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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 50. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lisa Simpson on August 9, 2000, at 7:26:55
I have a real problem with alcohol. Does anyone know of anything that could help me stop wanting to drink myself into oblivion every night? I have a husband and a seven year old daughter, who don't know how bad I am, as I've got quite good at hiding when I'm drunk. It's starting to get really out of hand - I used to drink about half a litre of spirit a night, but recently I've started having sneaky drinks in the morning too, so I'm getting into real trouble. Any suggestions would be really welcome.
Posted by danf on August 9, 2000, at 8:52:58
In reply to Problems with alcohol - help please!, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 9, 2000, at 7:26:55
could say a lot but it would not matter.
find the closest AA. go today.
stopping needs more support than we can give on this BB.
the best place for support & help is your local AA.
good luck.
Posted by Lisa Simpson on August 9, 2000, at 10:25:26
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol - help please!, posted by danf on August 9, 2000, at 8:52:58
> could say a lot but it would not matter.
Thanks. I thought you guys talked to each other here.> good luck.
Thanks for that, at any rate.Lisa
Posted by Greg on August 9, 2000, at 10:58:34
In reply to Problems with alcohol - help please!, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 9, 2000, at 7:26:55
Lisa,
Good morning! Wow, your story sounds VERY familiar. I am an alcoholic in recovery. I have been sober for 13 years. I too, thought I was keeping my disease from my family and was good at hiding it. But our families know when something is wrong, it just may take some time for them to tell us. There are many programs such as AA, Alcohol treatment facilities or therapy that can assist you with this problem. If you want to contact me at the e-mail above, I would be glad to help you locate some help.
You've made the biggest step possible in admitting that you have a problem. I'm not saying that I believe you are an alcoholic, I would never pass that judgement on anyone. But I hear that your concern is genuine. Alcohol can be a vicious monster for some people, and it sounds like it's rearing it's ugly head towards you.
Please, if there is anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you'll stay in touch with me and let me know how it goes. I will be thinking about you a lot.
Hugs,
Greg> I have a real problem with alcohol. Does anyone know of anything that could help me stop wanting to drink myself into oblivion every night? I have a husband and a seven year old daughter, who don't know how bad I am, as I've got quite good at hiding when I'm drunk. It's starting to get really out of hand - I used to drink about half a litre of spirit a night, but recently I've started having sneaky drinks in the morning too, so I'm getting into real trouble. Any suggestions would be really welcome.
Posted by MB on August 9, 2000, at 13:31:16
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol , posted by Lisa Simpson on August 9, 2000, at 10:25:26
Lisa...
I've been sober in Alcoholic's Anonymous for six months now. Being new to the program, I can relate to what you are going through because I am still going through it to a certain degree. PLEASE feel free to e-mail me if you ever want to talk.Matt
Posted by shar on August 9, 2000, at 13:53:04
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol , posted by MB on August 9, 2000, at 13:31:16
Lisa,
Get thee to AA!Well, it took me a LONG time to get to AA, and I now have about 12-13 years sobriety. I really miss drinking (getting drunk) at times still, but it got so bad before I got sober, I don't take the chance by having even one.
I, like you, was most excellent at hiding my drinking, and drinking alone, so nobody would know. You are at a very good place to stop drinking, (ie, you are not into years of it) but is that what you want? I doubt that there would be much success with limiting your drinking (only 2 drinks a night) or other rules (drink only when socializing). But, you should try those if you think they might work! Maybe they will, for you!
Something I did was to drink to get numb, because there was a lot of pain in my life (also loved the feeling of getting high on alcohol). I also got less inhibited and laughed a lot more. However, I must say that being sober (to me) is a lot more genuine than having fun via the chemical.
Is there something happening in your life that is hard for you to cope with? Stretching you too thin? Overwhelming you? There may be better answers than alcohol.
Talk to Greg and Matt, they would be a good combination because Matt is a relative newbie (congratulations, Matt) and Greg is an oldster. Two good perspectives.
Best of luck, don't hesitate to write here again.
Shar
Lisa...
