement and seem more anxious and fatigued (depressed?) Hard for me to tell whether I am borderline agitated manic or borderline agitated depressed).
Any thoughts? I just don't want to keep going up and up and up.Any thoughts about what too much might feel like? I see my p doc tomorrow.
Thx.
Lois
Posted by SLS on April 3, 2001, at 21:36:12
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » SLS, posted by lois on April 3, 2001, at 12:59:14
Hi Lois.
> How can you tell if you have too *much* lamictal aside from being manic?In general, Lamictal will not produce a manic reaction. There have been a few reports, but it seems to occur infrequently. I guess what I'm trying to say is that mania is not to be expected as the result of taking too much Lamictal.
> I worked up to 400 mgs and had slight improvement in depression each time I upped by 25 mgs for about 4 days and then pooped out, only to improve again after another increase of 25 mgs.
This is similar to my own experience. Since Lamictal has shown itself to be capable of producing any improvement in your condition, I would consider optimizing the dosage and continue taking it as you try adding other drugs to it. I think this makes sense if you are bipolar. Lamictal can be combined with just about any drug. However, it is important that when combining Lamictal with Depakote, the dosage of Lamictal be reduced by half. The reason for this is that Depakote hinders the body from eliminating it. Blood levels of Lamictal will remain the same.
> Now on 400 mgs for about 2 weeks I stopped noticing improvement and seem more anxious and fatigued (depressed?) Hard for me to tell whether I am borderline agitated manic or borderline agitated depressed).
When I tried taking 400mg of Lamictal, I experienced significant problems with memory. I don't recall if I felt fatigued, but sleepiness and dizziness are listed as possible side-effects. I guess fatigue is possible, but you probably won't be sure until you reduce the dosage. Based upon what I see here on Psycho-Babble, my guess is that you won't need to take more than 300mg. You and your doctor will need to evaluate the desirability of continuing with Lamictal. If your case involves a stubborn mixed-state (depression + mania together), combining mood stabilizers may be necessary. Such cases are usually thought of as being the bipolar II subtype. Depakote is usually thought of as the first choice of mood stabilizer. You could try adding Neurontin to Lamictal first because it is the easiest and has few side effects. Unless you have already had a negative experience with Depakote, I would consider combining it with Lamictal with the understanding that you will need to reduce the dosage of Lamictal.
> Any thoughts? I just don't want to keep going up and up and up.Any thoughts about what too much might feel like? I see my p doc tomorrow.
I hope I gave you some relevant information to work with. I will be interested to see what decision you and your doctor arrive at.
Good luck.
- Scott
I hope this stuff helps.
Posted by sweetmarie on April 4, 2001, at 6:42:21
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression , posted by SLS on April 3, 2001, at 9:02:17
> Hi Anna.
>
> > I thought that you were gradually increasing the Lactimal - you seem to be saying that you are on 300 mg. Have you been on it before, or have you pushed yourself up to this dosage? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick? You say that it has an effect - how much of an effect, and how long did it take to achieve it?
>
> > Let me know,
>
> O.K.
>
> You may have seen a post in which I described the way I went about increasing the dosage of Lamictal. I have been taking 300mg for over a year.
>
> I used the following titration schedule, although I currently see others using more gradual schedules:
>
> 25 x 2 weeks
> 50 x 2 weeks
> 100 x 1 week
> add 50 x 1 week
>
> I have used this schedule three times. It might make sense to spend a week at 75mg between 50mg and 100mg. A few times, I would feel a mild itching on my eyelids around the eyelashes on dosage increases.
>
> * When Lamictal is being combined with Depakote, it is critical to use no more than half of the above dosages. Depakote slows down the rate at which the body eliminates Lamictal.
>
> I am not a good person to compare notes to. The first time I tried it, I had just discontinued a combination of the antidepressants Nardil and desipramine. I often experience a brief improvement when I discontinue certain drugs, including these. It would be difficult to separate this improvement and my response to Lamictal. However, I am not surprised by some people's descriptions of feeling improvements at dosages of 50mg and lower when they are first beginning treatment. This is probably temporary in most cases. I haven't seen too many people finding 50mg to be their optimal dosage to treat depression. Dosages of between 100mg and 300mg seems to be the effective range. One person reported needing 400mg.
>
> How long does it take to work for depression? I don't know. Like so many other drugs, I think it is variable. For me, I felt a small improvement during the first few weeks at 25mg and 50mg. that was intermittant. I would say that there was a more sustained effect when I reached 100mg. It was necessary for me to raise the dosage in order to maintain an improvement. I found that 300mg was an optimal dosage. I lose the effect if I lower the dosage. If you are tolerating the drug well, I would consider targeting 200mg and remaining there for several weeks. If you are treating a true rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, you cannot fully evaluate the effectiveness of any drug, including Lamictal, unless you take it for several months.
>
> When I first tried Lamictal, its antidepressant effect became synergistic with the improvement I received from discontinuing the antidepressants just prior to starting it. I felt substantially improved. I found myself going out and enjoying myself. I couldn't keep myself in the house. I had no use for the T.V. There were just so many other things to do. I had no hesitency to walk into a night-club by myself and striking up conversations with anyone who's ear was close enough to hear me. What fun.
> It was nice to be able to read and comprehend too. Eventually, things sought their own level and I was left with only a slight improvement. Today, I continue to take Lamictal because it does help a bit when it is combined with an antidepressant.
>
> Sooo...
>
> You might feel a moderate improvement during the first two weeks that might or might not fade. If it fades, don't get upset. It is probably a very good sign that you will experience a long-term improvement at dosages between 100mg and 300mg. Some previous investigations studying the use of Lamictal in bipolar depression found the average effective dosage to be 187mg.
>
> I wish I could give you more concrete answers. It makes sense for you to follow other people's experiences on Psycho-Babble to get a better idea of the range of responses that are possible with Lamictal.
>
> Lamictal is a good drug with few side effects that is worth trying.
>
> - Good luck.Scott,
Thanks for clearing that up.
I don`t have bipolar - just good old severe unipolar depression (`double` to be precise - Dysthymia and major severe episode). The Lamictal was always intended to be part of a combination (Venlafaxine/Mirtazapine/Lamotragine). However due to the `juggling` that`s going on at the moment, as I withdraw from my current meds, Lamictal is the only `new` one I`ve started (the Venlafaxine and Mirtazapine have yet to be added, which will happen when I go into hospital - about 4 weeks` time). It`s all very confusing, but I have been on Lamictal for about 8 months now as part of my current combination (which is useless) at a dosage of 25 mg. The new `regime` has the dosage of Lamictal as 250 mg, which I have now been on for about a week and a half. I was hoping that the Lamictal would be effective on it`s own, i.e. that I wouldn`t have to go onto the others. It sounds like clutching at straws I know, but I still thought it was a possibility. However, seems not.