> I've been sober in Alcoholic's Anonymous for six months now. Being new to the program, I can relate to what you are going through because I am still going through it to a certain degree. PLEASE feel free to e-mail me if you ever want to talk.
>
> Matt
>
> mburns@bendcable.com
Posted by paul on August 9, 2000, at 14:31:10
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol , posted by shar on August 9, 2000, at 13:53:04
find out what degree of coverage your insurance has for substance abuse and check into a recovery clinic TOOT SWEET! until you get this end of it sorted out go to every AA meeting you can find. you don't even have to talk and go to lots of newcomer meetings. AA will be listed in your phone directory. email me if you need to. the program gave me my life back 14 years ago.
p(c(l))
Posted by tdaneen on August 9, 2000, at 15:25:20
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol , posted by paul on August 9, 2000, at 14:31:17
This thread has the best pieces of advice I have heard. Listen to them and take them to heart.
Everyone who has posted before me has profound experience. Let that serve you.Your problem sounds familar to me, however I did not get involved with AA. It wasn't even
suggested to me. I am very, very lucky.
I am bipolar II, and I was self medicating. I did find that when my doctor started me on
anti-depressants (specifically Celexa) I did not have either the desire, or the tolorance
to drink anymore. I have many reasons to be thankful for this drug. This reason is just one
of many.I have not cozied up to a bottle of Sutter Home in almost a year now.
Best of luck to you.
Posted by dari on August 9, 2000, at 16:02:08
In reply to Problems with alcohol - help please!, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 9, 2000, at 7:26:55
Dear Lisa:
I can't begin to convey how I felt when I read your post. I, too, dran by myself for quite a while and was certain that no one was aware of my problem. The fact of the matter is that if you thin you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do. I realized after going into a detox program and then going to AA that many of my other problems didn't seem quite so unmanageable or tough to deal with. I also had a 7 y/o when I stopped and got help 2 1/2 years ago. Please trust the advice of those who have posted before me. AA is a wonderful solution to this condition and it has saved my life. Please email me if you want to tal. I can certainly relate to the feeling of powerlessness and the quic drins when no one is looing. PS can you tell which letter on my eyboard is not woring? It's driving me nuts. Fondly, dari
Posted by Cindy R. on August 9, 2000, at 21:46:18
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol - help please! » Lisa Simpson, posted by dari on August 9, 2000, at 16:02:08
Dear dear Lisa,
How very familiar this sounds! My support & strength go out to you. As of Sep 2 I will have been sober for a year. One of the major issues with stopping was the 12 step program.
In desperation I searched out a pdoc who prescribed Naltrexone (Revia). I also took Klonopin for a few days for possible seizures. This was truly a miracle for me & I honestly don't believe I could have done it without the Naltrexone. It helped save my life.
Whatever you do, GET HELP!
I applaud your courage to post!
Posted by danf on August 10, 2000, at 2:02:55
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol , posted by Lisa Simpson on August 9, 2000, at 10:25:26
Lisa,
Us talking to you will not do anyrhing. you have to do it.
It does not matter what we say. I firmly believe that the support available on a bulletin board is inadequate for alcohol withdrawal.
Detox & AA can help. AA is the only place I know of where you can get the type of support you need.
Posted by Greg on August 10, 2000, at 7:57:30
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol ... Lisa, posted by danf on August 10, 2000, at 2:02:55
danf,
I agree that Lisa has to make the first move herself, no one can or should try to force her to get help. But I would ask that you don't generalize your statements about no one here being able to help. I have to assume that you are not an alcoholic by your comments, if I'm wrong please correct me. After the admitance of the problem, a good support structure is critical to a succesful recovery. Without that, I would not be alive today. A lot of people here have offered to support her. That is one of the greatest gifts that we can to someone. If you don't feel that you can help, fine. But from the looks of things, there are others of us here that feel that we can, and are willing to do so.
Lisa,
I know what you're going thru is hell, I've been there. There is hope. Almost everyone here has offered their e-mails to you. Take advantage of the love and support that we are offering if you feel that you can. We've traveled your road before, we understand. We can offer support, but you must provide the action to make it happen.
I have you in my prayers and hope that you can use us to help you thru this terrible time. My e-mails are as follows:
dcguy@home.com (home)
gwhite@cadence.com (work)Give me a yell if you need some info, or just need to talk, anytime!
A big hug to you,
Greg
Posted by Greg on August 10, 2000, at 9:05:46
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol - danf and Lisa, posted by Greg on August 10, 2000, at 7:57:30
Lisa,
I thought of one other thing you might be interested in. If you are really looking for a deterent to drinking, there is a drug called "antabuse" that is given primarily to those in alcohol recovery. It processes any injested alcohol into a form of formaldahyde (sp?). If you dring while on this med it will make you very sick. I've always had to test the waters with everything, so when I was on it I tried drinking. I got so sick for two days that I wished I was dead. I know it's an extreme solution, but depending on your situation it can be a very powerful deterent.
Greg
Posted by Lisa Simpson on August 10, 2000, at 9:06:31
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol - danf and Lisa, posted by Greg on August 10, 2000, at 7:57:30
When I dialled into this board yesterday, I felt really down – I felt even worse after reading that single, stark message (I know you meant to help, danf, but first and foremost I need someone to be friendly to me). When I dialled in today, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw all those messages! Thank you all so much.
Shar, you are right, I do have problems that have triggered this off. The Christmas before last I nearly died a frightening death while on my first visit to the States, and every day I can’t get it out of my mind. Drinking helps me forget! During last year, I saw a psychiatrist and was given a Prozac lookalike. At the end of the year, the pyschiatrist gave me up, and I gave the Prozac up. Also during the year I had severe asthma attacks, blackouts, fits… you name it, I had it! I don't know why something that happened 1.5 years ago should have such a profound effect, but it has.
I take Xanax regularly which helps with the anxiety – but not enough to stop me drinking as well.
Tdaneen, I think that way sounds better to me than AA – I’m not sure about AA.
And Dari, I did smile when I read your post - or is it Darik :)
Greg (and Matt & Dari), I would love to email you. It may be difficult, though, to do it privately! My husband uses my ISP on occasion.
Lisa
Posted by danf on August 10, 2000, at 9:26:19
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol - danf and Lisa, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 10, 2000, at 9:06:31
Lisa,
I will say it again......
I think you need lots of support to quit. you need someone on the other end of a phone or in person.
a forum is a lousy way to get close support.
it is not a substitute for close support. AA is one of the best things available.
You should not try to substitute this forum for AA.
I know some of the others are well meaning & you can get support here. it should be secondary to AA.
AA will assign you a "big brother /sister" that will be available when you need help.
a terse response does not mean uncaring. I do hope you get the help you need.
typed words are not the same as a friend you can talk to.
Posted by shar on August 10, 2000, at 15:23:12
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol - Lisa, posted by danf on August 10, 2000, at 9:26:19
Lisa and everyone,
Well, I think we are all correct. We are sharing what has worked with us, and having worked for us, it's worth putting out there (I didn't see any ideas that would damage anyone).
And, I agree with danf that the drinker has to take the action that will start the healing process, and follow through day by day. That is true with any type of addiction--drugs, alcohol, eating, etc. And, because that process can be so intense, this board alone probably would not be enough to get anyone sober or to keep anyone sober. Often, during the process, one may need a voice RIGHT NOW while the glass is on the counter and the bottle in hand--and we on this board can't do that.
What we can do is offer Lisa encouragement, share our experiences, help during the down times, celebrate the successes, pat her virtual back for working so hard! Lisa (like all of us) will do as she wants. I will be happy to stick with her through whatever she tries, to encourage her to hang on and heal.
IMHO letting go of alcohol is best dealt with in person because so many different thoughts/feelings/behaviors can come up--we are putting away our anesthetic! Yessir, like ripping off the bandage or something. All of a sudden here we are, sober and not planning to drink--so, what do we plan to do? Hearing and seeing and talking to and hugging others who have a similar experience to ours is one thing to do, one way to get moving, start the journey, hold it together, keep on keeping on. Again IMHO.
(Lisa--to me--there is nothing like the feeling of going up front at an AA meeting to get a desire chip, or a 30-day chip or that one-year chip, while others applaud and smile, and you know you have your own goofy smile, and feel so proud! It can fill up many holes in the heart and soul.)