I can certainly relate to the `meds working initially but bottoming out after a while` syndrome. I think that this is almost worse than them not working at all, as I never cease to think `this is it!`, only to be blown out of the water. `False dawns`, I call thse times. I should learn, really, but it`s so hard to even imagine what it`s like to be depressed during these `well` phases. Over the past 3 years, this has happened to me twice - once with Nardil, and also with Tryptophan (about 3 weeks in both cases). I make plans, ring friends, buzz around all over the place in the car etc etc. The rest of my family are visibly over-joyed, and then the bottom falls out. The other spooky thing is that I have random good days (they are usually only days - maybe 2 days if I`m lucky), when something really awful has happened to me, e.g. about a year and a half ago my boyfriend finished with me, and I was really upset - upset, but NOT depressed. This lasted only a short time, but it was thoroughly inappropriate (if you see what I mean). It had nothing to do with relief or any psychological reason like that (I seriously thought he was the `one`), it`s just very bizarre indeed.
Anyway, enough already. I just hope that one day I`ll be able to see my much neglected - but very loyal - friends again. I`ve had virtually no contact with them for 3+ years. I feel like I`ve been lying on (or in) my bed forever, just chainsmoking and wondering when `all this` will go away. Someday, I hope ... and hopefully before I`m too old to have kids (still, that`s about 6/7 years away).
Enough! I`ll quit the moaning now.
Hope you`re O.K.
Anna.
Posted by SLS on April 4, 2001, at 10:05:04
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » SLS, posted by sweetmarie on April 4, 2001, at 6:42:21
Anna...
It's like I'm looking in the mirror! My story reflects yours so closely. If I were writing the book, there would be a happy ending/beginning for both of us by the time you finish reading this sentence.
Did it work?
Crap. I was hoping...
> I don`t have bipolar - just good old severe unipolar depression (`double` to be precise - Dysthymia and major severe episode).Have you known an extended period of time in which you were not suffering an episode of major depression, but experienced unmistakable dysthymia?
> The new `regime` has the dosage of Lamictal as 250 mg, which I have now been on for about a week and a half. I was hoping that the Lamictal would be effective on it`s own, i.e. that I wouldn`t have to go onto the others.
I've been there.
> It sounds like clutching at straws I know, but I still thought it was a possibility. However, seems not.
I always think about and hope for such possibilities, regardless of my treatment-resistant history.
The brain is a "black-box". You put stuff in. You get something out. But you are not sure what exactly happens while it is in there. Hopefully, it is becoming more of a gray-box. It is difficult to guarantee how someone will react to any given drug, so it is reasonable to hope for such positive possibilities.
> I can certainly relate to the `meds working initially but bottoming out after a while` syndrome. I think that this is almost worse than them not working at all, as I never cease to think `this is it!
Me too. Exactly!
> `False dawns`, I call these times.
Wow. Perfect.
This is a very moving description. I fell quiet when I read it. I could never have conveyed this experience as well.
> I should learn, really, but it`s so hard to even imagine what it`s like to be depressed during these `well` phases.
This is exactly what I experience. It almost makes no sense that one should "forget" how depression feels after only a few days, or even a fraction of a day. Depression is an altered state of consciousness beyond imagination. Even during a brief "blip" of improvement, I forget how bad the depressed state is. I am convinced that should I lose the improvement, I will be strong enough to endure depression again. No.
> Over the past 3 years, this has happened to me twice - once with Nardil, and also with Tryptophan (about 3 weeks in both cases). I make plans, ring friends, buzz around all over the place in the car etc etc.
:-)
I can't help but to smile. I know this very well.
> The rest of my family are visibly over-joyed,
My family becomes happy, but they are also confused by who they are looking at. I become a person for which they need an introduction. They are unfamiliar with my personality. I become energetic, optimistic, positive, assertive, uninhibited, effective, engaging, and unabashedly vocal in public. I become impelled to know and understand everything. I know how difficult this is for my family. This is saddening for me to say, but they almost prefer me the other way. They never get a chance to learn about and accept the "new" (real) me before I disappear again.
> and then the bottom falls out.
I know what you mean.
> The other spooky thing is that I have random good days (they are usually only days - maybe 2 days if I`m lucky), when something really awful has happened to me, e.g.
Are you saying that you experience a rapid and significant improvement of your depressive state when you are faced with certain stressful situations?
> about a year and a half ago my boyfriend finished with me, and I was really upset - upset, but NOT depressed.
> This lasted only a short time, but it was thoroughly inappropriate (if you see what I mean).
No, I don't. I am reluctant to ask you to describe the details, as it is personal and might be something that you would like to remain private.
I guess what I am curious about is whether you consider this "inappropriateness" to be mania.
It might not have been. I can understand how such a traumatic event can make an otherwise depressed person become activated because of extreme emotional distress and anxiety. Such might cause an exagerrated and continuous "fight or flight" state in your nervous system which includes the secretion of large amounts of adrenaline. This would not be mania.
However, if the traumatic event did produce a true hypomanic mixed-state reaction where depression and mania occured at the same time, it is important that your doctors fully evaluate the possibility that you may have bipolar tendencies. If this is the case, it might help to explain your previous lack of success with the type of treatment that has been employed. You might need to focus a bit more on mood-stabilizers along with antideprssants.
I am not advocating one explanation over the other, if indeed any explanation is needed at all.
> It had nothing to do with relief or any psychological reason like that (I seriously thought he was the `one`), it`s just very bizarre indeed.
I am still confused. I don't know what was bizarre, but that's O.K. From my own experience, I know how being in love with someone who has decided to walk away can cause one to lose control and do some pretty desperate and embarrasing things. It is amazing how suddenly I gain enough energy to be an idiot.
I am struggling to better understand what you have been experiencing. Don't pay too much attention to my guess-work. I just wanted to help sort things out.
> Anyway, enough already. I just hope that one day I`ll be able to see my much neglected - but very loyal - friends again. I`ve had virtually no contact with them for 3+ years. I feel like I`ve been lying on (or in) my bed forever, just chainsmoking and wondering when `all this` will go away. Someday, I hope ... and hopefully before I`m too old to have kids (still, that`s about 6/7 years away).
Sigh... I know. I know.
> Enough! I`ll quit the moaning now.
O.K.
It's my turn now.
:-)
> Hope you`re O.K.
Thanks.
Ditto.
Sincerely,
Scott
Posted by sweetmarie on April 4, 2001, at 13:35:52
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » sweetmarie, posted by SLS on April 4, 2001, at 10:05:04
> Anna...
>
If I were writing the book, there would be a happy ending/beginning for both of us by the time you finish reading this
sentence.
>
> Did it work?Frankly, no. (Sadly) >
> Crap. I was hoping...
>
>
> > I don`t have bipolar - just good old severe unipolar depression (`double` to be precise - Dysthymia and major severe episode).
>
> Have you known an extended period of time in which you were not suffering an episode of major depression, but experienced unmistakable dysthymia?I have had periods when I haven`t even had Dysthymia (or at least, haven`t been depressed at all). My parents say that I was always a sad child, and I know this to be true. I can actually remember my first `brush` with depression, when I was 5 years old. I think that Mum and Dad considered taking me to a child psychologist a few times, but decided that it would `stigmatise` me (I also think that childhood depression wasn`t really recognised in the late 60s/early 70s). I was O.K. up until age 7, when we moved city, and then was pretty much depressed until I got to age 13, and was clear from then until I was about 18. Things went a bit wonky when I went away to college, but it wasn`t severe, and not constant. I first recognised it (the depression) for what it was when I was about 22 (I suppose I thought that everyone felt as I did), and when I started my first job, I went onto Dothiepin, which as I`m sure I`ve mentioned was 99% effective, for the first year I was on it (it was an extraordinary experience). From then until now (approx 11 years), I have had periods of being well, which seem to have nothing to do with any medication I`ve been on. For example, the 2nd half of 1993 was a complete nightmare (severe depression city), but myself and my (then) boyfriend went away for New Years (93/94), and I woke up on New Years Day feeling terrific, which lasted for about 4/5 months (with the odd `down` day). Then again, in 1995, I had about 6 months practically depression free. However, this went all arse about face in the October when I went into the slump I`m still in. I was working 10/11 hour days (commuting to London from where I lived - Cambridge), and doing 2 peoples` work as my boss was off sick, with depression (!). She`s fine now - responded to the 3rd anti-d she was given. I try very hard not to be resentful of this. I think that after 2 years of this (it was a good hour and a half both ways on the train), my brain just couldn`t take it. And the rest, as they say, is history. >
> > The new `regime` has the dosage of Lamictal as 250 mg, which I have now been on for about a week and a half. I was hoping that the Lamictal would be effective on it`s own, i.e. that I wouldn`t have to go onto the others.
>
> I've been there.Yeah? Bollocks isn`t it? >
> > I always think about and hope for such possibilities, regardless of my treatment-resistant history.
How long is that? Have you had `well` periods, unconnected with meds? >
> The brain is a "black-box". You put stuff in. You get something out. But you are not sure what exactly happens while it is in there. Hopefully, it is becoming more of a gray-box. It is difficult to guarantee how someone will react to any given drug, so it is reasonable to hope for such positive possibilities.
I think that - finally - I`ve been referred to where I should have been referred to years ago (this specialist geezer). What I`m hoping is that with this new (and more specific) diagnosis, the field will be narrowed and therefore the medication range can be narrowed, or at least be a bit more accurate. My current psychiatrist (who I really rate), was really quite out of her depth with me and for the past year or so, was kind of chucking meds together and hoping for the best. >
> This is a very moving description. I fell quiet when I read it. I could never have conveyed this experience as well.
Thanks. Writing is about the only thing I`m any good at. >
I become energetic, optimistic, positive, assertive, uninhibited, effective, engaging, and unabashedly vocal in public. I become impelled to know and understand everything. I know how difficult this is for my family. This is saddening for me to say, but they almost prefer me the other way. They never get a chance to learn about and accept the "new" (real) me before I disappear again.
I`m just the same. The `real` me is totally different to this shadow-type person I am at the moment. I`m dead lively, funny (so I`m told), good to be with etc. I`m none of these things when I`m ill. I even look crap - pale, black rings round my eyes, and the latest insult - the Nardil has put 3 stone on me, and I`ve gone up 4 dress sizes, with bugger-all change in my mood. >
> > The other spooky thing is that I have random good days (they are usually only days - maybe 2 days if I`m lucky), when something really awful has happened to me, e.g.
>
> Are you saying that you experience a rapid and significant improvement of your depressive state when you are faced with certain stressful situations?
>
> > about a year and a half ago my boyfriend finished with me, and I was really upset - upset, but NOT depressed.
>
> > This lasted only a short time, but it was thoroughly inappropriate (if you see what I mean).
>
> No, I don't. I am reluctant to ask you to describe the details, as it is personal and might be something that you would like to remain private.
>
> I guess what I am curious about is whether you consider this "inappropriateness" to be mania.
>
> It might not have been. I can understand how such a traumatic event can make an otherwise depressed person become activated because of extreme emotional distress and anxiety. Such might cause an exagerrated and continuous "fight or flight" state in your nervous system which includes the secretion of large amounts of adrenaline. This would not be mania.
>
> However, if the traumatic event did produce a true hypomanic mixed-state reaction where depression and mania occured at the same time, it is important that your doctors fully evaluate the possibility that you may have bipolar tendencies. If this is the case, it might help to explain your previous lack of success with the type of treatment that has been employed. You might need to focus a bit more on mood-stabilizers along with antideprssants.This episode was frankly a `hiding to nowhere` situation. Without going into too many details, he was also ill - depression with the added `bonuses` of paranoia and self-harming tendencies. A recipe for disaster, basically. You could be right - it could be about `rallying` in the face of adversity as a self-protective thing. F*** knows. I wasn`t high though - just `normal` (if you see what I mean). I do tend to get terribly excited when I feel better, and probably overdo things. I`ve never felt in any way `high` -more the way I know I`ve felt during my `well` periods. As for mood-stabilisers, I`ve been on Lithium (for about 10 months), I`m currently on Valproate (which I think is a mood stabiliser ?). Neither had any effect, positive or otherwise. >
>
> I am still confused. I don't know what was bizarre,What was bizarre, was my initial calm reaction to this devastating piece of news. I was staying with my parents at the time, and after coming off the phone, I calmly got into my car, drove around to the flat and trashed anything that was his, or had any connotations. I felt fine, having been severely depressed wall-to-wall up until that point, and it only lasted 3 days. That`s what`s odd.
but that's O.K. From my own experience, I know how being in love with someone who has decided to walk away can cause one to lose control and do some pretty desperate and embarrasing things. It is amazing how suddenly I gain enough energy to be an idiot.I`ve done that too - been there, done that and had the hang-over, as they say. >
> I am struggling to better understand what you have been experiencing. Don't pay too much attention to my guess-work. I just wanted to help sort things out.