All the best good luck to Lisa and every one of us!!
Shar
Posted by shar on August 10, 2000, at 15:38:26
In reply to Re: Problems with alcohol or any other excess..., posted by shar on August 10, 2000, at 15:23:12
I also wanted to say that almost dying is terribly traumatic and it would make sense that you still have a bad time with the memory.
What could be worse?
It may be worth your while to locate a good therapist, and spend some time on that. Especially if you are getting sober.
Shar
Posted by Billb on August 10, 2000, at 18:35:51
In reply to P.S. And furthermore...., posted by shar on August 10, 2000, at 15:38:26
> Lisa, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You CAN overcome this and attain the life that you dream of.
Posted by Lisa Simpson on August 11, 2000, at 5:41:18
In reply to P.S. And furthermore...., posted by shar on August 10, 2000, at 15:38:26
Thanks, Shar, for all your supportive words... the trouble with AA is that I couldn't attend it without my family knowing. And I don't want them to know. If my husband knew, he would probably support me as he does know I drink too much, though not to what extent - but he would also tell everyone about it. Telling my husband something secret is like taking an ad in the national press - he cannot keep it to himself.
I'm going to start on Sunday - I can't start Friday or Saturday, as they are my most difficult days, and I would fail straight away. I need to work up to them! I have one thing to help me - a thought I must keep thinking all through the evening - when I drink, I feel really ill the next day, and still have to go to work. Wouldn't it be nice to feel *good* in the mornings. (You see, Greg, I don't need Antabuse to make me ill!)
I find if I don't have an appetite, I don't drink. Sometime ago I took some diet pills, and while I was on them, I did not drink. Unfortunately these pills have now been withdrawn from sale. If I could find a replacement for those...
Anyhow, Sunday is the day. Please send me your thoughts Sunday evening! (Remembering I am GMT in London!)
Lisa
Posted by Kath on August 11, 2000, at 9:06:24
In reply to Problems with Alcohol - Shar / Greg, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 11, 2000, at 5:41:18
> Anyhow, Sunday is the day. Please send me your thoughts Sunday evening! (Remembering I am GMT in London!)
>
> LisaHi Lisa - I don't know what GMT means (sorry).
I really admire your courage in being open to yourself (& all of us here) about your drinking problem. I find that just being able to "talk" about my problems & know people care, helps me. I have "in person" people, therapy-type people, & people here, who I talk with & that combination sure works for me.
Yesterday I was at my "women's group". It was only the second time I've been there, but even the first time I realized it's going to be helpful for me. The women in the group have various problems they're dealing with - alcoholism, drug addiction, co-dependence (that's mine), family members abusing drugs and/or alcohol (my 16-yr old son does). Yesterday, a woman was there for the first time & she had just finished 3 week alcohol treatment. She was just back at work & was dealing with the fact that it had "gotten around" work that she had just been in alcohol-treatment program. She was very uncomfortable with that. During the conversation, one person said, "Remember, you're only as "sick" as the secrets you keep." It was pointed out that we often thing people will judge us negatively for something that we are ashamed of. Often people don't. Often people are way more understanding & compassionate than we expect. It sounds like your husband knows you drink; simply doesn't know that it's getting out-of-hand. Please be compassionate with yourself...you have undergone a terrible experience. So what if it was 1.5 or so years ago. It was a shock; it was terrifying; it haunts you. It is perfectly natural and normal in my opinion, that it would haunt you and even paralyze you from doing certain things. It's quite possible that you're suffering from "Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome". I have a friend who suffers from that, and she is on a government pension, so PTSS is a real and recognized condition. (Believe me, our Ontario, Canada government would NOT give money to someone unless it was a definite medical reason!!) It seems to me (in my sometimes not too humble opinion) that you are ashamed of the drinking, but the drinking is just how you're dealing with how you are FEELING as a result of something awful that happened to you. To me, if people love you realize how traumatized you still are from what happened, it's pretty likely they'd be supportive of you.