It`s good of you to want to help. It`s severe depression, pure and simple (I`m almost 100% sure). The immobilising kind that makes every task (except rolling a cigarette, lighting it and smoking it), feel like scaling the Matterhorn. It`s a crock of shit - but then, you know that don`t you?
Are you bipolar? I`m sure you`ve said, but my memory is like a sieve. I have a success story about someone with bipolar (even if you`re not, it`s still an encouraging story). A friend who I met in hospital has had bipolar disorder for the last 12 years (or at least that was when it was diagnosed). After slogging on and on through different drug combinations, suicidal times etc, she finally hit on the `right` combination (her doctors did, rather). She`s been well for a year now - she still has to take shit-loads of medications every day, but she`s really well.
I try to think about her when I`m feeling terrible. It CAN happen, and I`m sure it will within our lifetime. Advances are being made all the time. This isn`t much use just now, I know, but ... it`s something I guess.
All good things,
Anna.
p.s. sorry this is so long.
>
>
Posted by sweetmarie on April 6, 2001, at 7:11:34
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » SLS, posted by sweetmarie on April 4, 2001, at 13:35:52
>
> I think that - finally - I`ve been referred to where I should have been referred to years ago (this specialist geezer). What I`m hoping is that with this new (and more specific) diagnosis, the field will be narrowed and therefore the medication range can be narrowed, or at least be a bit more accurate. My current psychiatrist (who I really rate), was really quite out of her depth with me and for the past year or so, was kind of chucking meds together and hoping for the best. >
>
*a further p.s.*[I do apologise for this - I feel like I`ve been writing my memoirs. I totally sympathise with anyone who has fallen asleep/completely had enough of my ramblings.]
I just wanted to say that for ages and ages, I thought that my depression was simply to do with my circumstances, i.e. situational. I thought I was in the wrong relationship/wrong town/doing the wrong college course/mixing with the wrong people/being in the wrong job etc etc. I didn`t tell any of the GPs that were treating me that it had been a long-term problem (didn`t think it was relevant, due to the above mentioned convictions). I was always advised to `keep going`, `get out more`, `think of all the other people in the world who are in worse situations`, `not spend so much time "looking into my own navel"`. I have to say that this was always my parents` attitude, and I always went along with it, feeling guilty that I was being so selfish. This is the story I gave to those treating me, so they accepted it.
I did change things over the years, but it wasn`t until I moved from where I had been living for 6 years since graduating, back to my home town, with the notion that this would `sort it`, that I realised that it was something that wasn`t going away. It was only then that I was referred to a psychiatrist. Everyone - myself included - was then forced to concede that I had an illness. So, basically it`s only been seen as a `proper` illness, not a passing phase (or tendency for negativity) for the past 3 years.
The reason that I`m writing this, is mainly for those who feel the same way, i.e. to say that it`s not the product of introspective thinking, tendency to the `glass half empty` way of thinking, or self-indulgence (or even, as one friend put it - `thinking too much`). I thought it was for many years, mistakenly, and have therefore `lost` much time blaming external things and most of all myself for being a failure. I`m not saying that depression isn`t always a biological thing - I know that it is also often reactive. Nonetheless, it is NEVER a `failure`.
O.K., that`s more than enough about me.
Anna. > >
> >
Posted by SLS on April 6, 2001, at 8:01:39
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression , posted by sweetmarie on April 6, 2001, at 7:11:34
Anna,
Someone once told me,
"It's not people, places, and things - it's you."
This is, of course, a generality that is certainly not true for everyone all of the time. Sometimes it is people, places, and things. Every now and then I will check myself to see if my current state of mind (happiness vs unhappiness) is truly due to my circumstances, or whether it is due to a psychosocial issue. "It's you" also covers biological mental illness.
I'm almost out the door to go on a trip to Oklahoma City. Maybe I'll see a tornado. I hope so, as long as the only damage done is to a corn field. Maybe it will scare the depression out of me. Anyway, I have no particular reason to write this here, except that I might forget to in the future. It kinda sorta maybe applies here. Actually, I think it applies anywhere, but particularly with depression.
"The measure of achievement lies not in how high the mountain,
but in how hard the climb.The measure of success lies only in how high one feels he must
climb to get there."
See ya' soon. Hopefully, I'll find a computer in O.C.
- Scott
Posted by JahL on April 6, 2001, at 14:38:55
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression , posted by sweetmarie on April 6, 2001, at 7:11:34
> > [I do apologise for this - I feel like I`ve been writing my memoirs. I totally sympathise with anyone who has fallen asleep/completely had enough of my ramblings.]> > I just wanted to say that for ages and ages, I thought that my depression was simply to do with my circumstances, i.e. situational. I thought I was in the wrong relationship/wrong town/doing the wrong college course/mixing with the wrong people/being in the wrong job etc etc. I didn`t tell any of the GPs that were treating me that it had been a long-term problem (didn`t think it was relevant, due to the above mentioned convictions). I was always advised to `keep going`, `get out more`, `think of all the other people in the world who are in worse situations`, `not spend so much time "looking into my own navel"`. I have to say that this was always my parents` attitude, and I always went along with it, feeling guilty that I was being so selfish. This is the story I gave to those treating me, so they accepted it.
> > I did change things over the years, but it wasn`t until I moved from where I had been living for 6 years since graduating, back to my home town, with the notion that this would `sort it`, that I realised that it was something that wasn`t going away. It was only then that I was referred to a psychiatrist. Everyone - myself included - was then forced to concede that I had an illness. So, basically it`s only been seen as a `proper` illness, not a passing phase (or tendency for negativity) for the past 3 years.
> > The reason that I`m writing this, is mainly for those who feel the same way, i.e. to say that it`s not the product of introspective thinking, tendency to the `glass half empty` way of thinking, or self-indulgence (or even, as one friend put it - `thinking too much`). I thought it was for many years, mistakenly, and have therefore `lost` much time blaming external things and most of all myself for being a failure. I`m not saying that depression isn`t always a biological thing - I know that it is also often reactive. Nonetheless, it is NEVER a `failure`.Hi Anna.
The above pretty much mirrors my own situation & explains my antipathy towards psychotherapists, expressed in various rants elsewhere on this board. I would not like to be the next therapist to tell me "I think a part of you doesn't want to get better" (as if) or "you have a lot of anger" (wouldn't they, if they had severe depression & consequently no life). Fortunately this situation will not arise since I will never see another psychologist as long as I live.
I have come to see through this board that psychotherapy is very useful for some; just not for individuals such as you & I. Like you I found it impeded my treatment, not only in terms of distracting me from getting real (in the context of *my* disorder) help, but in making me think that I was somehow to blame for my predicament. I've lost count of how many times psychotherapists have told me that my lack of response to their mis-prescribed treatment was down to a lack of effort on my part.
Thanks,
Jah.
Posted by sweetmarie on April 6, 2001, at 15:33:35
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » sweetmarie, posted by JahL on April 6, 2001, at 14:38:55
>
> Hi Anna.
>
> The above pretty much mirrors my own situation & explains my antipathy towards psychotherapists, expressed in various rants elsewhere on this board. I would not like to be the next therapist to tell me "I think a part of you doesn't want to get better" (as if)Yes - what on earth is all that about? I`ve had about 5 different counsellors/therapists over the years, and they have all asked me different versions of that question - basically asking me to ask myself whether I am gaining some benefit from remaining depressed. You what? It`s total rubbish (or as Bob puts it in `Don`t Look Back` - "lies and rubbish"*), and is an insult to my intelligence.
or "you have a lot of anger" (wouldn't they, if they had severe depression & consequently no life).Another one that I`m familiar with. I feel like saying "of course I`m f***ing angry, what do you think - that I choose to be depressed because I`m angry about some `issue` or other". I have often wondered whether these people actually know what severe depression (and, as you said, no life) is like. I`d say not. It was the classic Freud theory that depression was `anger turned inwards`, and I`m afraid that some therapists still adhere to this. Hopefully, this has been superceded by more modern and realistic thinking (after all, it was Freud who came up with `penis envy` - the biggest load of rubbish I`ve ever heard in my life).
Fortunately this situation will not arise since I will never see another psychologist as long as I live.
Wise choice. Unfortunately for me, my mother is a counsellor, and still asks things like `how is it for you when ... whatever`. I KNOW my `issues` till they are coming out of my ears - so what? What am I supposed to do with them? No therapist seems to have any suggestions about that. One of my Mother`s friends (a fellow counsellor), once dared to talk to me about medications `masking the real feelings`. I had a lot of trouble not kicking her in the teeth and saying `do you think that catatonia is a preferable state to be in?` I managed not to, though. Another of my Mother`s friends thought that she`d come up with the perfect solution for me - `tell Anna that she should fall in love - I`ve heard that cures depression`. I wouldn`t put myself within 100 miles of another relationship. Far too many of them have suffered through my illness, and I`m determined that it should not happen again.
My Dad`s friend suggested `reality therapy`. I would know what this was, if Dad hadn`t told this guy to shut up and that he really didn`t know what he was talking about. I was really pleased with Dad for that. `Reality therapy` - hello? I don`t like this reality, thank you very much if it`s all the same to you. >
psychotherapy is very useful for some; just not for individuals such as you & I. Like you I found it impeded my treatment, not only in terms of distracting me from getting real (in the context of *my* disorder) help, but in making me think that I was somehow to blame for my predicament. I've lost count of how many times psychotherapists have told me that my lack of response to their mis-prescribed treatment was down to a lack of effort on my part.
Well, knickers to them is all I can say. The only person to really KNOW what`s wrong, and what they know WON`T help, is the sufferer him/herself (even if we are a bit hazy about what will help). I`ve got `issues` all right - no life, no job, no meaningful relationships with my friends, no self-confidence and generally feel as though I should come with a Government Health Warning. But, you`re right - some people do get an awful lot out of psychotherapy (and I have to admit to being just a tiny bit jealous - it would be excellent to go and see a therapist, uncover a complete personal `road to Damascus` revelation, and feel great). Just not me - and you too, so it seems.
>
Sorry if this has been a bit of a rant - I feel quite strongly about psychotherapy. These people seem to pick up on the minutest of irrelevant things. I can remember telling one counsellor that I was anxious, and described it as `buzzing like a fridge` (a lyric from `Karma Police` by Radiohead). All it was was a description, but she went off on one about fridges and stuff. ???Anyway, the good thing is that the correct knowledge has been aquired, i.e. that this is an illness and not some kind of `safety hatch` as counsellors are wont to say. Time spent trying futiley to work out `why` all this happened is, in my opinion, time wasted. What`s needed now, is proper medical help, and to move on from this point, not go over bloody past relationships with family/bad relationships (with men - well, in my case)/any other damn thing they choose to rake up.
Phew.
Cheers,
Anna
*I know quite a few quotes from that film - quite a Bob Dylan saddo, really.
Posted by JahL on April 6, 2001, at 16:11:52
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression , posted by sweetmarie on April 6, 2001, at 15:33:35
> >. Unfortunately for me, my mother is a counsellor.I'm sorry to hear that ;-)
> > Sorry if this has been a bit of a rant - I feel quite strongly about psychotherapy.
Same; rant on. It makes me feel less isolated on this one!
> >These people seem to pick up on the minutest of irrelevant things.
Tell me about it. I found I had to choose my words very carefully; any kind of negative expression was deemed to be proof that I had 'learned' negative thought processes, which 'obviously' were at the heart of my depression. If only life were that simple. In the end I resorted to using long words which they couldn't understand & so couldn't scrutinise or dissect!
My lifestyle was also under constant attack. As you say, try working or conducting a relationship when you're cataleptic.
> > Anyway, the good thing is that the correct knowledge has been aquired, i.e. that this is an illness and not some kind of `safety hatch` as counsellors are wont to say. Time spent trying futiley to work out `why` all this happened is, in my opinion, time wasted. What`s needed now, is proper medical help, and to move on from this point, not go over bloody past relationships with family/bad relationships.
Exactly. I think we're on the same wavelength here.
Jah.
Posted by sweetmarie on April 7, 2001, at 7:10:56
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » sweetmarie, posted by JahL on April 6, 2001, at 16:11:52
>
> > >. Unfortunately for me, my mother is a counsellor.