People who have had an accident & have had to take narcotics for the intense pain sometimes get addicted to those pain-killers, and over-use the pain-killers. It's just something that sometimes happens; it doesn't mean they're bad people. In your case, you have probably been "self-medicating"...using alcohol to help you live with your pain from that experience (& maybe other pain in your life also). It seems like your use has gotten out-of-hand & you need some help with that problem. But just taking the pain-killing medicine out of the picture won't be the solution. You still have your mental & emotional pain to deal with. You have been carrying on with your life while dealing with a tremendously stressful situation. Please try to find someone who can help you with this pain & fear. Perhaps a place to start would be your family doctor...you don't even need to talk about the alcohol part, if you don't feel like it, although once that's out in the open you can get help & support with it. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to keep that a secret. You probably won't believe this, but you have NOTHING to be ashamed of in this, Lisa. Nothing.
Please keep posting. We all care about you. Everyone has their own way of suggesting how to deal with your problem, but the one thing we all have in common is we care about you & have only your best interests in our hearts.Take care of you - you're definitely worth it.
Love, Kath
Posted by Thomas W on August 11, 2000, at 14:49:42
In reply to Problems with Alcohol - Shar / Greg, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 11, 2000, at 5:41:18
> Thanks, Shar, for all your supportive words... the trouble with AA is that I couldn't attend it without my family knowing. And I don't want them to know. If my husband knew, he would probably support me as he does know I drink too much, though not to what extent - but he would also tell everyone about it. Telling my husband something secret is like taking an ad in the national press - he cannot keep it to himself.
>
> I'm going to start on Sunday - I can't start Friday or Saturday, as they are my most difficult days, and I would fail straight away. I need to work up to them! I have one thing to help me - a thought I must keep thinking all through the evening - when I drink, I feel really ill the next day, and still have to go to work. Wouldn't it be nice to feel *good* in the mornings. (You see, Greg, I don't need Antabuse to make me ill!)
>
> I find if I don't have an appetite, I don't drink. Sometime ago I took some diet pills, and while I was on them, I did not drink. Unfortunately these pills have now been withdrawn from sale. If I could find a replacement for those...
>
> Anyhow, Sunday is the day. Please send me your thoughts Sunday evening! (Remembering I am GMT in London!)
>
> LisaLisa,
I'm in the same situation that you are and trying
to decide how and when to start. I keep thinking
I have this thing licked; but no, I don't and I
know I don't and it's time to get some other's to
help me with it. If my spouse found out about it
it would be something that could be used as a
"hammer" and I don't need that. I'm with you. I
believe it can be licked. I'm like you, I don't
want anything else to make me sicker cause the "day
afters" are already sick enough, and I'm sick of
them too. I am a closet drinker, like to be alone
cause I'm ashamed of it. Of course, the more I'm
alone, the more I drink cause there is no deterrent
to how much one drinks. Once I get started I don't
know or even think about when to quit. It's just
something that needs to be "put to bed" for good.
I never wanted to do AA but I'm getting ready to go.
May be going tomorrow before my kids soccer
practice begins. I'm ready to be rid of that
addiction.......WISH YOU WELL TOO !!
Posted by caroline on August 13, 2000, at 3:05:16
In reply to Problems with Alcohol - Shar / Greg, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 11, 2000, at 5:41:18
Lisa,
I just read your posts. It's Sunday morning now UK GMT. Best of luck tonight. I'll be thinking of you, as I'm sure will many others.
Caroline
Posted by Lisa Simpson on August 14, 2000, at 10:59:05
In reply to Re: Problems with Alcohol - Shar / Greg, posted by Thomas W on August 11, 2000, at 14:49:42
Kath, thank you so much for your words. It means a lot to me that someone has taken the trouble to write in such detail to me. (GMT by the way, stands for Greenwich Mean Time!) And thank you Thomas for your note. It looks like you know what I'm going through. What have you tried so far? (And thank you Caroline for thinking of me last night.)
Well, I spent the evening without a bottle of vodka in my hands. I drank enough diet lemonade to sink a ship. Surprisingly I managed to get to sleep when I went to bed. And for the first time, this morning I didn't feel sick.
Tonight is going to be more difficult. One day is easy. I've done one day before. It's doing two, three, four days that's the problem.