>
> I'm sorry to hear that ;-)Yes, it`s a bit of a pisser all round. The trouble is that she doesn`t accord me with the same treatment as she does her `clients`. She often tells me that she`s not going to talk to me any further unless I have `something positive to say`. I try to tell her that depression = negativity (no two ways about it), and she should know being a cousellor, but she says that I `haven`t lost my reasoning`. Well, yes actually I frequently do (lose my reasoning, that is). She came to it late in life - took her degree when she was about 58 - and I never understood why she chose to be a counsellor. My own experiences with therapy have been largely (probably about 85%) discussing her, and the problems I`ve always had with her. However, this is a whole other subject. >
It makes me feel less isolated on this one!
You`re certainly not on your own there - during my 12-week `intensive` group psychotherapy course, I met two people - one who I started going out with and subsequently split up with, and another who I am still friends with. Both had nothing but contempt for the whole process (as I did), and it`s completely fair to say that we none of us gained a damn thing. Neal (ex) has a whole history of mental illness (depression/paranoia/self harm), which frankly was not going to be solved by just talking about it, and my other friend was (is) in a similar situation. In fact, we all used to laugh about the sessions afterwards (in so far as one can laugh, being depressed). I know of only one person who has gained anything from counselling. >
> > >These people seem to pick up on the minutest of irrelevant things.
>
> Tell me about it. I found I had to choose my words very carefully; any kind of negative expression was deemed to be proof that I had 'learned' negative thought processes, which 'obviously' were at the heart of my depression.That`s what their textbooks tell them.
If only life were that simple.
Right.
In the end I resorted to using long words which they couldn't understand & so couldn't scrutinise or dissect!
That`s a good idea. Hadn`t thought of that. I`m actually seeing a counsellor at the minute. I started seeing him last November with the specific objective of trying to recover from this (afore mentioned) relationship. I told him that this is what I wanted to do it for, but thus far we`ve hardly even touched on it. You probably think that I`m being completely unassertive by not bringing the subject up, and talking about everything else but that. I`m afraid that it`s just `me` - I`m the same when I go to my 4-weekly appt with my psychiatrist. I may have spent the whole of the previous month lying on my bed contemplating suicide, but when I see her, I`m always `well, it`s been really bad, but ...` and put on my `stoic` mask. I suppose that I feel that I don`t want to `let her down`, which of course is absurd - that`s her job (and one that she gets paid obscene amounts of money for, I don`t doubt). I guess that I don`t want her to see me as some kind of moron; I want her to know that I`m intelligent and self-perceptive etc etc. I know this is silly, but I can`t help it.
I just want to say something that my current counsellor picked up on (I haven`t actually been to see him for the past 2 weeks - too ill). While I was standing outside the building, smoking and waiting for my appt time, I saw a big advertisement for the recent Beatles anthology. It boasted `27 number one hits`, and I was just idly thinking that they didn`t have 27 number ones, or perhaps they did etc. The thought barely took shape in my brain, it was so trivial. He (counsellor) is of the `I`m not going to say anything until you do` school of counsellors (the wisdom of which totally eludes me), so I told him about the poster. He then went on and on about the Beatles, their significance in my life blah blah. For goodness` sake, it was just a passing comment! They don`t have any particular relevance in my life, but I found myself talking about `Sgt Pepper` in great detail. Ludicrous. So why do I continue to go? Answer: I`m too worried about his reaction and hurting his feelings if I stop. As I said, ludicrous.
>
> My lifestyle was also under constant attack. As you say, try working or conducting a relationship when you're cataleptic.It`s completely impossible.
>
Anyway, that`s about it on counsellors/talk therapy for the time being. It`s good to find someone else with the same views, although I`ve probably left you wondering at my paradoxical behaviour. I wonder about it too.Anna.
Posted by sweetmarie on April 7, 2001, at 8:22:35
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » JahL, posted by sweetmarie on April 7, 2001, at 7:10:56
Re. Current Research
I belong to Depression Alliance, who publish a quarterly newsletter. The following article was printed in the most recent edition:
DNA code discovery to benefit depression treatments
"Ongoing work to unravel the genetic `book of life` - the DNA code contained in our cells which works as a recipe for every human - will lead to improved treatments for depression, scientists say. New gene-based medication for depression are already being developed using this new information. These developments will benefit the patient by tailoring the diagnosing, treatment and prevention of depression to his or her individual genetic make-up."
This is something that many of you will know about already; I just thought it was worth posting for those of us who haven`t heard about it.
What it doesn`t say is what stage this research is at, and how long it will be until it is at the stage where it can actually be tried out. In this country (UK), it is probably fair to say that it will probably take a long time. Although mental ill health is the second most prevalent illness in this country (I think I`m right in saying), it still ranks right at the bottom of the medical priority list (this is ridiculous, but try telling the government that). In the States, I believe that this is a whole different kettle of fish.
However, it certainly sounds hopeful, especially to those, like myself, whose depression is genetically linked. Lets hope it doesn`t take them too long.
Meanwhile, some UK statistics:
* 19 million prescriptions for anti-depressants were issued in Britain over the last year.
* About half a million people are undergoing psychological therapy at any one time.
* Depression is set to become the second biggest cause of death and disability worldwide after heart disease, according to the World Health Organisation.
* 19% of people working more than 48 hours a week experience symptoms of depression, a new survey suggests.
This is all very depressing I know, but kind of helpful too in a way (or at least I found it so). It means that we are certainly not alone in our struggle (19 million people can`t be wrong!), and also hopefully it will mean that it (depressive illness) will be taken far more seriously.
Anna.
Posted by dove on April 7, 2001, at 11:15:59
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression » sweetmarie, posted by sweetmarie on April 7, 2001, at 8:22:35
This entire thread has been very comforting to me. I haven't added much of anything to the conversation but I have really listened, and a number of us seem to have the same 'symptoms' that make us 'atypical' in the eyes of many mental healthcare professionals.
The meds we are taking, or have tried seem to either: make things worse, make things a *little* bit better, or make things better temporarily, proceeding in a float back down to where we started or lower. I wish the best for all of us and am very buoyed by the fact that there are others in the same boat (although I wish there was no boat to begin with--or no raging sea for that matter!)!
Thank you all for sharing the dialogue thus far, I'm sure there are many others benefitting from it also!
dove
Posted by Shar on April 8, 2001, at 23:56:05
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression--ditto » Shar, posted by sweetmarie on April 3, 2001, at 6:14:16
Sweet -- just saw your post.
The combo (listed below) is still better than anything has been in years. I do not feel depression free, I am probably what some people would call "blue" most of the time. However, compared to where I've been and the various combos I've tried, and the hassles of getting off and on, side effects etc. - this is very good.
Years--I've been depressed since I was about 12-13, maybe 14 years old. That is 35 years of fairly unremitting plain old chronic depression (more than just blue) with episodes of severe, breathtakingly horrible depression.
Always lots of suicidal ideation. Even now; however I am squared away with the suicide issue, it's not an option.
Hope you are well-
Shar> > My pdoc recently added .5 mg Risperdal to my cocktail of wellbutrin sr and effexor xr, and klnonpin at night. It worked (I felt relief from depression) within a few days. We upped it to .75 because I was having the "feeling ok then the bottom falls out" plus "rage reactions" and doc said increase could help me stay feeling better for 24 hours, plus rage reaction could be a rx to withdrawal when .50 couldn't get me thru 24 hours.
> >
> > BTW, I have not felt this good in years. Years! It is incredible. Zoloft also worked well for me, but pooped out. I am praying this will not poop out.
> >
>
> Shar,
>
> Haven`t heard from you in awhile. I was wondering whether the combination you went onto (the Ritalin, Welbutrin, Efexor and Klonpin) has continues to work, i.e. has it managed to sustain you? Also, How long is `years`? That probably sounds a bit of a stupid question, but I hope you know what I mean.
>
> Anyway, I hope it`s still doing the trick; let me know,
>
> Anna.
Posted by sweetmarie on April 9, 2001, at 4:46:56
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression--ditto » sweetmarie, posted by Shar on April 8, 2001, at 23:56:05
> Sweet -- just saw your post.
>
> The combo (listed below) is still better than anything has been in years. I do not feel depression free, I am probably what some people would call "blue" most of the time. However, compared to where I've been and the various combos I've tried, and the hassles of getting off and on, side effects etc. - this is very good.
>
> Years--I've been depressed since I was about 12-13, maybe 14 years old. That is 35 years of fairly unremitting plain old chronic depression (more than just blue) with episodes of severe, breathtakingly horrible depression.
>
> Always lots of suicidal ideation. Even now; however I am squared away with the suicide issue, it's not an option.
>
Shar,Thanks for the reply. I`m glad that your meds are still working (or, at least working better than others have).
It sounds to me like you have Dysthymia - a fancy name for `pretty much always had a tendency for low mood`. The reason I say this is that I have had a very similar experience, with the depression beginning at an early age, and never really going away. I`ve had periods of very severe depression too, including the current one which has been raging for about 3 years now(`officially`, although I know that it started way before that).
Anyway, labels are only really any use up to a point. Depression is depression, and it`s a complete and utter nightmare, full-stop.
It must be a releif to be back to just plain old feeling `down`. I know that this sounds ridiculous, but I really look back fondly on the days when I was kind of mildly depressed. I didn`t even know the half of it back then. So, I imagine it must be a huge relief. It`s tragic that it should be so, but `small mercies` and all that.
I`ve been told by my specialist that, whilst they can almost certainly do something about the severe depression, the underlying low mood (the Dysthymia, which is a kind of genetic thing) is not so easy to eradicate. I was quite dismayed when I heard this, but I was speaking to my sister about this, and she said that she reckoned that I`d feel so relieved that I wasn`t suicidal any more (well, not suicidal as such - more wanting to die all the time, which is different I know), that I`d be able to tackle `problem areas` in my life, and thus go some way to alleviating the low mood tendency. What I mean, for example, is not going into another stressful job. I`ve always had stressful jobs, but I realise now that I can`t cope with stress at all. So, I suppose what I`m saying is that there are certain things I can put into place to help redirect any potential recurrence of this hideous pit I`ve been in for so long.
That`s the theory, anyway. Whether it will work out like that, is another story entirely. First and foremost, I need to be in a position to actually be able to see the outside of my flat now and again, instead of lying in bed all the time, feeling completely crap and unable to do anything. That in itself will be a major achievement.
Anyway, I`m really glad that you are still doing O.K.
Cheers,
Anna.
> >
Posted by sweetmarie on April 9, 2001, at 6:25:54
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression , posted by SLS on April 6, 2001, at 8:01:39
Every now and then I will check myself to see if my current state of mind (happiness vs unhappiness) is truly due to my circumstances, or whether it is due to a psychosocial issue. "It's you" also covers biological mental illness.
Which, of course is no small matter, although it`s sometimes hard to comprehend that it`s your brain that is creating all this havoc (just doesn`t seem possible). >
> I'm almost out the door to go on a trip to Oklahoma City. Maybe I'll see a tornado.
Did you see one? Did you end up the other side of the rainbow like Dorothy? (You know, the place where `skies are blue` and `troubles melt like lemon drops` etc.) >
> "The measure of achievement lies not in how high the mountain,
> but in how hard the climb.
>
> The measure of success lies only in how high one feels he must
> climb to get there."
>
That`s good, I like that one. >Still no response to the Lamictal - 2 and a half weeks, and counting ...
Anna.
Posted by Shar on April 10, 2001, at 20:00:11
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression--ditto, posted by sweetmarie on April 9, 2001, at 4:46:56
Sweet:
> It sounds to me like you have Dysthymia
..........Dysthymia is my dx-> It must be a releif to be back to just plain old feeling `down`. ........It is indeed. I think what I have noticed most is that I am not devoid of energy. That's made the most day-to-day difference. So going to the post office isn't this agonizing routine; I just go.
the underlying low mood (the Dysthymia, which is a kind of genetic thing) is not so easy to eradicate.........This is what I have been told also. I have accepted the idea that I may always be blue, and stopped yearning for complete relief; that has helped. I am trying to learn to be here now (a tip of the hat to Ram) more often than not, and not spend a lot of time in the past or future. I do still dissociate some in more stressful situations.
>
> Anyway, I`m really glad that you are still doing O.K........I appreciate your encouragement. I hope you will find some relief soon. Blue beats the hell out of the Pit.Shar
Posted by sweetmarie on April 11, 2001, at 15:34:16
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression-- » sweetmarie, posted by Shar on April 10, 2001, at 20:00:11
Shar,
> It must be a relief to be back to just plain old feeling `down`. ........It is indeed. I think what I have noticed most is that I am not devoid of energy. That's made the most day-to-day difference. So going to the post office isn't this agonizing routine; I just go.
I can`t remember when I last felt like that (although there must have been a time when it was the case).
I have accepted the idea that I may always be blue, and stopped yearning for complete relief; that has helped. I am trying to learn to be here now (a tip of the hat to Ram)
who/what is RAM? and I thought that `be here now` was an album by Oasis (joke).
more often than not, and not spend a lot of time in the past or future. I do still dissociate some in more stressful situations.