The other problem is, of course, that deep down I don't really want to stop. I enjoy drinking... very much. Why should I stop? After a day at work, I deserve something to help me unwind. Is the fact that it's a danger to my health, it makes me sick, it makes me fat, it makes me bad-tempered to people around me, good enough reasons to make me stop?
I hope so.
Lisa
Posted by afatchic on August 14, 2000, at 19:15:40
In reply to Re: Problems with Alcohol - Kath/Thomas/Caroline, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 14, 2000, at 10:59:05
I've had problems with alcohol since I was a teenager. At age 37, I finally feel that I'm OK. There's something that I wanted to pass along to others. I discovered that when I took trazodone, my craving for alcohol diminished. Even better, when I took Wellbutrin the desire nearly vanished. I don't take Wellbutrin or any other prescription AD now but it seems like the Wellbutrin has a lasting effect.
> Kath, thank you so much for your words. It means a lot to me that someone has taken the trouble to write in such detail to me. (GMT by the way, stands for Greenwich Mean Time!) And thank you Thomas for your note. It looks like you know what I'm going through. What have you tried so far? (And thank you Caroline for thinking of me last night.)
>
> Well, I spent the evening without a bottle of vodka in my hands. I drank enough diet lemonade to sink a ship. Surprisingly I managed to get to sleep when I went to bed. And for the first time, this morning I didn't feel sick.
>
> Tonight is going to be more difficult. One day is easy. I've done one day before. It's doing two, three, four days that's the problem.
>
> The other problem is, of course, that deep down I don't really want to stop. I enjoy drinking... very much. Why should I stop? After a day at work, I deserve something to help me unwind. Is the fact that it's a danger to my health, it makes me sick, it makes me fat, it makes me bad-tempered to people around me, good enough reasons to make me stop?
>
> I hope so.
>
> Lisa
Posted by Kath on August 14, 2000, at 19:57:36
In reply to Re: Problems with Alcohol - Kath/Thomas/Caroline, posted by Lisa Simpson on August 14, 2000, at 10:59:05
Hi Lisa - I'm thinking of you. Lots. As they say in AA "one day at a time" or "one hour at a time" or "one minute at a time" or even "one second at a time". I drink alot of tea & sometimes & think it's bad for me & decide to cut back or stop drinking it for a while. The way I do it is usually like this:
Thought: I want a cup of tea now.
Reply: I'll wait a bit. I don't need it right now, I want to stop, so I know I can handle not having one right now.
Later thought: I think I'll have that tea now.
Reply: Oh, I can wait a bit. I succeeded earlier in not having it. I can wait a bit longer.
etc.I am probably addicted to caffeine & it's not easy not to drink tea, but the above formula does sometimes work.
I hope you re-read my post about therapy & the energy it takes to keep secrets, etc. I'm not in your shoes, so I don't know how it feels at all, but I do think counselling or therapy might benefit you greatly.
Absolute congratulations on the lemonade substitution. If there are additional yummy drinks that you like, that might help to have them on hand. I don't know where you live, but here in Ontario, Canada, there are all sorts of new & interesting non-alcoholic drinks.
Best of luck & kind thoughts, Kath
> Kath, thank you so much for your words. It means a lot to me that someone has taken the trouble to write in such detail to me. (GMT by the way, stands for Greenwich Mean Time!) And thank you Thomas for your note. It looks like you know what I'm going through. What have you tried so far? (And thank you Caroline for thinking of me last night.)
>
> Well, I spent the evening without a bottle of vodka in my hands. I drank enough diet lemonade to sink a ship. Surprisingly I managed to get to sleep when I went to bed. And for the first time, this morning I didn't feel sick.
>
> Tonight is going to be more difficult. One day is easy. I've done one day before. It's doing two, three, four days that's the problem.
>
> The other problem is, of course, that deep down I don't really want to stop. I enjoy drinking... very much. Why should I stop? After a day at work, I deserve something to help me unwind. Is the fact that it's a danger to my health, it makes me sick, it makes me fat, it makes me bad-tempered to people around me, good enough reasons to make me stop?
>
> I hope so.
>
> Lisa
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