What does dissociate mean? Well, I know what it means, but not in emotional terms.
> > Anyway, I`m really glad that you are still doing O.K........I appreciate your encouragement. I hope you will find some relief soon. Blue beats the hell out of the Pit.
I`m sure it does. I look forward to the day (hopefully it won`t be too long)when I`ll find out.
When you say `blue`, do you mean `sad` or `mildly depressed`?
One more thing about Dysthymia: the professor that will be treating me, wants me to do a course of CBT when I am well enough to do it. I`ve heard this is an effective way of helping Dysthymia, on the basis of `learned` behaviour over a prolonged time caused by this underlying depression.
Cheers,
Anna
p.s. Had you been `looking` for a long time before you found this combo?
Posted by sweetmarie on April 12, 2001, at 15:13:33
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression-- » sweetmarie, posted by Shar on April 10, 2001, at 20:00:11
To everyone who has been so helpful to me on this thread:
I`ve had my hospital admission date, and it`s next Tuesday. I don`t think that there is Internet access there, so apart from the odd posting before Tues, I won`t be around for the support that everyone has so kindly given me.
It`s an `open-ended` stay of at least a month, and I reckon I`ll be there longer.
Anyway the point of this was just to say thank you very much to everyone who has been so kind to me, during this very bad period in my life. I expect that I`ll be back here as soon as I`m `out`, but till then,
bye,
Anna.
Posted by Shar on April 12, 2001, at 23:26:16
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression-- » Shar, posted by sweetmarie on April 11, 2001, at 15:34:16
Sweet--
> who/what is RAM? and I thought that `be here now` was an album by Oasis (joke).
........hehehe.....Ram is Ram Dass who wrote a book called "Be Here Now." I know his approach is not western; I believe he is a guru or yogi or something similar.
> What does dissociate mean? Well, I know what it means, but not in emotional terms.
.......to me dissociate means that I am not in my body. It is more like a trance-like state, or staring a lot; definitely not in the moment. But not a complete loss of function. One instance is arriving at work and remembering nothing about the drive into the city. And crossing my fingers that all the lights I went through were green.....
>
> When you say `blue`, do you mean `sad` or `mildly depressed`?.......I use blue as "mildly depressed." I use colors to describe my depression, from black to clear. Clear is the absence of depression. I felt clear on Zoloft until it pooped out (much to my great dismay). 'And what color are we today?' a former pdoc of mine used to ask.
>
> One more thing about Dysthymia: the professor that will be treating me, wants me to do a course of CBT when I am well enough to do it........What does CBT look like in action?
>
> p.s. Had you been `looking` for a long time before you found this combo?.......I had been looking for quite a while. Probably total time was 7 years before now. During that time I had used some meds with limited success, but kept trying for more relief. Thank god(s) for Risperdal, the last thing that was added to my cocktail.
......I read your post about going in to the hospital and would like to encourage you for stepping toward some potentially very helpful stuff. If you are scared, my thoughts are with you. On this board we have many people that have been in the hospital and come out just fine. I'm holding your hand.
Take care,
Shar
Posted by sweetmarie on April 13, 2001, at 11:58:48
In reply to Re: treatment resistant depression-- » sweetmarie, posted by Shar on April 12, 2001, at 23:26:16
Ram is Ram Dass who wrote a book called "Be Here Now."
They bloody nicked it (Oasis)! I knew they were too stupid to think up such a profound title.
I know his approach is not western; I believe he is a guru or yogi or something similar.
I have heard of him, but never read his stuff. In general I don`t read `self-help` or philosophical stuff, which is probably fairly silly. I imagine that I am missing out on quite a lot. >
> .......to me dissociate means that I am not in my body. It is more like a trance-like state, or staring a lot; definitely not in the moment. But not a complete loss of function. One instance is arriving at work and remembering nothing about the drive into the city. And crossing my fingers that all the lights I went through were green.....
I know that one. I frighten myself sometimes when I am driving (on the very rare occasions that I am well enough to leave the house), as I find that my eyes are sort of `glazed over` and that I am staring at the adverts on the side of the road, or at the car next to me, or the car behind me through the rear view mirror. I kind of drive on autopilot, and constantly miss things, e.g. cars stopping in front of me etc. It`s not such a good idea to drive when you`re poorly.
Is this kind of what you mean?
> > When you say `blue`, do you mean `sad` or `mildly depressed`?
>
> .......I use blue as "mildly depressed." I use colors to describe my depression, from black to clear. Clear is the absence of depression. I felt clear on Zoloft until it pooped out (much to my great dismay). 'And what color are we today?' a former pdoc of mine used to ask.You use the expression `pooped out` - can this happen with all meds? The colour thing is a good guide; my psychiatrist used to get me to draw a graph, but I gave up as it looked like I was constantly flatlining at zero! Not very encouraging.
> > One more thing about Dysthymia: the professor that will be treating me, wants me to do a course of CBT when I am well enough to do it.
> .......What does CBT look like in action?
CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is about changing ways of looking at things.situations etc. The theory is that people who have long-term problems with depression, have learned negative trains of thought (or, from another angle, negative trains of thought have produced depression). My understanding of CBT is that it is a way of intercepting negative thoughts/feelings simultaneously they enter the mind, and replacing them with positive thoughts/feelings. It certainly SOUNDS good, but I am very skeptical of it`s effectiveness. Basically, I wonder if those walls that we have been surrounding ourselves with (well, me anyway) for so long (34 years in my case), are actually open to that kind of change. I mean, they feel pretty inpenetrable to me. I`m cynical though - I`ve had lots of therapy over the years, and can`t be bothered really. I MUST go into this with an open mind, though (repeat 100 times!) So that`s it basically.
> > p.s. Had you been `looking` for a long time before you found this combo?
>
> .......I had been looking for quite a while. Probably total time was 7 years before now. During that time I had used some meds with limited success, but kept trying for more relief. Thank god(s) for Risperdal, the last thing that was added to my cocktail.What a relief. I`ve been on different meds for nearly 11 years now, and all but the first one have totally failed to work. I myself haven`t worked (done a job) for 3 years now. Even ECT didn`t shift it. Hopefully, my `time` is not far away. >
> ......I read your post about going in to the hospital and would like to encourage you for stepping toward some potentially very helpful stuff. If you are scared, my thoughts are with you. On this board we have many people that have been in the hospital and come out just fine. I'm holding your hand.
Thanks, Shar - just what I needed to hear. >
Cheers,
Anna.
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